a better life, action, adaptation, attitude, awareness, better choices, care empathy, caring, change management, chaos, choices, decisions, Energy, examined life, game of life, habits, happiness, intimacy, life, listening, long-term perspective, love, man, marriage, needs, relationships, spirit, successful marriage, synergy, truths, you, your life

What Men (really) Need.

A variation of the ‘back single biceps” pose … on the beach. I love the interface between land+sea+sky. Brings me closer to my ‘home’ in my childhood … in the Beautiful Paradise Islands of Fiji.
The managed combination of chaos + order => Better Life.

We have all heard about ‘that relationship’ that broke down because there was a ‘break-down in communication.” Usually, when you dig a little deeper, you find that there was communication but it wasn’t ‘effective’ communication.

And how does communication become effective?

Well, it simply comes down to the ‘feedback loop.’ Yep, the feedback loop. I like to refer to it as ‘being on the same page’ as the person(s) you’re communicating with. Effectively, having clarity on what the other person(s) are saying and ‘seeing’ things from their viewpoint.

Not an easy thing to do.

So, what is the secret? Well, as I see it when it comes to relationships and what a man needs, what it really comes down to is – a man really needs someone who simply cares. Yep, it is as simple and as complex as that. The care factor.

Not an easy thing to find, yes because it requires that person to love him and this involves a lot of work, a lot of effort, from the care-giver. Men search far and wide for this care, in all kinds of places and all kinds of things and never stop searching because it is wired in to the very life-blood of all true-blooded males.

Men will never stop searching and will do all sorts of crazy shit to experience and do almost anything … for this love … this care, because that is what they really need and they will keep searching from the beginning til the end of time.

Let me explain …

Even though it sounds simple, it masks a lot of complexity. You see, most reasonably educated persons know how to communicate. You know how to talk, send e-mails and texts but very few people know how to communicate well. What I mean is communicate effectively.

Most children learn from their parents (who learned from their parents who learned from their parents  … ) but the thing is that a lot of parents don’t communicate well or effectively, to begin with. So, you end up with people who learn from people in the foundation years of their lives who are not the best communicators and so this ineffective communication skill is perpetuated through generations.

Until someone decides to question such practices and put forward a brave new way of communicating, a way that encourages communication to be made in an effective manner, with that feedback loop.

Like most good things, it takes work and being good at it takes practice. Not just practise but lots and lots of deliberate practise (because people could become good at communicating ineffectively. What one needs to do is learn the right way and then deliberately practice the right practise.

That is how you become better at your communication skills. Perfect practise.

It is hard work, hard YAKA! (Australian term that means ‘hard work!”). There is no easy way of going about this because you need to stubbornly change or un-learn years of imprinting of bad communication learned in your early years and then …

Now this is the hard part – learning and adopting the new communication method & skills in all your daily communication. All the time, not some of the time – all the time!

Attitude is key at winning in the Game of Life.

You see, from what I have observed so far in my life, communication between a woman and a man is very different from what happens when two women talk.

It seems that when two women get together, they do a lot of explaining and restating until the other person understands what is being said. They understand one another from each other’s point-of-view.

They seem to communicate more effectively than men.

A man may say something vague, like “I don’t know, I guess, I’m just having a tough day.” After making that short statement, it is very likely, he would not add any more words. He may just drop it, so to speak. His wife or partner assumes it must not be a big problem since he didn’t say more than two sentences. However, this is where the mistake arises.

You see, she needs to pick up on the little phrase that he did say and if she really, really knows him, pick up on what he did not say as well.

It is very likely he is feeling a great loss, but he is not expressing it. Women, I feel, need to listen to the small phrases that their husbands or partners are saying and then find the right response. She needs to generate a response that is sufficient and appropriate. ]

A response that is sufficient and not appropriate is not complete. And a response that is appropriate and not sufficient is less than adequate. Her response needs to have both present – appropriateness and sufficiency.

This is a huge challenge for any person, let alone a woman.

