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FEARING FEARS.

My fridge magnet. Have courage. Continue to fuel your courage … every single day of your life.

To Risk or not to risk?

The question we all face today and for the rest of our lives is this : to risk or not to risk?

I believe everything we do is built on a foundation of confidence. Whether you’re a student or a master in your field comes down to your confidence in your abilities and experience and … risk to your professional reputation.

I believe that there is an inordinate level of security-mindedness in our modern-day societies. Perhaps We shouldn’t be surprised that in our post 9/11 world, the topic of of risk is a sensitive one.

Prior to the recent covid , in recent history, Scientists have regularly made headlines with warnings about such new risks as (as examples) : bird-flu pandemics and flesh-eating bacteria and old risks like category 5 hurricanes and earthquake-triggered tsunamis.

I believe we live in a world where risk -benefit analysis has become a recognised science… where “risk management “(an area I worked as a senior consultant to multinationals for almost 10 years) … is a popular college major .

It prepares more and more young professionals to work in all manner of industries

But …. here’s the thing …

No matter what safety steps we take or what security precautions we adopt, our risk of death 💀, say, is not approximately – but EXACTLY – 100 percent.

There is no margin of error in that statistic.

Courage is the springboard to success in anything worthwhile.

Elevated Risk-Taking.

I spent my early childhood in a culture that encouraged risk-taking and … a sense of wonder and mystery… one that did not put more of our trust in technology. One that did not think about increasing regulations whenever something goes wrong.

No … there was a communicated emphasis on community & togetherness. There was purposeful shift towards more trust, more care and more compassion.

Three things I think the world needs more of.

My question is: in our modern-day societies, what impact does people’s abnormally elevated security-mindedness has on people’s willingness to take risks now ? That we are being taught one way (in our educational institutions) …. This is the way I remember doing when I was in year 7. There is nothing extraordinary about it … I’ve been doing that since I was in early secondary school and then we learn it again university and further education . … and in our professional careers.

It is a great feeling to do this … but make sure it isn’t your ego that is leading. Stubbornness, well that’s ok.

Life itself is a Risky Business.

I think RISK & FEAR has become an increasingly significant word in American lexicon. If you google these 4-letter words … you’ll receive more than a billion references in less than a second.

I believe people are more sensitive to risk today than at any other time in history. So many are kit merely preoccupied with risk & fear … but I think are often downright schizophrenic about the topics.

This anxiety about risk permeates in American society and impacts it in endless ways. Good. Bad. Ugly. And sometimes ridiculous. American society dictate the world’s societies because well, America is the Super Power.

This fear mongering is everywhere and in everything… embedded deep in the psyche of modern-day citizens, many of which are unaware.

For example, It’s why we have surgeons general warnings on every pack of cigarettes. There are just so many examples of this “fear” everywhere … down to even a phrase : “fear setting”.

How did society become so intrigued by fear /risk – and so worried about it at the same time? People forget that Life itself is a risky business. We have heard many parables and/or stories … and most of us know the messages behind these stories.

Question is – do we truly UNDERSTAND?

It’s like the adventurer who was asked why he climbed the mountains and answered, “because it’s there!”

He took the risk. That’s the message… he just DID IT! No FEAR babee!!

Have no doubt. Help yourself first. You are more than just YOU… God will meet you half way … he ALWAYS does. All you ahve to do is: BELIEVE.

So-called EXPERTS DO NOT always have the last words …

I truly believe the US and many modern societies (Europe and Australia) have cultures that has developed this intense love-hate relationship with risk/fear, in part because it’s always there.

I believe we are seeing a timely and unprecedented convergence of trends and historical & current developments that supports the contention that we (Americans and western societies) are more focused on, and aware of, the risks/fears we face today than any other society In history.

And why?

Well… simply because we can.

People can easily equip themselves (technology) to recognise, understand, catalogue, measure, compare and know more about fears/risks they face than any other society in history.

One truth I’ve learned in my experience in Risk Mamagement is that so-called “experts” (in all fields) DO NOT always have the last word on risk/fears. Sometimes they only add to people’s doubts and confusions about the uncertainties and fears/risks people face in life.

The ratings-driven nature of the media today only further distorts people’s perspectives on the risks/fears they face. As a result of people’s misperceptions, I believe people overrate and worry more than they should. Despite the mind-boggling amount of information available today…. there’s clearly a huge gap between people’s perception of some fears/risks and thee actual magnitude.

Building your strength in the gym is only one definition of what it means to be ‘strong’

What risks /fears do people really need to worry about?

So another question is: what risks/fears do people really need to worry about?

How in the world does the average person make reasonable and wise decisions about their fears and risks they face when their perspectives on the subject is so often distorted? How does the average person decides what risks are acceptable?

Rather than worrying /reacting to every fear/risk…. what’s more important is the skill at discerning which ones you can do something about.

In other words, the wisdom to know what to worry about and the courage to find solutions to the issues and act on them.

I also believe not all fears/risks are bad.

Very important point: WISDOM is different from, and often more critical than, KNOWLEDGE.

In fact, I believe that too often, all information we’ve been given, all the risks/fears we’ve encountered and contemplate.. & all the warnings people receive from so many sources actually combine to skew people’s perceptions.

