a better life, adaptation, attitude, authenticness, awareness, Beliefs, better choices, change, choices, courage, decisions, Energy, examined life, God, habits, life, love, no, respect, self-respect, taking action, you

The greatest expression of self-respect.

Say no. Vv.

Say no.
Vv.

The first twenty years of my life was a little more difficult than the second twenty years of my life and it was partly because of one little thing, one little ‘mosquito’.

That little mosquito I am referring to is the inability to say ‘no’. Sometimes, when left to grow, that little “mozzie” (Australian lingo for mosquito) can become huge problems like dengue fever or even the deadly malaria which has been responsible for more deaths than all the deaths caused by wars since the beginning of the world.

The ability to know when to and actually say ‘no’ is, I believe, the greatest expression of self-respect.

It reminds me of what a great wise eighty five year old friend of mine said to me before he died about four years ago, that –

“elephants don’t bite, mosquitoes do.”  Or in other words – Little things matter. So true, indeed.

What about you? Think about your life to this point. Did you suffer from this too? If you still do, you’re not alone because I believe that a large proportion of humans in the world still cannot get this “mosquito problem” under control.

For me, in those first twenty years of my life, not being able to say no sometimes felt akin to a dog chasing its tail, never getting anywhere and not knowing where the start and end of everything was. I strived to please everybody and their requests and was constantly disappointed.

It was hard – very hard. Until one day, I came to the realisation that you cannot please everyone and not everyone will agree with you and that is ok. Increased awareness is one very important step and then taking appropriate and sufficient action, finally leading you to adapting you or your environment or a combination of both.

I had a simple but significant change in philosophy. or the way I saw life and how life operates.

I realised that you don’t owe anything to anyone in life except one thing: love. And, contrary to what some believe, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to say no to someone else’s request or simply saying no to an internal request – a want you need to immediately gratify. Self-control from or delayed satisfaction for oneself with regards to wants, is the greatest expression of self-respect you can give yourself.

An indication that you genuinely love the person who see looking back at you when you look at yourself in the mirror – you!

It is quite interesting but that is one of the most underrated traits in this world – simply, the power and strength to say ‘no’.

Saying 'no' to the maxim "No pain, no gain" could be one of the best things you can do for your joints and longevity in the gym. Choose your exercise and exercise execution wisely. More is not necessarily better. Vv.

Saying ‘no’ to the maxim “No pain, no gain” could be one of the best things you can do for your joints and longevity in the gym.
Choose your exercise and exercise execution wisely.
More is not necessarily better.
Vv.

The power to say no is empowering. The power to say no is so great, I have literally seen it make the impossible – possible in the lives of many people I have helped. The power to say no allows individuals to create their own miracles, to release the champion that rests dormant within them.

I have witnessed it, it is amazing – the power to say no is a miracle waiting to happen! You don’t have to climb Mount Everest to feel on top of the world. No, the feeling you get when you say no is even better, more profound, because each and every uttering of no, builds your ability climb all the internal mountain climbs you face in your life.

Mountains you will get to the top of. If I remember correctly I think it was Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man to climb Mount Everest that put it:

“It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.”

This is something that I request from and re-enforce with everyone that I have helped over the years. The ability to summon courage to start saying ‘no’ again within their re-engineering programs. I encourage each of them to say no to some of the excesses of life that they may have been used to experiencing to that point in their lives. I encourage them to say no to excuses.

I know it seems counter-intuitive to deprive yourself of what you desire to get what you ultimately desire but it is vitally important to achieving goals you place a high priority on. Even a little no with conviction is far better than a lame, weak ‘yes’. It takes a lot of courage to say no.

“Saying no to help you, help yourself, get what you care about, to get what you want!” is what I say to my students.

Saying no to self-limiting beliefs, thought patterns, words, actions, habits and character traits that are not aligned with their ultimate goal of how they ‘imagine themselves to be’ in the mirror. This is where the real struggles of real people in everyday living rests. This is where true grit is required. This is where you climb the many mountains towards success.

Why? Because it is often a whole lot easier not to do the simple things, the simple things – the little mozzies – like saying no! Just like many other mozzies in life, the little things that are important to do are also easy not to do, so a lot of people don’t do them for whatever reasons or fears.

Saying no empowers you to successfully climb the internal obstacles, the internal self-created mountains and get to the ‘other side’. This is not a genetic trait, nor one of talent. This is just sheer grit!

