Tag Archives: empathy

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My MISTAKES are ….

ME. Mistake-riddled ME…. But I am happy being IMPERFECTLY PERFECT, just as Jesus Christ was. His life was a great example of what FAILURE was. Not an easy path to follow …. But I will. Because I BELIEVE in JESUS and what he stood for. Just like GOD intended.

… too numerous to list here.

I have made many mistakes. I will try to express it in words like this.

There were many times …

When I should have kept my mouth shut 🤫….

And I had spoken;

When I should have waited …

And I had left;

When I should have been patient …

And I had been haste;

When I should have been more caring & tender ….

But I had been tough;

When I should have faced my fear ….

But instead I had turned my back like a coward;

When I should have gone the extra mile …

But I stopped short;

When I should have been the first one to say “I am sorry “…

But allowed my anger to take over;

When I should have forgiven …

But hung on to resentment that ate me from within;

When I should have asked for help ….

But instead let my ego sabotage the achievement of my goals;

When I should have led …

And yet, cowardly followed;

When I should have ran ….

But instead walked;

When I should have told the truth…

But instead, lied;

When I should have offered assistance…

But instead wallowed in self-pity;

When I should have prayed to GOD …

But instead lacked faith and belief;

When I should have had the strength to say “NO” …

And agreed to gain now and lose in the long-term;

When I should have listened to my heart …

But allowed logical thinking to have full sway in decision making;

When I should have been active & engaged …

But instead was aloof and elsewhere but in the moment;

When I should have been more aware of my surroundings and those in my immediate sphere….

And instead was so self-absorbed ;

When at times, I should have been FOCUSED IN ATTENTION…

But instead included unnecessary NOISE;

When I should have reached out and touched someone …

And instead let selfish desires dominate;

When I should have found the lesson…

And yet focused on the problem or issue at hand;

When I should have rested & allowed recovery…

But instead ignored trusting my instincts and suffered as a consequence;

When I should have stopped …

But lacked the ability to delay gratification;

There were times when I should have allowed my curiosity to get the better of me;

But instead I blocked my ears …

When I should have cried …

But instead smiled and laughed;

When I should have said a few words …

But instead gave a thousand;

When I should have let my unusually strong 💪 stubborn-ness to dig deep;

But instead, succumbed to a feeling of weakness and gave up hope …

And ….

On … and … on … and … on ….

One thing is certain –

There’s still more mistakes to come

Life goes on

One thing that I have learned from making tonnes and tonnes of mistakes … of having experienced so many fuck ups …. Of failing multiple times is …

That I am more COMFORTABLE at tolerating the UNCOMFORTABLE FEELINGS of making a mistake … or fucking up … of failing … of failing …. Of failing. …..

I don’t see mistakes as mistakes anymore … but instead as OPPORTUNITIES to find solutions …. To stretch boundaries …. To DESIGN NEW RULES …. To CREATE something DIFFERENT …. To START ANEW.

I’m unsure of the future …

But I am not concerned;

I will rely on those closest to ME …

And I will share their burdens … as they share mine;

I WILL continue to ..

LIVE & LOVE 💕.. & LEARN … with the understanding that I am IMPERFECTLY PERFECT and …

Until my physical form on earth reaches its finite end and my spiritual self continues into INFINITY…

Because …

I BELIEVE that GOD is ALWAYS WITH ME …

And that makes me FEEL INVINCIBLE.. as I AM GOD … I AM INFINITE.

And YOU ARE TOO … if you believe.

What mistakes have you made?

What have you learned?

Be safe. Keep punching,

P.

ME. Mistakes and … all.

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THE NEED To WITHDRAW.

Feel.

In whatever goal you desire, you need to make sure you understand how to use the tools 🛠 necessary to bring about the change you seek. One of the places I “withdraw “ to … one of my top 5 “soul” places. A place where I INFUSE myself with the “essence of life “ – VITALITY.

As an living Artist, I FEEL withdrawal is a NEED.

It’s necessary, for me, at least.

If you’re an Artist, you may feel the same way, too. Maybe, you don’t think of yourself as an artist 👨‍🎨 but you feel the same way too.

I believe every individual is an Artist, within. We ALL have the ability to CREATE.

Without taking periods of withdrawal, I can feel vexed, angry and out of sorts. If I don’t take this “time out” … I can become sullen, depressed.. even hostile and anti-social.

I believe ALL artists NEED to have “down-time”. And what is that?

It’s time To DO NOTHING. Yes, do NOTHING!Adopting and defending the RIGHT to DO JUST THAT – NOTHING. Doing nothing is NOT Trivial matter.

It’s not easy to do because everyone around you … the rest of the world is on a “busy” paradigm.

Do you dance? Do you sing? Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moon-light?

Sense of SELF.

To love and live this VALUE, it takes COURAGE, CONVICTION and a good dose of RESILIENCE. A lot of times, this time, space & quiet… strikes family and friends as WITHDRAWAL … from them.

It IS.

This could fall into the categories of being an “asshole”

So be it.

I believe everyone is so concerned with being VIRTUOUS…. ALL caught up in the VIRTUE TRAP.

Sometimes, this is ESSENTIAL to being your BEST. Producing your BEST work. There are powerful pay-offs to be found in staying stuck … and deferring nurturing your SENSE OF SELF.

Sometimes.

Like you, I strive to be good, to be nice, to be helpful, to be unselfish. Like most people, I want to be generous, of service, of the world.

