ME. Mistake-riddled ME…. But I am happy being IMPERFECTLY PERFECT, just as Jesus Christ was. His life was a great example of what FAILURE was. Not an easy path to follow …. But I will. Because I BELIEVE in JESUS and what he stood for. Just like GOD intended.
… too numerous to list here.
I have made many mistakes. I will try to express it in words like this.
When I should have let my unusually strong 💪 stubborn-ness to dig deep;
But instead, succumbed to a feeling of weakness and gave up hope …
And ….
On … and … on … and … on ….
One thing is certain –
There’s still more mistakes to come
Life goes on
One thing that I have learned from making tonnes and tonnes of mistakes … of having experienced so many fuck ups …. Of failing multiple times is …
That I am more COMFORTABLE at tolerating the UNCOMFORTABLE FEELINGS of making a mistake … or fucking up … of failing … of failing …. Of failing. …..
I don’t see mistakes as mistakes anymore … but instead as OPPORTUNITIES to find solutions …. To stretch boundaries …. To DESIGN NEW RULES …. To CREATE something DIFFERENT …. To START ANEW.
I’m unsure of the future …
But I am not concerned;
I will rely on those closest to ME …
And I will share their burdens … as they share mine;
I WILL continue to ..
LIVE & LOVE 💕.. & LEARN … with the understanding that I am IMPERFECTLY PERFECT and …
Until my physical form on earth reaches its finite end and my spiritual self continues into INFINITY…
Because …
I BELIEVE that GOD is ALWAYS WITH ME …
And that makes me FEEL INVINCIBLE.. as I AM GOD … I AM INFINITE.
In whatever goal you desire, you need to make sure you understand how to use the tools 🛠 necessary to bring about the change you seek. One of the places I “withdraw “ to … one of my top 5 “soul” places. A place where I INFUSE myself with the “essence of life “ – VITALITY.
If you’re an Artist, you may feel the same way, too. Maybe, you don’t think of yourself as an artist 👨🎨 but you feel the same way too.
I believe every individual is an Artist, within. We ALL have the ability to CREATE.
Without taking periods of withdrawal, I can feel vexed, angry and out of sorts. If I don’t take this “time out” … I can become sullen, depressed.. even hostile and anti-social.
I believe ALL artists NEED to have “down-time”. And what is that?
It’s time To DO NOTHING. Yes, do NOTHING!Adopting and defending the RIGHT to DO JUST THAT – NOTHING. Doing nothing is NOT Trivial matter.
It’s not easy to do because everyone around you … the rest of the world is on a “busy” paradigm.
Do you dance?
Do you sing?
Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon-light?
Sense of SELF.
To love and live this VALUE, it takes COURAGE, CONVICTION and a good dose of RESILIENCE. A lot of times, this time, space & quiet… strikes family and friends as WITHDRAWAL … from them.
It IS.
This could fall into the categories of being an “asshole”
So be it.
I believe everyone is so concerned with being VIRTUOUS…. ALL caught up in the VIRTUE TRAP.
Sometimes, this is ESSENTIAL to being your BEST. Producing your BEST work. There are powerful pay-offs to be found in staying stuck … and deferring nurturing your SENSE OF SELF.
Sometimes.
Like you, I strive to be good, to be nice, to be helpful, to be unselfish. Like most people, I want to be generous, of service, of the world.
But here’s the thing: sometimes… what I REALLY WANT is to be LEFT ALONE.
And I am very blessed
Because almost all the time,
Those that I find most valuable, GIVE me that. They understand. It’s important for me … it allows me to re-charge… to re-energise … to re-calibrate…. To Re-think…. To Think more effectively.
Hiding away. Withdrawal from others isn’t a bad thing. It does not make you less virtuous. It does not make you bad. What it does do is … re-energise… re-vitalise … re-charge YOU, so that you give the BEST of YOU to those that need you.
The 💝alentine tribe (minus our dog 🐶 – Mr Fuzzy/Fussy cuddles
Marriage is Teamwork.
No matter what a husband or wife happens to be or do, MARRIAGE IS TEAMWORK.
From my experience of being married for almost twenty years now and also from learning from other peoples’ experiences, marriage is a great example of ULTIMATE TEAMWORK.
I would go further to say that, given the high rates of divorce, marriages that last are not just because of teamwork but they have teamwork because they are a TEAM THAT WORKS.
Marriage is not about the hope of WORKING AS A TEAM, it is about two people WHO COME TOGETHER… & FIT … like 6 fits into 9, to make “69”.
