a better life, accountability, action, anger, anger management, asking questions, attitude, awareness, beauty, belief systems, better choices, boys, brain, care empathy, caring, children, choices, christian, communication, dads, dads love, Energy, father, game of life, God, grace, habits, hope, life, long-term perspective, love, male, man, parenting, parenting skills, real man, relationships, respect, responsibility

Men & Fathers who Nurture.

Did you have a father that invested a great deal of time and energy in to your life? Or was he in the shadows … or almost never around.

In my 7 years of owning and managing my Family Gym, I came to really know men from all backgrounds and status in society. My gym membership was about 70% male.

Over time, I came to notice correlations and strong causation between their behaviour as grown men and their relationship with their dads in their childhood. It didn’t matter which race, culture or status, there were some strong connections.

Can you see “me” in my son? Can you see you in your son?

Happy Men & Not-so-happy Men.

Do you consider yourself a “Happy Man?

Who are the happiest Men in society? Not by any kind of horizontal segmentation but as a species – “male”.

I think there are Happy Men and the not-so-happy men in our modern-day societies.

Experience has indicated that the men who are the happiest and most content in the masculine role today are those whose fathers put in the time and effort in their upbringing. And continue to do so.

I’ll refer to them as the “Happy Dads” in society.

These Happy Dads had dads who were around to begin with. Dads that were committed to maintaining a positive, nurturing, encouraging relationship with their sons. These Fathers of Happy Dads provided that secure foundation and supported their sons in their ups and downs.

The sons (Happy Dads) had support from their Fathers with their careers and decisions they made and acknowledged their achievements.

These Happy Dads had dads that were just “there for them”. No excuses, full-stop!

Time spent with your young man is NEVER bad use of your time.

RETURN ON INVESTMENT (ROI)

That consistent loving time spent with their sons (not “quality “‘time), paid off … in time. These Father’s sons, who the the Happy Dads of today are, I believe, among the most well-adjusted and peaceful husbands and fathers in our modern-day societies.

Are they increasing? Are they easily recognised?

Does he look like you? Your friend, maybe?

Like Father-like-son. I think I am a Happy Man… mostly. Are you?

MINORITY RULE.

I believe these well-adjusted and peaceful husbands and fathers is and has been on the decline. They could be safely said to be in the “minority “.

Normally, I would say that in a democratic society, the majority should rule. In this instance, I believe that this minority should rule … these men should be the norm and not rare and abnormal.

We need these types of men … Happy Dads … to flourish again and increase.

What do we do? How do we go about this?

I believe it is up to me, you and … all the current dads/fathers reading this and out there with young sons… to commit to these young impressionable souls.

It is up to us, Fathers/Dads/Husbands.

Being there for your young man is vital to his overall understanding of a BALANCED Man.

STOP REARING ANGRY MEN.

The majority of men today are struggling to recover from relationships with fathers who failed to nurture, affirm and validate them at some level … or all levels.

These sons (who are now fathers/dads/husbands themselves), are left with a legacy of pain, confusion, frustration, anxiety, bitterness, fear & anger. A lot of these men never had a choice in having their father in their lives as the mothers decided to bring them up as single parent.

I believe a big percentage of These adult sons are the angry men of our societies.

We need to stop rearing angry men.

If you’re part of the minority that is, the Happy Men, congratulations 🎉! Go and give your old man a hug and tell him you love him…. and just give him thanks for being there for you through your tumultuous years of youth.

You probably already do … and have.

That’s what Happy Men do.

Cheerio for now, Until next time …

Learning and absorbing our habits every single day of their initial phase of their lives is what our young Princes do. Teach them well.
My gritty Warrior Viking Pirate 🏴‍☠️ prince 🤴

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Like Father, like Son.

Transference of Wisdom from a Father/Mother to their son/daughter is. a key factor in raising a morally-upright, compassionate human being.

WISDOM.

An old friend made that comment on a photo I Put up on Facebook of my son. He said –

“The Apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree … like Father-like-son”

I hadn’t heard this phrase since my youth. Something, I’d overhear the adults would say in conversation.

Got me thinking … about the vital role a Dad/Father plays in a child’s life, in teaching his son/daughter “Life Skills”, emphasising the necessity of learning the Art & Power of Discernment.

In other words: WISDOM.

What a responsibility! I mean, am I actually qualified to give my son/.daughter advice? For most answers to Life Matters, I turn to the Complete Source: The Bible.

Being part of a larger family in the community you’re part of is a key complement to raising good citizens.

The beginning of knowledge.

In the Bible, we are told that the beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord (proverbs 1:7).

So, remember, before you can pass on knowledge, it is important that you have gained the necessary knowledge in the first place.

Like the most important teachers, you’ve “walked-the-walk” before you “talk-the-talk.”

So, the first questions we need to ask ourselves are: do you believe in God and do you fear God?

In proverbs 1:3, we are told that before a father can pass on advice, he himself must know the meaning of that “fear of God” … that reverential awe and the wisdom to which it leads.

Giving advice to a son/daughter on “doing what is right and just and fair” can only come from a person who fears God and holds him in awe.

I ask myself the question: do I “qualify?”

What about you, do you qualify?

Passing on the instructions of good decision-making to my daughter is fundamental to my role as her father.
Much guidance is given by the Bible.

Wisdom stems from the discipline of Character.

I also ask myself the question of what is the GOAL of a Father’s advice to his children?

It is clear to me that the Goal of a father’s Godly instruction MUST be spiritual and must stem from the insight learned in Proverb’s WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE or UNDERSTANDING.

But, I don’t believe this wisdom is from Academic Achievements measured by membership to University boards or clubs or some Ivy League College. No, I believe this “wisdom” goes beyond scholastic wins. It goes to a place few dare to go.

That place is – MORAL RESPONSIBILITY. Getting there is difficult. Staying there is far greater a challenge.

Like Father – like son.

The Power of Discretion and Discernment.

It ALL boils down to decision-making, the mastery of this Art. Many Leaders and would-be leaders spend years at universities trying to learn the many tools that assist and help them make decisions.

And still, get it wrong!

The feeder to this art is reflected in the disciplining of the Character, characterised by the person living a “disciplined and prudent life.”

What does it mean to “live prudently?”

It is fundamentally having a clear understanding of the difference between RIGHT and WRONG.