So, what hope s is that EFFECTIVE Risk Analysis and decision-making becomes MORE difficult rather than less.

So… back to my previous entry – instead of losing ourselves in all the knowledge before us and sliding into more worry, people should exercise more wisdom.

I think it was Teddy Roosevelt who once declared-

“Far better is it to dare mighty things than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much.”

I’m convinced most of the success I’ve experienced in my life so far and the majority of my personal and professional accomplishments over the years is from a practical formula I developed and used from my early childhood.

I have helped thousands overcome their fears using this formula … and

It hasn’t failed me yet.

It has never failed.

Want to know the “fail-proof” method I use? Get in touch with me.

Until next time,

Keep punching…. Don’t stop believing… most importantly , in –

YOU!

P.

Change your philosophy, change your life. Vv.
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MARRIAGE: The ULTIMATE TEAMWORK.

The 💝alentine tribe (minus our dog 🐶 – Mr Fuzzy/Fussy cuddles

Marriage is Teamwork.

No matter what a husband or wife happens to be or do, MARRIAGE IS TEAMWORK.

From my experience of being married for almost twenty years now and also from learning from other peoples’ experiences, marriage is a great example of ULTIMATE TEAMWORK.

I would go further to say that, given the high rates of divorce, marriages that last are not just because of teamwork but they have teamwork because they are a TEAM THAT WORKS.

Marriage is not about the hope of WORKING AS A TEAM, it is about two people WHO COME TOGETHER… & FIT … like 6 fits into 9, to make “69”.

Family.

God is an Amazing God.

God is an amazing God.

God gives many things.

God does not give individual gifts 🎁 to frustrate a marriage. No. God gives us unique gifts to ENHANCE the marriage. God does not lead two people into a marriage to see “sparks fly”, pulling a husband & wife in opposite directions.

No… God, leads them into marriage to blend and maximise their strengths, their usefulness.

Whenever this happens in my relationship with my wife, I pray to God for his help…. To give me the strength, courage & wisdom to make good decisions.

This is where our faith in God helps us during turbulent times in the marriage. There are many forces (internal and external) that work hard to tear a marriage apart.

If you believe in your marriage & what it represents is important to you, ask for God’s guidance and work hard to keep your marriage .

My beautiful wife of almost 20 years now. My love for this human being keeps increasing every single day.

The most difficult Act of Art of all.

As I see it, much of the problems & tension that occur in marriages comes from the INABILITY to BALANCE the ACT of GIVING to your spouse /other while retaining a SENSE OF SELF.

Mastering this balance, i believe is the most difficult ACT OF ART of ALL in life. I am still trying to master this after almost 2 decades.

In other words, the tension comes from grasping or holding onto what we consider our INDIVIDUALITY. I believe no matter what our gifts, talents or personalities… when they are given To god.

With strong belief in God, he will work & blend it all out and provide balance, because that is just what God will do.

No other team that you are a part of in life – business, sport, religion, politics etc … will ever be as IMPORTANT or benefit & challenge you like a successful marriage.

It takes WORK… a lot of real hard work. It is the complete & ULTIMATE example of TEAMWORK in life.

With God (part of the team, too).

Here’s a few questions for you:

1. Has there been a time when you put one of your individual goals “on hold “ so your spouse could pursue a dream?

2. Was the eventual outcome positive for you?

Until next time …

Yours in care, compassion & trust,

P.

Here we are … my beautiful wife and I. at a dinner party.
Loving & love in the Family provides key input for Balance.
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White Lies & Black Lies.

White & Black Lies should be minimised in families.

Withholding Truth

G’day & Bula & good morning/evening to YOU wherever YOU are in this beautiful planet 🌏!

I was thinking 🤔 about life, as I usually do & the concept of “truth” in particular and lies as well as they seem to be two sides of the same coin.

Lying 🤥, we all do it and have done it over the course of our lives so far.

We lie to others & we lie to ourselves. I guess we could split lies up in to two main types:

1. White lies

2. Black lies.

The 💝alentine tribe (minus our dog 🐶 – Mr Fuzzy/Fussy cuddles. As parents we try to be as truthful to our children.

White Lies & Black Lies.

A black Lie, as I see it, could be defined as a statement we make we know is false. A white lie is a statement that we make that is not in itself false but that leaves out a significant part of the truth.

I think white lies can often be more destructive than black-lying. Think 💭 about it, we all do it almost every single day of our lives , as we consider white-lying more socially acceptable in many of our relationships because we “don’t want to hurt people’s feelings.”

Yet, people complain that their social relationships are generally superficial. Is this the right thing to teach our kids – that, as parents, part of being loving is feeding them heaps of white lies?

Is it right and truly beneficial for the children to not be told the cold truths about matters of life? Should parents continue (& I see this happening every day and have witnessed in many families over the last 3 decades of keen interest) “white-lying?”

So, parents tell each other everything but feed their children white lies. For example, that they fought with each other the night before about their relationship, or that their dad resents their grandparents for their manipulativeness & lack of caring over the years or that mum has a medical problem.

Rational behind white lies is – a loving desire to protect & shield their children from unnecessary worries.

The thing is , the children will know anyway.

Her heart ❤️ (& his) belongs to me … for now.

