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My son turned 10, today.

10!

I sit back and go … “wow!’

Where has time gone? Ten years went by … .like a blink of an eye. Memories… that is all we have … shared memories.

We have many.

The young man and I. Cruising.

He knows he will always have a home.

He has spent his first ten years of his life, with me, his mother and his sister. Spent it in our home .. which is HIS HOME. 

I like to think that his home is a place of celebration, a continuous celebration of Life. His home is the place where he can let down his hair and just be, himself. His home is where living happens and laughter rocks the walls. 

I’d like to think that his home is the place where he learns to play, to have fun, to relax, to love and … to pray. Each day in our household is a celebration. Everyday, our Family prayers allows us to reflect on our life so far … with GRATITUDE.

Our home is A celebration of Life.

There is an abundance of laughter in his home. So loud that it carries all the way to the streets and neighbours.

Enjoying Kayaking together in Sydney’s beautiful seas

His home is where Real Living, takes place.

He learns how to work, how to play, how to eat, how to ride in cars together, how to attend Taekwondo lessons, how to play music in bands virtually, how to watch youtubes and videos, how to host friends, how to take care of his self, how To be a better brother, how to be the loving son that he is, how to develop our own private family jokes (usually they love “roasting’ me).

In our home .. his home, we try not to take life too seriously. In our home … a home of celebration we thrive in conversation and accept that humour and laughter is essential elements to our Family cohesion.

Our home … his home … vibrates to us and to everyone around us that … 

“This is what life is all about. In a nutshell, life is what happens in our home … it is where he is celebrated.”

He loves creating stuff. With all kinds of tools.

Home is where … 

My son … has his Nintendo game, his soccer and rugby balls, his books, his swords, his toy guns, his snacks. 

Home is …. Being able to walk around in his undies all day … home is Eating cold watermelon and tropical pineapple together at the dinner table on a winter day. Home is where he is allowed to yell … to get angry … and it is ok. Home is where he can play wrestle games in the bedroom and backyard and come out of it … unscathed.

Home is where he gets unlimited hugs and kisses and learns about the important things in life. Home is where he learns how to agree to disagree and resolve conflicts.

Home is where he learns to be appreciated and listened to. Home is where his strong sense of self … his powerful self image … his confidence is built. Home is where he understands his responsibilities to contribute to the family to make it work … that little things, matter.

To sum up … I hope my ten year old son learns much … in our home .. his home.

One day, I hope, he would look back and realise that home is where he discovered wonder and learned to not only Dream … but …. To Dream BIG. One day, he remembers to repeat some of … OUR traditions … OUR unique family qwirks … our UNUSUAL ceremonies.

I hope that one day, my son looks back and views his time in his home .. our home as a period where he not only FOUND but …. EXPERIENCED, JOY.

With … his dad (me), his mum, Cathy, his sister, Olivia and our pet schnoodle : “Mr Fussy/Fuzzy Cuddles”.

Until next time,

P.

Can you see “me” in my son? Can you see you in your son?
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Men & Fathers who Nurture.

Did you have a father that invested a great deal of time and energy in to your life? Or was he in the shadows … or almost never around.

In my 7 years of owning and managing my Family Gym, I came to really know men from all backgrounds and status in society. My gym membership was about 70% male.

Over time, I came to notice correlations and strong causation between their behaviour as grown men and their relationship with their dads in their childhood. It didn’t matter which race, culture or status, there were some strong connections.

Can you see “me” in my son? Can you see you in your son?

Happy Men & Not-so-happy Men.

Do you consider yourself a “Happy Man?

Who are the happiest Men in society? Not by any kind of horizontal segmentation but as a species – “male”.

I think there are Happy Men and the not-so-happy men in our modern-day societies.

Experience has indicated that the men who are the happiest and most content in the masculine role today are those whose fathers put in the time and effort in their upbringing. And continue to do so.

I’ll refer to them as the “Happy Dads” in society.

These Happy Dads had dads who were around to begin with. Dads that were committed to maintaining a positive, nurturing, encouraging relationship with their sons. These Fathers of Happy Dads provided that secure foundation and supported their sons in their ups and downs.

The sons (Happy Dads) had support from their Fathers with their careers and decisions they made and acknowledged their achievements.

These Happy Dads had dads that were just “there for them”. No excuses, full-stop!

Time spent with your young man is NEVER bad use of your time.

RETURN ON INVESTMENT (ROI)

That consistent loving time spent with their sons (not “quality “‘time), paid off … in time. These Father’s sons, who the the Happy Dads of today are, I believe, among the most well-adjusted and peaceful husbands and fathers in our modern-day societies.

Are they increasing? Are they easily recognised?

Does he look like you? Your friend, maybe?

Like Father-like-son. I think I am a Happy Man… mostly. Are you?

MINORITY RULE.

I believe these well-adjusted and peaceful husbands and fathers is and has been on the decline. They could be safely said to be in the “minority “.

Normally, I would say that in a democratic society, the majority should rule. In this instance, I believe that this minority should rule … these men should be the norm and not rare and abnormal.

We need these types of men … Happy Dads … to flourish again and increase.

What do we do? How do we go about this?