To overcome temptation, to say no to habits that you have indulged in for a big chunk of your life is a true sign of self-respect. Saying no allows you to use your 86,400 seconds in a day more productively and manage your energy better.

Like I said, I believe, the ‘no’ answer is perhaps the greatest expression of self-respect and ultimate representation of human dignity there is.  Your attitude is key to your destiny in life as it determines the actions you take (good or bad) . Ultimately, this all flows from you philosophy once again. What is the opposite of self-respect? Well, choosing to live a life of insignificance.

So, be brave and summon the courage that rests within you and proudly announce to the world ‘no!’ No to things, people and activities that do not help align you towards you being your best. No to things, people and activities that bring you down rather than elevate you. No to the naysayers.

If there is one very important habit that you can do for yourself is this little habit of saying no again. Don’t be afraid. Just do it! Remember, knowing what to do isn’t the same as doing it.

Say NO. Release the champion within you!

Start loving yourself a little more each time you say no. Don’t just live your life, consider living your life with the greatest expression of self-respect and say no.

To be alive and live is a gift so, consider living your life with the highest expression of human dignity there is and say no, when appropriate and relevant. Being able to say no without regret also allows you to say yes with confidence. Yes, what you do matters, but I think what you think and say to yourself matters too – I believe, even more so.

Think about it: what I have been speaking about comes full circle – what you think determines the source of attitudes, which is your philosophy.

As the great thinker Aristotle said –

 “Where we are free to act,

We are also free to refrain from acting,

And where we are able to say No,

We are also able to say yes.”

All the very best to you in your life choices. Remember, if you want to change what’s happening in your life, change your philosophy or how you see things. It is not some huge task but simply comes down to – you guessed it – small (mozzie) steps.

Little steps, compounded over time, do make a difference. this is real magic. That the little things you do every single day – the little things that don’t look dramatic, that don’t even look like they matter – DO MATTER!

Little things (like saying no) matters.

Dream. Decide. Do.

 

Until next time,

Side triceps pose. Contest: Australian Natural Bodybuilding Titles. Placing: 2nd. Saying "no" has allowed me to choose exercises wisely and understand that quality training is more important than quantity when it comes to getting quality results.

Side triceps pose.
Contest: Australian Natural Bodybuilding Titles.
Placing: 2nd.
Saying “no” has allowed me to choose actions which in turn became habits that allowed me to build one of the best natural physiques in the world.

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awareness, better choices, choices, courage, Energy, forgiveness, God, love, relationships, trust

Where has all the Trust and Forgiveness gone?

Trust and forgiveness is key to any relationship. Find it in your heart to trust and forgive not matter how many times you get let down. Vv.

Trust and forgiveness is key to any relationship. Find it in your heart to trust and forgive not matter how many times you get let down.
Vv.

There does not seem to be much trust and forgiveness in the world today.

A  dying trait, like an endangered species. I think it can be put up on the “endangered character-quality” list.

Is it just me or have you observed this trend too?

It can be difficult to forgive sometimes but it is important that you do. There should be room for errors. These errors or mistakes a person makes should be embraced as feedback for improvement.

Forgiving can be hard, I know.

It seems in today’s world on many layers of society, trust and forgiveness is missing and it is sad because it sends a consistent message that both (or more parties) have lost care about whether the relationship continues or not.

You can see it on many levels, reflected in the media – between suppliers and customers; between organizations and its employees or contractors; between sports clubs and its coaches; between coaches and their players; between family members; between friends and even between husbands and wives.

What sort of person are you? Are you prudent and ‘trust but verify?” or are you careful and watch your back and consult your lawyer?

How has the world come to this point, I wonder?

Long-lasting friendship is built on trust and forgiveness. Don't allow it to be on your endangered character-quality list. No matter what. Vv.

Long-lasting friendship is built on trust and forgiveness.
Don’t allow it to be on your endangered character-quality list.
No matter what.
Vv.

I know the bible asks that we find it in our hearts to trust and forgive, no matter how many times someone breaks it. This can be very difficult but it is important that we try. It helps build a better world. The Lord’s prayer says something along the lines “… forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us … “

How many of us really do this in today’s world? It seems that the prayer is now saying “…. Forgive our sins as we don’t forgive those who sin against us … ?”

For the world to come to this is indeed a sad world… but I am still hopeful.

It seems that these endangered human characteristics that was once in plentiful supply in years gone by is a rare sighting. There are daily reminders in many areas of modern life demonstrating signs that trust, love and even friendship has failed. These are no longer what is the norm.

