The šalentine tribe (minus our dog š¶ – Mr Fuzzy/Fussy cuddles
Marriage is Teamwork.
No matter what a husband or wife happens to be or do, MARRIAGE IS TEAMWORK.
From my experience of being married for almost twenty years now and also from learning from other peoplesā experiences, marriage is a great example of ULTIMATE TEAMWORK.
I would go further to say that, given the high rates of divorce, marriages that last are not just because of teamwork but they have teamwork because they are a TEAM THAT WORKS.
Marriage is not about the hope of WORKING AS A TEAM, it is about two people WHO COME TOGETHERā¦ & FIT ā¦ like 6 fits into 9, to make ā69ā.
God does not give individual gifts š to frustrate a marriage. No. God gives us unique gifts to ENHANCE the marriage. God does not lead two people into a marriage to see āsparks flyā, pulling a husband & wife in opposite directions.
Noā¦ God, leads them into marriage to blend and maximise their strengths, their usefulness.
Whenever this happens in my relationship with my wife, I pray to God for his helpā¦. To give me the strength, courage & wisdom to make good decisions.
This is where our faith in God helps us during turbulent times in the marriage. There are many forces (internal and external) that work hard to tear a marriage apart.
If you believe in your marriage & what it represents is important to you, ask for Godās guidance and work hard to keep your marriage .
My beautiful wife of almost 20 years now. My love for this human being keeps increasing every single day.
As I see it, much of the problems & tension that occur in marriages comes from the INABILITY to BALANCE the ACT of GIVING to your spouse /other while retaining a SENSE OF SELF.
In other words, the tension comes from grasping or holding onto what we consider our INDIVIDUALITY. I believe no matter what our gifts, talents or personalitiesā¦ when they are given To god.
With strong belief in God, he will work & blend it all out and provide balance, because that is just what God will do.
No other team that you are a part of in life – business, sport, religion, politics etc ā¦ will ever be as IMPORTANT or benefit & challenge you like a successful marriage.
It takes WORKā¦ a lot of real hard work. It is the complete & ULTIMATE example of TEAMWORK in life.
With God (part of the team, too).
Hereās a few questions for you:
1. Has there been a time when you put one of your individual goals āon hold ā so your spouse could pursue a dream?
Life is NOT about Time Management, it is about ENERGY MANAGEMENT. Learn to manage energy better by becoming a better conduit of energy, the better at life, you become.
A little play-with-words from me ā¦ to youā¦ a small snippet of un-edited thoughts on ART –
White & Black Lies should be minimised in families.
Withholding Truth
Gāday & Bula & good morning/evening to YOU wherever YOU are in this beautiful planet š!
I was thinking š¤ about life, as I usually do & the concept of ātruthā in particular and lies as well as they seem to be two sides of the same coin.
Lying š¤„, we all do it and have done it over the course of our lives so far.
We lie to others & we lie to ourselves. I guess we could split lies up in to two main types:
1. White lies
2. Black lies.
The šalentine tribe (minus our dog š¶ – Mr Fuzzy/Fussy cuddles. As parents we try to be as truthful to our children.
White Lies & Black Lies.
A black Lie, as I see it, could be defined as a statement we make we know is false. A white lie is a statement that we make that is not in itself false but that leaves out a significant part of the truth.
I think white lies can often be more destructive than black-lying. Think š about it, we all do it almost every single day of our lives , as we consider white-lying more socially acceptable in many of our relationships because we ādonāt want to hurt peopleās feelings.ā
Yet, people complain that their social relationships are generally superficial. Is this the right thing to teach our kids – that, as parents, part of being loving is feeding them heaps of white lies?
Is it right and truly beneficial for the children to not be told the cold truths about matters of life? Should parents continue (& I see this happening every day and have witnessed in many families over the last 3 decades of keen interest) āwhite-lying?ā
So, parents tell each other everything but feed their children white lies. For example, that they fought with each other the night before about their relationship, or that their dad resents their grandparents for their manipulativeness & lack of caring over the years or that mum has a medical problem.