I believe it is up to me, you and … all the current dads/fathers reading this and out there with young sons… to commit to these young impressionable souls.

It is up to us, Fathers/Dads/Husbands.

Being there for your young man is vital to his overall understanding of a BALANCED Man.

STOP REARING ANGRY MEN.

The majority of men today are struggling to recover from relationships with fathers who failed to nurture, affirm and validate them at some level … or all levels.

These sons (who are now fathers/dads/husbands themselves), are left with a legacy of pain, confusion, frustration, anxiety, bitterness, fear & anger. A lot of these men never had a choice in having their father in their lives as the mothers decided to bring them up as single parent.

I believe a big percentage of These adult sons are the angry men of our societies.

We need to stop rearing angry men.

If you’re part of the minority that is, the Happy Men, congratulations 🎉! Go and give your old man a hug and tell him you love him…. and just give him thanks for being there for you through your tumultuous years of youth.

You probably already do … and have.

That’s what Happy Men do.

Cheerio for now, Until next time …

Learning and absorbing our habits every single day of their initial phase of their lives is what our young Princes do. Teach them well.
My gritty Warrior Viking Pirate 🏴‍☠️ prince 🤴

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Like Father, like Son.

Transference of Wisdom from a Father/Mother to their son/daughter is. a key factor in raising a morally-upright, compassionate human being.

WISDOM.

An old friend made that comment on a photo I Put up on Facebook of my son. He said –

“The Apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree … like Father-like-son”

I hadn’t heard this phrase since my youth. Something, I’d overhear the adults would say in conversation.

Got me thinking … about the vital role a Dad/Father plays in a child’s life, in teaching his son/daughter “Life Skills”, emphasising the necessity of learning the Art & Power of Discernment.

In other words: WISDOM.

What a responsibility! I mean, am I actually qualified to give my son/.daughter advice? For most answers to Life Matters, I turn to the Complete Source: The Bible.

Being part of a larger family in the community you’re part of is a key complement to raising good citizens.

The beginning of knowledge.

In the Bible, we are told that the beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord (proverbs 1:7).

So, remember, before you can pass on knowledge, it is important that you have gained the necessary knowledge in the first place.

Like the most important teachers, you’ve “walked-the-walk” before you “talk-the-talk.”

So, the first questions we need to ask ourselves are: do you believe in God and do you fear God?

In proverbs 1:3, we are told that before a father can pass on advice, he himself must know the meaning of that “fear of God” … that reverential awe and the wisdom to which it leads.

Giving advice to a son/daughter on “doing what is right and just and fair” can only come from a person who fears God and holds him in awe.

I ask myself the question: do I “qualify?”

What about you, do you qualify?

Passing on the instructions of good decision-making to my daughter is fundamental to my role as her father.
Much guidance is given by the Bible.

Wisdom stems from the discipline of Character.

I also ask myself the question of what is the GOAL of a Father’s advice to his children?

It is clear to me that the Goal of a father’s Godly instruction MUST be spiritual and must stem from the insight learned in Proverb’s WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE or UNDERSTANDING.

But, I don’t believe this wisdom is from Academic Achievements measured by membership to University boards or clubs or some Ivy League College. No, I believe this “wisdom” goes beyond scholastic wins. It goes to a place few dare to go.

That place is – MORAL RESPONSIBILITY. Getting there is difficult. Staying there is far greater a challenge.

Like Father – like son.

The Power of Discretion and Discernment.

It ALL boils down to decision-making, the mastery of this Art. Many Leaders and would-be leaders spend years at universities trying to learn the many tools that assist and help them make decisions.

And still, get it wrong!

The feeder to this art is reflected in the disciplining of the Character, characterised by the person living a “disciplined and prudent life.”

What does it mean to “live prudently?”

It is fundamentally having a clear understanding of the difference between RIGHT and WRONG.

To live prudently means to make decisions that are NOT based a whim or changing appetite but knowing right from wrong. This is the skill and power of discretion or discernment. Exactly what the Bible, Proverbs prescribed.

Out and about with the future Mr Valentine

Respect for the Miracle of Life. 

So, what does this mean when we (as a Father or as parents) have to educate our sons & daughters on HOW to make wise choices?

Whenever I make a decision in my children’s presence, I have a “walk-through “ how I arrived at that decision (s). I let them know the THINKING 🤔 BEHIND THE INTELLIGENCE. I mention the KEY components like – the initial assessment of risks; the consequences it could lead to if not addressed with mitigating controls; the probability/likelihood of the consequences occurring (with and without mitigating controls) and the possible impact, to self and others.

And then factoring in what my heart ♥️ & soul tells me too.

So, as a Father, I strive to give my son & daughter a process that prepares them to make wise choices, to be discreet and discerning.

Such instruction DOES NOT presume that the child somehow already knows what’s best. So, if you’re thinking of having kids or have very young kids, I believe that parents need to instruct and educate them from the earliest years.

They must be shown, trained and taught to tell the truth rather than lies; to respect the property of others rather than take for themselves; that harming anyone else is unacceptable;

And … to hold and RESPECT THE MIRACLE OF LIFE... whether it is flora or fauna or human, in respectful and highest regard.