To live prudently means to make decisions that are NOT based a whim or changing appetite but knowing right from wrong. This is the skill and power of discretion or discernment. Exactly what the Bible, Proverbs prescribed.

Out and about with the future Mr Valentine

Respect for the Miracle of Life. 

So, what does this mean when we (as a Father or as parents) have to educate our sons & daughters on HOW to make wise choices?

Whenever I make a decision in my children’s presence, I have a “walk-through “ how I arrived at that decision (s). I let them know the THINKING 🤔 BEHIND THE INTELLIGENCE. I mention the KEY components like – the initial assessment of risks; the consequences it could lead to if not addressed with mitigating controls; the probability/likelihood of the consequences occurring (with and without mitigating controls) and the possible impact, to self and others.

And then factoring in what my heart ♥️ & soul tells me too.

So, as a Father, I strive to give my son & daughter a process that prepares them to make wise choices, to be discreet and discerning.

Such instruction DOES NOT presume that the child somehow already knows what’s best. So, if you’re thinking of having kids or have very young kids, I believe that parents need to instruct and educate them from the earliest years.

They must be shown, trained and taught to tell the truth rather than lies; to respect the property of others rather than take for themselves; that harming anyone else is unacceptable;

And … to hold and RESPECT THE MIRACLE OF LIFE... whether it is flora or fauna or human, in respectful and highest regard.

All the very best in your decisions, big and small and may God continue to shower his blessings on you and your family and cherished ones.

cheers & ahoy from beautiful Sydney, Australia!!

* Dr. of Muscle/Energy Aesthetics & 💝itality/❤️Ove *

Children need a good framework to build their character on.
Your instructions as a parent and the guidance given in Proverbs in the Bible are great tools ⚒️ to harness.

Think 🤔.
To Really think, does not only involve the brain 🧠. It involves the mind, the heart ❤️, the spirit and the “essence of life” – 💝itality.
It includes the blessings of Wisdom.

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How to eat an Elephant.

Can you see “me” in my son? Can you see you in your son?

A tribute to my son … allow me to storytell.

How to eat an elephant.

How to eat an elephant, yep, That was something my most valued business/life mentor taught me when I first met him.

He asked me one day, he said –

Paul, young man, how do you eat an elephant?”

Now, that was a question i just couldn’t answer at that time. I said what any 30+ year old would say –

Fuck if I knew!”

Then, he said something that I always recall when I take on a big project – patience.

One mouthful at a time, young man … one mouthful at a time, until you’ve eaten that whole elephant.”

There are many elephants in our lives – ourselves, our children, our careers and so forth. One such elephant for me is my son, Zachary. A vibrant, energetic & curious young boy, evolving at a very fast rate. One of my tasks as his dad is to love him, unconditionally. No matter what, always being the wind beneath his wings when he decides to fly.

To keep fueling his curiosity and provide relevant boundaries that allow him to grow and stretch and possibly shift. 

It’s New Year’s Eve and I sit and reflect on many moments in my life so far. Christmas came and went and for my family, prayer snd devotion is always a constant reminder to give gratitude through grace, even in times of heightened joy & excitement.

A few months old … in our Family gym I owned & managed for about 7 years. He has no recollection of this period of our lives.

Basics That Never Fail.

The Basics of almost every field are a vital foundation of Mastery of that field. For example, in physique artistry, it is the basic lifts of – squats, deadlifts and bench presses. In football, it’s being able to catch and pass an oval ball with speed and accuracy in almost any conditions.

In our roles as fathers & dads, teaching our sons to take responsibility early in life will prepare them well for the workplace in the future. I believe two kinds of responsibility should be emphasised:

  1. responsibility for themselves
  2. Responsibility towards others

These are the basics that never fail when it comes to personal growth and character. I try to educate him on these areas every day.

Out and about with the future Mr Valentine

Santa brought knives 🔪 for my son.

Not many Dads/parents buy their sons (let alone their 9 1/2 year old ) son – knives 🔪 . Well, my son got a few, knives that is. Santa brought knives for my son & placed it in stockings for Christmas.

A gift 💝 from me, his father & dad.

Zachary has always had a soft spot for knives & swords since he was a baby. I thought 💭 id introduce him to wood carving and help transmute that endless energy & enthusiasm for it into something creative: WOOD CARVING.

I did a bit of this in my childhood with my good mate kindie friend, Dr Manoa during weekend sleepovers at his parents place. We used to carve out creations from discarded pieces of wood.

Dr Manoa and I today. Friendship that’s been strong since kindergarten. Now, a Top Legal advisor to Governments, worldwide.

Patience & care was harnessed in this creative exercise.

A sword from a piece of discarded wood.

My son did his first carving & created his first sculpture: a sword 🗡 from a piece of discarded wood.

Attributes worked on: patience + delicate touches

Time: 45 minutes

Achievement: showed that he could FOCUS 🧘 intently on something else other than Nintendo & Minecraft. Also learned that little strokes with the knife 🔪 gives better control and accuracy.

Result: he started & finished a mini-project and experienced a sense if satisfaction in that. He Created a thing of beauty with his own hands. Was happy with what he produced. I was very impressed with his focus and final output.

He earned 2 hours of entertainment after that.

Little strokes create beauty … just as much as little strokes fell big trees.

Zachary carved a sword 🗡 from a discarded block of wood.

Possible repeat of The Dad in the future? Of 2 x World Champion NATURAL physique artist titles?

Time will tell.

Oh well … it’s a start for him in the art of sculpture. Maybe, one day he will sculpt his body with different tools 🛠(Dumbells & nutrition) to build a world -class NATURAL physique.

The greatest warriors: TIME & PATIENCE (It took me 10 years of physique artistry sculpting to have the BEST NATURAL physique in the world).

A 10 year goal of sculpting the Best Natural physique art. Took me 10 years to achieve this. Patience & mastery of instrument.

Willpower.
The most important and most valuable art he works on is “art of/sculpture of the mind “. Believing that there is Power in the Mind. Believing in the Power of his mind….& that that power comes from God. To understand that there are many forms of power – financial power, horse power, Political power etc. but the most important of all is
WILL POWER.

The power to go beyond and achieve what was originally thought of as IMPOSSIBLE. as I tell him and his sister, to …

Take the IM out of IMPOSSIBLE…. and make it Possible!”

With God’s help.

He helps those who help themselves. He meets ALL believers, half way … in their journey towards realising their desires.