Rational behind white lies is – a loving desire to protect & shield their children from unnecessary worries.
This is a hard one āļø as love š is just too large, too deep even, in my opinion, to be truly understood or measured or limited within a framework of words.
The bible tries to explain what love is but I donāt think š¤ or at least I havenāt come across a truly satisfactory definition of love.
I know what love is not!
Contrary to what weāve been told , love is not a feeling.(I will elaborate on what l mean another time)
I think love comes down to the desire to nurture oneās own or anotherās spiritual growth. And this takes discipline, lots of discipline.
Discipline that needs to be constantly disciplined.
He died when I was 19. Six years after his wife, my grandmother died.
I spent a big part of early childhood with my grandfather. He didnāt say much but he had many little ācoaching conversationsā when appropriate (I later realised what he was doing after he died in my late teens).
At University (almost 30 years ago now whilst doing my second degree in Accounting/Business Management ), I read a book by the author Ken Blanchard called āthe one minute managerā. I realised then, that the management style my grandfather was using in relation to raising me and the family household, was the same as what the author was espousing in the book.
I cry. I cry for my Dad. I cry inside. I cry for many things. I cry ā¦ invisible tears. Tears that would fill multiple Olympic-sizes swimming pools. I cry for all those suffering from injustices in this world š. I cry out for justice. From God.
A Manās Man.
The best manager I have ever worked for was the CEO/Managing Partner of a Top 20 Accounting & Business Advisory. I was there for about 3 years and was some of the BEST years working as an āemployee ā.
This man, was a Manās Man … a Clint Eastwood demeanour with a Tom Hanks (heart .. when appropriate). His physical presence was intimidating. He was a former Australian ranked boxer and his reputation for results preceded him.
Everyone was scared shitless of him. They trembled in their seats when they heard him coming down the passages and everyone avoided him.
Accept me.
I found him fascinating and I loved him and his management style. I thought about why (after I left) and it was because he reminded me of my grandfather.
I didnāt buy into the fear and the water-cooler stories about him that became part of the Firmās Legendary stories. So, I decided to āget to know himā.
Beauty & Ugliness entwined. there is no beauty without the ugly. there is no right, without the wrong. There is no particle without the wave. There is no logic without the insane. There is no ying, without the yang. Learn to embrace BOTH SIDES OF YOU ā¦& seek BALANCE & SYMMETRY. Through & with GOD.
No need for Sir, call me Bob ā¦
As he walked by the cubicles in the morning, I would yell out – āGood morning Mr E…!ā The other staff couldnāt believe it… I actually spoke out snd greeted him.
The first time … I would hear his footsteps pause and … then continue. The following morning, I did the same. He did the same.
On the third day .. he stopped and then said –
āWho is that?ā
I stood up from my cubicle and replied –
āPaul ā¤ļøalentine, sir!ā
He laughed and said –
āNo need for Sir, call me Bob... snd a good morning to you, too.ā
From then on, each time he walked passed by Cubicle, he would call out my name and we would end up having chats. Matter of fact, he preferred me to handle many of his clients and over time, we would become very good friends.
It got to stage where, he would only allow me to interrupt him in any meeting he was in. No one else in the Firm could do that. There was a level of TRUST that he had in me that no one else got.
When he had to āSign offā on Reports and Files … he would go through othersā files with a fine-tuned comb, asking many questions. With mine, he just wanted me to give him the āgistā or executive summary (usually one page of the Risks and my personal assessment)
He would always ask me one question –
āAre you happy with me signing Paul?ā
I would say yes or no.
He would act accordingly.
Who are āYOU?ā
Learn to love ā¤ļø YOU, first.
The One-Minute Manager.
The āone-minute managedā approach is to be very FIRM in your values & principles snd DO NOT compromise on INTEGRITY. EVER.