All the very best in your decisions, big and small and may God continue to shower his blessings on you and your family and cherished ones.

cheers & ahoy from beautiful Sydney, Australia!!

* Dr. of Muscle/Energy Aesthetics & 💝itality/❤️Ove *

Children need a good framework to build their character on.
Your instructions as a parent and the guidance given in Proverbs in the Bible are great tools ⚒️ to harness.

Think 🤔.
To Really think, does not only involve the brain 🧠. It involves the mind, the heart ❤️, the spirit and the “essence of life” – 💝itality.
It includes the blessings of Wisdom.

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The “New World’ we’re living in NEEDS more – “Shit-Stirrers”… “Questioners’. Weirdos! Here’s why –

I love hats.
I wear different hats, depending on the occasion and the style of dressing that I feel is appropriate to the setting.
Just like in “life”, we all have to juggle the many roles that we play in the play-ground and classrooms of life.
Each role can be likened to a different hat.
In life, there is no – “one-size-fits-all’ solution for every one.
A key part of life for everyone is: SEARCHING for the relevant hat/strategy to fit the situation/circumstance you’re in.
Do you like hats? What type?

Tribes.

We’re ALL in tribes or groups. Family. Extended Families. Work colleague. Sporting tribes and so forth. The tribes are small to the very big.

In One of the many “tribes” I am a member in, we all get a question that relates to aspects of life. Members of this little tribe are of all ages and come from different backgrounds and socio-economic & cultural backdrops.

In one question, we were comparing the different paths people take to success. Based on a Ted-talk by the David Epstein, our Modern societies place a lot of emphasis and pump up the “stay focused “ on one thing and specialise your way to success (like Tiger Woods did). David called this the “Kind Learning Environment”. In this environment, the rules are clear and never change; largely based on knowledge of recurring patterns;

The other way – which he called “wicked learning environment “ was “sampling “ or “trying many things before settling on one”. In this environment, the rules may change; it may be delayed, it may be inaccurate. This is the route the great Roger Federer took – trying out a huge variety of sports before settling on Tennis.

The former (Tiger Woods ) chose and specialised from before he was 2 years old and built up his > 10,000 hours before he was in his teens. The latter has fun with many sports and specialised latter.

Society tends to trump up the former method because it makes for good storytelling. Why? Well, for many reasons , chief among them is “making a decision early “ shows decisiveness and a competitive advantage is far better. Yes, that is true for many things in life.

Taking the 2nd route like Rodger Federer seems like “wandering “ and indecisiveness and that is frowned upon by society.

Is it? Really?!

As David Epstein postulates, the wicked learning environment is more like the world we are living in than the former, isn’t it? We are living in an increasingly uncertain world, where the rules and ‘way of life’ can change very suddenly. Have a look at what happened in 2020. We are living in an increasingly uncertain world and we need to re-learn how to be comfortable being uncomfortable and adapt quickly to survive.

YOU are WORTHY.
Never forget that.
TRUTH.

Being a Wanderer, DOES NOT mean you’re LOST.

So, one of the members in this little tribe said that he has been called a wanderer” for a big chunk of his early life. Confirming what I have said about the way society in this point-in-time “deemed acceptable “. There was a great list of “sampling” he wanted to experience in the future.

This was my feedback to him:

“Great “Sampling List”, let Love :heart: & your heart :heart: lead the way… towards a re-education of the heart.

Being a “weirdo” and referred to as a “wanderer” is a blessing in disguise.

Many great thinkers were wanderers – pick a few names from the Bible – Jesus Christ, Moses… then you have Buddha, and Rumi .

Being a wanderer DOES NOT mean you’re lost.

To me, It just means that you have unanswered questions. It’s good to be asking questions- whether the “small” (what tasks to run today for example) … then the high level questions (which generally involve greater consequences – like what work suits me or who am I going to marry as examples).

But to me, the important questions are the “large “ questions, like – How can I derive “meaning “ from my life, for example.

However, most people would rather keep themselves “busy “ Or focused on a project(s).
in my experience, our lives and our happiness are inextricably entwined with the Large questions of meaning.

Keep searching … keep asking questions.
That is where you will find … your ‘meaning’ to your life.
MEANING IS THE NEW MONEY.
Build your WEALTH WITHIN.

Some Questions are UNANSWERABLE.

If your “wanderer” hat :tophat: takes you on this journey seeking answers to the more IMPORTANT QUESTIONS, know this:

These questions are, to a great extent, UNANSWERABLE.

That’s ok. For some things in life, what’s important is not that you find the ‘answer’ but … that you asked the question. The RIGHT question.

I’ve always told my family, that for some things, there are no answers – “that’s just the way it is”. I’ve even invented a word that is all encompassing: “KAKA!”

It comes in to use when I am tired of answering my two kids endless questions. when I say “Kaka!” … it  means – I am not obligated to explain or give a reason … it is “just the way it is”.

END OF CONVERSATION!

They DO NOT like the word and I use sparingly.

Oops … I may have digressed there a bit …

My 3 kids never stop asking me questions.
Some questions get the “kaka” answer.
Silence.

Someone is TRULY “LOST” when

So, wandering is a good strength and is a courageous thing to do. you “open” yourself up, you allow yourself to be vulnerable.