I pray that God continues to shower his blessings on you and your loved ones, those you care & value the most… in 2021 and ….

Beyond.

Cheers & ahoy to YOU wherever you are in this place world

The old cap’n Viking Pirate 🏴‍☠️ & his gritty Viking Pirate 🏴‍☠️ prince attempting wood carving foe the first time.

Enjoying Kayaking together in Sydney’s beautiful seas

Admiring ‘beauty’ in design and sound …. and getting in touch with our feminine side:
Beauty and truth.
Be the role model you want your future leader to be.
A big responsibility, yes … but take it.
Like a man, a Real Man.
All the very best
I’m with you.

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A tribute to my daughter.

Learning to o come back from failure last year. Olivia did not make it past the Northern Beaches Zone Finals last year. The Top 5 qualify for the Australian National Championships. She re-set her goal to reach the Championships Finals this year. She not only achieved the goal of qualifying for the National Championships but made the The prestigious Top 5 in the Finals (top 16 out of the BEST 60+ girls who qualified).
She learned disappointment and strengthened her resilience to try again but this time with better execution. Very proud of this sporting achievement.
Note: Physie is an “athletic dance “ that is a fusion of contemporary, ballet, martial arts and beauty of modelling

School Band Captain.

Today she was announced the School BAND Captain for 2021.

Next year, in year six, She will lead the 5 bands (listed below), and will perform in the Top 2 Bands and do solo performances too. She plays the Alto Saxophone.

1) Big Band
2) Stage Band
3) Concert Band
4) Intermediate Band
5) Junior Band

As Band Captain, I know she will carry out her responsibilities of leadership with utmost pride and dedication.

A few of her other achievements –

– Top 5 (she achieved her goal she set at the start : of making it to the Australian Physie championships but also made the Finals (Top 5) out of the Top 60+ best in her age category. In 2019, she didn’t get past the Northern Beaches zone championships (the Top 5 qualify for the Australian Physie Championships). She demonstrated wonderful resilience to bounce back from a disappointment last year
– High Distinction in Level 4 Alto Saxophone Australian Music 🎵 exam
– Premiers writing award 🥇
– School’s Creative Excellence award 🥇
– she’s won the annual Academic Excellence Award  5 years in a row
– Passing the 2 x per week strength,agility,power, flexibility & speed training with me
– Other

In the middle of her routine. She worked consistently and persistently all year to be one of the Nations Top 5 dancers in the elite category. A big impressive on her performance last year.

While these awards are wonderful external achievements, I am more impressed by her attitude to herself snd the standards she sets and aspires to and honours. I am more impressed of her development in to the kind of woman with strong values & principles.

In ALL important areas of life.

Art in motion. Australian Champion Physie Dancer 💃 , representing the standard-setting Mosman Physie Club in the lower north shore, Sydney, Australia.

<Daddy-Daughter Days>

I love 💗 connecting with my daughter on all levels , right from those moments she lived in the 9-month home carried in her mother’s abdomen. I felt her kicks 🦵 and moving body under my touch.

I find real joy in winning her heart every single day.

I am very happy that I have been having weekly “daddy-daughter-dates” almost every week since she was a baby. I have tried to make These dates entertaining & fun but I also try to make it significant as well. I have tried to foster an environment where i can really hear how she is doing and listen to her as she opens up.

My gritty Viking pirate 🏴‍☠️ princess 👸

We have journeyed together in many ways and I have seen her grow spiritually and on some dates we have connected on a deeper level and … with God.

I also try to show her my commitment to my marriage … to loving my wife of almost 20 years now. I hope it sets an example for my daughter of what a loving, committed relationship looks like. She knows I treat my wife like a queen snd I know she thrives in knowing that she is my princess.

A gritty & courageous princess.

My gritty Champion dancing princess has enough hair for a village.

Her Mother… My wife, my Queen. 

I know my wife, Cathy is a key element of my relationship with my girl. I understand fully that my relationship with my children and her are intertwined. I know Olivia feels valued 💕 as a girl when I honour my wife, their mother.

Every single day.(or almost every day)

Here’s what I think 🤔…

I believe daughters in today’s modern societies and interconnected world need mothers and fathers who have FAITH in God and God’s creative design when it comes to their identity. Society CANNOT and WILL NOT dictate WHO my daughter/your daughter is to be. A daughter needs a few select people in her life who have the BELIEF & CONVICTION and ABILITY to help her become the person God created her to be. I know my daughter will give it her best in whatever she sets her mind to. I’ll be in her corner … ALL THE WAY. As I tell her … God meets those half way … he meets those who helps themselves. “

The 💝alentine tribe (minus our dog 🐶 – Mr Fuzzy/Fussy cuddles

Writing HER OWN Story.

i tell her she is writing /authoring her own story. I tell her to OWN Her Story… & write ✍️ from her heart ❤️. I hope to help her edit it where applicable.

I am looking forward to seeing what she writes in the next year .. two year… 10 years … 15 years … 30 years … 50 years …

One thing won’t change.

I WILL ALWAYS be HER Father & DAD.

I thank God for this blessing… This beautiful human being.

My daughter.

My Princess 👸.

Her heart ❤️ belongs to me … for now.

My gritty Viking pirate 🏴‍☠️ Princess 👸 many years ago now

Yep, my gritty princess 👸 is very creative

 

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The honourable hats of being a Father, Dad and Husband.

To think, really think .. is probably the hardest thing To do in life

I had a health scare.

Seven months before I won my 1st World Natural Bodybuilding/“Classic” Physique Title, I had a health scare. Every few minutes I would experience excruciating pain in my abdomen, especially whenever I ate something. The old experienced Surgeon (who was part of the first Medical Graduates at one of Sydney’s Top Universities & studied with an Uncle of mine) said I was lucky –

  1. The pain I felt was the closest thing any man can come to knowing what giving birth was like for a woman
  2. Less than 0.001% (or some very small number ) of the world’s population get this ailment
  3. It can be RIGHTED.

Diagnosis: the point where my small intestine & large intestine meet had folded on to each other like a sock 🧦. The pain experienced was due to the food being squeezed through each time I ate. It was an emergency & he moved me up the waiting list.

The operation was successful.

From that experience & my life experience so far… I have concluded that Nothing a man can ever do can & will compare with the pain a woman goes through during labour, along with carrying a life in them for 9 months.