This is communicated EFFECTIVELY. There is no ambiguity. … ALWAYS communicated CONSISTENTLY, CLEARLY and CONCISELY.
Integrity is what most Good Leaders have. But, RE-INFORCED integrity is what GREAT Leaders have. They NEVER sacrifice their MORALS & ETHICS in ALL that they do & say and say they do.
That is the One-Minute Managerā¦. On Enthusiasm Turbo-Boost. That is what the world needs right now ā¦ more GREAT LEADERS in all KEY areas of life.
āWhat is your message ?ā I ask.
What is the message you leave to the world, when you ā¦ leave this world?
The one-minute manager approach primarily relates to the FEEDBACK being TIMELY and SPECIFIC. For example, when I fuck up with something on a client, I would hear his footsteps come towards my seat. I would feel his presence snd his hand rest on my shoulder (as I looked at my computer screen). I could sense his frustration snd he would say –
āPaul, you fucked up. Learn from it. Donāt do that againā
And then he was off. He was the first to reprimand me and āpull me in lineā as soon as the incident occurred.
The reverse is also true. When I did a great job and exceeded clients expectations, I would hear those same footsteps again …
His hand on my shoulder, looking in my eyes and saying –
āGreat job Paul, well done. Keep it up, son! Take the afternoon off!ā
My salary increases in 6-monthly reviews were in the top and I had one of the best corner cubicles in the Firm. Many other staff were jealous but … I learned that TRUST is one of the foundation stones of any relationship.
Iāve almost always adopted this Management style in almost all my dealings with people, as an employee, managing groups/teams .. and as an Employer, managing egos.
Do you trust – YOU?
Out of interest, what are your top 3 to these :
1. What 3 words describe your Vision for your business?
2. Do you believe in YOU? 3 strengths you have as a Leader?
3. Do you TRUST āyou?ā
4. Do have a need to be ālikedā by everyone? Do you have a need to be āagreeable ā with everyone?
Againā¦.
What is YOUR MESSAGE?
This is one of the KEYS to almost ALL successful communication to any audience: know your message.
With my gritty Viking Pirate š“āā ļø Intelligent, caring & compassionate daughter, Olivia. She has heard me say many stories ā¦ over and over again.
There is Powerš„ in Storytelling.
Iāve always loved storytelling.
I remember sitting with adults when I was a kid, Listening to their stories. They would say –
āPaul, why donāt you go and play with your cousins & friends outsideā
I would reply –
āNo, there will be time to play with them laterā
Iāve listened to hundreds of other peopleās stories when I owned & managed my Family Gym for 7 years.
I love š telling stories.
I believe there is power in storytelling.
My wife and kids. I Storytell until they get fed upā¦ then I know, they know.
It begins in the home.
It begins in the Homeā¦. Practising the art of Storytelling, that is.
Home is where the foundation of storytelling starts. I recall listening to my dad & his close friendās tell stories around the Kava bowl. In the home, I got a strong šŖ foundationā¦ Of a past that lends my existence a place, a sense of belonging, a historical context.
Home is where stories get passed on for generations. I have continued with this šalentine tradition. My two kids can retell the stories I tell .. because they have heard them countless times. And as my daughter says –
āDad, it keeps changing all the timeā
And I say –
āAaaahhhā¦ yes, my dear ā¦ that is where facts and imagination fuse in the optimum placeā
Home is where I was told that I am built like & physically intelligent like my grandfather, Ben Valentine. A powerful & skilful National heavyweight boxing champion, going undefeated for 3 years in his prime.
Home is where I heard stories of my quirkiness from early age & my creative & innovative nature in my early youth. I heard stories of my country of birth through the filter of my own genealogy.
Struggles, family migrations, family triumphs, as well as ancestral successes & failures were taught to me through the history of my šalentine Family.
In my Home now, it is a place where I build my own legacy: through my love š for history & storytelling, I have shared & will share more stories I was told in my youth with my children.