God does not give individual gifts 🎁 to frustrate a marriage. No. God gives us unique gifts to ENHANCE the marriage. God does not lead two people into a marriage to see “sparks fly”, pulling a husband & wife in opposite directions.
No… God, leads them into marriage to blend and maximise their strengths, their usefulness.
Whenever this happens in my relationship with my wife, I pray to God for his help…. To give me the strength, courage & wisdom to make good decisions.
This is where our faith in God helps us during turbulent times in the marriage. There are many forces (internal and external) that work hard to tear a marriage apart.
If you believe in your marriage & what it represents is important to you, ask for God’s guidance and work hard to keep your marriage .
My beautiful wife of almost 20 years now. My love for this human being keeps increasing every single day.
As I see it, much of the problems & tension that occur in marriages comes from the INABILITY to BALANCE the ACT of GIVING to your spouse /other while retaining a SENSE OF SELF.
In other words, the tension comes from grasping or holding onto what we consider our INDIVIDUALITY. I believe no matter what our gifts, talents or personalities… when they are given To god.
With strong belief in God, he will work & blend it all out and provide balance, because that is just what God will do.
No other team that you are a part of in life – business, sport, religion, politics etc … will ever be as IMPORTANT or benefit & challenge you like a successful marriage.
It takes WORK… a lot of real hard work. It is the complete & ULTIMATE example of TEAMWORK in life.
With God (part of the team, too).
Here’s a few questions for you:
1. Has there been a time when you put one of your individual goals “on hold “ so your spouse could pursue a dream?
I AM.
I an Entrepreneur of IMAGINATION.
Through Mastery of Self, I am able to be an Agent of Creative Destruction to allow the release of new ideas … new thinking … and a new Meaning.
Meaning is the NEW MONEY.
Coaching conversations..
Over the years I have listened to many individuals. Listened to their stories.
Over the years I think I have had in excess of twenty thousand conversations with people of all ages. From teens to ninety-year olds.
Over the years I have had many coaching conversations. In these coaching conversations, I have helped increase individuals awareness of how their perception of events in their lives either propel them forward or hold them back.
I have listened to others and the way in which the stories they tell ourselves have the power to hold us back or propel us forward.
As an example …
The bottom line is that I wouldn’t be the person I am today if my hearing hadn’t been terrible when I was young. Neither would you.
This is why taking the time to properly frame our narratives and the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves can be so critical.
Keep your dreams alive .
Snd if you’re going to dream … Dream BIG.
You serve no one by being and thinking small.
Think BIG!
Re-frame in away to move forward ..
Self-pity for being dealt a bad hand is easy.
Self-awareness is what brings with it empowerment and insight.
This, important first step is sometimes hard.
The first turns your past into an anchor, while the second turns it into the wind that fills your sails and keeps you moving forward.
Is there some piece of your story, personal or professional, that you’ve been able to reframe in a way that moves you forward, instead of holding you back?
Wonderful question for all to ponder. I’m one of the most self-aware person you will ever meet, but that is nothing new to me as I have been this way since I was a kid (from the adults who knew me in my youth).
Everything happens for a reason. Success is not an accident. It is based on the Aristotelian Principle of CAUSALITY. Today, we call it – “the Law of CAUSE & EFFECT.”
Cowboy 🤠 House.
Here’s one I’d like to share – I was raised by my grandparents as my biological Dad died when I was 4 years old, trying to save a person from downing … and was overpowered by the victim and drowning with that person). My biological mother was only 16 and had a choice to have an abortion but I thank her and God that she didn’t.
Her decision to give me life has allowed me to not only live but to do what I do – predominantly, helped people, help themselves building their bridges from where they are to where they desire to be over the last 3 decades.
Anyways, I grew up in a large extended family – grandparents, grand uncles and aunties, uncles, aunties, cousins and siblings and … visitors and extended family visiting.
My home was always full and was always noisy. Our neighbours used to call our home – the “Cowboy House”.
We didn’t have much of anything – food (there were no less than 10 people to feed every single day … and I do not know how my grandparents managed to do this), didn’t have much material possessions (my grandmother used to sew my school uniforms) … but the home certainly had a lot of love.
There was a lot of storytelling and sitting around talking almost every night. It was just part of the home … part of the culture.
Because there was so much noise, most kids would not be able to concentrate/focus. But, I told myself way back in early Primary School that I will teach myself to study/do school work/read in … noise.
My teachers couldn’t understand how a kid (me) could get Top Academic Results every year.