Find your light to show your son/boys their way

A good Father is a little bit of a mother.

A man can never be a mother, but I recall a mentor saying – a good Father is a little bit of a Mother. Each have different primary roles and can’t completely replace the other, without causing other unwanted consequences.

No matter who you are or what you have achieved, one thing is true about life : Fathers matter deeply in the lives of their children and ultimately in the life of our communities and nations.

I believe Fatherhood is the most tragically underestimated & misunderstood modern-day issue of our culture today. It has been now, for a number of decades. Fathers & dads should be honoured & revered just as Mothers are.

Leadership ability begins in the home … children learn character building in the home
Be the best character you can be … for YOU, first .. and then for your kids
my two children a number of years ago

Our children deserve better.

Our culture (many modern-day societies ) often mocks fatherhood in various ways – I see it regularly on TV ads over the last 2 decades where Fathers & Dads are belittled or made to look silly & irresponsible. I’ve observed & experience this first hand in playgrounds.

This should not be allowed to continue as there is nothing funny about the number of broken homes & broken lives left behind by absentee (& abusive) fathers & husbands.

Our children deserve better and more should be done in society to educate and create awareness. Society needs to continue to provide reassurance and affirm the necessary role a Father or a Father figure has in the life of each child.

It seems that our culture today is at a crossroad. There are many epidemics afflicting us, yes – the covid & obesity as examples. However, we have diverted our attention from a major epidemic: the epidemic of broken families. You don’t have to look very far … this epidemic has grown at an alarming rate & has littered our streets with broken children.

Learning and absorbing our habits every single day of their initial phase of their lives is what our young Princes do.
Teach them well.

The most vulnerable victims – our children.

Absentee and noninvolved fathers, who have given up their roles as leaders & mentors have taken their toll on the most vulnerable of victims – our children. Statistics about children from fatherless homes are alarming and we should be working towards reversing this growing trend.

Fathers are very important in the lives of their children and FATHERS MATTER!

A mentor told me this once a long time ago –

“Behind every successful child is a good dad “.

A good father & dad is one who provides the launching pad for strong, successful and values – driven adults into the world. Adults who then make a positive impact in people’s lives.

It is truly an honour to be given the opportunity to have the honour of wearing the Father, Dad and husband hats so far in my life. I hope and pray that one day, my two children mention something along those lines in their eulogy speech at my funeral.

God bless my children and all the children of this magnificent world and to all the fathers & dads reading this that try juggling all those very important hats : father, dad amd husband.

God bless all the children of this world and what they have had to endure because of the covid epidemic.

Amen.

p.

My beautiful daughter and I enjoying “Daddy-daughter time” on the Ferris Wheel at Luna Park in amazing Sydney, Australia.

foundations of a gritty strong character Begins in the Family … in the home …

 

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I’m not a good Father.

You – a Father, are a Superhero, whether you know it or not.
I tell my kids that when I FUCK UP (and I do)… it is my human side that fucks up (5%) of me. The other times, I’m simply Super.

Finding the Silver Lining in the clouds.

As loving parents, one way we can honour our children and build value into their lives is to help them see the positive gain in troubled times, finding the ‘silver lining’ in the clouds. Do you find yourself doing that as a parent?

Whether we like it or not, before they leave our homes, our sons or daughters may experience moments or even days of doubt, discouragement, loneliness, disappointment or depression. That is all part and parcel of living and being fully human.

They may be betrayed by a friend, fail to get into the school or university the desired or the profession of their choice. You can reflect on your life or like I have, learned from other people’s (parents in this case) – that children could experience being dumped later in life by a girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse, or perhaps experience the disabling results of experimenting with drugs or alcohol.

And with each experience their child suffers, Mums and Dads feel the aftershocks in their hearts … have you felt that? Teaching them the necessary skills of how to respond to these life events and help them overcome these hurdles (if they do happen) is a big part of being a parent.

Teaching and ensuring they understand the life-skills necessary to move forward in life. If I don’t, I would feel like I’m not a good Father.

We all fall and fail in life. The main thing to focus on is picking yourself back up and …
Trying again.
That’s how most babies learn how to move from crawling to walking … and then to running …
and beyond.

Not wrong to avoid pain.

It is certainly not wrong to avoid pain when we can.

But it is wrong to deny problems, ignore them or try to explain them away or ‘push them under the carpet’. I come from a family line of confrontationists but my wife, on the other hand, come from one that ‘pushes things under the carpet’. No one says a bad thing if relates to ‘family’. With my family (extended), if there was a problem with someone or something, people raise it and bring it ‘out in the open’. They speak and ‘thrash’ the issue out amongst themselves and in many cases, individuals run out of words and let their hands/fists ‘do the talking’.

Did I tell you I come from a line of athletic sportspeople, with a strong emphasis on boxing? Anyways, I do. I grew up getting taught how to ‘box/fight’ from professional/semi-professional boxers. I was taught a ‘3-step’ method by my grandfather when I was a child and it has almost never failed me in street fights in my youth.

There are pros and cons of both methods of management of the issue – avoiding confrontation or seeking confrontation. The real skill is in assessing which issue is worth pursuing so as to bring less harm in the short and long term. Especially for your children and your relationship with them.

Most people take a lifetime to learn that art, if they ever do.

The interesting thing is that my wife has learned to be more confrontational and I have learned to be less. We have both learned something from each other. Finding that ‘mid-point’ is the true challenge.

That is one thing I am grateful for, for being married for almost two decades now – that we’ve both helped one another become better people, spiritually.

My wife and kids

Life is difficult and often unfair.

One of the all-time great truths is that ‘life is difficult and often unfair’.

The better we are at seeing through trials to what they can produce in our lives and our children’s lives, the better able we’ll be able to provide calmness, assurance and genuine love to our children, even in the midst of trying times.

In fact, trials have the capacity to bring strength, maturity, courage, genuine love, righteousness and perseverance to those who are willing to be trained by them.

Those are some of the qualities (along with others like patience and integrity, care and compassion) that work to re-enforce in my children and our family household. It is these intangible qualities in life that I hope my childrens’ character are built on.

Especially when the going gets tough in life, which an inevitable part of life. Not matter what happens, I tell them I WILL ALWAYS BELIEVE in them and WILL ALWAYS be in their corner. With these weapons, I encourage them to go out and give it a Try and … DO THEIR BEST. And even if they fail, that’s ok, because most people would not even try.