Always, adding my generationās story to this šalentine Novel in progress. Iāve always believed the REAL histories of families arenāt the records of births, deaths & marriages. No, to me ā¦
ā¦ they are the stories told after dinner, while having chocolate or dessert. So full and satisfied.
For i have learned many things so far, and one important one is the importance of LEGACY.
Legacy is fueled by USā¦ in our family. It is fueled by ME. And all this evolves from our historyā¦ our family stories passed down ā¦
I tell my kids that one day they will bear the šalentine torch š¦. They will continue to write their chapters if their lives through their storytelling.
Knowing that they have a very strong identity and they will continue to shine the torch š¦ and build on the legacy that they inheritedā¦
Through the strong foundation of the šalentine Family history through storytelling.
I am still the current Torch Bearer of the šalentine Family and I make a toast to all future Torch Bearers of my family and all families ā¦
Carry the Torch with pride & Live & Die with dignity.
Me and my FIRST mum. My grandmother. The most amazing woman I have ever known. Just eclipsed by my wife of 20 + years now ā¦
My First Mum: the cuddles & kisses Woman.
I was very fortunate.
Unlike many kids, I had 3 mums.
My biological mum had me before she turned 16. She had a choice to have an abortion but chose to give me life. Being so young and incapable, her parents (my grandparents) decided to raise me as their own.
Literally.
Because of the societal norms at that time, I now understand that my grandparents adopted me as their own, in every sense of the word. They were the best Parents any kid could wish for. My āmomā (grandmother) died when I was 12. It felt like the end of the world to me because she was the word to me.
She was caring, compassionate and loving š„° & very strong (usually welcoming in strangers and the homeless. She would clean them, clothe them, feed them and give them a place to sleep for a short while ā¦ and give them a little help on their way.
Some of the Strangers we helped, would return, sometimes years later, to offer money and thanks for her (& my grandfatherās unsolicited care & hospitality when they had hit a ārutā). I recall seeing the turnaround in the individuals and the impact my humble grandparents and their kindness gave them.
A whole new lease of life.
My grandmother was my first role model of a loving & strong independent woman. I really loved her full body massages she gave me to wake me for school almost every morning. This is where my penchant for hugs š¤ & kisses originated. I thank her for that.
In my pre-teens, my biological motherās sister (my Aunty) stepped in and assumed a āmotherā role for me. She showed me a second type of strong woman. She was a womanās woman.
I love this quote. Increasing your awareness is parameters to having clarity and success in your life. SEARCH. Become the BEST ‘searcher’ you can be. One day .. you may find ALL the answers you’re seeking for YOUR questions to give ‘meaning’ to your life. A wonderful book says – “Seek and ye shall find; Ask and ye shall receive.” True.
My Second Mum: the Ambitious Career Woman.
She wasnāt too lovey-Dovey like my mum # 1. She was very ambitious and career-focused and very risk-averse. Very strategic and almost always chose a conservative approach to many things. Her thing was – ādonāt rush life, Paulā.
Two things were important for her – good education and making money. She was very successful and raised me in very rich surroundings in my teens. I learned and experienced life through very wealthy lens and feel very fortunate to have done so. Not many children grow up in a 3 car-garage, 3 storey 6 bedroom mansion with a pool. My bedroom even had its own bathroom and walk-in wardrobe.
I only got to know my biological mum after an uncle broke the ānewsā to me two weeks before my Final Exams at High School. We had a heated argument and he let out the ātruthā. In hindsight, Not the best time. I wish he had waited until I had finished my exams before telling me that the first 17 years of my life was a lie. That my grandma was not my mother and that my āolder sister ā was in fact, my real mother!
I was shattered. I couldnāt believe what I was hearing .
I locked myself in my room for a whole weekā¦ trying to come to terms with this bomb š£. I cried a river in my roomā¦. Everything I ever knew ā¦ about my family ā¦ about my life ā¦ was a lie. Who could I trust? Why is this happening to me? I was angry at everyoneā¦ they all played a part in the lie.