BEING a wanderer does not mean you are necessarily, Lost.

To me, a person is LOST when they are too obtuse, filled with fear or distracted or “busying “ their lives just to avoid asking the IMPORTANT Questions… that is when someone is truly, Lost.

That, my friend, are the seemingly “ UN-Weird “people of this world.That also happens to be the majority of the population.

But… in many times in life, the “majority “ doesn’t always mean you’re in “the right “. It just means that is the prevailing view of the majority of a group /community/societies …. at that time period.

Does it mean that it was “right?”

Not necessarily.

For example, the punishment for stealing a loaf of bread 🥖to feed your family two hundred years ago was to be classed in the same mold as murderers. You were all simply bunched together and shipped off to an “island” on the other side of the world 🌎… never to ever return.

That faraway “Island” was modern day’s Australia. And those “convicts” were modern-day Australian’s forefathers. Now, did the “punishment fit the crime?” At that time, yes… the majority felt so … the society felt it was so.

Is that punishment appropriate in today’s societies?

No.

I love this quote. Increasing your awareness is parameters to having clarity and success in your life.
SEARCH. Become the BEST ‘searcher’ you can be.
One day .. you may find ALL the answers you’re seeking for YOUR questions to give ‘meaning’ to your life.
A wonderful book says –
“Seek and ye shall find;
Ask and ye shall receive.”
True.

There is no “one-size-fits-all”.

So, enjoy your “weirdness” and accept that there is no ANSWER (s) that would be applicable to ALL… there is no “one-size-fits-all” category.

Remember, it is that “search “ for answers… wearing the “wanderer” hat… that makes the search so important. Enjoy the Unique YOU.

To me: I firmly believe it is spirituality that serves as the foundation for our existence. Besides, many years ago, I didn’t really catch the ‘message’ the Priest of my Catholic Church was during the church service. On my way out, I asked the “Father” what his message was and he said –

“Son, the world needs more ‘weirdos’ … more ‘stirrers’ … more ‘questioners’ and people who ‘rock the boat’. I agree. It is the wanderers .. the questioners .. the rebels .., the ‘shit-stirrers’ that will help change the world and help create environments that encourage better creativity and innovative thinking.

We don’t just need to work on ‘improving what is already there/here” … we need dreamers .. more ‘weirdos’ … more wanderers … to help not just IMAGINE. We need to Imagine BETTER. We can’t arrive at better solutions by doing the same thing that got us here.

May God continue to shower his blessings on you and guide you in your decisions.

All the very best in your search :flashlight: (and don’t forget to take a torch with you, to help you see in the darkness… as you sail through the Seas of Life … he he he !!)

Cheers & ahoy!

From another “weirdo” … from the Land from Down-under!

Courage is the springboard to success in anything worthwhile.

Be YOU.
As YOU are.
Accept the uniqueness … and weirdness that you know you are.
Embrace YOU.
Never imitate.

 

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Decline in Honour, a consequence of our society’s drive for instant self-gratification.

You – a Father, are a Superhero, whether you know it or not.
Your children are watching you like a Hawk. Don’t be in a situation where it’s – “do as I say, not as i do”. Their young minds don’t operate like that. They DO AS YOU DO. So, up your game is you have to.

Honour is a gift we give others.

I’m writing this as I do one of my key daily habits – I’m doing “cardio” on a x-trainer and This thought just crossed my mind. It is based on one of the many observations I’ve made of life over the years.

It relates to honour.

There was a time when “honour “ meant a lot.

It meant dedication, integrity, grit and doing the right thing even under trying circumstances. Does it still have importance and appeal? With the proliferation of high profile cases (& not so high-profile friends and family), planted in the news over the last decade or two, it seems …

No longer.

Maybe it’s the age we’re living in, where no one seems to believe in pleasure delaying, in the value of patience. There is an unbelievable low patience level and it is one of the more silent but influential epidemics.

The word honour seems to have lost a lot of meaning in our culture, modern societies’ insatiable desire for instant and self-gratification.

What happened to the old fashioned- “good things come to those who wait?

When does honour mean anything? When it begins by having a perspective and view of something that is beyond & outside of ourselves. When we think of others, first… when we live to serve others, like Jesus did. Honour is a gift we give others.

This is very difficult in our culture where it is about

– “what do I get out of it?”… and NOW!

But how do children learn about honour?

Usually, children learn about it when they see their fathers & mothers act honourably themselves.

Like genuine love, honour is a gift we give someone. It involves the decision we make BEFORE we put love into action that a person is of high value. In fact love for someone begins to flow once we have made the decision to honour him or here.

As fathers and mothers we give our children the gift of honour by –

  1. extending it first to our parents (if they are still alive);
  2. helping them find value in times of struggle.
  3. recognising our parenting strengths and style.
  4. providing a healthy balance in our homes.
  5. establishing loving boundaries.
  6. building positive loyalties.
  7. offering honour to God.

I turn to a Bible quote I recall from my 8 years as an altar boy in my early childhood and it said –

“A good name is to be worth more than silver and gold.”(Proverbs 22:1).