I teach them the most important thing – COURAGE, to attempt the ridiculous/weird or absurd. For nothing great or impossible ss achieved without courage. As M.C. Escher said –

“Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible.”

Leadership ability begins in the home … children learn character building in the home
Be the best character you can be … for YOU, first .. and then for your kids
my two children a number of years ago

What you fear will materialise.

I did a form of Martial Arts called Tae-Kwon Do for about eight years in my youth and achieved multiple Black Belts in that art, by the time I was 19 years old. Martial Arts is a kind of dance, with an opponent. You learn how to dance with your opponent(s) by using their energy and body patterns with and against them to ultimately get them ‘off balance’.

That is one of the keys to being a Father/wife or parent in this life – striving to keep a sense of balance, even as chaos reigns around you. One must remain calm and respond, rather than react to external stimulus that has the potential to ‘knock you off’ balance.

The very things we fear might happen to our children can make them stronger people, depending on their response and our response to their difficulties.

I strongly believe the key to remember as parents is – our children do as we do … not as we say. So, as a responsible parent, becoming a better manager of you – yourself, is an Key component.

Being the BEST YOU, is the building block on which your whole family, especially your kids will, model their behaviour off…when you hear people say –

He or she (referring to your child/ren … is a “chip off the old block’

Every experienced parent knows that bad behaviour in a child rarely happens with no previous signals and no past incidents of disobedience or defiance.

There are always signals of trouble ahead. I always tell people, be more aware of yours surroundings, they speak to you … you usually see the clouds before the storm hits, for example. Alert fathers and mothers notice such signals (in the child/children) in time to intervene and prevent the youngster from skidding into serious mistakes …

A ‘sick day’ from school day for us here, 4 years ago now.
Enjoying the entertainment at Sydney’s beautiful Luna Park.
I never let schooling interfere with my or my family’s education.
Children teach you better conflict resolution skills


Real Wisdom.

Your wisdom in controlling your youngster is one of the best measures of how much you really love and value her. She knows this, whether she has said so in plain words or not. My grandfather was such a parent for me in my childhood. I was blessed I had such a strong and morally upright Real Man to model myself off.

Children need to know that their mother should have a hand in controlling her/him too and her/his father should have an equal share in the job. In my family, my wife and I clearly and repeatedly say that we are co-CEOs in our family. Mummy has certain strengths and daddy has too. For example, when it comes to sternly communicating standards of behaviour, I communicate this very effectively so I do it more often.

Your personal examples are very important, too, along with your rules.

You won’t be able to sell her/him (your children) any double standards on the important issues in life. She or he will come much closer to following what you do and what you believe than what you say about these issues.

Your daughter or son does not have to believe that you are the wisest man in all the world to consider you as a good father. She or he does want to be able to come to you with important questions about life. She needs to see that you are learning and growing, too, that you are open to new ideas, new concepts.

That you have a growth mind-set and embrace change that is relevant and readily adapt.

The future Valentines with the talented Miss Ruby.

Teaching the hearts and minds that are learning how to make this world a better place in which to live.

Being a real father to your children is one job that no one else can ever do as well as you.

Good fathers deserve their full share of top praise, for they are helping to build the loftiest cathedrals in the universe: the hearts and minds that are learning how to make this world a better place in which to live.

 

Hanging out
They love making fun of me these days

Happy Father’s Day to all the responsible fathers reading this and beyond. Let’s not forget all those fathers who have come before us or have left prematurely. May God bless their souls

Enjoy your day and have fun,

Paul

 

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Does being a “Father” mean … being a “Man in the Shadows?”

    1. I am a Man.
    1. A REAL Man.
    This is my MUG.

An impossible task

It is an impossible task, being a parent.

Not just difficult … impossible.

To take a life from its first breath on through to maturity – to feed, clothe, educate, and all the rest. How could it be? …

What is a father’s role? I ask

If we turn to the Bible, we learn almost nothing about the man that would be cast in the role of father to the son of God. Though that infant was not part of his body, Joseph’s heart must have been stolen just as most adopted children have a way of doing.

How did Joseph do? As a dad?

Do you strive to better yourself in every way?
Are you a Leader?

Abba!

We know that Jesus made it to manhood with a very strong and simple vision of what ‘father’ meant. We could assume he learned it at least in part, from Joseph.

With his last breath, with a tormented man’s voice in the garden of Gethsemane, he shrieked –

“Abba!”

He cried out to God, not to his earth Dad, Joseph.

Jesus earth dad, Joseph, was a man of great patience & love 💓 and understanding.
A man that loved his wife, Mary, so much, he believed her story of Jesus being the son of God.
What a man… what a “man in the shadow”

Joseph, his Dad on earth, had no real purpose, it seems. The bible does not say much about him and gives very little significance to his existence.

Joseph, was simply, the ‘man in the shadows’.

In a strong way, that is the way most of society over the last centuries has evolved with regards to a mother and a father’s role in the raising of their children. Up until the age of twelve, we could assume that Jesus was guided by Mary and his earth dad, Joseph, in the shadows. Mary is elevated and rightly so.

The Bible has no account of Jesus between the age of twelve until his early thirties. There are many theories as to where and what he did but that is not the point Of this writer.

Young boys turn out just fine, it seems, even if most fathers are simply men in the shadows

So, don’t try and be a “mother” to a boy, just be YOU – a Real Man. Make him know and feel loved … unconditionally and don’t stress if you don’t think you have or cannot spend time with your boy.

God bless all you if you’re a Father and also all the Fathers and Dads out there who try their very best to be the best Role Model they can be.

For their sons … the worlds future Men and Leaders.

Until next time,

Popeye Pirate 🏴‍☠️ Paul … and the importance of being a Father even if you’re just the Man in the Shadow

Me & my son

 

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Familiarity, like McDonald’s, is a curse and a blessing


I love McDonald’s

I love McDonald’s. … and I maintain a “6-pack” eating it. The 2nd part of that first sentence is UN-true.

obviously. But, sometimes the obvious things in life are also hard to see, pay attention to.

One of the things I love about it is it’s familiarity. There are no surprises. When I ask for a Big Mac Meal, I know I’ll get what I expect. No surprises. It is consistently the same everywhere I go and any time I get it. 

It’s like family and marriage. Life can be like McDonald’s a lot of times. But it is that familiarity that can be a blessing and a curse. 