Protection or deprivation?

The reason to protect the child/children is, at best, a genuine form of misguided love 💕. Protected from what?

Is it really helping & protecting the child/children? Or is it detrimental? I think it would be more the latter.

White-lying is not protection but deprivation!

Children are deprived of many things –

⁃ knowledge about the situation

⁃ Their parents

⁃ Their grandparents

⁃ Life

⁃ People in general

So, ultimately, it comes down to what “version of the truth” are we willing to share with the world?

Can you see “me” in my son? Can you see you in your son?

Is Love the answer … is it Discipline with Discipline?

It also comes down to love and how we define love for ourselves. To tell white lies, do we love more than not telling white lies?

How do you define “love?”

This is a hard one ☝️ as love 💗 is just too large, too deep even, in my opinion, to be truly understood or measured or limited within a framework of words.

The bible tries to explain what love is but I don’t think 🤔 or at least I haven’t come across a truly satisfactory definition of love.

I know what love is not!

Contrary to what we’ve been told , love is not a feeling.(I will elaborate on what l mean another time)

I think love comes down to the desire to nurture one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. And this takes discipline, lots of discipline.

Discipline that needs to be constantly disciplined.

Discipline with discipline!

What do you think? Food for thought 💭.

End of the week … hang in there and continue moving forward in the roles you play in your life.

Gotta go now … have a great day!

Cheers 🍻!

– GURU Paul 💝alentine –

My gritty Viking pirate 🏴‍☠️ princess 👸
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Family Living is REAL Living.

Can you see “me” in my son? Can you see you in your son? Genealogy.

REAL Living.

What is “Real Living” mean to you?

REAL LIVING to me, is the Family, or rather, happens in the Family. It Happens where the family calls home, wherever that may be.

My family home is a place where my kids Learn many things.

they learn & reinforce how to play, have fun, care & be compassionate in our family.

Daily life is abundant with laughter.

We’re almost always celebrating.

Something.

Even when there is nothing to celebrate, we just celebrate LIFE.

My family, to me, is where REAL LIVING takes place.

My kids, wife, dog & I have breakfast, lunch & dinner together.

Not forgetting all the snacks between them.

We watch tv together, go to live concerts together.

My family have private jokes and go to our local church together.

We attend concerts, rugby games & community functions together.

My wife & kids hanging out with me for a few hours in our Family Gym. The gym was my children’s playground.

GIVE & TAKE.

My kids learn how to COMMUNICATE.. where communicate means to GIVE & TAKE.

My kids learn & practice what it means to keep commitments & promises.

My wife & my long-term marriage vows is on display, everyday.

My kids are learning many things from us… especially that they know they are REALLY LISTENED TO, taken seriously & understood.

They understand that LISTENING IS LOVING.

It is a prelude for their future, observing the quality of our 20 years union.

My family is not perfect.

Matter of fact, we are imperfectly perfect.

We have our own unique set of quirks and it is welcomed and accepted by all members…. Even my random thunderous farts 💨… he he he !!

Outdoor Family activity.

Quality MOMENTS.

My kids did not choose this family, but are forever connected to me & their mother.

I try to spend as much time as I can with my children.

They are ALL QUALITY MOMENTS.

To me.

I hope, when they look back as adults – they remember this phase of life in this family, as some of the best years of their lives.

My kids, my family, is my genealogy… my link … my connection, from my past to their future.

I cherish mine & their changing roles and love the interconnection with my family members.

Like Protein is the building blocks for growing muscles….

My family, your family, all the families of the world … is the basic building blocks of our communities, our societies, our cities, our world.

It is where the miracle of “US” is practiced & reinforced.

My wife and kids

Love.

Above all else, I hope my kids learn about the meaning of LOVE.

They see it in action.

Every single day.

They are learning that Love is an ACT OF WILL, not a STATE OF MIND.

We try and reinforce that love can only be BESTOWED and not demanded Or commanded.

They learn to love and be loved …

To FEEL love in all seasons …

To witness all the phases of the moon,

To FEEL the sun from both sides.

I love my family… almost more than life itself.

Thank you., & may God continue to shower his blessings on you and your family & loved ones.

Until next time,

Paul.

Covering their dad in sand

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What is your MESSAGE to the world 🌎… when you leave this world?

My grandfather. My dad.

I was raised as a son by grandfather.

He was my grandfather. My Dad.

He died when I was 19. Six years after his wife, my grandmother died.

I spent a big part of early childhood with my grandfather. He didn’t say much but he had many little “coaching conversations” when appropriate (I later realised what he was doing after he died in my late teens).

At University (almost 30 years ago now whilst doing my second degree in Accounting/Business Management ), I read a book by the author Ken Blanchard called “the one minute manager”. I realised then, that the management style my grandfather was using in relation to raising me and the family household, was the same as what the author was espousing in the book.

I cry. I cry for my Dad. I cry inside. I cry for many things. I cry … invisible tears. Tears that would fill multiple Olympic-sizes swimming pools. I cry for all those suffering from injustices in this world 🌎. I cry out for justice. From God.

A Man’s Man.

The best manager I have ever worked for was the CEO/Managing Partner of a Top 20 Accounting & Business Advisory. I was there for about 3 years and was some of the BEST years working as an “employee “.