That means you can “take it to the bank when dealing with an honourable man. Are you that kind of person? Is your word , bankable?

What do you “see?” How you perceive the world influences your reality. Change your lenses if you need to.

It not only opens doors but it opens hearts too.

I have experienced it and witnessed it too. That is something a very good mentor of mine said –

Be honourable, ALWAYS. It not only opens doors but it opens hearts as well.”

Lies, like all sins, have no degree of gravity. There’re all equal in the eyes of the Lord. A sin is a sin. Full stop! So-called “white lies” can be a slippery slope for many, as bad habits … like all habits tend to build momentum.

The entry point to anything, whether bad or good, is the first step in that direction.

The habitual slippery slope of lying will destroy your honour. Like gateway drugs, you will never comprehend how addicted you can become to much harder drugs.

A slippery slope, remember.

So, speaking to ALL fathers out there, think about what I’ve just said. Today, if you’ve just begun walking down that road of dishonour, stop 🛑!

It’s not too late to turn back now.

Your children are watching you like a Hawk and they are much more tuned in and smarter than you think. You don’t want to look them in their eyes one day, asking them to forgive or even understand why “you did it.”

Along with beauty, comes strangeness. Embrace your strangeness … your unique ness.

A major destroyer of children.

This is a real major battle for all parents, a fight against a major destroyer of children – their feeling valueless and insignificant. Every day is a battle and an opportunity for you (as a father or mother) to wage this war. Don’t ever neglect building self-worth in your children. No matter how old your children are, it’s never too late from unfolding your hands and honouring them. Consistently applying this may save the heartache of damaged relationships, and they also get a strong foundation to truly value God, themselves and others.

To you and all dads/mums/parents out there, win this war against this major destroyer of children.

Give them the gift of honour.


Don’t make it hard for your children.

Our modern-Day societies love great stories, especially ones that involve a fall from grace, a man or woman or integrity who “gets their hands dirty “.

A loss of honour. In days gone by, that would be considered worse than death. 

Our culture eats people up who break their values for short-term gains and the like. Some of these men and women were once morally upright individuals doing their best for what’s right.

Then, they slip….& its a long, long, lonely ride down … Our culture will tell your children to dishonour you, just like everyone else are. But you know, and I know and all dads out there know that your children will truly want to honour you, their father. Their superhero… their dad.

So, do the right thing, ALWAYS. Not some of the time, always.

And don’t go down that slippery slope of dishonour… and don’t make it hard for your children and you do this by consistently showing them what true honour is.

My questions to all dads – whom do you need to honour today In your life? What do you need today to restore honour to your name?

All the very best in your decisions, men of honour,

until next time,

p.

Like an FM station, just one point off gives you an irritating “shhhh…”

My kids and I with Ruby the Dog. They just adore each other.
Choose to spend time with your kids, not ‘quality time’. Keep feeding their Sense of self-worth, every single day. Never stop Giving them the gift 💝 of honour. 

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The honourable hats of being a Father, Dad and Husband.

To think, really think .. is probably the hardest thing To do in life

I had a health scare.

Seven months before I won my 1st World Natural Bodybuilding/“Classic” Physique Title, I had a health scare. Every few minutes I would experience excruciating pain in my abdomen, especially whenever I ate something. The old experienced Surgeon (who was part of the first Medical Graduates at one of Sydney’s Top Universities & studied with an Uncle of mine) said I was lucky –

  1. The pain I felt was the closest thing any man can come to knowing what giving birth was like for a woman
  2. Less than 0.001% (or some very small number ) of the world’s population get this ailment
  3. It can be RIGHTED.

Diagnosis: the point where my small intestine & large intestine meet had folded on to each other like a sock 🧦. The pain experienced was due to the food being squeezed through each time I ate. It was an emergency & he moved me up the waiting list.

The operation was successful.

From that experience & my life experience so far… I have concluded that Nothing a man can ever do can & will compare with the pain a woman goes through during labour, along with carrying a life in them for 9 months.

Find your light to show your son/boys their way

A good Father is a little bit of a mother.

A man can never be a mother, but I recall a mentor saying – a good Father is a little bit of a Mother. Each have different primary roles and can’t completely replace the other, without causing other unwanted consequences.

No matter who you are or what you have achieved, one thing is true about life : Fathers matter deeply in the lives of their children and ultimately in the life of our communities and nations.

I believe Fatherhood is the most tragically underestimated & misunderstood modern-day issue of our culture today. It has been now, for a number of decades. Fathers & dads should be honoured & revered just as Mothers are.

Leadership ability begins in the home … children learn character building in the home
Be the best character you can be … for YOU, first .. and then for your kids
my two children a number of years ago

Our children deserve better.

Our culture (many modern-day societies ) often mocks fatherhood in various ways – I see it regularly on TV ads over the last 2 decades where Fathers & Dads are belittled or made to look silly & irresponsible. I’ve observed & experience this first hand in playgrounds.

This should not be allowed to continue as there is nothing funny about the number of broken homes & broken lives left behind by absentee (& abusive) fathers & husbands.

Our children deserve better and more should be done in society to educate and create awareness. Society needs to continue to provide reassurance and affirm the necessary role a Father or a Father figure has in the life of each child.