In marriage, the task of communication faces a big challenge: familiarity. For many people, the self they show to the world is far different to that shown to the family, to those who know them best – their family. They perform for the world – for their bosses, their friends, their work colleagues, their sponsors, their church and sports and social groups but at home – they simply don’t. 

And why? 

Well, I believe, sometimes many do not perform for home because of the ‘curse of familiarity’. For many, that familiarity erodes their energy, saps their strength and cuts off their compassion, which incidentally is – all key ingredients to good listening. 

About to start a workout in my Old School Gym. Old School training principles with a ‘modern twist’. Know the basics. Stick to the basics. Apply the basics. Its the most efficient, effective and safe approach to building a muscular physique in the gym. An authentic physique artist spends a lot of time alone … with his art, working on the guy in the mirror. Not out of vanity but .. because the mirror is one of the most honest feedback tools one could ever have. Muscle building allows you to appreciate patience & dedication and the importance of the “little things” in their overall impact on your health, fitness and art. The importance doing things “right” ALL the time … not some of the time. Just like in all relationships you love the most – it requires all these traits and above all – respect, trust, care ‘ compassion.

When the phone rings

Have you listened to the tone of voice you hear people use when they answer the phone when the phone rings? A lot of times the tone of voice is quite different to the tone of voice they use when it is a close friend, family member or loved one. 

Ideally, homes offer a shelter from the storms of life… I try to give that for my kids. However, when we grow empathetic within our safe place, the familiarity that was meant to help and nurture, can end up hurting. I have witnessed it through helping thousands of individuals and families over the years.

Good listening skills require that you give loved ones in the home the same attention you would with those outside of the home and not pay attention simply because it’s ‘just my husband’ talking.

A ‘coaching conversation’ with Brad, while taking a rest break between exercise sets.
Helping Brad, help himself, achieve something he cares about and become more of who he wants to be.
I love having coaching conversations with people who aspire for something different… with people who want to grow by Being helped to recognise the strength from WITHIN themselves.
As a coach, one of my key strengths is the ability to LISTEN to not only what is said … but what is not said. That is a big part of my >84% of clients achieving or bettering their original goals in their programs with me.

The art of listening and respect begins in the home.

If people are to survive this era in which families are ripped apart almost as fast as they are made, people need to make more effort in paying more attention to the loved ones in the home. People need to resist the temptation to ‘tune out’ at home. 

I believe, people need to open their ears and hearts more – they need to listen more intently with their ears, hearts, body and soul … to the voices inside the walls of their homes.

 

It may sound easy but believe me, it isn’t. In a lot of cases, the “easiest” things to do are also the hardest things to do.

In general, I believe family members need to open their ears better – try to listen to the voices inside the walls of their homes. While good communication alone cannot cure a bad marriage, it can make a big difference. Many relationships end because of the reason – ‘break-down in communication’. I believe, people are communicating but the majority are not communicating EFFECTIVELY. 

The ‘break-down’ is usually the result of ineffective communication. The art of listening and respect begins in the home.

Explaining the fine points of re-engineering the physique and increased self-awareness through enhanced ‘mind-muscle’ connection..
building Quality lean muscle within a structure that is “balanced & symmetrical” takes time – vision, Unwavering belief, Ability, stick-ability, character, love, care and …. constant monitoring /listening to all the “feedback loops” of the body and its environment.
Very similar to managing key relationships in your life.
“Listening And communicating EFFECTIVELY is one of the keys.

Love well, those you love most

Love is many things to different people. I believe that love begins in the home .. the safety of the family. If we’re to love well, those we love most, we must all learn to Listen. Like I tell my son ….. To not only ‘listen’ but to listen ‘better’. 

For this to happen, each spouse should strive to learn to really hear what their spouses are saying and also what they are not saying … through effective communication, more families will remain together as they combat the curse of familiarity. 

And make familiarity … 

A Blessing.

For those of you that are married – what benefits and pitfalls come with familiarity of having been married for years? 

How can you improve your communication radar when it comes to listening to your spouse?

Until next time,

Cheers & ahoy!

 

Popeye Pirate 🏴‍☠️ Paul … & listening EFFECTIVELY at home

Overcoming many small hurdles on your way to achieving your ultimate goal is encouraging.
Progress, any form of progress is a motivating factor.
So, don’t strive for perfection, instead seek progress … towards your ideal SELF. Here you have retired Rugby Union legend & former Australian Wallabies Captain – Phil Waugh still embracing knowledge to better himself. 
Vv

 

Successful achievement of goals require excellence in listening – for the coach and the pupil.

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The Christmas Nativity Story speaks to our need for Hope

Find your light.
Light your path.
It is YOUR path.
No one can ride that path with you, but YOU.

Your “Right” to something can be very different to doing the “Right’ thing

I am a human and societal observer.

I have been since I was a child and I love it because you learn a lot, just by watching.

Permit me to make this observation: we must be very careful in speaking of our ‘rights’. I think people who constantly refer to their rights tread on dangerous ground. You see this just about everywhere you go in our modern-day, fast-paced societies.

Your ‘right’ to something can be very different to doing the right thing.

That is part of our reality, or a perception of our reality, at least.

Where the land … meets the sea …. meets the sky

The Nativity Scene on Christmas Eve Mass

I signed up my son and daughter to take part in the Nativity Scene on Christmas Eve Mass a few months earlier. My 8 year old son, Zachary, said that I was wrong not to assume that he wanted to participate in it. He said that he was going to church but was adamant he won’t play the “Sheppard” role in the Nativity Play.

Initially, I was angry but then realised that I was at fault for assuming I had the right exercise authority over him, simply because I was his parent. I subsequently apologised to him and said he didn’t have to do it if he didn’t want to.

My wife, Cathy, subsequently persuaded him to play that Head Sheppard role. And he looked and sounded terrific on stage, saying his lines to Mary and the Angels (my daughter, Olivia, played the role of one of the Angels) at the time of Jesus birth. It was beautiful to see them along with other young children re-enact the scene of the Nativity and the birth of Jesus Christ, our saviour in front of a packed out Church.

My initial failure at persuading my son to do the Shepherd role in the Nativity play also reminded me of how difficult I have found when helping people, help themselves to do the ‘right thing’ as they move towards their best selves. Despite presenting all the evidence and logical reasons for making or choosing healthier options with regards to habits, doing so is very very difficult for many.