It had a significant effect on my High School Results. Negative. I was aiming to be in the Top 10 but I failed. I think I made the Top 20. In the whole scope of life, the mark I got didnāt matter. I still got to do what I wanted to do at University.
That was a first. Me, getting to University in my immediate and extended families. The ceiling in academia was High Schoolā¦ but I raised it ā¦ and still raising it.
Itās been almost 30 years since I learned of this truth. Along the way, I learned that many other individuals have experienced similar situations. Some famous like Jack Nicholson, who only found out that his older sister was in fact, his mother. He only find out in his late 30s when a reporter dug up his background for a story on him.
In many cultures, especially in Polynesian cultures, āstep inā. Grandparents generally stepped in to protect the child and give them every opportunity to succeed. They did. I got all the love and attention any child could have. I am very grateful for the unconditional love life they gave me.
They were my parents and friends & family and schools & teachers and anyone I ever interacted with all played their roles.
You could say my first 17 years was a lie.
Thatās ok. Every family has their āsecretsā and āskeletons in the closetā. What are yours? Do you have any? Is your whole life āthe whole truth & nothing but the truth?ā Is the truth better than living a lie? What if living the truth disadvantages you more? Would you then choose to live a lie? If you had the choice?
I didnāt.
How āauthentic ā are you? How true are you to āYOU?ā
My Third Mum: the Risk Taker. Biology Matters.
The only photo I have of me and my biological mum as a baby.
The choice was made for me. Her choice to give me life rather than get an abortion.
And it was made with love snd for my benefit and protection. An unselfish choice by my biological mother in playing her role as my āolder sister ā.
It was only in my later years that I realised how amazingly courageous and unselfish she was to live in the same household as me ā¦ and stop herself from playing the āmumā role to me.
I had many arguments with her and told her off on many occasions. I would see her run into the bedroom, close the door and Iād hear her crying. She wouldnāt cry in front of me or argue with me.
Remember, she was my older sister to me. Little did I know then ā¦ who she REALLY WAS. This is the Mum that didnāt always make decisions logically because she usually made it with her heart. She was a āthinkerā, the most academically gifted of all her siblings. A rebel, a risk-taker.
I buried my biological mum in 2011, 3 months after my son, Zachary was born. Like my grandmother, My biological mum, Margaret, died from cancer within 3 months of being diagnosed. Aaaahhhā¦ the Circle of Life, as they say.
She did not live long but she epitomised what courage is to me. What a brave woman, who lived & died, with integrity & dignity.
Enjoy YOU. Appreciate Nature. One day, there wonāt be any more sunrise or sunset to appreciate.
THE OLD HAS GONE, THE NEW HAS COME!
The Bible has been a big comfort for me all my life. It gave me strength in those years (18 – 22) that I refer to as my ālost years ā. It was always a source of inspiration and strength for me ā¦ in the many times I needed courage.
We have been gifted not only from our genetic background but also by the environment in which we were brought up. Each of us were formed by all the people who have made an impression on us.
From the people who gave us affirmations (like my grandparents did for me) to the people who put us down or belittled us. The former types gave us a positive view of other human beings and the latter, a view that fed our uncertainty about ourselves and ā¦ othersā¦
Genesis 1 relays a story that God created living things to bring forth according to their own kind. So, not only are we likely to look like our parents but it is likely that we will embrace lifeās challenges just as our parents did.
Take Heart.
Teaching you to love yourself better and more. That the most powerful show of self-respect is to say ‘no’. Saying no to foods that are not aligned to your desired body image is the highest form of self-respect and love.
āSo God created man in his own image.ā (Genesis 1:27)
So, i/we were not only created in our parents image but also in Godās.