The challenge here is developing the life skill of the power of discernment and applying the right amount of appropriateness and sufficiency in one’s response. What a challenge.

A wise man once told me that “elephants don’t bite, mosquitoes do.’ This applies to many things in life and would apply in this instance when a woman tries to understand how a man communicates.

A man needs a wife or partner who cares enough to listen to the brief, sometimes weak, signals that he gives off. And then, she needs to respond, I believe, with gentle questions to draw him out, not by taking the opportunity to describe her own struggles.

But to listen, really listen.

Education through a perception of the truth.
Increasing your awareness, taking sufficient and appropriate actions and adapting accordingly is key towards self-improvement.
Funny thing is that the process also applies to relationships and response.
Vv

In my experience with dealing with and helping people in the gyms and my line of work over the last two decades, when one spouse is drawn away by someone outside the marriage, it’s usually not that he’s being drawn away by love.

More often than not, I believe, he is drawn away because someone else show they cared.

Ask yourself how you show your man you care? Is it sufficient and appropriate for the phase of life you’re in? My grandfather used to always say “actions speaks louder than words.’ What do you think? I think it holds more than an element of truth to it.

Someone could think and say that they love someone else but not actually show or demonstrate/do the act of love. Is this love? I don’t think so.

Thinking and doing can be two different things.

What is your definition of love anyway? We tend to see acts of love all around us but what is love?

Who is the best listener you know? What is that person doing that works?

My tip: After nineteen years of being with the woman of my childhood dreams and marriage as well as helping people (couples) help themselves, help themselves over the years of owning my own gym and my keen observation in general life, I would remind you to – show you care in everything you say and most importantly, do.

Men are simple creatures, keep things simple – simply show your man you care for and about him. Don’t complicate things, keeping it simple aids greatly in contributing to more effective communication. And is ultimately the saviour of all relationships.

We have heard that love is effortless, I disagree … to love some one other yourself requires effort, a lot of effort.

Love is EFFORT-FULL!

Keep loving … it is worth it in the whole scheme of life.

 

Until next time,

Members of my ‘extended family’ when I used to own and manage my gym for seven years. Some of the best and hardest years of my life so far. I loved leading the members (predominantly males – 70%) and they allowed me to take them to unchartered territories for us all.
The gym was (unlike today’s) a social place. An ‘inbetween home’ between your place of work and your home.
Relationships based on fairness, trust, care and compassion.
A place where men could share stories, their aspirations, their fears and hopes …and be listened to … without fear of retribution or ridicule.
It was these group of Mens ‘last refuge’.
I hope to bring it back one day … to the world.

Explaining the fine points of re-engineering the physique and increased self-awareness through enhanced ‘mind-muscle’ connection..

Side Triceps in the gym. … in between sets.
Building a physique that is balanced and symmetrical takes years of toil in the gym and outside the gym. There is countless assessment of all the variables that go into it … a constant assessment of appropriateness and sufficiency in relation to the key inputs that go in to mastering the iron … the art … of knowing oneself .. of knowing life.
Better. Builds. Beauty. A
Always.

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a better life, action, adaptation, asking questions, awareness, Beliefs, christian, Energy, examined life, God, reflection, spirit, spirituality, you, your life

The unexamined life.

Being honest with yourself and being brave enough to be allowed to be examined in front of a mirror is critical to successful body re-engineering. Like muscle, life requires that you regularly examine yours.

Being honest with yourself and being brave enough to be allowed to be examined in front of a mirror is critical to successful body re-engineering.
Like muscle, being a “Student of Life” requires that your life is regularly examined for increased awareness.

It is quite alarming at the prevalence of people living day-to-day without reflecting on their ways – their lives.

In my time owning and managing a gym for seven years, I have gained a lot of insight in to life. I spent a lot of time listening and observing life through other peoples’ experiences (OPE), from people from all levels of society. From the very rich (I had a member that was one of the Top 100 wealthiest people in Australia) to the very poor.