Thank you Zachary for the reminder.

Father-son relationships take work
A lot of work

Failing as a Dad

After that heated debate with my son, I contemplated my failure as a Dad in relation to what I was observing quite readily in society – that many were referring to and claiming ‘their Right” but not necessarily considering whether they were doing “the Right” thing.

I thought about these questions: do you have the unqualified right to the respect of your children? Do you have an unqualified right to the respect of your spouse for that matter? Do you have every right to exercise authority over your children?

The answer is – No, you don’t!

You certainly DO NOT have an “unqualified right.”

You have a parental duty from God and you cannot sever that right. So, let’s ask this question: –

“Does and should a person demand his rights?”

So, I believe, God grants us ‘our rights’, but in so doing, these rights are only that, and no more … these rights are only granted to fulfil his or her duties. I know I have failed my children many times in this aspect of parenthood and especially in being a Father. I am certainly far from perfect and still very much a Work-in-progress…. in being the Best Dad I can be and also a better husband to my wife.

What do you think?

Believe or not believe.
Get your ass off the pole of the fence (stop sitting on the fence!)
Choose.

Duty to God, first

As parents, we automatically get ‘parental duties’ imposed on us and most of us, embrace them. It should not be forgotten that these parental duties apply towards God and to our children. Then, and only then, should we speak of our ‘parental rights’.

Duty to God, first.

Bare your cross.
Then …
Help someone else carry their’s … only if you can manage both

To exercise and respect, Authority

Each generation speaks of and writes about the rebellious spirit of children and young people of the generation that comes after them. Why do think this is so?

On one hand, it is one of education, whereby I believe, the children have never learned respect for authority as their parents didn’t know better and had not exercised authority. However, on the other hand, it is very possible that these children did not learn respect for authority because the parents misused it. Or parents have completely different views of respect for authority and demonstrate this towards one another in front of the children.

I’m sure there are many of you out there who feel that you’re not respected by something your wife, husband, partner said or did. One or both parties then abuse their authority and supposed power over each other.

It is no wonder, that in life, we have so many examples of men and women, inevitably, abuse power when they attain so much of it.

With the next generation of Valentine males – Zachary.

Authority: a God-given Weapon

We had a major disagreement this morning – my wife, kids and I and some things were said that hurt each other. I needed ‘time-out’ to cool down so I listened to some ‘Enya”. Her musical frequencies (songs) has certainly resonated with my brain wavelengths since I first heard her musci in the early 90s.

All relationships take work and disagreements is simply what people who love each other do … very similar to building and keeping good quality lean muscle mass. You hurt the muscle area (through repeatedly lifting weights and increasing the load/hurt on the muscle over time)… then, feeding it with the necessary nutrition (love and care) and allowing the muscle/person/relationship to heal/recover and become bigger, more shapely and better.

That is a very simplified version of loving relationships.

I think I was guilty of abusing my authority as a Dad and raised my voice unnecessarily when arguing. I was wrong to do that and I demonstrated a lack of control and respect for my power in my family. Others were guilty of it too but I won’t go in to that here.

Authority should not be toyed with. A person that is given that power to wield this authority over others, should understand that it is a God-given weapon.

All who wields this Power (like us, parents), must be constantly vigilant on it’s use and abuse of it. One should always be ‘on guard’ lest you misuse it for selfish ends.

Authority, must never be exercised in an arbitrary, unreasonable manner.

The world is still crying out for more Leaders who exemplify the utmost discipline in the respect of and exercise of authority and power. Leaders that go from good to Great.

Praise the Lord!

My son, the Shepherd

Zachary’s role in the Nativity was – one of the Shepherds.

Got me thinking about the question why, the shepherds?

The announcement of Jesus birth went to the Shepherds, first. Why? I mean, God didn’t go to the Theologians or the elite? The first group would have probably consulted their commentaries and the latter, may have looked around nervously to see if anybody was watching. What about the successful, why not them?

Well, maybe, they would have consulted their calendars because they were so ‘busy.’

Instead, God went to the Shepherds. Why, I ask?

Maybe, it is because they didn’t have a reputation to protect or an axe to grind or a ladder to climb. They were simple men, who maybe, didn’t know enough to tell God that angels don’t sing to sheep and that messiahs are not found wrapped in rags and sleeping in a feed trough.

I have seen this re-enactment play out on Christmas Eve masses many times over the years but it is only yesterday in Zachary’s role playing, my son, the Shepherd … that I asked those questions.

Like my failure to persuade my son to take part in the Nativity initially, many things in life and what we call ‘reality’ is heavily influenced in being able to communicate effectively through storytelling. The Nativity is a great story and the Bible has a collection of great stories, written by wonderful storytellers. Stories that connect and move people. Even all these centuries later, like we do today.

Maybe, we can all learn how to be better story-tellers now and for the rest of our lives to be more effective communicators.

Me and my children.
Children gives you a hint of eternity.
A true blessing to be graced with seeds.
Vv.

Christmas is about … Hope … the vision of Life

Christmas is about many things, to different people. In yesterday’s mass, one of the 3 things he asked the members to consider was that Christmas was not just about ‘your immediate family’ but should be about others. About asking yourself what can you GIVE to others, in whatever shape or form.

I felt good that my family did give.

My wife helped encourage my children to practise sessions of the play leading up to the mass in which they gave their performance. I gave my voice as a member of the Church Choir during mass and helped set up the hall prior to mass. I was happy we ‘gave.’

Here, I am again, in the early hours of Christmas morning, giving you my thoughts … through my writing and I hope it add some value to you and your life, however, small it may be.

It is my gift to you, this Christmas Day.

Don’t give up, don’t give up on what you believe in .. . don’t give up, but use the chance to return to HOPE. Hope that everything will be better and as you imagined.

There are many good and bad things Religions of the world represents. However, the one thing that I believe Religions of the world provide is a strong pathway for the individual towards Hope. This belonging to a sense of Collective Faith is very powerful … which is reflected in Christians all around the world celebrating Christmas Day.

Hope, ultimately is all that we have in life.

Hope is ultimately, all we have in this life

Remember, to stoop in the presence of Greatness

In church, there are moments when we are required to ‘stoop’ or bow our heads or kneel when we are talking to Jesus and God. That is what you do when you meet or are in the presence of Greatness.