This man, was a Man’s Man … a Clint Eastwood demeanour with a Tom Hanks (heart .. when appropriate). His physical presence was intimidating. He was a former Australian ranked boxer and his reputation for results preceded him.

Everyone was scared shitless of him. They trembled in their seats when they heard him coming down the passages and everyone avoided him.

Accept me.

I found him fascinating and I loved him and his management style. I thought about why (after I left) and it was because he reminded me of my grandfather.

I didn’t buy into the fear and the water-cooler stories about him that became part of the Firm’s Legendary stories. So, I decided to “get to know him”.

Beauty & Ugliness entwined. there is no beauty without the ugly. there is no right, without the wrong. There is no particle without the wave. There is no logic without the insane. There is no ying, without the yang. Learn to embrace BOTH SIDES OF YOU …& seek BALANCE & SYMMETRY. Through & with GOD.

No need for Sir, call me Bob …

As he walked by the cubicles in the morning, I would yell out – “Good morning Mr E…!” The other staff couldn’t believe it… I actually spoke out snd greeted him.

The first time … I would hear his footsteps pause and … then continue. The following morning, I did the same. He did the same.

On the third day .. he stopped and then said –

“Who is that?”

I stood up from my cubicle and replied –

“Paul ❤️alentine, sir!”

He laughed and said –

“No need for Sir, call me Bob... snd a good morning to you, too.”

From then on, each time he walked passed by Cubicle, he would call out my name and we would end up having chats. Matter of fact, he preferred me to handle many of his clients and over time, we would become very good friends.

It got to stage where, he would only allow me to interrupt him in any meeting he was in. No one else in the Firm could do that. There was a level of TRUST that he had in me that no one else got.

When he had to “Sign off” on Reports and Files … he would go through others’ files with a fine-tuned comb, asking many questions. With mine, he just wanted me to give him the “gist” or executive summary (usually one page of the Risks and my personal assessment)

He would always ask me one question –

“Are you happy with me signing Paul?”

I would say yes or no.

He would act accordingly.

Who are “YOU?” Learn to love ❤️ YOU, first.

The One-Minute Manager.

The “one-minute managed” approach is to be very FIRM in your values & principles snd DO NOT compromise on INTEGRITY. EVER.

This is communicated EFFECTIVELY. There is no ambiguity. … ALWAYS communicated CONSISTENTLY, CLEARLY and CONCISELY.

Integrity is what most Good Leaders have. But, RE-INFORCED integrity is what GREAT Leaders have. They NEVER sacrifice their MORALS & ETHICS in ALL that they do & say and say they do.

That is the One-Minute Manager…. On Enthusiasm Turbo-Boost. That is what the world needs right now … more GREAT LEADERS in all KEY areas of life.

“What is your message ?” I ask.

What is the message you leave to the world, when you … leave this world?

The one-minute manager approach primarily relates to the FEEDBACK being TIMELY and SPECIFIC. For example, when I fuck up with something on a client, I would hear his footsteps come towards my seat. I would feel his presence snd his hand rest on my shoulder (as I looked at my computer screen). I could sense his frustration snd he would say –

“Paul, you fucked up. Learn from it. Don’t do that again”

And then he was off. He was the first to reprimand me and “pull me in line” as soon as the incident occurred.

The reverse is also true. When I did a great job and exceeded clients expectations, I would hear those same footsteps again …

His hand on my shoulder, looking in my eyes and saying –

“Great job Paul, well done. Keep it up, son! Take the afternoon off!”

My salary increases in 6-monthly reviews were in the top and I had one of the best corner cubicles in the Firm. Many other staff were jealous but … I learned that TRUST is one of the foundation stones of any relationship.

I’ve almost always adopted this Management style in almost all my dealings with people, as an employee, managing groups/teams .. and as an Employer, managing egos.

Do you trust – YOU?

Out of interest, what are your top 3 to these :

1. What 3 words describe your Vision for your business?

2. Do you believe in YOU? 3 strengths you have as a Leader?

3. Do you TRUST “you?”

4. Do have a need to be “liked” by everyone? Do you have a need to be “agreeable “ with everyone?

Again….

What is YOUR MESSAGE?

This is one of the KEYS to almost ALL successful communication to any audience: know your message.

Now … snd when you leave this earth.

All the very best,

Until next time,

P.

Have the courage of a Tiger 🐯. Do what is RIGHT, Always. Live. Die. With Dignity.
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History, Family & Storytelling … & Torch Bearing.

With my gritty Viking Pirate 🏴‍☠️ Intelligent, caring & compassionate daughter, Olivia. She has heard me say many stories … over and over again.

There is Power💥 in Storytelling.

I’ve always loved storytelling.

I remember sitting with adults when I was a kid, Listening to their stories. They would say –

“Paul, why don’t you go and play with your cousins & friends outside”

I would reply –

No, there will be time to play with them later”

I’ve listened to hundreds of other people’s stories when I owned & managed my Family Gym for 7 years.

I love 💕 telling stories.

I believe there is power in storytelling.

My wife and kids. I Storytell until they get fed up… then I know, they know.

It begins in the home.

It begins in the Home…. Practising the art of Storytelling, that is.