It has taught me a lot.

The examined body leads to positive improvements. The examined life leads to a life more worth living. Only if you desire it so.

The examined body leads to positive improvements. The examined life leads to a life more worth living.
Only if you desire it so.

From OPE and my general curiosity, I have found that among the many problems that man has, a very big problem with the modern man (and probably has been this way since the dawn of time) is that the majority lead unexamined lives. Most men (and women) have not carefully plotted their life view and purpose.

Most use the ‘scatter-gun approach’ and hope to get a hit, similar to the concept of the lotto and why it taps in to the very nature of people’s inner sanctity.

They have not really taken the time to ‘think’, to really reflect and honestly examine their life so far and the life they would like to live in to the future. A lot just go about life copying the generations that has passed before them or what they are told by the media. Very dangerous and not wise I think!

It is akin to using a cassette tape player to listen to music in the technological age we’re in now. It is not relevant. The model is not relevant.

I can put it down to one thing: it is people’s inability to search for truth and obedience to GOD! This model has stood the test of time and is still relevant today. It is the only way to salvation.

In the modern world we live in, it seems everybody is in a rush and are ‘busy’. It’s almost as if it is a competition. Everyone is trying to be busier than the next person. People are rushing from task to busy task but are not taking enough time-out or ‘pit-stops’ to reflect on life’s larger meaning and purpose.

Instead most are living from day-to-day-to-day. Most are living under the burden of today’s problems. Most are consumed in action(s), constantly reacting to a never-ending in-box of stimulus vying for their attention. A seemingly endless menu of options of reactions to constant interruption. Interruption to your life … your hours … your seconds.

People are spending a big portion of their 86,400 seconds per day just reacting to interruption (via the various technological inputs we have today in addition to other mediums). People’s attentions are being hijacked and in turn, so are their lives (time) and money.

What is all this rushing around for? Where will it ultimately get you?

I think it was Ghandi that said once “There is more to life than increasing its speed.”

In body re-engineering, fast improvements are the result of excellent feedback from excellent coaches. Here, constant examination of my physique by my coach (and 2 x World Natural Body Building Champion) allowed me to reach my peak performance and placing 2nd in Australian Titles.

In body re-engineering, fast improvements are the result of excellent feedback from excellent coaches.
Here, constant examination of my physique by my coach (and 2 x World Natural Body Building Champion) allowed me to reach my peak performance and placing 2nd in Australian Titles.

I think a lot of people in modern society have lost their spirituality, their belonging to something greater than themselves and places of worship (churches) have seen a dramatic drop in numbers.

As a result, sadly, too many become “lost souls” and are just going through the motions. Their minds mostly occupied by office or superficial problems that is slowly eating away in their guts like a cancer and stripping away at their inner-self, their soul!

Most don’t get a chance or don’t make the time to reflect on the true meaning of life, their true meaning of their life. Sad, but true. They don’t get a chance until it is too late.

Re-think: there is a God, believe it so! All he wants is his people to believe. To believe without a doubt that he is God.

There is holy spirit in every Christian. Give it some time in your busy schedule. Allow the holy spirit to speak with your creator – God. “Seek and ye shall find, ask and ye shall receive” as the Bible says. Allow him to shower you with all his love, all his grace. And why? Because you deserve it because you try to mirror what you expect out of life.

Like everything else, practise helps. As a lawyer or an Accountant or a sportstar is no better than the effort he puts into keeping up with his profession, so is the Christian no better than the effort he puts into self-examination of life’s big questions.

So, if you have not done so already, make time to reflect and examine your life today … before it is too late. It is your life, you only have one life after all. Achieve your salvation.

As Socrates said a long time ago –

“The unexamined life is not worth living”.

Start praying for answers to life’s big questions. I believe that your most important task is to not only be unafraid to ask questions but to ask the right questions.

For your sake, if you have not done so already, start examining the most important person in the world to you and that is: YOU!