Most kids/people need peace and quiet to FOCUS, so we are told. “How does Paul do it?” I would over hear some teachers say. In my adult life, I have continued to learn/read/focus in any environment, no matter how noisy or ridiculous is.
The only photo I have as a baby with my biological mum. One of my 3 Mums in my life.
Focus on what you can control
I remember my grandfather telling me many things (he was a very wise man) … saying something to the effect –
“Paul, focus on what you can control … and do the best with what you’ve got … don’t be part of the problem, always be part of the solution”.
I’ve always applied that in my life, not focusing on insufficient resources and constraints .,. But on HOW I can do better with what I have. That philosophy along with many others, has helped me create the life I’ve always imagined and realise short-term and long-term goals.
Growing up in an family environment that had very limited resources (except for love … the home was always infused with LOVE), has allowed me to almost always have an overall attitude of personal optimism and enthusiasm.
I completely understand the psychosomatic relationship – psyche and soma – mind and body … better than most (hence sculpting a Physique worthy of representing Australia at 2 x World Natural Physique Championships and placing in the Top 5 in consecutive years).
I am fully aware of how the body is the physical manifestation of the mind or in other words, the body expresses what the mind is concerned with. I’m a strong believer that life is many things … and one of which is that life is a self-fulfilling prophecy…. That you usually get what you expect.
My ‘tough’ upbringing has allowed me to develop a healthy self-expectancy and eliminated all forms of excuse from my vocabulary as … I expect to win, almost all the time. I have no doubt the so-called ‘luck’ is the intersection of preparation and awareness.
Leadership ability begins in the home … children learn character building in the home
Be the best character you can be … for YOU, first .. and then for your kids
my two children a number of years ago
Life … a very real game but not a gamble.
I look at life as a very real game .. but not a gamble.
Part of what I have done over the last 3 decades is help people, help themselves build their bridges. I have learned and taught many things. It seems that every individual tends to receive what he or she expects in the long run.
From my experience and deducing from other people’s experiences in my life so far … it would appear that you may or may not get what is coming to you, or you may or may not get what you deserve – BUT YOU WILL nearly always get what you expect.
As someone who has mastered the art of body re-engineering (building muscle and reducing body fat to < 4%), believe me when I say, there is an intricately close connection between your mind and body … a negative thought can cause your ‘look’ (that you get judged on) to go from excellent (Top 5 and finalist) to awful.
I’ve learned and mastered much of the ‘mind-body-heart-soul’ interface connections and one important one is this – mental obsessions have physical manifestations. Basically, you BECOME WHAT YOU FEAR – you get what you expect – you are that which you expect to be!
Here’s the thing – since all individuals are responsible for their own actions and cause their own effects, optimism then, is a choice.
Choose well, my adult friends.
Balance & symmetry brings you closer to harmony … to beauty …closer to infinity. Just like mathematics does
Optimism, Enthusiasm, Faith & Hope.
What is needed is : continual fueling of – OPTIMISM, ENTHUSIASM, FAITH & HOPE.
Each is a synonym for – having a HEALTHY SELF-EXPECTANCY.
So, my question to you (if you’ve made it this far) is –
1. Do you have a healthy self-expectancy about things in your life?
2. Do you expect the best for you – in life and as a way of life?
3. Do you look at problems/constraints as opportunities?
With regards to question 3 above, try this little exercise and let me know your answers –
Make a list of your KEY problems/constraints –
> the ones that block your professional and personal fulfillment.
> Next, write a one-or-two sentence definition of each problem/constraint.
Now, rewrite the definition, only this time view it as an opportunity or exercise to challenge your creativity and ingenuity (some refer to it as ‘re-framing’).
Here’s a tip: view the solution as you would if you were advising one of your best friends.
So, where does your thoughts stand in relation to your Self-Expectancy now?
Write in and tell me all about it.
Thank you
Yours in care, compassion & trust,
Paul
A fridge magnet 🧲 I bought almost 20 years ago.
Practise this.
With my gritty Viking Pirate 🏴☠️ Intelligent, caring & compassionate daughter, Olivia. She has heard me say many stories … over and over again.
There is Power💥 in Storytelling.
I’ve always loved storytelling.
I remember sitting with adults when I was a kid, Listening to their stories. They would say –
“Paul, why don’t you go and play with your cousins & friends outside”
I would reply –
“No, there will be time to play with them later”
I’ve listened to hundreds of other people’s stories when I owned & managed my Family Gym for 7 years.
I love 💕 telling stories.
I believe there is power in storytelling.
My wife and kids. I Storytell until they get fed up… then I know, they know.
It begins in the home.