Home is where the foundation of storytelling starts. I recall listening to my dad & his close friend’s tell stories around the Kava bowl. In the home, I got a strong 💪 foundation… Of a past that lends my existence a place, a sense of belonging, a historical context.

Home is where stories get passed on for generations. I have continued with this 💝alentine tradition. My two kids can retell the stories I tell .. because they have heard them countless times. And as my daughter says –

Dad, it keeps changing all the time”

And I say –

Aaaahhh… yes, my dear … that is where facts and imagination fuse in the optimum place”

Home is where I was told that I am built like & physically intelligent like my grandfather, Ben Valentine. A powerful & skilful National heavyweight boxing champion, going undefeated for 3 years in his prime.

Home is where I heard stories of my quirkiness from early age & my creative & innovative nature in my early youth. I heard stories of my country of birth through the filter of my own genealogy.

Struggles, family migrations, family triumphs, as well as ancestral successes & failures were taught to me through the history of my 💝alentine Family.

In my Home now, it is a place where I build my own legacy: through my love 😍 for history & storytelling, I have shared & will share more stories I was told in my youth with my children.

Always, adding my generation’s story to this 💝alentine Novel in progress. I’ve always believed the REAL histories of families aren’t the records of births, deaths & marriages. No, to me …

… they are the stories told after dinner, while having chocolate or dessert. So full and satisfied.

For i have learned many things so far, and one important one is the importance of LEGACY.

Legacy is fueled by US… in our family. It is fueled by ME. And all this evolves from our history… our family stories passed down …

As it is …

Our IDENTITY. Our ROOTS.

Balance & symmetry brings you closer to harmony … to beauty …closer to infinity. Just like mathematics does

Tell it to your children…

I found a passage from the Bible:

“Tell it to your children,

And let your children tell it to

Their children,

And their children to the next

Generation.”

– Joel 1:3, NIV

I tell my kids that one day they will bear the 💝alentine torch 🔦. They will continue to write their chapters if their lives through their storytelling.

Knowing that they have a very strong identity and they will continue to shine the torch 🔦 and build on the legacy that they inherited…

Through the strong foundation of the 💝alentine Family history through storytelling.

I am still the current Torch Bearer of the 💝alentine Family and I make a toast to all future Torch Bearers of my family and all families …

Carry the Torch with pride & Live & Die with dignity.

I love 💕 you, ALWAYS.

Yours in care, compassion & trust,

– Paul e 💝alentine –

Me.
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My son turned 10, today.

10!

I sit back and go … “wow!’

Where has time gone? Ten years went by … .like a blink of an eye. Memories… that is all we have … shared memories.

We have many.

The young man and I. Cruising.

He knows he will always have a home.

He has spent his first ten years of his life, with me, his mother and his sister. Spent it in our home .. which is HIS HOME. 

I like to think that his home is a place of celebration, a continuous celebration of Life. His home is the place where he can let down his hair and just be, himself. His home is where living happens and laughter rocks the walls. 

I’d like to think that his home is the place where he learns to play, to have fun, to relax, to love and … to pray. Each day in our household is a celebration. Everyday, our Family prayers allows us to reflect on our life so far … with GRATITUDE.

Our home is A celebration of Life.

There is an abundance of laughter in his home. So loud that it carries all the way to the streets and neighbours.

Enjoying Kayaking together in Sydney’s beautiful seas

His home is where Real Living, takes place.

He learns how to work, how to play, how to eat, how to ride in cars together, how to attend Taekwondo lessons, how to play music in bands virtually, how to watch youtubes and videos, how to host friends, how to take care of his self, how To be a better brother, how to be the loving son that he is, how to develop our own private family jokes (usually they love “roasting’ me).

In our home .. his home, we try not to take life too seriously. In our home … a home of celebration we thrive in conversation and accept that humour and laughter is essential elements to our Family cohesion.

Our home … his home … vibrates to us and to everyone around us that … 

“This is what life is all about. In a nutshell, life is what happens in our home … it is where he is celebrated.”

He loves creating stuff. With all kinds of tools.

Home is where … 

My son … has his Nintendo game, his soccer and rugby balls, his books, his swords, his toy guns, his snacks. 

Home is …. Being able to walk around in his undies all day … home is Eating cold watermelon and tropical pineapple together at the dinner table on a winter day. Home is where he is allowed to yell … to get angry … and it is ok. Home is where he can play wrestle games in the bedroom and backyard and come out of it … unscathed.

Home is where he gets unlimited hugs and kisses and learns about the important things in life. Home is where he learns how to agree to disagree and resolve conflicts.

Home is where he learns to be appreciated and listened to. Home is where his strong sense of self … his powerful self image … his confidence is built. Home is where he understands his responsibilities to contribute to the family to make it work … that little things, matter.

To sum up … I hope my ten year old son learns much … in our home .. his home.

One day, I hope, he would look back and realise that home is where he discovered wonder and learned to not only Dream … but …. To Dream BIG. One day, he remembers to repeat some of … OUR traditions … OUR unique family qwirks … our UNUSUAL ceremonies.

I hope that one day, my son looks back and views his time in his home .. our home as a period where he not only FOUND but …. EXPERIENCED, JOY.