But here’s the thing: sometimes… what I REALLY WANT is to be LEFT ALONE.

And I am very blessed

Because almost all the time,

Those that I find most valuable, GIVE me that. They understand. It’s important for me … it allows me to re-charge… to re-energise … to re-calibrate…. To Re-think…. To Think more effectively.

To find … the Real ME. Again.

It’s a blessing.

It’s a beautiful thing.

It’s life – affirming.

It’s a Human thing to do.

It COMPLETES, Me.

What about you?

Keep punching,

Until next time …

P.

Hiding away. Withdrawal from others isn’t a bad thing. It does not make you less virtuous. It does not make you bad. What it does do is … re-energise… re-vitalise … re-charge YOU, so that you give the BEST of YOU to those that need you.
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I AM AN ARTIST.

“ I AM AN ARTIST 👨‍🎨.

For some of us, we learn best by going where we have to go and doing what we have to do.

I CREATE (Art), in a number of ways …

I express my love through many mediums …

I PLAY with –

⁃ words …. In poems, blogs & books

⁃ fine-lines with Black fine-nib pens on white paper

⁃ the human physique by playing with Dumbells, energy inputs, processes and imagination

⁃ Lifestyle variables to DESIGN TAILORED LIFE & LIFESTYLE SOLUTIONS for individuals

⁃ Consciousness to “see” what many do not in the current & future

First and foremost, I AM AN ARTIST 👨‍🎨…

Of LIFE.

I may need a different mix of chaos & order … a more challenging mix of comfort & discomfort … a varying mix of stability & flow compared to more “normal “ people.

People may find it weird, but …

That’s ok.

I see life as an very large experiment made up of many smaller experiments. I refer to these experiments as experiences.

And I Am … the Scientist at heart… with an artistic soul.

I practise the Art of Physique Artistry/sculpting. The Art of the building towards better BALANCE & SYMMETRY with the OPTIMAL FLOW of MUSCLES.

WHAT WORKS For ME.

I remind myself that I must experiment with WHAT WORKS FOR ME.

As an Artist 👨‍🎨, money does not validate my credibility.

As an Artist, my credibility lies WITH ME, GOD & My WORK. In other words, if I write a Blog … a poem … if I sketch ✍️ a fine-like picture of beautiful building architecture … then, I write or draw – whether it will sell or not.

I CREATE what WANTS to be CREATED.

I listen to my soul.

I AM A PERPETUAL CHILD.

Since my Artist is a child, the natural CHILD WITHIN… I try to make some compromises to its sense of timing.

Timing is important … a characteristic that is not given it’s fair due.

Many times I will write poorly… draw badly … sculpt awfully … perform poorly. I allow myself to do this … to get to the OTHER SIDE. The side that spurns creative thought …

In my experience, IMAGINATION & CREATIVITY is it’s OWN REWARD.

I have been and am, continually in awe of the wonders & daily little miracles in life … of Life, itself.

One of My jobs is to continue to be in awe of the wonders of life and retain my CURIOSITY… to ALWAYS DEEPEN my understanding and increase AWARENESS of the MYSTERY of LIFE.

I love photography Art, especially of Flowers 💐.

Sense of self Respect.

As an Artist, my sense of self respect comes from my belief that I am created in the image of God, my internal reflection and from DOING THE WORK.

What work?

My work …

One fine-line-sketch -at-a-time, one set of exercise at a time, one poem at-a-time, one blog-at-a-time … one dream at-a-time. Five years working on a lifestyle proto-type, 10 years working on an entrepreneurial adventure, a lifetime pursuing a dream that takes a lifetime.

As an Artist, making money is not what drives me. I do not need to be extremely wealthy & rich but I do need to be RICHLY SUPPORTED by those who love & BELIEVE in me.

My CURIOSITY NEEDS to be fueled for my intellectual, spiritual & philosophical needs. These needs as well as my insatiable physical & emotional needs have to be continually fed to continuously EVOLVE.

I must …

Never allow these needs to be stagnant, for this will show in my work. If will show In my life. It will show In my temperament. …

… In my aura, my vitality.. my life force.

It is very important that I keep moving …. As this allows me to CREATE.

I need to CREATE to express my love for life … of life . If I fail to create, I get moody.

Nobody likes a moody – me.

In order to CREATE I must stretch the boundaries … making new laws … encouraging novel ways of looking at things … and not necessarily following the existing laws and staying within the current boundaries.

First, I must BREAK ALL THE RULES.

As an Creative Artist, I need to continually FEED and NURTURE my ARTIST CHILD… for the more I nurture this INNER CHILD, the more ADULT i am able to appear.

Through the right plan, positive mental attitude, Brad applies principles of my program towards being a lot more who he already is (the BEST he can be)

There is a CONNECTION between SELF-NUTURE & SELF-RESPECT.

When I allow myself to be bullied (very seldom), and somewhat allow to be forced by other peoples’ need for me to conform … to be more normal or more nice, I lose myself.

Sometimes I do. I lose my – Self.

I allow myself to succumb to the whims of the ordinary man, to be ordinary like the ordinary. Something My inner fibre of being just does not agree with.

I sabotage my CHILD ARTIST.

For when I am not creating, I am not a very nice person to be around. I am certainly not “normal” or very nice – go myself or to others. Many say I am “weird”.

So be it.

In my experience, There is a connection between self-nurture and self-respect.