It begins in the Home…. Practising the art of Storytelling, that is.
Home is where the foundation of storytelling starts. I recall listening to my dad & his close friend’s tell stories around the Kava bowl. In the home, I got a strong 💪 foundation… Of a past that lends my existence a place, a sense of belonging, a historical context.
Home is where stories get passed on for generations. I have continued with this 💝alentine tradition. My two kids can retell the stories I tell .. because they have heard them countless times. And as my daughter says –
“Dad, it keeps changing all the time”
And I say –
“Aaaahhh… yes, my dear … that is where facts and imagination fuse in the optimum place”
Home is where I was told that I am built like & physically intelligent like my grandfather, Ben Valentine. A powerful & skilful National heavyweight boxing champion, going undefeated for 3 years in his prime.
Home is where I heard stories of my quirkiness from early age & my creative & innovative nature in my early youth. I heard stories of my country of birth through the filter of my own genealogy.
Struggles, family migrations, family triumphs, as well as ancestral successes & failures were taught to me through the history of my 💝alentine Family.
In my Home now, it is a place where I build my own legacy: through my love 😍 for history & storytelling, I have shared & will share more stories I was told in my youth with my children.
Always, adding my generation’s story to this 💝alentine Novel in progress. I’ve always believed the REAL histories of families aren’t the records of births, deaths & marriages. No, to me …
… they are the stories told after dinner, while having chocolate or dessert. So full and satisfied.
For i have learned many things so far, and one important one is the importance of LEGACY.
Legacy is fueled by US… in our family. It is fueled by ME. And all this evolves from our history… our family stories passed down …
I tell my kids that one day they will bear the 💝alentine torch 🔦. They will continue to write their chapters if their lives through their storytelling.
Knowing that they have a very strong identity and they will continue to shine the torch 🔦 and build on the legacy that they inherited…
Through the strong foundation of the 💝alentine Family history through storytelling.
I am still the current Torch Bearer of the 💝alentine Family and I make a toast to all future Torch Bearers of my family and all families …
Carry the Torch with pride & Live & Die with dignity.
Trust and forgiveness is key to any relationship. Find it in your heart to trust and forgive not matter how many times you get let down. Vv.
There does not seem to be much trust and forgiveness in the world today.
A dying trait, like an endangered species. I think it can be put up on the “endangered character-quality” list.
Is it just me or have you observed this trend too?
It can be difficult to forgive sometimes but it is important that you do. There should be room for errors. These errors or mistakes a person makes should be embraced as feedback for improvement.
Forgiving can be hard, I know.
It seems in today’s world on many layers of society, trust and forgiveness is missing and it is sad because it sends a consistent message that both (or more parties) have lost care about whether the relationship continues or not.
You can see it on many levels, reflected in the media – between suppliers and customers; between organizations and its employees or contractors; between sports clubs and its coaches; between coaches and their players; between family members; between friends and even between husbands and wives.
What sort of person are you? Are you prudent and ‘trust but verify?” or are you careful and watch your back and consult your lawyer?
How has the world come to this point, I wonder?
Long-lasting friendship is built on trust and forgiveness. Don’t allow it to be on your endangered character-quality list. No matter what. Vv.
I know the bible asks that we find it in our hearts to trust and forgive, no matter how many times someone breaks it. This can be very difficult but it is important that we try. It helps build a better world. The Lord’s prayer says something along the lines “… forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us … “
How many of us really do this in today’s world? It seems that the prayer is now saying “…. Forgive our sins as we don’t forgive those who sin against us … ?”
For the world to come to this is indeed a sad world… but I am still hopeful.
It seems that these endangered human characteristics that was once in plentiful supply in years gone by is a rare sighting. There are daily reminders in many areas of modern life demonstrating signs that trust, love and even friendship has failed. These are no longer what is the norm.
Instead, they are becoming increasingly endangered and are a genuine luxury if you are lucky to witness or experience it in your daily life.
As for me, I am quite old-fashioned and believe in a lot of old-fashioned values like trust, love and friendship and forgiveness. I think it is important to find it in your heart to forgive. It can be difficult, yes, but don’t give up.
Persevere and believe. Trust against the odds, that the human spirit in what is right will always prevail.
In the end, relationships matter.
Sometimes it can be hard to take the bible seriously but finding it in your heart to forgive every time a person lets you down is always the best decision you can make.
If you value the relationship and want it to continue, you have to always be willing to forgive and trust again. No relationship can continue if we are not willing to trust and forgive, no matter how many times the person lets you down.
No forgiveness means no relationship. It is as simple as that!