It can be very scary and a very difficult thing to do. As a start, release all fears and release all doubt to aid you to release the unexamined life and embrace the examined life. Find your way, your true path in life, even if it is a path less travelled.

Become increasingly Aware; take sufficient and appropriate Actions. Adapt (My Triple A philosophy to self-improvement in all areas of life).

Examine life. Examine you. To become the best you. Then, by default, everyone else gets the best of you too.

The examined life may not be all that flash either but I think it would be a life worth living as it would attract what you expect and reflect what you desire.

All the best!

 

Until next time,

In the heat of competition. Vv.

In the heat of competition.
Vv.

~~Life &; wellness COACH~~

~~Life &; wellness COACH~~

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a better life, adaptation, ageing, awareness, Beliefs, better choices, chaos, choices, courage, Energy, eternity, God, Imagination, life, long-term perspective, mind, perspective, spirit, spirituality, time, truths, you

A Re-think.

The philosophy you follow heavily influences whether you achieve your goals in life or not. Enjoy 'moments' in life. Live your life, by life and through life. Don't live your life by 'time'.

The philosophy you follow heavily influences whether you achieve your goals in life or not.
Enjoy ‘moments’ in life. Live your life, by life and through life. Don’t live your life by ‘time’.

Just turned a year older today.

Am blessed to have experienced yet another birthday and spend it with my family and the people I love dearest.

Made me stop for a few fleeting moments to reflect and appreciate all that I have had so far in my short life on this earth. Truly a blessing to be alive and each breath I take reminds me of this blessing.

However, I was thinking about ageing and time, in particular.

Now, progressing through the second forty years on this planet, from my observations, most of us a reminded almost daily of our pending death. Most, if not every person thinks that they will live forever and you can see it in lot of the behavioural aspects of modern day humans.

There is inherently a strange kind of appetite or hunger for eternity, don’t you think? I mean it’s everywhere. Almost everywhere you turn, you get reminded and frustrated by society through the way it communicates ‘time’.

A big portion of our innovations and inventions are marketed to ‘save time’. Let’s have a look at a few – the washing machine, the dish washer, the fast car, information technology in all it’s forms, the jet flight and so forth. But I would like to ask the question – ‘what for?”.

In all of history, never has there been a time where people have been required to be more hurried than they are now – we have alarms, watches, buzzers, countless meetings, the overly structure education system, the categories of different ages – toddlers, teenager, twenties, trying thirties, topsy-turvy forties, and so forth and the precise daily schedules …

What for?

Ex-Australian Wallaby Captain - Phil Waugh performing a set of squats. "Feeling the essence" of the exercise is vital to attaining desired results. Experiencing the 'moment' to 'feel the essence' of the exercise. It is 'moments', not time, that is the essence of life.

Ex-Australian Wallaby Captain – Phil Waugh performing a set of squats.
“Feeling the essence” of the exercise is vital to attaining desired results.
Experiencing the ‘moment’ to ‘feel the essence’ of the exercise.
It is ‘moments’, not time, that is the essence of life.

What is it that seem to remain embedded in our memories forever? It is ‘moments’. Why do we really ‘enjoy moments’ and long for this and remember these ‘moments’ well in to the future? Even as we age, we cherish ‘moments’. What does this suggest?

The fact that we seem to lose all sense of time when we enjoy these ‘moments’ may suggest that we were maybe created for eternity. We just don’t ‘get it!” I mean despite thousands of generations, we seem unable to get used to – time!

Maybe, we were never meant to be just ‘temporary beings’ on this planet. Maybe, instead of seeing ourselves as a being on this earth for a limited time, we should see ourselves living forever, even after our external bodies’ age and wilter away.

There is a constant fascination for it or of it – time, that is. Scientists are still trying to figure it out? We don’t really understand it but we are always amazed by it. How fast it goes, how slowly it goes, how much of time has elapsed or gone? Does it really disappear? We are constantly reminded of the passing of time in a lot of things in our daily lives, in particular, on our birthday. Birthdays and birthday messages reinforces this infatuation with the passing of time.