Be the best you can be for you, first, then by default, everyone gets the best of you. Vv.

Creativity is a SPIRITUAL JOURNEY.

Every time I create something from nothing, I feel the creativity is a spiritual journey. For me, doing the ART WORK is a SPIRITUAL PRACTISE.

To me, there is never a “finishing line” or point where I can say that “I have made it!”

It seems that when I feel I “got there” … “there” vanishes. Vanishes into thin air. Just like that . In sculpting the physique for example, I have been working towards the elusive holy grail of bodybuilding: balance & symmetry.

Haven’t found it for almost 30 years now.

Every time I create … I have a piritual journey.

I NEED to keep moving … like a Spiritual Shark 🦈… if I stop improving, I will sink to the bottom of the Ocean of life and …

Die.

MY WAY like LIFE’S WAY is not the “straight & narrow path” as the majority take … but one instead which is literally “my way”

MY WAY is a SPIRAL PATH… not the straight & narrow. My way is a spiral path because I AM an ARTIST, but more importantly, I am created in the image of God.

It is a simple and as complex as that.

As an artist, I am a traveller. In body and in spirit & imagination. I yield to my SPIRITUAL LEADING.

The Creator bestows on us the gift of creative thinking & doing. Our recognition & use of our gifts, given by God, is, in turn, our gift 💝 to God.

When you Accept this DEAL OF A LIFETIME… I believe it is the beginning of TRUE SELF-ACCEPTANCE.

Give thanks and praise the Lord.

Amen.

FIRST: MOVE INTO THE BODY, HEART ❤️ & SOUL.

To move into the body, heart & soul, one must first resolve to ACCEPT that one MUST MOVE OUT OF THE HEAD/MIND.

This is not easy.

Especially in a “busy” world with a lot of external & internal noise.

I make exercise a key part of my life because I am and have been seeking a form of MOVING or MOBILE MEDITATION. The execution of well-chosen exercises allows me to practise this … what I call – moving meditation.

This meditation experience puts me squarely IN THE MOMENT… in the NOW.

If I don’t respect the weight and/or don’t focus, I will get injured. I have not gotten injured lifting weights since I began almost 30 years ago.

My goal has always been to seek BALANCE & SYMMETRY in body… which translates to balance & symmetry in mind, heart & soul.

Like I said, earlier, many of us (like me), we DO learn by doing. Exercise, for example, is often the impetus that moves us … moves us from stagnation to inspiration… from seeing problems to opportunities for find solutions … from self-pity to self-respect & living with dignity.

One of the things we learn is that – I AM Stronger … WE ARE … STRONGER THAN WE THOUGHT. From my experience, we learn to have a different worldview… we learn to look at things with a new Perspective.

And a lot of times, this different perspective is the KEY to experiencing life a little differently … a little bit better …

With …

Added …

FUN.

Thank you

Yours in care, compassion & trust,

P.

I love fine-line pen 🖊 sketching. No pencil, no rubber. Black pen strokes. Can you spot the “mistakes?”
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ART, just IS.

Life is NOT about Time Management, it is about ENERGY MANAGEMENT. Learn to manage energy better by becoming a better conduit of energy, the better at life, you become.

A little play-with-words from me … to you… a small snippet of un-edited thoughts on ART –

“It is a message … a flow of energy

From the heart… the soul.

Art is an expression of love,

It materialises the MYSTERY of

The UNKNOWN… removing the

“UN” from UN-KNOWN;

Don’t strive to make GREAT Art,

Just MAKE, Art.

Don’t strive to be a GREAT Artist,

Just BE an Artist.

The desire to create great works of art,

Makes it harder to create any Art at all!

With any worthwhile GOAL, the pursuit

of it, requires COURAGE, To begin with.

Nothing can be achieved without it.

Matter of fact, life itself,

EXPANDS or CONTRACTS in

Direct proportion to Courage.

Have COMPASSION.

With YOU.

Your heart.. your soul … your mind,

With your Creative output…

Your work.

Every person faces CREATIVITY FAILURE (S),

Throughout their lives,

And the trick is to survive them;

Successful Creative Artistry of any art medium,

Is built on the back or successful creative failures;

To deal with these creative failures,

One must summon courage

To manoeuvre these CREATIVE U-TURNS;

By, firstly, extending oneself sympathy,

One must be more COMPASSIONATE with oneself;

I see the Creative Artist 👨‍🎨 WITHIN,

as – a CHILD;

And what does a child do?

A child – sulks, throws tantrums, holds

Grudges, hides irrational fears – like –

Fear is the dark, the bogeyman …

Work on convincing the WHOLE YOU,

To be released from these child fears and

Come out to play.

As LAO – TZU said –

“Be really WHOLE and all

Things come to you.”

– Paul e 💝alentine –

My gift 🎁 to you.

Until next time,

Find your strengths. Society only rewards when you’re working from your strengths. Work to your strengths. Give your Gifts. Live. I like this hat.
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The importance of the choice of LANGUAGE in having a HEALTHY SELF-EXPECTANCY.

I AM. I an Entrepreneur of IMAGINATION. Through Mastery of Self, I am able to be an Agent of Creative Destruction to allow the release of new ideas … new thinking … and a new Meaning. Meaning is the NEW MONEY.

Coaching conversations..

Over the years I have listened to many individuals. Listened to their stories.