Instead, they are becoming increasingly endangered and are a genuine luxury if you are lucky to witness or experience it in your daily life.

As for me, I am quite old-fashioned and believe in a lot of old-fashioned values like trust, love and friendship and forgiveness. I think it is important to find it in your heart to forgive. It can be difficult, yes, but don’t give up.

Persevere and believe. Trust against the odds, that the human spirit in what is right will always prevail.

In the end, relationships matter.

Sometimes it can be hard to take the bible seriously but finding it in your heart to forgive every time a person lets you down is always the best decision you can make.

If you value the relationship and want it to continue, you have to always be willing to forgive and trust again. No relationship can continue if we are not willing to trust and forgive, no matter how many times the person lets you down.

No forgiveness means no relationship. It is as simple as that!

If you believe that certain relationships matter, then forgive and trust again. Because this is part of what it means to be a practising Christian. It isn’t easy in today’s modern world and it takes enormous courage to follow God’s teachings in the Christian life.

Trusting and forgiving repeatedly requires tremendous spiritual courage and patience. Don’t make it part of your endangered character-quality list.

Because it is worth it.

Besides, from what I have learned through other people’s experiences over the years, trust is cheaper than lawyers.

All the best in your choices.

 

Until next time,

Ex-Australian Wallaby Captain Phil Waugh trusting my requests as he performs his exercise. Vv.

Ex-Australian Wallaby Captain Phil Waugh trusting my requests as he performs his exercise.
Vv.

~~Life &; wellness COACH~~

~~Life & wellness COACH~~

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a better life, awareness, marriage, relationships, successful marriage

Keep the fire burning.

Providing a little bit of assistance. My pupil here 'feeling the essence' of the exercise. All relationships require work and time . Sometimes, its the little things, that determine your success in pursuit of a worthwhile goal.

Providing a little bit of assistance. My pupil here ‘feeling the essence’ of the exercise.
All relationships require work, patience and time .
Sometimes, its the little things, that determine your success in pursuit of a worthwhile goal.

All relationships have their ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ and we all hope that the relationships that we value the most have more ups than downs. Relationships like marriages. This blog tries to share thoughts on how one can keep the fire burning in a marriage.

In my twenty plus years of helping people in the gym, including the 7 years I owned and managed a gym, I met people of all ages, backgrounds, professions and class in society. From the very richest to the very poorest, in every sense of the word: financially, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically.

In those years I have helped many couples stay together and also helped individuals transition through a divorce to being a single again. Most of the time, children are involved. A very difficult phase of life for all parties involved. I have experienced some of the pain (through a women’s eyes and through the man’s) of the devastation of such an event. Sometimes it is quick and sometimes it is long and messy.

I learned early on that there are always 3 sides to every story – yours, the other person’s and the right one!

I was fortunate during my 7 years owning and managing my gym, I had a retired female client who was special. Her name was Margaret and was one of Sydney’s top family counsellors. She was lovely and I helped her with her health and fitness goals for almost 6 years. I gave her increased strength, health and vitality and lots of laughter and she shared some of her wisdom with me. I learned a lot from her. I asked her what was the success rate of a couple staying together when they finally saw her. She said it was a little over 30%. Very low indeed.

I’ll share one such story of a divorce in which I helped a lovely lady. Let’s call her Susan.

When I asked Susan, what was the reason for getting a divorce, she just said “The flame went out. It was as simple as that!”

“What?!” I thought to myself. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Was that her way of “explaining away” the death of a 30-year marriage? There had been no bitter argument or disagreement, no extramarital affair. This female client/friend and her husband simply drifted apart – bored, indifferent, uncommitted.

Results with care. Here, Brad is 'feeling the essence' of the exercise and is loading his guns(biceps. Through a loving teacher/student relationship, both parties benefit. Practise does not make perfect - Perfect practise makes perfect! Vv

Results with care.
Here, Brad is ‘feeling the essence’ of the exercise and is loading his guns(biceps.
Through a loving teacher/student relationship, both parties benefit.
Practise does not make perfect – Perfect practise makes perfect!
Vv

Susan and her soon-to-be ‘ex-husband’ were definitely getting a divorce and there was nothing I could do about it. They were beyond repair and some of what Margaret shared with me about her experience in marriage counselling, I used to help Susan in her time of extra-need.

One thing I have learned is that without commitment, no marriage can succeed. As I see it, like all Christians reading this blog, when we were married, we made an unconditional commitment to each other and the wedding vow was not a promise “if”, it was a promise “always”.