I got a message from a very good friend (all the way from grade 1 in primary school) for my birthday and a line in his message “time surely passes by” prompted me to write this blog.

So, it seems we as individuals and as communities and as a whole civilization constantly demonstrate signs that we haven’t really adapted to time. We have never and still do not feel at ease with it even after thousands and thousands of generations. Maybe just maybe, we need to RE-THINK our concept of time.

Maybe, we’ve got it all wrong all this time and the clues may just be in front of our noses and we are not seeing it.

Maybe, just maybe we need to re-think our current dominant view or paradigm of ‘time’. Maybe, we should accept our uneasiness of time as proof or at least a powerful-enough suggestion that eternity exists and we are living it.

Eternity is life and we are living it.

Re-think: Life has no beginning, no end. Every day is the beginning and the end. If the beginning is the end, then there is no ‘time’. Time is infinity. Time is life. You are living proof of infinity in this life and the next. The concept of time is irrelevant and instead we should just experience life through ‘moments’ – not time!

You are not a physical being with an emotional core. No, you are a spiritual being encased in a physical capsule. It is the physical body that ages, that rots and returns to dust, not the spiritual. The spiritual lives on forever.

The spirit is consciousness, the spirit never ages. The spirit is the real ‘you’.

So, maybe contrary to what society has and is constantly telling us, live your life as if it will never end. As if you will live forever, that maybe you shouldn’t be ‘rushing around’ trying to do a million things before you die and constantly believing you don’t have enough time in the day like I hear so many people say.

Re-think: you are alive and will continue to live FOREVER. You have enough time, you have enough ‘life’ to live, don’t rush too much, you will fulfil every desire you ever had, be it in this physical realm or the next.

Spiritually, you will live forever. For eternity. There is only one catch though – you have to have faith, you have to believe in the spirit. You have to believe in something you cannot physically ‘see’, an intangible. You have to believe there is a higher force, a higher being.

You have to have unwaveringly belief there is a GOD.

This to me, maybe our key to eternity…. To our salvation. In science and in life, a ‘truth’ will only remain a truth until proven wrong. That is the very essence of science. Maybe, the truth of time as we view it is not true. Maybe, life is not to measured in time, but instead should be embraced as part of eternity.

Re-think

 

Until next time,

B&W3284

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balance, balance sheets, Energy, spirit, spiritual balance sheet, spirituality

Balance Sheets should balance.

Body-building, like LIFE, is about balance and symmetry (harmony).  All the muscles need to flow and you 'paint a picture of the 'flow of muscle' when you're on stage.  Building muscle is hard but not s hard as attaining balance and symmetry.

Body-building, like LIFE, is about balance and symmetry (harmony).
All the muscles need to flow and you ‘paint a picture of the ‘flow of muscle’ when you’re on stage.
Building muscle is hard but not as hard as attaining balance and symmetry.

I have had some experience with balance sheets, my first university degree was in Business. I also spent a number of years working for large multi-national corporations advising and consulting towards best practises.

If there is one thing I know very well with balance sheets, it’s that balance sheets should balance. Right? The right side must equal the left. Debits and credits should balance.

We constantly read and see in the daily news large corporations going ‘bust’ or even countries in recent times, sometimes not just Third World countries. Big banks who loaned out monies to help finance these businesses or countries have to suddenly ‘write-off’ millions and millions of dollars for debts gone bad. They would have likely set a provision for bad debtors in their balance sheet in the likelihood of debts not being recovered.

When a bank does this, it is known in accounting as good practise and in compliance with accounting standards. The lenders are said to be prudent.

I have always wondered what it would be like if this approach should also be applied to us individuals, in every area of our lives. I mean if some person has done you harm, must we retaliate with the same or worse force? Or should we set aside a provision (like doubtful debts in the balance sheet) for such actions to be ‘written-off’ against and forgiven?

There are many examples over the last two decades at the least, of companies demonstrating how accounting can be more of a creative art than a science.