Over the years I think I have had in excess of twenty thousand conversations with people of all ages. From teens to ninety-year olds.

Over the years I have had many coaching conversations. In these coaching conversations, I have helped increase individuals awareness of how their perception of events in their lives either propel them forward or hold them back.

I have listened to others and the way in which the stories they tell ourselves have the power to hold us back or propel us forward.

As an example …

The bottom line is that I wouldn’t be the person I am today if my hearing hadn’t been terrible when I was young. Neither would you.

This is why taking the time to properly frame our narratives and the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves can be so critical.

Keep your dreams alive . Snd if you’re going to dream … Dream BIG. You serve no one by being and thinking small. Think BIG!

Re-frame in away to move forward ..

Self-pity for being dealt a bad hand is easy.

Self-awareness is what brings with it empowerment and insight.

This, important first step is sometimes hard.

The first turns your past into an anchor, while the second turns it into the wind that fills your sails and keeps you moving forward.

Is there some piece of your story, personal or professional, that you’ve been able to reframe in a way that moves you forward, instead of holding you back?

Wonderful question for all to ponder. I’m one of the most self-aware person you will ever meet, but that is nothing new to me as I have been this way since I was a kid (from the adults who knew me in my youth).

Everything happens for a reason. Success is not an accident. It is based on the Aristotelian Principle of CAUSALITY. Today, we call it – “the Law of CAUSE & EFFECT.”

Cowboy 🤠 House.

Here’s one I’d like to share – I was raised by my grandparents as my biological Dad died when I was 4 years old, trying to save a person from downing … and was overpowered by the victim and drowning with that person). My biological mother was only 16 and had a choice to have an abortion but I thank her and God that she didn’t.

Her decision to give me life has allowed me to not only live but to do what I do – predominantly, helped people, help themselves building their bridges from where they are to where they desire to be over the last 3 decades.

Anyways, I grew up in a large extended family – grandparents, grand uncles and aunties, uncles, aunties, cousins and siblings and … visitors and extended family visiting.

My home was always full and was always noisy. Our neighbours used to call our home – the “Cowboy House”.

We didn’t have much of anything – food (there were no less than 10 people to feed every single day … and I do not know how my grandparents managed to do this), didn’t have much material possessions (my grandmother used to sew my school uniforms) … but the home certainly had a lot of love.

There was a lot of storytelling and sitting around talking almost every night. It was just part of the home … part of the culture.

Because there was so much noise, most kids would not be able to concentrate/focus. But, I told myself way back in early Primary School that I will teach myself to study/do school work/read in … noise.

My teachers couldn’t understand how a kid (me) could get Top Academic Results every year.

Most kids/people need peace and quiet to FOCUS, so we are told. “How does Paul do it?” I would over hear some teachers say. In my adult life, I have continued to learn/read/focus in any environment, no matter how noisy or ridiculous is.

The only photo I have as a baby with my biological mum. One of my 3 Mums in my life.

Focus on what you can control

I remember my grandfather telling me many things (he was a very wise man) … saying something to the effect –

“Paul, focus on what you can control … and do the best with what you’ve got … don’t be part of the problem, always be part of the solution”.

I’ve always applied that in my life, not focusing on insufficient resources and constraints .,. But on HOW I can do better with what I have. That philosophy along with many others, has helped me create the life I’ve always imagined and realise short-term and long-term goals.

Growing up in an family environment that had very limited resources (except for love … the home was always infused with LOVE), has allowed me to almost always have an overall attitude of personal optimism and enthusiasm.

I completely understand the psychosomatic relationship – psyche and soma – mind and body … better than most (hence sculpting a Physique worthy of representing Australia at 2 x World Natural Physique Championships and placing in the Top 5 in consecutive years).

I am fully aware of how the body is the physical manifestation of the mind or in other words, the body expresses what the mind is concerned with. I’m a strong believer that life is many things … and one of which is that life is a self-fulfilling prophecy…. That you usually get what you expect.

My ‘tough’ upbringing has allowed me to develop a healthy self-expectancy and eliminated all forms of excuse from my vocabulary as … I expect to win, almost all the time. I have no doubt the so-called ‘luck’ is the intersection of preparation and awareness.

Leadership ability begins in the home … children learn character building in the home Be the best character you can be … for YOU, first .. and then for your kids my two children a number of years ago

Life … a very real game but not a gamble.

I look at life as a very real game .. but not a gamble.

Part of what I have done over the last 3 decades is help people, help themselves build their bridges. I have learned and taught many things. It seems that every individual tends to receive what he or she expects in the long run.

From my experience and deducing from other people’s experiences in my life so far … it would appear that you may or may not get what is coming to you, or you may or may not get what you deserve – BUT YOU WILL nearly always get what you expect.

As someone who has mastered the art of body re-engineering (building muscle and reducing body fat to < 4%), believe me when I say, there is an intricately close connection between your mind and body … a negative thought can cause your ‘look’ (that you get judged on) to go from excellent (Top 5 and finalist) to awful.

I’ve learned and mastered much of the ‘mind-body-heart-soul’ interface connections and one important one is this – mental obsessions have physical manifestations. Basically, you BECOME WHAT YOU FEAR – you get what you expect – you are that which you expect to be!

Here’s the thing – since all individuals are responsible for their own actions and cause their own effects, optimism then, is a choice.

Choose well, my adult friends.