Yes, we all have our past (and even if part of it was not lived in truth like mine), take comfort that we also have God (if youāre a Christian). I spent 8 years as a Catholic Altar boy in my early youth and one phrase that sticks in my mind is –
āTherefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the NEW HAS COME!ā (2 Corinthians 5:17)
This verse has always given me comfort. Especially, after I learned of certain truths at 17. I get Comfort in knowing that the curses and the distortions and sins of previous generations does not hold me back. That it does NOT MAKE ALL āMEāā¦ that I can release the OLDā¦ to make room for the NEW.
We are Built in Godās image. Something that I can ā¦ we can ALL use as a springboard to being the BEST VERSION OF OURSELVES.
Yes, We are trapped with our old us ā¦ the past experiencesā¦ and the good (& imperfections in genetics š§¬ passed down to us) ā¦.
Butā¦.
With the knowledge and belief that we, as Christians, are also created in the image of God, gives all of us I mmense COURAGEā¦. And hope ā¦ and beliefā¦ that we have a huge capacity to change!!
You are unique! Believe it soā¦. And you can change!! We ALL CAN!!
But, this is not easy and TAKES COURAGE and ā¦ a lot of WORK! In my experience, You MUST TAKE CHARGE of your life! You must stop saying –
āIāll always be the same ā¦ Iāll never be different ā
Instead, you should begin saying –
āI CAN be different because of Godās love š working in me.ā
DO NOT FEAR CHANGE especially if the change is to make you all that God wants you to be.
When you decide to Invite Christ into your life, know that you have been re-bornā¦ snd the Holy Spirit will guide you.
I know I have been āre-born ā many times ā¦ in my life, so far. When I reflect, I was very fortunate to have been influenced by three strong & courageous women. They were all different and they were women who loved me differently but all had strong values & principles.
I may have lost two Mums, but there still remains one. Something many cannot say. I will continue to love this Mum that is still alive todayā¦.and the other two Mums are always with me in spirit.
Thank you God. Amen.
Ask yourself for Godās guidance and he will answer.
I AM/YOU are/WE are ā¦ all created in Godās image. Thank God.
The unselfish decision to NOT have an abortion at 16 by my biological mum, allowed me to live a life. As I result, I have gone on to help save many lives i. What I do and am all very grateful to create lives of my own – my two children. She may be gone in physical form by she is still in the genes of my kids. I thank my wife and the Grace of God for my life so far.
Guilt. Repent from your heart. Your soul. Find your authentic self again.
Repentance.
Do you practise repentance? Why? Why not?
When youāve done something wrong and/or have wronged someone, you firstly need to take FULL responsibility for it.
You Repent.
You repent because you realise that, that inexcusable wrong can be judged or forgiven. Inexcusable wrongs can never be understood and overlooked. Fake Repentant people seek and beg for forgiveness, with no thought of deserving it.
Yes, you read that right, they donāt deserve it.
That is not fair – to the person that has been wronged and not fair for the person who has wronged.
To gain trust back, perpetrators need to own their āinconvenient truthā (to borrow a phrase from US Vice President Al Gore).
Truly Repentant people are people who finally understand Godās amazing grace. When you truly seek repentance, know you need only to confess to experience the forgiveness from God Almighty.
Forgiveness is ALWAYS there in infinite supply.
My family. My dog: “Mr Fuzzy/Fussy cuddles” is missing
Selfish Choices.
Recently, I got into a very big argument with my wife of twenty years. It was probably the biggest blue weāve had in our time together. It involved her and my family. To get straight to the point, I was an Asshole ā¦ well, okay, I was a HUUGGE Asshole! I even called myself one during the fight.
Alcohol was involved. Correction: excessive alcohol was involved.
On reflection, it is quite obvious that I was being a selfish prick! Yep, you read that right. I was being a thoughtless spouse. And here I was imagining that on my deathbed, my children and wife will remember me for many things but for mostly being the most THOUGHTFUL human being they have ever known.
After this incident, that dream/imagination may not manifest into reality. I fucked up, and my selfish choice was not āthoughtful ā. I simply fucked up!