Balance sheets should balance like a great body-builders physique should be balanced and harmonious (symmetrical).

On stage painting a picture for the audience of the 'flow of muscle'

On stage painting a picture for the audience of the ‘flow of muscle’

As a Christian I was told in my early years of religious teachings that I will be held accountable for all my actions (sins and good) before entering the kingdom of heaven. This was my first introduction to balance sheets.

It seems that most if not all religions have similar teachings about each individual’s accountability at the end of his or her life. I have always thought that if this were the case and that most of us believe it so, then maybe, it would be a good idea to stop, reflect on past transactions (like a good Accountant), and draw up a ‘personal balance sheet’.

A personal balance sheet, maybe say, quarterly. An interim set of accounts for YOU. Drawn up from a trial balance consisting of what you have ‘taken’ on one side and ‘what you have ‘given’ back to life. A chance to review past transactions (behavioural patterns) to help predict the future. Each side of the trial balance should balance, after all …

.. balance sheets should balance.

You will find that there are some amongst us that just take and keep taking, with very little to give. I’m not talking about money here, even though this could also be considered in this point. I’m referring specifically to a person’s spiritual balance sheet. Your spiritual net worth, when you are held accountable at the gates of the after-life (whatever religion you follow).

Have you considered this?

What if God came through and acted like the large banks, with proper accounting practises of ‘writing off’ bad debts? What if your spiritual net worth was in the negative (in accounting terms)? Should you be collapsed like business gone bankrupt without any chance to continue? Should your life end, right there?

Should the receivers be called in? Or do you think you should be given some ‘slack’ because you hope to get better and can expect to get in spiritual surplus in the next accounting period? I know I prefer the latter. I’m sure we all do. Aren’t we all fortunate that we have such a God?

It nice to know that that is how God operates, isn’t it? Your sins (and mine) and all the bad debts(deeds) will be forgiven. Forgiven but not forgotten. He sent his only begotten son to live and die amongst us so that all sins may be forgiven, for all of time (this is our provision for doubtful debts taken care of).

This is prudent spiritual banking but very smart banking, I think.

Abdominal/thigh pose with the top 2 Natural Bodybuilders in the world in 2007.

Abdominal/thigh pose with the top 2 Natural Bodybuilders in the world in 2007. “Balance” and symmetry is a big part of a top bodybuilder’s winning physique.

So, I’ll ask again, what is your balance sheet, your spiritual balance sheet?

Do an interim set of your spiritual balance sheet to assess how you’re going. It may just help you lower the risk of sinking to a spiritual net worth deficit. Not a good place to be. If you’re in this predicament, seek ways to start ‘giving back’ to life to balance off what you have ‘taken’. Seek balance in your life, spiritual balance.

Balance your spiritual balance sheet and watch how more balanced life will love you back. Spirit, after all equates with or equals LIFE. Specifically quality of life. When you lose your spiritual balance, you lose or lack those qualities we all refer to as spiritual. You become devoid of humanity, love and self-respect. At the worst, you may become selfish or even violent.

So, don’t leave it until it’s too late. Do an interim spiritual balance sheet TODAY. I believe if you do so, it will help you align YOU with life better, with the life’s energy.

Work towards your spiritual net worth surplus.

All the best in your spiritual journey.

Until next time,

Overcoming many small hurdles on your way to achieving your ultimate goal is encouraging.  Progress, any form of progress is a motivating factor. So, don't strive for perfection, instead seek progress ... towards your ideal SELF. Vv

Overcoming many small hurdles on your way to achieving your ultimate goal is encouraging.
Progress, any form of progress – especially spiritual, is a motivating factor.
So, don’t strive for perfection, instead seek progress … towards your ideal SELF.
Vv

Seek spiritual balance. It will align you with life's energy better.  It will help you get internal/external balance. Vv.

Seek spiritual balance. It will align you with life’s energy better.
It will help you get internal/external balance.
Vv.

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