Balance & symmetry brings you closer to harmony … to beauty …closer to infinity. Just like mathematics does

Optimism, Enthusiasm, Faith & Hope.

What is needed is : continual fueling of – OPTIMISM, ENTHUSIASM, FAITH & HOPE.

Each is a synonym for – having a HEALTHY SELF-EXPECTANCY.

So, my question to you (if you’ve made it this far) is –

1. Do you have a healthy self-expectancy about things in your life?

2. Do you expect the best for you – in life and as a way of life?

3. Do you look at problems/constraints as opportunities?

With regards to question 3 above, try this little exercise and let me know your answers –

Make a list of your KEY problems/constraints –

> the ones that block your professional and personal fulfillment.

> Next, write a one-or-two sentence definition of each problem/constraint.

Now, rewrite the definition, only this time view it as an opportunity or exercise to challenge your creativity and ingenuity (some refer to it as ‘re-framing’).

Here’s a tip: view the solution as you would if you were advising one of your best friends.

So, where does your thoughts stand in relation to your Self-Expectancy now?

Write in and tell me all about it.

Thank you

Yours in care, compassion & trust,

Paul

A fridge magnet 🧲 I bought almost 20 years ago. Practise this.

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Family Living is REAL Living.

Can you see “me” in my son? Can you see you in your son? Genealogy.

REAL Living.

What is “Real Living” mean to you?

REAL LIVING to me, is the Family, or rather, happens in the Family. It Happens where the family calls home, wherever that may be.

My family home is a place where my kids Learn many things.

they learn & reinforce how to play, have fun, care & be compassionate in our family.

Daily life is abundant with laughter.

We’re almost always celebrating.

Something.

Even when there is nothing to celebrate, we just celebrate LIFE.

My family, to me, is where REAL LIVING takes place.

My kids, wife, dog & I have breakfast, lunch & dinner together.

Not forgetting all the snacks between them.

We watch tv together, go to live concerts together.

My family have private jokes and go to our local church together.

We attend concerts, rugby games & community functions together.

My wife & kids hanging out with me for a few hours in our Family Gym. The gym was my children’s playground.

GIVE & TAKE.

My kids learn how to COMMUNICATE.. where communicate means to GIVE & TAKE.

My kids learn & practice what it means to keep commitments & promises.

My wife & my long-term marriage vows is on display, everyday.

My kids are learning many things from us… especially that they know they are REALLY LISTENED TO, taken seriously & understood.

They understand that LISTENING IS LOVING.

It is a prelude for their future, observing the quality of our 20 years union.

My family is not perfect.

Matter of fact, we are imperfectly perfect.

We have our own unique set of quirks and it is welcomed and accepted by all members…. Even my random thunderous farts 💨… he he he !!

Outdoor Family activity.

Quality MOMENTS.

My kids did not choose this family, but are forever connected to me & their mother.

I try to spend as much time as I can with my children.

They are ALL QUALITY MOMENTS.

To me.

I hope, when they look back as adults – they remember this phase of life in this family, as some of the best years of their lives.

My kids, my family, is my genealogy… my link … my connection, from my past to their future.

I cherish mine & their changing roles and love the interconnection with my family members.

Like Protein is the building blocks for growing muscles….

My family, your family, all the families of the world … is the basic building blocks of our communities, our societies, our cities, our world.

It is where the miracle of “US” is practiced & reinforced.

My wife and kids

Love.

Above all else, I hope my kids learn about the meaning of LOVE.

They see it in action.

Every single day.

They are learning that Love is an ACT OF WILL, not a STATE OF MIND.

We try and reinforce that love can only be BESTOWED and not demanded Or commanded.

They learn to love and be loved …

To FEEL love in all seasons …

To witness all the phases of the moon,

To FEEL the sun from both sides.

I love my family… almost more than life itself.

Thank you., & may God continue to shower his blessings on you and your family & loved ones.

Until next time,

Paul.

Covering their dad in sand

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History, Family & Storytelling … & Torch Bearing.

With my gritty Viking Pirate 🏴‍☠️ Intelligent, caring & compassionate daughter, Olivia. She has heard me say many stories … over and over again.

There is Power💥 in Storytelling.

I’ve always loved storytelling.

I remember sitting with adults when I was a kid, Listening to their stories. They would say –

“Paul, why don’t you go and play with your cousins & friends outside”

I would reply –

“No, there will be time to play with them later”

I’ve listened to hundreds of other people’s stories when I owned & managed my Family Gym for 7 years.

I love 💕 telling stories.

I believe there is power in storytelling.

My wife and kids. I Storytell until they get fed up… then I know, they know.

It begins in the home.

It begins in the Home…. Practising the art of Storytelling, that is.

Home is where the foundation of storytelling starts. I recall listening to my dad & his close friend’s tell stories around the Kava bowl. In the home, I got a strong 💪 foundation… Of a past that lends my existence a place, a sense of belonging, a historical context.

Home is where stories get passed on for generations. I have continued with this 💝alentine tradition. My two kids can retell the stories I tell .. because they have heard them countless times. And as my daughter says –

“Dad, it keeps changing all the time”

And I say –

“Aaaahhh… yes, my dear … that is where facts and imagination fuse in the optimum place”

Home is where I was told that I am built like & physically intelligent like my grandfather, Ben Valentine. A powerful & skilful National heavyweight boxing champion, going undefeated for 3 years in his prime.