If you believe that certain relationships matter, then forgive and trust again. Because this is part of what it means to be a practising Christian. It isn’t easy in today’s modern world and it takes enormous courage to follow God’s teachings in the Christian life.
Trusting and forgiving repeatedly requires tremendous spiritual courage and patience. Don’t make it part of your endangered character-quality list.
Because it is worth it.
Besides, from what I have learned through other people’s experiences over the years, trust is cheaper than lawyers.
All the best in your choices.
Until next time,
Ex-Australian Wallaby Captain Phil Waugh trusting my requests as he performs his exercise. Vv.
Ex-Australian Wallaby Captain – Phil Waugh performing a set of squats. What goes up must come down. A possible definition of a squat. Summarises most things in life. It could also symbolically represent the ups and downs of an equal friendship. Each person understands the boundaries of the relationship just like there are limits to a squatting range of motion.
I believe in friendship – equal friendship.
Who do you consider your ‘friend’ at this point in your life? Your partner, wife, husband? Your high school or university friend? Do you have hundreds of friends or just a few with many acquaintances?
I can honestly say that my best friend at this point in my life is my beautiful wife, a friendship that has lasted fifteen years and counting. There are also many friendships that have been in existence for various lengths of time. You would have the same too. For example, I have friendships that started all the way from kindergarten (over 37 years ago) all the way to a few current friends.
You may have many people in your life you consider friends. In this day and age where the definition of ‘friends’ can mean what we have on facebook, a friend could mean something else to you. Some people pride themselves on the number of friends they have. There are many definitions. Fair enough.
In my fourty years on this earth so far, I have experienced many types of friendships and one thing has stood out: You don’t need to be a friend to everyone. Understanding this will help you ‘manage your funnel better’.
It’s just not possible to spread yourself equally with all your friends or so-called friends. Friendship, genuine friendship takes time and effort. Most of you reading this would agree.
We don’t have to look very far for a decent model. If you are a Christian, let’s remind ourselves of the model say, Jesus, adopted. He preached to, healed and helped thousands of people but he only had twelve disciples. How many of these close disciples did he invite when he was transfigured on the mountain?
Only three! You could say that he had only three genuine friends.
Loading the ‘guns’ with proper execution. Here Brad is building his ‘mind-muscle’ connection under my watchful eye.
I recall seeing only two very good friends of my grandfather in his last few years of his life. They came around our home a few times a week just to sit and talk and reminisce of the ‘old days’. They were friends for over fifty years. I witnessed the beauty of very close, genuine friendship. It was truly a thing of beauty.
However, it was only after my grandfather passed away that I truly understood what I had observed.
With only 86,400 seconds in a day, you cannot possibly relate to every one of your friends in an equal fashion. Don’t stress if you aren’t. It all depends on the phase of life you’re in and the philosophy you adopt. Because of the finiteness of life, it is wise not to waste your precious friendship time on relationships that won’t be productive.
Don’t mis-understand me now. It is ok to lend a helping hand to a needy person but it is another to develop a friendship. Like I said, friendship takes time and hard work. It doesn’t JUST HAPPEN. In the case of the needy person, you could consider it as social work or community service or spiritual caring.
However, with a genuine friend, you and your friend will share and give equally to each other. You both get fulfilment and nourishment from being in the relationship.
For simplicity let’s break life up in to three categories to refer to relationships:
People whom you nourish and who return little or nothing to you
People who nourish you, but you may return nothing to them
Genuine and equal sharing relationships.
All three categories vital to your existence but I don’t believe the first two of the three types of relationships are friendships. The third type or category is what I refer to as real friendship. You must be strong and aware enough to distinguish between them. Mixing them up could cause problems.
It is important to reflect on your philosophy regarding life and the choices you make with regards to investing in certain relationships. What is needed is discernment and making the all important choice of taking some of these relationships to the level of genuine friendship.
Friendship that lasts because it is built on equality.
Here’s my little formula for friendship: Equal friendship = Genuine friendship.
Your ‘friends’ can have a big influence on where you end up in life. Increase your awareness and seek equality and authenticity.
Choose well.
All the best!
Until next time,
Retired rugby legend: Ex-Australian Wallaby & Waratahs Champion Captain & True Leader – Phil Waugh. Setting his own standards of excellence in all areas of his life, following my framework. Champions like Phil help us recognize that he believes in sacrifice and dedication to higher principles – higher standards. AWaken yours today towards THE BEST YOU CAN BE with one of my programs!
Changing lives. Empowering people. One life at a time. 
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