With … his dad (me), his mum, Cathy, his sister, Olivia and our pet schnoodle : “Mr Fussy/Fuzzy Cuddles”.

Until next time,

P.

Can you see “me” in my son? Can you see you in your son?
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Men & Fathers who Nurture.

Did you have a father that invested a great deal of time and energy in to your life? Or was he in the shadows … or almost never around.

In my 7 years of owning and managing my Family Gym, I came to really know men from all backgrounds and status in society. My gym membership was about 70% male.

Over time, I came to notice correlations and strong causation between their behaviour as grown men and their relationship with their dads in their childhood. It didn’t matter which race, culture or status, there were some strong connections.

Can you see “me” in my son? Can you see you in your son?

Happy Men & Not-so-happy Men.

Do you consider yourself a “Happy Man?

Who are the happiest Men in society? Not by any kind of horizontal segmentation but as a species – “male”.

I think there are Happy Men and the not-so-happy men in our modern-day societies.

Experience has indicated that the men who are the happiest and most content in the masculine role today are those whose fathers put in the time and effort in their upbringing. And continue to do so.

I’ll refer to them as the “Happy Dads” in society.

These Happy Dads had dads who were around to begin with. Dads that were committed to maintaining a positive, nurturing, encouraging relationship with their sons. These Fathers of Happy Dads provided that secure foundation and supported their sons in their ups and downs.

The sons (Happy Dads) had support from their Fathers with their careers and decisions they made and acknowledged their achievements.

These Happy Dads had dads that were just “there for them”. No excuses, full-stop!

Time spent with your young man is NEVER bad use of your time.

RETURN ON INVESTMENT (ROI)

That consistent loving time spent with their sons (not “quality “‘time), paid off … in time. These Father’s sons, who the the Happy Dads of today are, I believe, among the most well-adjusted and peaceful husbands and fathers in our modern-day societies.

Are they increasing? Are they easily recognised?

Does he look like you? Your friend, maybe?

Like Father-like-son. I think I am a Happy Man… mostly. Are you?

MINORITY RULE.

I believe these well-adjusted and peaceful husbands and fathers is and has been on the decline. They could be safely said to be in the “minority “.

Normally, I would say that in a democratic society, the majority should rule. In this instance, I believe that this minority should rule … these men should be the norm and not rare and abnormal.

We need these types of men … Happy Dads … to flourish again and increase.

What do we do? How do we go about this?

I believe it is up to me, you and … all the current dads/fathers reading this and out there with young sons… to commit to these young impressionable souls.

It is up to us, Fathers/Dads/Husbands.

Being there for your young man is vital to his overall understanding of a BALANCED Man.

STOP REARING ANGRY MEN.

The majority of men today are struggling to recover from relationships with fathers who failed to nurture, affirm and validate them at some level … or all levels.

These sons (who are now fathers/dads/husbands themselves), are left with a legacy of pain, confusion, frustration, anxiety, bitterness, fear & anger. A lot of these men never had a choice in having their father in their lives as the mothers decided to bring them up as single parent.

I believe a big percentage of These adult sons are the angry men of our societies.

We need to stop rearing angry men.

If you’re part of the minority that is, the Happy Men, congratulations 🎉! Go and give your old man a hug and tell him you love him…. and just give him thanks for being there for you through your tumultuous years of youth.

You probably already do … and have.

That’s what Happy Men do.

Cheerio for now, Until next time …

Learning and absorbing our habits every single day of their initial phase of their lives is what our young Princes do. Teach them well.
My gritty Warrior Viking Pirate 🏴‍☠️ prince 🤴

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Like Father, like Son.

Transference of Wisdom from a Father/Mother to their son/daughter is. a key factor in raising a morally-upright, compassionate human being.

WISDOM.

An old friend made that comment on a photo I Put up on Facebook of my son. He said –

“The Apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree … like Father-like-son”

I hadn’t heard this phrase since my youth. Something, I’d overhear the adults would say in conversation.

Got me thinking … about the vital role a Dad/Father plays in a child’s life, in teaching his son/daughter “Life Skills”, emphasising the necessity of learning the Art & Power of Discernment.

In other words: WISDOM.

What a responsibility! I mean, am I actually qualified to give my son/.daughter advice? For most answers to Life Matters, I turn to the Complete Source: The Bible.

Being part of a larger family in the community you’re part of is a key complement to raising good citizens.

The beginning of knowledge.

In the Bible, we are told that the beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord (proverbs 1:7).

So, remember, before you can pass on knowledge, it is important that you have gained the necessary knowledge in the first place.

Like the most important teachers, you’ve “walked-the-walk” before you “talk-the-talk.”

So, the first questions we need to ask ourselves are: do you believe in God and do you fear God?

In proverbs 1:3, we are told that before a father can pass on advice, he himself must know the meaning of that “fear of God” … that reverential awe and the wisdom to which it leads.

Giving advice to a son/daughter on “doing what is right and just and fair” can only come from a person who fears God and holds him in awe.

I ask myself the question: do I “qualify?”

What about you, do you qualify?

Passing on the instructions of good decision-making to my daughter is fundamental to my role as her father.
Much guidance is given by the Bible.

Wisdom stems from the discipline of Character.

I also ask myself the question of what is the GOAL of a Father’s advice to his children?