Home is where I heard stories of my quirkiness from early age & my creative & innovative nature in my early youth. I heard stories of my country of birth through the filter of my own genealogy.

Struggles, family migrations, family triumphs, as well as ancestral successes & failures were taught to me through the history of my 💝alentine Family.

In my Home now, it is a place where I build my own legacy: through my love 😍 for history & storytelling, I have shared & will share more stories I was told in my youth with my children.

Always, adding my generation’s story to this 💝alentine Novel in progress. I’ve always believed the REAL histories of families aren’t the records of births, deaths & marriages. No, to me …

… they are the stories told after dinner, while having chocolate or dessert. So full and satisfied.

For i have learned many things so far, and one important one is the importance of LEGACY.

Legacy is fueled by US… in our family. It is fueled by ME. And all this evolves from our history… our family stories passed down …

As it is …

Our IDENTITY. Our ROOTS.

Balance & symmetry brings you closer to harmony … to beauty …closer to infinity. Just like mathematics does

Tell it to your children…

I found a passage from the Bible:

“Tell it to your children,

And let your children tell it to

Their children,

And their children to the next

Generation.”

– Joel 1:3, NIV

I tell my kids that one day they will bear the 💝alentine torch 🔦. They will continue to write their chapters if their lives through their storytelling.

Knowing that they have a very strong identity and they will continue to shine the torch 🔦 and build on the legacy that they inherited…

Through the strong foundation of the 💝alentine Family history through storytelling.

I am still the current Torch Bearer of the 💝alentine Family and I make a toast to all future Torch Bearers of my family and all families …

Carry the Torch with pride & Live & Die with dignity.

I love 💕 you, ALWAYS.

Yours in care, compassion & trust,

– Paul e 💝alentine –

Me.
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When to unleash your “HULK”.

The "Most Muscular" (HULK) pose in the sport of Body-building. Roaarrr!!!

The “Most Muscular” (HULK) pose in the sport of Body-building.
Roaarrr!!!

We all get angry now and then.

That’s something everyone reading this blog and every citizen of the world have in common. I have always been fascinated with the Marvel Universe characters, one of which is the “Hulk”. To a little extent, I like to imagine that every person has a super-hero in them. That we all have some superhero power.

In this blog, I would argue that there is a Hulk in every one of us.

What’s important is not that we all have that Hulk that could awaken at a moment’s notice but that we get better at managing that Hulk – that anger. Knowing when to unleash your Hulk.

You see, in dealing with thousands of people of all ages in all walks of life in more than two decades in the gym environment, one of the observations I have made is that different people use anger to hide different feelings. The interesting thing is that a lot of times a lot of people don’t know the real reason they are angry.

Think about you when you get angry. Do you use anger to cover different emotions at different times?

Having children brings out the best in every parent and I think many, if not all parents reading this would agree. This includes the best of ‘anger’ too. Having children teaches you many things, one of which is patience and your tolerance for it. “Zachary, can you stop kicking the car seat please!” and then a few minutes later … “For the hundredth time, Zachary, stop kicking the car seat please!”.

Your patience is constantly tested by your children as you do your best to control that lever that releases the Hulk or anger. It is a daily constant battle at times.

Two principles of building muscle: 1) Simplicity and 2} Continuity. Become aware; Apply action: Adapt accordingly.

Two principles of building muscle: 1) Simplicity and 2} Continuity.
Become aware; Apply action: Adapt accordingly.

In this phase of his life, my son’s curiosity encourages him to push limits – push beyond his own physical, mental and emotional limits and also push us – my wife and I, beyond our limits too. An interesting phase in our lives to say the least.

I have learned that, as parents, we MUST be permissive to our children’s feelings while setting limits to their action, when appropriate. One of the problems most, if not, all parents face is: when to use discipline and when to GIVE IN; when to be firm and when to be easy; when to give TOUGH LOVE and when to show CARE AND EMPATHY.

At one point or another, we all find ourselves asking ourselves the question: “Is this the moment to be accepting and empathise so that my child will not be afraid of his feelings?” or “should I put my foot down so he understands that he cannot get away with this?”

What I have found is that there are NO SET RULES TO FOLLOW.

Each situation must be handled separately but this is not as difficult as it sounds.

As an owner of a gym for 7 years, I found myself constantly resolving conflicts – conflicts between members, conflicts between members and their family members, internal conflicts of members and conflicts in general. What I found was that the first response I chose to a situation SET THE TONE for how traumatically an event will be taken. I have also found that this is a very good approach to keep in mind when dealing with children too.

It seems to work with my ability to manage conflicts with my two kids.

When one of my children is hurting, I have found that compounding it by reacting with angry words or action (and letting the HULK out) does not add to the solution. Instead, responding with initial softness and empathy, helps more. I think it allows the child to see that if me or my wife (Dad or mum) aren’t panicking, maybe, just maybe, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

The philosophy you follow heavily influences whether you achieve your goals in life or not.

The philosophy you follow heavily influences whether you achieve your goals in life or not.

Where does this ability to be permissive and initiate softness and keep from panicking come from? It comes from WITHIN. The same place the HULK lies dormant. It is a choice. It is a choice that is made by you, the parent, in the good times – the quiet times. That is the best time. The best time to decide on how you respond to a child’s mis-behaviour.

Because if you didn’t decide on such an approach/response or similar, then chaos would prevail and anger or the Hulk will be default system you will react on. There isn’t time to think about ways to prevent a fire, in the MIDDLE OF A FIRE!