You see, whether we are adulterers or thoughtless spouses (like me, in this instance), the problem with all of us is one of perspective. Instead of thinking of our thoughtlessness (in words or actions/deeds) as INEXCUSABLE SELFISH CHOICES, we stubbornly regard our interpersonal failures as UNDERSTANDABLE MISTAKES. Understandable mistakes, can you believe that?! It comes down to a small but significant factor of perspective, or the way we view something.
And in my recent case: I clearly made a selfish choice and my perspective was NOT the right one.
To find your Authentic self, you need to embrace your demons
Seek to understand first.
Iām not one for giving excuses or listening to excuses, but during and after that big argument, I found myself giving excuses. It just rolled out of my tongue and the strange thing was that I was fully aware of this roll-out while it was happening. And hereās the catch: I did not stop this conveyor belt of excuses.
When I reflect, I realise that excuse-making has been a part of almost every area of life that has humans participating. Excuse-making has been a natural tendency in people since, I guess, Adam blamed Even for eating the apple and ā¦ Eve blamed the Snake for persuading her. Itās been around for a long while.
I guess, without some form of self-justification, we are forced to look at ourselves in the mirror, just as we truly are ā¦ not necessarily, the image the mirror reflects.
Now, based on how I argued in that fight, the standards I adhered to fell very short of Godās standards. My actions and words deserved punishment.
I read somewhere that a wise person seeks to understand before wanting to be understood.
That is something I need to improve in my life. What about yours?
What does your mirror reflect of you? What if it reflected who you really are? What would it reflect? What feedback would your emotional and logical minds give you? Would they reinforce each other? Would this spark Fears and would those fears escalate? How would you control them? Tip: take responsibility.
Joy evolves from misery.
When we really look at ourselves in the mirror and truly see ourselves as we are, would we accept our status as sinners.
And what are sinners? Sinners, like me, are worthy of judgement. We are powerless to improve ourselves ā¦ and are humbled that our best deeds provide no defence.
That is how Joy evolves from misery. Throughout my experience and learning from other peopleās experiences, Iāve learned that those who make themselves naked and vulnerable and basically more human, are the ones who get the most trust.
Or at least, get part of or most of the lost trust back.
It is through the process of embracing genuine nakedness, humility and vulnerability, that you find your AUTHENTIC SELF.
I believe, moving closer to your authentic self is not only where life BEGINS but also ā¦. Where JOY blooms and your GROWTH CONTINUES.
Now, as a Physique Artist, I regularly strip down to a pair of “g-strings” on stage, under very strong lights to display the āflow of musclesā ā¦ and āpaint a picture of moving artā, using my sculpted physique, from my heart ā¦ to the hearts of the audience.
It is one of the closest you can get to being naked, humble and vulnerable. By being vulnerable, humble and exposed, I find you allow yourself to be more open and transparent. This is important for any relationship. For me and my wife, this is vital. Always has been.
I am an āopen bookā and this nakedness, this humility, this vulnerableness, demonstrates to her that that I have nothing to hide ( or an impression anyway).
Now, allow yourself to strip yourself of EGO and wear your āG-STRING of YOUR SOULā. That takes COURAGE. Seek Courageā¦ for without courage, no great achievement is every attainable.
For me, in all my most important relationships, Trust is vital. It is one of the key foundation stones of my 21 year relationship with the most important woman in the world to me- my wife.
I believe Trust is Powerful; it always has been.
ALL the very best to you
Yours in iron, muscles and mind,
Cheers & ahoy from beautiful Sydney, Australia!
Me in my g-strings during Competition in bodybuilding/physique artistry. āBack Double Biceps” in the heat of competition! Change from the gym to the stage is quite significant with management of key variables being extremely important. Placing: 2nd in AustraliaI love this quote. Increasing your awareness is parameters to having clarity and success in your life.
SEARCH. Become the BEST ‘searcher’ you can be.
One day .. you may find ALL the answers you’re seeking for YOUR questions to give ‘meaning’ to your life.