It is clear to me that the Goal of a father’s Godly instruction MUST be spiritual and must stem from the insight learned in Proverb’s WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE or UNDERSTANDING.

But, I don’t believe this wisdom is from Academic Achievements measured by membership to University boards or clubs or some Ivy League College. No, I believe this “wisdom” goes beyond scholastic wins. It goes to a place few dare to go.

That place is – MORAL RESPONSIBILITY. Getting there is difficult. Staying there is far greater a challenge.

Like Father – like son.

The Power of Discretion and Discernment.

It ALL boils down to decision-making, the mastery of this Art. Many Leaders and would-be leaders spend years at universities trying to learn the many tools that assist and help them make decisions.

And still, get it wrong!

The feeder to this art is reflected in the disciplining of the Character, characterised by the person living a “disciplined and prudent life.”

What does it mean to “live prudently?”

It is fundamentally having a clear understanding of the difference between RIGHT and WRONG.

To live prudently means to make decisions that are NOT based a whim or changing appetite but knowing right from wrong. This is the skill and power of discretion or discernment. Exactly what the Bible, Proverbs prescribed.

Out and about with the future Mr Valentine

Respect for the Miracle of Life. 

So, what does this mean when we (as a Father or as parents) have to educate our sons & daughters on HOW to make wise choices?

Whenever I make a decision in my children’s presence, I have a “walk-through “ how I arrived at that decision (s). I let them know the THINKING 🤔 BEHIND THE INTELLIGENCE. I mention the KEY components like – the initial assessment of risks; the consequences it could lead to if not addressed with mitigating controls; the probability/likelihood of the consequences occurring (with and without mitigating controls) and the possible impact, to self and others.

And then factoring in what my heart ♥️ & soul tells me too.

So, as a Father, I strive to give my son & daughter a process that prepares them to make wise choices, to be discreet and discerning.

Such instruction DOES NOT presume that the child somehow already knows what’s best. So, if you’re thinking of having kids or have very young kids, I believe that parents need to instruct and educate them from the earliest years.

They must be shown, trained and taught to tell the truth rather than lies; to respect the property of others rather than take for themselves; that harming anyone else is unacceptable;

And … to hold and RESPECT THE MIRACLE OF LIFE... whether it is flora or fauna or human, in respectful and highest regard.

All the very best in your decisions, big and small and may God continue to shower his blessings on you and your family and cherished ones.

cheers & ahoy from beautiful Sydney, Australia!!

* Dr. of Muscle/Energy Aesthetics & 💝itality/❤️Ove *

Children need a good framework to build their character on.
Your instructions as a parent and the guidance given in Proverbs in the Bible are great tools ⚒️ to harness.

Think 🤔.
To Really think, does not only involve the brain 🧠. It involves the mind, the heart ❤️, the spirit and the “essence of life” – 💝itality.
It includes the blessings of Wisdom.

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The “New World’ we’re living in NEEDS more – “Shit-Stirrers”… “Questioners’. Weirdos! Here’s why –

I love hats.
I wear different hats, depending on the occasion and the style of dressing that I feel is appropriate to the setting.
Just like in “life”, we all have to juggle the many roles that we play in the play-ground and classrooms of life.
Each role can be likened to a different hat.
In life, there is no – “one-size-fits-all’ solution for every one.
A key part of life for everyone is: SEARCHING for the relevant hat/strategy to fit the situation/circumstance you’re in.
Do you like hats? What type?

Tribes.

We’re ALL in tribes or groups. Family. Extended Families. Work colleague. Sporting tribes and so forth. The tribes are small to the very big.

In One of the many “tribes” I am a member in, we all get a question that relates to aspects of life. Members of this little tribe are of all ages and come from different backgrounds and socio-economic & cultural backdrops.

In one question, we were comparing the different paths people take to success. Based on a Ted-talk by the David Epstein, our Modern societies place a lot of emphasis and pump up the “stay focused “ on one thing and specialise your way to success (like Tiger Woods did). David called this the “Kind Learning Environment”. In this environment, the rules are clear and never change; largely based on knowledge of recurring patterns;

The other way – which he called “wicked learning environment “ was “sampling “ or “trying many things before settling on one”. In this environment, the rules may change; it may be delayed, it may be inaccurate. This is the route the great Roger Federer took – trying out a huge variety of sports before settling on Tennis.

The former (Tiger Woods ) chose and specialised from before he was 2 years old and built up his > 10,000 hours before he was in his teens. The latter has fun with many sports and specialised latter.

Society tends to trump up the former method because it makes for good storytelling. Why? Well, for many reasons , chief among them is “making a decision early “ shows decisiveness and a competitive advantage is far better. Yes, that is true for many things in life.

Taking the 2nd route like Rodger Federer seems like “wandering “ and indecisiveness and that is frowned upon by society.

Is it? Really?!

As David Epstein postulates, the wicked learning environment is more like the world we are living in than the former, isn’t it? We are living in an increasingly uncertain world, where the rules and ‘way of life’ can change very suddenly. Have a look at what happened in 2020. We are living in an increasingly uncertain world and we need to re-learn how to be comfortable being uncomfortable and adapt quickly to survive.