If you’re religious, you will believe that GOD works all things unto good.

So, when difficulty first happens, don’t lecture your children, panic or commence scolding. Allowing them to feel the hurt, the anger and initially responding to their behaviour with calm comforting lays an important foundation. A foundation that will allow them to find value in their experience.

Yes, it is much easier to just release the HULK, but it takes a lot of strength to keep it at bay. Calmness comes from within. For you Christians or members of other religious denominations reading this, calmness comes from God’s word. For those of you not so religiously inclined, think of this calmness as being already a part of you. Part of your “inner-self”.

THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR GENUINE, APPROPRIATE ANGER. There is a time and place to let the HULK out. For instance, most of us would respond to injustice and cruelty with anger. Healthy anger can be channelled towards constructively making our world a better place to live in. Healthy anger can be transmuted when one trains with weights. This is one of the un-sung benefits of weight-training with moderate to heavy weights. When executed properly, negative energy (anger) is transmuted through the iron and replaced with a charge of positive energy and vitality.

Anger or the HULK, when released with the appropriate intensity and direction is very positive and a good thing. This is partly because painful trials or conflicts that challenge the threat of the release of our anger/the HULK, produces something encouraging. It produces maturity and growth. 

This maturity and growth ultimately leads to LOVE.

Your challenge: become better at controlling the Hulk within. Don’t be afraid to let it out and work on becoming increasingly aware of when to unleash your Hulk. But, only release your Hulk – when appropriate, and with a proportional response.

Roaarrrrr!!!

Until next time,

_O7A8215_C_small

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What can you “see” that lies behind your eyes when you look in the mirror?

Are you your brain or are you your mind?

The two greatest mysteries of nature

What do you ‘see’ when you look at that person looking back at you when you look in the mirror? When you pick up the comb or brush to set your hair the way you want (lucky you if you have that … because I don’t have much hair to comb, like so many other balding middle-aged men out there in the world).

Specifically, what and who lies behind those eyes that look back at you in the mirror.

Now, this is not a very easy question to answer for many reasons. Why is this question so difficult? Well, because it is one of the two greatest mysteries of nature. And what is that? Well, it is simply –

The MIND.

The other great mystery is – the Universe.

Now, as I see it …. to witness the mystery of our mind, all we have to do is stare at ourselves in the mirror and wonder, What lurks behind our eyes? But, this raises even more questions like: Do we have a soul? What happens to use after we die? Who am “I” anyway?

I believe the universe and the mind intersect in a variety of ways but I won’t go in that here. Suffice to say, there is a connection … between the mind and the universe or consciousness.

True?
Neuroscience is still at the level of where medicine was in the 1700s
A long way to fully understand who we are….
Who “I AM.”

Triple A

In our journey through life, I would like to think each and every one of us are striving, at our own individual pace, to become the best person we can be … the best person we want to be … the best person we know we imagine ourselves to be, in all areas:

  • the very definition of Personal Development.

And if you’re not trying to be better than you were yesterday in whatever form and whichever area of life and you choose to do so, then, I have three words for you: you’re a fool!

Read no further.

But, if you desire to help you, then all I believe we all need is: an open, determined and curious mind. 

Now there are many approaches to personal development but the one I aspire to, as detailed on the face of this blog page, is quite simple. A system I developed summarising this process: my Triple A (AAA) approach to any form of personal development is:

  • Awareness
  • Action
  • Adaptation

Responsible for transmission of critical electrical, chemical & hormonal messages -internal communication

The first A: Awareness

Today I will elaborate on the first of the three A’s: AWARENESS.

What does it mean to be Aware or rather Self-Aware?

Now, we’ve got to be careful here, as there are always two sides to a coin, there is Negative Self-Awareness and there is Positive Self-Awareness, lets focus on the latter.

Positive Self-Awareness is the first and most important step in self-development. It is that “aha” moment one experiences in understanding the potential and abundance we have, and perhaps how little we have done to challenge our minds thus far.

And just how little we know.

Here’s a thought to give you an idea of what it means to be self-Aware: Can you look in the mirror and “see” what you don’t see? Can you look in the mirror and see what lies behind your own eyes? Have you? Is how you think, feel and act consistent? Keep looking in the mirror until you see the real “you”.

Me, some of my quirks (showing off my muscles, posing at every and any opportunity and my desire to ‘over’ dress than to ‘under’ dress. Also, my quirk of love for dogs (and in particular, my pirate dog _ MR Fuzzy/Fussy Cuddles!) and animals in general. I know who “I am”. Do you?

Being Open-minded

I believe, fundamentally, being Positively Self-Aware means being open-minded. Are you open-minded? Or, do you look at life through your parents glasses? Are your prejudices inherited or are they your own?

Or, are you hardened, cold and closed to new ideas and new opportunities and change? This hardness can come in various forms: vulgarity and rudeness, intellectual cynicism, prejudice, stubbornness, lack of empathy etc. Ask yourself this the next time you look at yourself in the mirror, if you’re brave enough.

The Brain 🧠.
The mind.
I AM.
Use this most complex tool every created to become a better medium of communication to …. the universe, to infinite intelligence … to consciousness.
To your GOD.

To Not become narrow-minded

Strive to not become a narrow-minded human being.

Being open and able to see the many alternatives in every situation is being Positively self-Aware. Try looking at “relative” rather than “absolute” facts in a situation.