Jesus was a great man, a great Leader, a great Messiah. He still is, many centuries later.

As I see it, as you go through life, you can see the world and everything it has to offer – standing tall. But, to witness the Saviour, you have to get on your knees.

So …

While the theologians were sleeping;

And the elite were dreaming

And the successful were snoring …

The meek were kneeling.

They (the Shepherds) were kneeling before the One, our Saviour .. that only the meek will see.

That is the Nativity. That is Christmas Day. They were kneeling in front of Jesus, the son of God.

Remember, to stoop in the presence of Greatness, like my son reminded me in his role of a Shepherd in this year’s Nativity Play.

Thank you, son … for the life lessons you’ve taught me.

My prayer for my son …

I pray that from today forward, I may be the greatest example to you of someone (a Gentle Man in this case), who not only recognises and exercises authority when appropriate but also respects the power it allows me to wield.

In all areas of life, especially, as a parent.

Merry Christmas to you and your family,

 

From my family or Valentine Viking Pirates …

 

Cheers & Ahoy!

The Old Cap’n Viking Pirate Evangelist Muscled Monk … & Shepherd Lessons from my son’s Nativity Role

Find your strengths.
Society only rewards when you’re working from your strengths.
Work to your strengths.
Give your Gifts.
Live.
I like this hat.

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Substitute Parents.

The old Captain Viking Pirate & his Gritty Warrior Viking Pirate son … enjoying some ‘Father-son” experience.
These moments get etched into the memory bank of great experiences.
Build these up.

What’s on my mind right now?

Kids and being a parent.

Come into my head as I think and type to you my thoughts … (my typing speed is very, very fast … and I don’t look at the keys on the keyboard and type with very high accuracy … anyway)

What does it mean to ‘love’ your kids?

We all have our own definitions of this word and area of love. Good. I think loving your kids, means, in part, that you put them ahead of other concerns in your life (at appropriate phases of life – different for a man and a woman).

You see, what I have seen and observed (being in the gym talking to thousands of parents over the years … and actually owning a gym for 7) … what I have seen is that too many parents are caught up in getting ahead in their careers or that promotion. Or better still … buying a bigger house or playing golf every weekend or buying that expensive car.

I find that they devoted so much energy to those things that they failed to free up the time necessary to really listen to their kids and just ‘be’ with them. Not to be with them when you schedule in to make ‘quality time‘ with them in your busy diary …. no, just to be with them.

It’s no wonder kids are so angry. Their parents aren’t giving them the love and attention they deserve.

I believe if kids don’t see their parents making certain sacrifices in order to work at being good parents, or if they already tried to talk to their parents and have been shut up by them, then they aren’t going to keep trying. They’ll either seek out another adult (as substitute parents) who will listen to them or they will buy into whatever youth culture is telling them to do.

Note: don’t “palm off parental responsibility “ to so-called “coaches” in sport clinics, games clinics etc. not everyone wants to and can be a top sportsman/woman. That is a fact of life. One of the mum’s at Zachary’s Athletics club said to me in our initial meeting that she joined her son in the athletics club to learn how to be confident. She did this because she was told that that was what the ‘other parents’ were doing.

I said that was a misperception.

I told her that the best place to learn confidence and integrity and honesty and care and compassion is in the home. From her, the kid’s parent. Not at some substitute parental course (that was over-and above the skill level of the young coaches employed to teach sport skills … not life skills. They were not qualified Life Coaches, most hadn’t experienced much life yet!).

Give him the scaffolding in your son’s life to help him, help himself build & live a life of significance. With a foundation of good etiquette/manners.

You don’t learn self-confidence and have a healthy self-esteem from school or taking part in sport. You learn confidence and all the intangible traits of a well-adjusted citizen in the home. In a loving home with parents making themselves available. That is where I learned my confidence from … confidence large enough to be the BEST in my sport and compete against the best in the World at two World Natural Bodybuilding Championships. I didn’t learn this off substitute parents. I learned it off family, very close family. I learned how to be a Champion from Champions in my family, and guidance from some very good teachers.

Parents continuously not ‘being there’ for their children when necessary is one of the reasons the rate of sexually transmitted diseases – and the rate of teen pregnancy – is very high (and still rising).

Kids are not being loved by their parents (because parents make selfish choices & employers/organisations that don’t support flexible working ideas) …. so these kids accept a cheap substitute. To these kids (to many kids and this has been happening for generations) … it’s better to accept a substitute than to face the hurt of NOT receiving love from their parents.

If you have kids … make the RIGHT choice. For them, for you … and your future relationship with them.

In the years running my gym I have helped many teenage kids (where parents have tried everything) get back on their Life-Track. I have seen “A” students end up with the wrong crowd and end up in jail. I have seen delinquent students and failing students turn their lives around and are now successful business people.

Learning and absorbing our habits every single day of their initial phase of their lives is what our young Princes do.
Teach them well.

I have helped hundreds of kids, help themselves find their best /better selves. I have loved them and gave them that substitute love they never got from their parents. Simply because I cared.

I love mathematics … and I sum it up this way:

Less love and time given to your children in their young years (before 10) …. EQUALS ===> more time spent getting them out of trouble in their teenage years. There is an inverse relationship.

It costs parents more in time, money and heartache and pain in future years.

Make time NOW … before it is too late.

Don’t make the mistake many (previous generations made). There is Power in Two (your partner/wife/husband) and work together to manage the all-important time and love to your growing children.

It will be one of the best and most important investment decisions you will ever make in your life (more than that promotion or that business deal or )…. just like making time to ‘work/train’ your muscles … not just for now … but for your future/old age.

All the very best in your decision

Yours always, in iron and muscles,

Cheers & Ahoy!!

 

The old Captain Viking Pirate … and loving kids … and making the Right decision

A ‘sick day’ from school day for us here, 4 years ago now.
Enjoying the entertainment at Sydney’s beautiful Luna Park.
I never let schooling interfere with my or my family’s education.

Building a good foundation for your childrens’ character is like building good lean quality muscle.
It takes time and patience. Lots of patience but laser-like focus.
Proper exercise techniques and application of relevant principles , compounded over time results in the goal you visualise.
An morally-upright, free-thinking citizen of the world putting his/her hand up to lead if necessary.
As parents, be the best teacher you can be.

Me in my cowboy hat & enjoying a beer (still training my ‘guns’ … drinking my beer)

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