A wonderful book says –
“Seek and ye shall find;
Ask and ye shall receive.”
True.
To think, really think .. is probably the hardest thing To do in life
I had a health scare.
Seven months before I won my 1st World Natural Bodybuilding/āClassicā Physique Title, I had a health scare. Every few minutes I would experience excruciating pain in my abdomen, especially whenever I ate something. The old experienced Surgeon (who was part of the first Medical Graduates at one of Sydneyās Top Universities & studied with an Uncle of mine) said I was lucky –
The pain I felt was the closest thing any man can come to knowing what giving birth was like for a woman
Less than 0.001% (or some very small number ) of the worldās population get this ailment
It can be RIGHTED.
Diagnosis: the point where my small intestine & large intestine meet had folded on to each other like a sock š§¦. The pain experienced was due to the food being squeezed through each time I ate. It was an emergency & he moved me up the waiting list.
The operation was successful.
From that experience & my life experience so far… I have concluded that Nothing a man can ever do can & will compare with the pain a woman goes through during labour, along with carrying a life in them for 9 months.
Find your light to show your son/boys their way
A good Father is a little bit of a mother.
A man can never be a mother, but I recall a mentor saying – a good Father is a little bit of a Mother. Each have different primary roles and canāt completely replace the other, without causing other unwanted consequences.
No matter who you are or what you have achieved, one thing is true about life : Fathers matter deeply in the lives of their children and ultimately in the life of our communities and nations.
I believe Fatherhood is the most tragically underestimated & misunderstood modern-day issue of our culture today. It has been now, for a number of decades. Fathers & dads should be honoured & revered just as Mothers are.
Leadership ability begins in the home … children learn character building in the home Be the best character you can be … for YOU, first .. and then for your kids my two children a number of years ago
Our children deserve better.
Our culture (many modern-day societies ) often mocks fatherhood in various ways – I see it regularly on TV ads over the last 2 decades where Fathers & Dads are belittled or made to look silly & irresponsible. Iāve observed & experience this first hand in playgrounds.
This should not be allowed to continue as there is nothing funny about the number of broken homes & broken lives left behind by absentee (& abusive) fathers & husbands.
Our children deserve better and more should be done in society to educate and create awareness. Society needs to continue to provide reassurance and affirm the necessary role a Father or a Father figure has in the life of each child.
It seems that our culture today is at a crossroad. There are many epidemics afflicting us, yes – the covid & obesity as examples. However, we have diverted our attention from a major epidemic: the epidemic of broken families. You donāt have to look very far … this epidemic has grown at an alarming rate & has littered our streets with broken children.
Learning and absorbing our habits every single day of their initial phase of their lives is what our young Princes do. Teach them well.
The most vulnerable victims – our children.
Absentee and noninvolved fathers, who have given up their roles as leaders & mentors have taken their toll on the most vulnerable of victims – our children. Statistics about children from fatherless homes are alarming and we should be working towards reversing this growing trend.
Fathers are very important in the lives of their children and FATHERS MATTER!
A mentor told me this once a long time ago –
āBehind every successful child is a good dad ā.
A good father & dad is one who provides the launching pad for strong, successful and values – driven adults into the world. Adults who then make a positive impact in peopleās lives.
It is truly an honour to be given the opportunity to have the honour of wearing the Father, Dad and husband hats so far in my life. I hope and pray that one day, my two children mention something along those lines in their eulogy speech at my funeral.
God bless my children and all the children of this magnificent world and to all the fathers & dads reading this that try juggling all those very important hats : father, dad amd husband.
God bless all the children of this world and what they have had to endure because of the covid epidemic.
Amen.
p.
My beautiful daughter and I enjoying “Daddy-daughter time” on the Ferris Wheel at Luna Park in amazing Sydney, Australia.
foundations of a gritty strong character Begins in the Family … in the home …
Changing lives. Empowering people. One life at a time. 
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