I’ve always asked my kids when they tell me something from School, like “Dad, this was my best day ever!” I would tell them that that was great but “compared to what?”. Everything is relative.

Being self-Aware is accepting that skin colour, birthplace, religious beliefs, sex, financial status, and intelligence are not measures of worth. It is realizing that each human being on earth is a person with equal rights to fulfill his or her own potential in life.

Allow your mind to ”connect’ with infinite intelligence.
With consciousness.
It is like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.

We’re not on the same wavelength

Each of us are unique, unique in our fingerprints, unique in our footprints, unique even in our lip-prints. We also speak and think on different frequencies. Haven’t we all found ourselves saying “we’re not on the same wave length or page!”

We don’t have to look very far for examples of this, just give the nightly TV news 5 minutes and you will see the result of people on different frequencies illustrated in many ways …. discord in family, social and international life. Everyone is looking through a different set of lens. Looking at different mirrors.

Empathy

What it means to be positively self-Aware is to have empathy.

How is your ability to be empathetic? Ask yourself “how would I like to have a husband like me if I were my wife?” or “how would I like to have a father like me if I were my children?” or “how would I like to have a manager like me if I were my employees?”

Like what the great modern-day thinker, Mr Seth Godin says … work on your ‘emotional labour’ to help others, help themselves. Become more in touch with elements of trust, care and compassion.

Or as I would like to say – “become more human”.

Love your ‘feminine side’ … appreciate beauty in all it’s forms … like cars, watches, beautiful architecture … beautiful women.
Embrace the “Real Man” in YOU … men!

Know your limits

Being self-Aware, we must all strive to find our own healthy stress level in life and to operate within that range or level. A domestic cat would not be able to handle the stress levels that which a tiger would be able to handle out it’s environment.

Know yourself. Know your limits. The truth is some never do.

Being self-Aware also understands that the person who does not read is no better than the person who cannot read – and, that a person who does not continue to learn, to adapt and grow, is not better than one who cannot grow.

We’re all truly unique individuals with unique strengths and weaknesses. Understand your uniqueness and appreciate the differences in others. It is a beautiful world indeed.

De-clutter your brain of all that noise built up from early childhood clouding your thoughts.
Delete and stop contributing to the bottom-line of ‘bullshit’
Work on managing your funnel better.
Know your limits.
Seek help before it is too late.
As a great book says –
“Seek and ye shall find;
Ask and ye shall receive”
Now do.

Like a dog chasing it’s tail

So, I leave you with these thoughts:

  • by knowing who you are, where you’re at and where you’re going allows you to see the possibilities and alternatives available in your life. If you leave things up to chance you may miss opportunities as you muddle around in circles, like a dog chasing its tail.

Alternatives only exist if you know which way you are going.

Change your philosophy on life. Change your environment. Change your life.

A change of philosophy follows a better Awareness of self.

The altar of worship.
Some find their beauty, their truth in Religion of choice.
Their search for beauty is being ONE with the ONE.
Keep searching for your beauty. Your truth.
No one else can take your journey for you, but you.
Be brave. Slay your Goliath.Make believe and imagination is key to improved self-awareness

Here’s one idea to increase your sense of self-Awareness you may want to try: Try imagining being someone else that you know for a day: your wife; your husband; your parents, your children, your workmate.

Make believe and imagination is key to improved self-awareness. Try seeing life through their eyes and how you imagine them to ‘see’ you. What would each of them be thinking about you. Why?

I’ll leave you with a little prayer that I’ve got my lovely daughter to say every night as I tuck her in to bed. She says “Lord, help me be the best I can be…. for me, … and for everyone else”. and I also get my kids to say … Ïf I can dream it … and believe it … I can achieve it!”

The key phrase is: ” and I believe it” . Belief is everything. Without it, you achieve nothing. I’ve always believed – “No belief, no nothing!” . Do you think I got to 2 x World Championships without unwavering belief in me, my God and my team … to win? All the way to the Top?

No, I didn’t think so.

So, dream …and imagine … and believe. With your whole heart and soul. Believe it so.

Believe or not believe.
Get your ass off the pole of the fence (stop sitting on the fence!)
Choose.

The best you can be. For YOU. First.

Understand that person who is behind those eyes when you look in the mirror.

Strive to become more self-Aware, more positively self-aware. Your destiny in life hinges on it.

All the very best!

 

Cheers & Ahoy!

The old Cap’n Viking Pirate … & thoughts on ‘seeing’ beyond what you look at, when you look in the mirror.

Achieving a well-balanced physique should be understood for what it is: a masterful fusion of art and science.
One should improve once’s “BODY Smart”knowledge. this takes time and deliberate practise.
Top 5 in the world, two years in a row at a sport I love ain’t too shaby for an city boy from the beautiful paradise islands of Fiji
If YOU think you can and you BELIEVE YOU CAN … YOU CAN.

Beauty comes in the human form.
It is a living masterpiece.
On display, from a masterful poser/artist, the human body exemplifies beauty and truth rolled in to vibrating ball of flow of muscle.
The hard part is to CREATE beauty. We all have the ability within us.
To create a beauty through the human form is genius.
Providing the scaffolding for your childs(ren) character building towards a ‘beautiful character’ is like sculpturing a great physique.
Everything matters, however, small it is.
GIGO for their minds:
If you want to create champions and leaders , feed them daily champion & leadership thoughts.

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