In my line of work, part of what I do is help people, help themselves with change as they transition through various phases of life. I help people, help themselves re-engineer themselves in to the person the imagine themselves to be.
A Life affirming approach.
I help men and women of all ages and sizes help themselves, find their best selves and work towards increased balanced and symmetry – externally and internally.
Someone asked me the question posed in the blog heading recently, and it got me thinking. Put simply, people don’t stop, start from a clean slate and prepare for the beginning and the end. Upon reflection of my experience over the last quarter of a century, I have attempted to answer it below –
I have found that ….
People don’t begin with belief.
People don’t begin with trust.
People don’t begin with hope.
People don’t begin with love.
People don’t begin with patience.
People don’t begin with a dream.
People don’t begin with their imagination.
People don’t begin with simplicity.
People don’t begin with continuity.
People don’t begin with gratitude.
People don’t begin with care.
People don’t begin with discipline.
People don’t begin with courage.
People don’t begin with balance.
People don’t begin with harmony.
People don’t begin with the end in mind.
People don’t begin with responsibility.
People don’t begin with their heart.
People don’t begin with desire.
People don’t begin with forgiveness.
People don’t begin by unthinking.
People don’t begin with acceptance of responsibility.
People don’t begin by aligning their philosophy with nature’s principles that is fundamental to Life and living well.
People don’t begin with the end in mind.
People don’t begin with the unconscious.
People don’t begin with their spirit.
People don’t begin by being still.
People don’t think.
People don’t DO.
People don’t begin by GIVING ….
People don’t receive …
But letting go of things you hold dear is very difficult and the little things, the moquitoes – like letting go of a habit that is not life affirming can be very difficult. Neuroscience research tells us now that letting go a habit can take anywhere between 31 and 267 days. Wow! So, be patient and be kind to yourself if you’re thinking about making a change in the way you look.
But also, surprisingly (or not), sometimes … the best way to be happy or happier is to learn to let go of things you tried hard to hold on to that are no longer good for you. And this relates to people and activities that may have served you in different phases of life but no longer add value to you life, now. It may sound a little harsh, and truth be told, I think it is. But, it is an essential part of become your wiser self. You need to destroy to create. You need to demolish long-held beliefs to become the new YOU.
The fact that you are ‘thinking’ about change is a win in itself.
You see, in my experience in helping people find their ‘new selves’, I find that before a change, any worthwhile, life-changing change can happen, you must want to have a change in mind-set. Now, to do this, even before you think about exercise, dieting or your fitness, you should firstly accept YOU as you are now, not the you – yesterday. The present self “is”, and your former self ‘was’, and in truth, your ‘was’ self is not identical to your ‘is’ now.
They are not the same.
People change, you change. Life is about change, if you’re not changing, you’re not living!
So, let go of the ‘was’ self (past) by letting go of any and all regret and guilt resulting from the past ‘was’ self. The past cannot be rewritten, but you can view it through different lenses and re-framing your view of your ‘was’ self. Tell yourself that past errors are mainly due to limitations in perception and ignorance and that they belong to that ‘was’ self at a certain point in the time continuum. It was all part of the learning process and gaining wisdom and was unavoidable.
This applies not only individually but collectively as a human race.
Most importantly, tell yourself – your ‘is’ self (now) that the habits that were acceptable in the past is no longer acceptable today and now. All regrets and guilt of less-than-ideal and less-than life-affirming habits that helped create the ‘was’ self is now boxed up and viewed simply as an error of judgement, ignorance, mis-perception or miscalculation. Put simply – an error.
All this brought about as a consequence of a limitation of human consciousness.
The first stage is self-forgiveness. This is facilitated by humility but also acceptance of this limitation (by letting go of the ego).
Solution: Begin with the right philosophy, filter and remove beliefs that are no longer relevant, acknowledge your soul and then reach out and …
Embrace the ‘is’ YOU with your whole being. Show you care. Feel your love. Allow the healing to happen – to you and those you value around you. Changes then become long-lasting and sustainable as you chart your new course through the sea of life.
All the best in your choices,
Until next time,