It seems that our culture today is at a crossroad. There are many epidemics afflicting us, yes – the covid & obesity as examples. However, we have diverted our attention from a major epidemic: the epidemic of broken families. You don’t have to look very far … this epidemic has grown at an alarming rate & has littered our streets with broken children.

Learning and absorbing our habits every single day of their initial phase of their lives is what our young Princes do.
Teach them well.

The most vulnerable victims – our children.

Absentee and noninvolved fathers, who have given up their roles as leaders & mentors have taken their toll on the most vulnerable of victims – our children. Statistics about children from fatherless homes are alarming and we should be working towards reversing this growing trend.

Fathers are very important in the lives of their children and FATHERS MATTER!

A mentor told me this once a long time ago –

“Behind every successful child is a good dad “.

A good father & dad is one who provides the launching pad for strong, successful and values – driven adults into the world. Adults who then make a positive impact in people’s lives.

It is truly an honour to be given the opportunity to have the honour of wearing the Father, Dad and husband hats so far in my life. I hope and pray that one day, my two children mention something along those lines in their eulogy speech at my funeral.

God bless my children and all the children of this magnificent world and to all the fathers & dads reading this that try juggling all those very important hats : father, dad amd husband.

God bless all the children of this world and what they have had to endure because of the covid epidemic.

Amen.

p.

My beautiful daughter and I enjoying “Daddy-daughter time” on the Ferris Wheel at Luna Park in amazing Sydney, Australia.

foundations of a gritty strong character Begins in the Family … in the home …

 

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I’m not a good Father.

You – a Father, are a Superhero, whether you know it or not.
I tell my kids that when I FUCK UP (and I do)… it is my human side that fucks up (5%) of me. The other times, I’m simply Super.

Finding the Silver Lining in the clouds.

As loving parents, one way we can honour our children and build value into their lives is to help them see the positive gain in troubled times, finding the ‘silver lining’ in the clouds. Do you find yourself doing that as a parent?

Whether we like it or not, before they leave our homes, our sons or daughters may experience moments or even days of doubt, discouragement, loneliness, disappointment or depression. That is all part and parcel of living and being fully human.

They may be betrayed by a friend, fail to get into the school or university the desired or the profession of their choice. You can reflect on your life or like I have, learned from other people’s (parents in this case) – that children could experience being dumped later in life by a girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse, or perhaps experience the disabling results of experimenting with drugs or alcohol.

And with each experience their child suffers, Mums and Dads feel the aftershocks in their hearts … have you felt that? Teaching them the necessary skills of how to respond to these life events and help them overcome these hurdles (if they do happen) is a big part of being a parent.

Teaching and ensuring they understand the life-skills necessary to move forward in life. If I don’t, I would feel like I’m not a good Father.

We all fall and fail in life. The main thing to focus on is picking yourself back up and …
Trying again.
That’s how most babies learn how to move from crawling to walking … and then to running …
and beyond.

Not wrong to avoid pain.

It is certainly not wrong to avoid pain when we can.

But it is wrong to deny problems, ignore them or try to explain them away or ‘push them under the carpet’. I come from a family line of confrontationists but my wife, on the other hand, come from one that ‘pushes things under the carpet’. No one says a bad thing if relates to ‘family’. With my family (extended), if there was a problem with someone or something, people raise it and bring it ‘out in the open’. They speak and ‘thrash’ the issue out amongst themselves and in many cases, individuals run out of words and let their hands/fists ‘do the talking’.

Did I tell you I come from a line of athletic sportspeople, with a strong emphasis on boxing? Anyways, I do. I grew up getting taught how to ‘box/fight’ from professional/semi-professional boxers. I was taught a ‘3-step’ method by my grandfather when I was a child and it has almost never failed me in street fights in my youth.

There are pros and cons of both methods of management of the issue – avoiding confrontation or seeking confrontation. The real skill is in assessing which issue is worth pursuing so as to bring less harm in the short and long term. Especially for your children and your relationship with them.

Most people take a lifetime to learn that art, if they ever do.

The interesting thing is that my wife has learned to be more confrontational and I have learned to be less. We have both learned something from each other. Finding that ‘mid-point’ is the true challenge.

That is one thing I am grateful for, for being married for almost two decades now – that we’ve both helped one another become better people, spiritually.

My wife and kids

Life is difficult and often unfair.

One of the all-time great truths is that ‘life is difficult and often unfair’.

The better we are at seeing through trials to what they can produce in our lives and our children’s lives, the better able we’ll be able to provide calmness, assurance and genuine love to our children, even in the midst of trying times.

In fact, trials have the capacity to bring strength, maturity, courage, genuine love, righteousness and perseverance to those who are willing to be trained by them.

Those are some of the qualities (along with others like patience and integrity, care and compassion) that work to re-enforce in my children and our family household. It is these intangible qualities in life that I hope my childrens’ character are built on.

Especially when the going gets tough in life, which an inevitable part of life. Not matter what happens, I tell them I WILL ALWAYS BELIEVE in them and WILL ALWAYS be in their corner. With these weapons, I encourage them to go out and give it a Try and … DO THEIR BEST. And even if they fail, that’s ok, because most people would not even try.