YOU are WORTHY.
Never forget that.
TRUTH.

Being a Wanderer, DOES NOT mean you’re LOST.

So, one of the members in this little tribe said that he has been called a wanderer” for a big chunk of his early life. Confirming what I have said about the way society in this point-in-time “deemed acceptable “. There was a great list of “sampling” he wanted to experience in the future.

This was my feedback to him:

“Great “Sampling List”, let Love :heart: & your heart :heart: lead the way… towards a re-education of the heart.

Being a “weirdo” and referred to as a “wanderer” is a blessing in disguise.

Many great thinkers were wanderers – pick a few names from the Bible – Jesus Christ, Moses… then you have Buddha, and Rumi .

Being a wanderer DOES NOT mean you’re lost.

To me, It just means that you have unanswered questions. It’s good to be asking questions- whether the “small” (what tasks to run today for example) … then the high level questions (which generally involve greater consequences – like what work suits me or who am I going to marry as examples).

But to me, the important questions are the “large “ questions, like – How can I derive “meaning “ from my life, for example.

However, most people would rather keep themselves “busy “ Or focused on a project(s).
in my experience, our lives and our happiness are inextricably entwined with the Large questions of meaning.

Keep searching … keep asking questions.
That is where you will find … your ‘meaning’ to your life.
MEANING IS THE NEW MONEY.
Build your WEALTH WITHIN.

Some Questions are UNANSWERABLE.

If your “wanderer” hat :tophat: takes you on this journey seeking answers to the more IMPORTANT QUESTIONS, know this:

These questions are, to a great extent, UNANSWERABLE.

That’s ok. For some things in life, what’s important is not that you find the ‘answer’ but … that you asked the question. The RIGHT question.

I’ve always told my family, that for some things, there are no answers – “that’s just the way it is”. I’ve even invented a word that is all encompassing: “KAKA!”

It comes in to use when I am tired of answering my two kids endless questions. when I say “Kaka!” … it  means – I am not obligated to explain or give a reason … it is “just the way it is”.

END OF CONVERSATION!

They DO NOT like the word and I use sparingly.

Oops … I may have digressed there a bit …

My 3 kids never stop asking me questions.
Some questions get the “kaka” answer.
Silence.

Someone is TRULY “LOST” when

So, wandering is a good strength and is a courageous thing to do. you “open” yourself up, you allow yourself to be vulnerable.

BEING a wanderer does not mean you are necessarily, Lost.

To me, a person is LOST when they are too obtuse, filled with fear or distracted or “busying “ their lives just to avoid asking the IMPORTANT Questions… that is when someone is truly, Lost.

That, my friend, are the seemingly “ UN-Weird “people of this world.That also happens to be the majority of the population.

But… in many times in life, the “majority “ doesn’t always mean you’re in “the right “. It just means that is the prevailing view of the majority of a group /community/societies …. at that time period.

Does it mean that it was “right?”

Not necessarily.

For example, the punishment for stealing a loaf of bread 🥖to feed your family two hundred years ago was to be classed in the same mold as murderers. You were all simply bunched together and shipped off to an “island” on the other side of the world 🌎… never to ever return.

That faraway “Island” was modern day’s Australia. And those “convicts” were modern-day Australian’s forefathers. Now, did the “punishment fit the crime?” At that time, yes… the majority felt so … the society felt it was so.

Is that punishment appropriate in today’s societies?

No.

I love this quote. Increasing your awareness is parameters to having clarity and success in your life.
SEARCH. Become the BEST ‘searcher’ you can be.
One day .. you may find ALL the answers you’re seeking for YOUR questions to give ‘meaning’ to your life.
A wonderful book says –
“Seek and ye shall find;
Ask and ye shall receive.”
True.

There is no “one-size-fits-all”.

So, enjoy your “weirdness” and accept that there is no ANSWER (s) that would be applicable to ALL… there is no “one-size-fits-all” category.

Remember, it is that “search “ for answers… wearing the “wanderer” hat… that makes the search so important. Enjoy the Unique YOU.

To me: I firmly believe it is spirituality that serves as the foundation for our existence. Besides, many years ago, I didn’t really catch the ‘message’ the Priest of my Catholic Church was during the church service. On my way out, I asked the “Father” what his message was and he said –

“Son, the world needs more ‘weirdos’ … more ‘stirrers’ … more ‘questioners’ and people who ‘rock the boat’. I agree. It is the wanderers .. the questioners .. the rebels .., the ‘shit-stirrers’ that will help change the world and help create environments that encourage better creativity and innovative thinking.

We don’t just need to work on ‘improving what is already there/here” … we need dreamers .. more ‘weirdos’ … more wanderers … to help not just IMAGINE. We need to Imagine BETTER. We can’t arrive at better solutions by doing the same thing that got us here.

May God continue to shower his blessings on you and guide you in your decisions.

All the very best in your search :flashlight: (and don’t forget to take a torch with you, to help you see in the darkness… as you sail through the Seas of Life … he he he !!)

Cheers & ahoy!

From another “weirdo” … from the Land from Down-under!

Courage is the springboard to success in anything worthwhile.

Be YOU.
As YOU are.
Accept the uniqueness … and weirdness that you know you are.
Embrace YOU.
Never imitate.

 

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