I think many forget this small but very important point.

There are certainly many hurdles in life and most of you have experienced your fair share to date – crisis, disappointments, failure. These can all put a strain on even the strongest relationships. However, I believe one thing: success in marriage MUST BE a conscious choice, not a thing left to chance.

“So, what does it take to make a marriage work?” you may be thinking.

Well, from what I have learned in helping many couples (not just the ones going through divorces), a successful marriage is successful because of hard work, compromise, patience and a willingness to grow. This also applies to any valued relationship you may have – friend or business.

Both individuals in the marriage or relationship must make the conscious choice to make it work. Each person learns to raise their tolerance levels.

A good teacher is hard to find but finding a good student is even harder. Plan the work - to work the plan. Photo: discussing fine points of one of my programs with retired legend of rugby - Phil Waugh. All relationships require time, sharing and effort on both sides.

A good teacher is hard to find but finding a good student is even harder.
Plan the work – to work the plan.
Photo: discussing fine points of one of my programs with retired legend of rugby – Phil Waugh.
All relationships require time, sharing and effort on both sides.

Before the fire goes out, each party to the marriage must try to keep the flame alive and the marriage relationship must be nurtured, if there is still a glimmer of hope. If it doesn’t then it will flicker out – as it did for Susan in this story.

Couples need to make their marriage the top priority and should not put it second to anything else – your work, your career or your children. Too many couples over-invest in their children at the expense of their marriage. This is dangerous because the children suffer in the long run, as a result.

One of the things that my lovely friend, Margaret the ex-family counsellor taught me about making marriages ‘work’ and keeping the flame burning was by –

feeding it the right kind of firewood”, she would say.

I asked her what she meant by this and she said that an example of the ‘wrong kind of firewood” was that – too many couples try to meet every one of their child’s needs at the expense of their relationship (this was damp/wet firewood according to Margaret – will not keep the fire burning).

“That was not the way”, Margaret said, regarding parents trying so hard to meet every one of their children’s needs.

Couples should always make time for themselves and they should make their children know the importance of their time.

I have never forgotten this and have offered this bit of advice to couples in the past. Now that I have children of my own, my wife and I regularly let our children know that “mummy and daddy’ are enjoying a conversation and need 30 minutes.

As my children grow, they are starting to truly respect and somewhat accept this, indirectly embedding in their minds that my love for my wife and her love for me comes first above all else.

I believe this is very important for the childrens’ state of mind, mainly in their adult years and their perception of an aspect of love. It is quite clear that parents can’t help their child(ren) unless they first step back and get their marriage relationship right. So, ask yourself if you’ve honestly done this.

Helping Chris close the gap between how he imagines himself to be and what he sees in the mirror. Or in other words: Manifesting the 'unfolding universe' of his 'enfolded' invisible universe (what he imagines/dreams) Trust is a big part of any successful long-term relationship. Vv

Helping Chris close the gap between how he imagines himself to be and what he sees in the mirror.
Or in other words: Manifesting the ‘unfolding universe’ of his ‘enfolded’ invisible universe (what he imagines/dreams)
Trust is a big part of any successful long-term relationship.
Vv

If you’re not already doing so, make your marriage a top priority before it is too late. However, making your marriage to be top priority shouldn’t and cannot be motivated by a desire to do what’s best for the children. You need to work on your marriage because it’s what you want to do and that is it.

If you’re a Christian, it’s what God wants you to do too. Ultimately, each party to a marriage is made to need each other.

And what is a ‘need’? It is simply something we cannot do without to survive – like water, like food, like shelter. This view of each other’s love is exactly the fuel needed to keep the fire burning in a marriage.

For those of you reading this that are married or in a long-term relationship, all the very best to you.

Remember though: use the right type of firewood to keep the fire burning and keep your marriage top priority. Always.

Until next time,

Training in my Old School Gym adopting Old School Training techniques with a modern twist. Know the basics. Apply the basics. Adapt to the basics. Keep it simple and keep it continuous. Its the most efficient, most effective and safe approach to building a muscular physique in the gym. Find a gym with minimum distraction if you desire results. Focus! Paul.

Training in my Old School Gym adopting Old School Training techniques with a modern twist. Life is like muscle – it relies on 2 principles: 1) Simplicity 2)Continuity. Ultimately, your relationship with yourself determines your relationships with others. Work on YOU first. Focus! Paul.

Paul V2 (1)

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