I teach them the most important thing – COURAGE, to attempt the ridiculous/weird or absurd. For nothing great or impossible ss achieved without courage. As M.C. Escher said –

“Only those who attempt the absurd will achieve the impossible.”

Leadership ability begins in the home … children learn character building in the home
Be the best character you can be … for YOU, first .. and then for your kids
my two children a number of years ago

What you fear will materialise.

I did a form of Martial Arts called Tae-Kwon Do for about eight years in my youth and achieved multiple Black Belts in that art, by the time I was 19 years old. Martial Arts is a kind of dance, with an opponent. You learn how to dance with your opponent(s) by using their energy and body patterns with and against them to ultimately get them ‘off balance’.

That is one of the keys to being a Father/wife or parent in this life – striving to keep a sense of balance, even as chaos reigns around you. One must remain calm and respond, rather than react to external stimulus that has the potential to ‘knock you off’ balance.

The very things we fear might happen to our children can make them stronger people, depending on their response and our response to their difficulties.

I strongly believe the key to remember as parents is – our children do as we do … not as we say. So, as a responsible parent, becoming a better manager of you – yourself, is an Key component.

Being the BEST YOU, is the building block on which your whole family, especially your kids will, model their behaviour off…when you hear people say –

He or she (referring to your child/ren … is a “chip off the old block’

Every experienced parent knows that bad behaviour in a child rarely happens with no previous signals and no past incidents of disobedience or defiance.

There are always signals of trouble ahead. I always tell people, be more aware of yours surroundings, they speak to you … you usually see the clouds before the storm hits, for example. Alert fathers and mothers notice such signals (in the child/children) in time to intervene and prevent the youngster from skidding into serious mistakes …

A ‘sick day’ from school day for us here, 4 years ago now.
Enjoying the entertainment at Sydney’s beautiful Luna Park.
I never let schooling interfere with my or my family’s education.
Children teach you better conflict resolution skills


Real Wisdom.

Your wisdom in controlling your youngster is one of the best measures of how much you really love and value her. She knows this, whether she has said so in plain words or not. My grandfather was such a parent for me in my childhood. I was blessed I had such a strong and morally upright Real Man to model myself off.

Children need to know that their mother should have a hand in controlling her/him too and her/his father should have an equal share in the job. In my family, my wife and I clearly and repeatedly say that we are co-CEOs in our family. Mummy has certain strengths and daddy has too. For example, when it comes to sternly communicating standards of behaviour, I communicate this very effectively so I do it more often.

Your personal examples are very important, too, along with your rules.

You won’t be able to sell her/him (your children) any double standards on the important issues in life. She or he will come much closer to following what you do and what you believe than what you say about these issues.

Your daughter or son does not have to believe that you are the wisest man in all the world to consider you as a good father. She or he does want to be able to come to you with important questions about life. She needs to see that you are learning and growing, too, that you are open to new ideas, new concepts.

That you have a growth mind-set and embrace change that is relevant and readily adapt.

The future Valentines with the talented Miss Ruby.

Teaching the hearts and minds that are learning how to make this world a better place in which to live.

Being a real father to your children is one job that no one else can ever do as well as you.

Good fathers deserve their full share of top praise, for they are helping to build the loftiest cathedrals in the universe: the hearts and minds that are learning how to make this world a better place in which to live.

 

Hanging out
They love making fun of me these days

Happy Father’s Day to all the responsible fathers reading this and beyond. Let’s not forget all those fathers who have come before us or have left prematurely. May God bless their souls

Enjoy your day and have fun,

Paul

 

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Does being a “Father” mean … being a “Man in the Shadows?”

    1. I am a Man.
    1. A REAL Man.
    This is my MUG.

An impossible task

It is an impossible task, being a parent.

Not just difficult … impossible.

To take a life from its first breath on through to maturity – to feed, clothe, educate, and all the rest. How could it be? …

What is a father’s role? I ask

If we turn to the Bible, we learn almost nothing about the man that would be cast in the role of father to the son of God. Though that infant was not part of his body, Joseph’s heart must have been stolen just as most adopted children have a way of doing.

How did Joseph do? As a dad?

Do you strive to better yourself in every way?
Are you a Leader?

Abba!

We know that Jesus made it to manhood with a very strong and simple vision of what ‘father’ meant. We could assume he learned it at least in part, from Joseph.

With his last breath, with a tormented man’s voice in the garden of Gethsemane, he shrieked –

“Abba!”

He cried out to God, not to his earth Dad, Joseph.

Jesus earth dad, Joseph, was a man of great patience & love 💓 and understanding.
A man that loved his wife, Mary, so much, he believed her story of Jesus being the son of God.
What a man… what a “man in the shadow”

Joseph, his Dad on earth, had no real purpose, it seems. The bible does not say much about him and gives very little significance to his existence.

Joseph, was simply, the ‘man in the shadows’.

In a strong way, that is the way most of society over the last centuries has evolved with regards to a mother and a father’s role in the raising of their children. Up until the age of twelve, we could assume that Jesus was guided by Mary and his earth dad, Joseph, in the shadows. Mary is elevated and rightly so.

The Bible has no account of Jesus between the age of twelve until his early thirties. There are many theories as to where and what he did but that is not the point Of this writer.

Young boys turn out just fine, it seems, even if most fathers are simply men in the shadows

So, don’t try and be a “mother” to a boy, just be YOU – a Real Man. Make him know and feel loved … unconditionally and don’t stress if you don’t think you have or cannot spend time with your boy.

God bless all you if you’re a Father and also all the Fathers and Dads out there who try their very best to be the best Role Model they can be.

For their sons … the worlds future Men and Leaders.

Until next time,

Popeye Pirate 🏴‍☠️ Paul … and the importance of being a Father even if you’re just the Man in the Shadow

Me & my son

 

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Boys to Men

My gritty Viking Pirate Prince – Zachary, is never too far from me. My role as his dad and father in shaping him in to the Man I imagine him to be be is the most important project I will ever undertake. The same applies to my daughter.

A Few Good Men

I loved the Rob Reiner directed movie – “A Few Good Men”, released in 1992. It starred some of Hollywood’s A-Listers like – Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson, Kevin Bacon, Cuba Gooding Junior, Demi Moore and so forth. Daniel Kaffee (Tom Cruise), a US military lawyer, defends two US marines charged with murdering a fellow marine at the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base in Cuba. The needle of suspicion, thus, points to a colonel (Jack Nicholson).

Throughout history, long before the marines or SAS or FBI or special forces … God had always been looking for a Few Good Men:

“For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him” (2 Chronicles 16:9a).

“I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap” (Ezekiel 22:30a).

God, give us Men. Real Men.

God give us Noahs: Someone to whom you can trust your mighty plans;

God give us Abrahams: Men who are willing to leave home and homeland to follow your call;

God give us Josephs: Men who would rather endure prison than violate one of your commands;

God give us Moseses: Men who are willing to stand as your mouthpiece against the most powerful leaders in all the world;

God give us Daniels: Men who would rather face a lions’ den than compromise their faith;

God, give us Men … Real Men!

Learning and absorbing our habits every single day of their initial phase of their lives is what our young Princes do.
Teach them well.

Who are the Real Men?

Have you seen them around?

Let’s name a few that have come forward and ‘spoke out’ and been chastised and ridiculed and effectively ‘tried by media’ before even having a fair trial. To me, they are Men who stand up for what it right … who stand up against Injustice in any shape or form. They are men who stand their ground, even if it means they stand alone. It is for unselfish and most loving men.

Here are a few Men that could be modern-day Noahs, Abrahams, Josephs, Moseses and Daniels: Colin Kapernick; Israel Folau; Quaid Cooper; Russell Brand; Jordan Peterson; Mike Tyson; Mohammad Ali; Malcolm X; Martin Luther King; William Wallace; Luke Sky Walker; Han Solo; The Lord of the Rings; Aragorn; Frodo; Marty McFly from Back to the Future; Bruce Wayne.

Can you name some?

Time spent with your young man is NEVER bad use of your time.

Boys To Men

Do you remember that smooth Men Group called “Boyz 2 Men” that was around in the 90s? I loved a few of their songs, they were very talented singers.

There name gives us a clue to what God gives us. He does not give us Men, he gives us boys …. sons.

The reality is that God DOES NOT give us men – he gives us boys.

To us, as parents, he gives us the task of forging these boys into men.

To help equip us for that task, God has provided the book of Proverbs, which is largely the advice of a father to his son …

Father’s Day is just around the corner for us here in Australia. I look forward to it every year for many reasons. One is seeing the creativity my children demonstrate on that day. I having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude that I have children and have the opportunity to play my role as their dad/father and love them unconditionally.

Our children are our legacy.

As a parent, are you taking that thought seriously?

We love muscle and design. We love muscle cars. Here we are at a Car Show in Sydney, Australia. Just love seeing, smelling and feeling the energy that is transmuted by beauty.

My little Batman.

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Notice me, Daddy!

Olivia and Zachary enjoying their time with Ruby.
Being a role model for my children is one of the most important responsibilities I will ever have in my life.
For the rest of my life.
Just like it is for every other dad out there.

A Poem: for All Fathers and Dads 

“Like all Fathers and Dads reading this, I am blessed in many ways,

One such way is having two very beautiful kids;

They are still growing and since their early days,

They know that they didn’t have to strongly bid.

to gain my attention or win my favour,

They know, they always have my attention.

When they do or say anything requiring my emotional labour;

“Notice me, Daddy!”

They know that I’m all theirs –

ALWAYS… there, like a Golfer’s Caddie;

All they have to do is to seek me out,

That is all it takes to grab a Father’s attention,

I’m as close as a joey is in her mother Kangaroo pouch;

That is all it takes to steal a loving Dad’s heart,

“Steal mine away!” I say.

For I will always be your Father, til’ death do us part,

Always be there for you, until that fateful day.”

 

My gift to you,

 

Kind regards,

Paul

 

Paul e Valentine

** Valentine Vitality **

My children striking their version of one of the seven compulsory poses in bodybuilding – the “Front-double biceps” pose.
… and strike!

Me and my children.
Children gives you a hint of eternity.
A true blessing to be graced with seeds.
Vv.

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