Have you watched Star Wars?
We’ve all seen a bit of Star Wars at some point growing up. Even if you’re not an avid fan, you would have heard or learned that Darth Vader and his tribe was on the ‘Dark Side’. A show that pitted the good Force against the Evil/Dark Force.
I believe such wars rages within each and every one of us with varying intensities throughout our lives. It is challenging during puberty but really rages between the mid-to-late 30s and late 40s. This STAR WARS battle happens within us. Not out in space, fighting wars in space-ships like in the movies.
No, this is a movie closer to home – to earth, to each individual, being played out within each of us. You, me. Everyone. Deep down inside each and every one of us …. there is a battle between the Forces of Good and the Evil – Dark Side.
I see this Dark Side in very young children too. In my observation of my children and just children in general, I have observed certain traits in them that I do believe rests in everyone until the day we die. It just stays dormant for parts of our lives. If you dug deep down inside of you, to the place that very few people go, what would you see?
I think these traits observable in young kids and toddlers are brought to the fore during this period of 30s to 40s. It is also enacted in the tumultuous teen years. This particular blog message is aimed at people in this age bracket (mid-30s to late 40s) but it could also be a point to reminisce about for those who are 50 and beyond. It could also serve as a forewarning for those in the teens and twenties.
So, what do you think you will see?
I think we would ‘see’ inside of us what we all know is there but wished wasn’t. We have that Dark Side. I think deep down, we have a lot more in common with Darth Vader and his tribe than we all care to admit.
If we looked deep enough, I believe you know you will find the similarities you have with Darth Vader and very young children and that we all:
- Are greedy
- Are selfish
- Are competitive
- Are fearful
- Are dependent
- Have a destructive side
- Are possessive
It can be scary to think that you still have these traits strongly embedded in you throughout your adult-life.
It is even more scarier to dig, deep, deeper than you have ever gone and make it to the Dark Side. I find that we all ‘touch’ on various aspects of the Dark Side throughout our lives but it is more prominent in the 40s.
From what I know about this decade from helping people as they transition through this phase of life in my two decades in the gym, it can be difficult. I have journeyed with them, feeling their ups and downs and almost as if I have been through this phase many times over (divorce is an end-result of this Star Wars).
It is an intense and confusing period. It is the second-coming of the hormonally charged, roller-coaster ride of the teens.
I think society refer to this period as the “mid-life crisis’. We all go through it. It is not IF we go through it, but WHEN!
It is a period of a re-examination. A re-examination of ALL THAT WE THINK AND STAND FOR.
Well, it seems that it is ultimately to discover the ‘true self’. It is the search for individual identity. A search for our own uniqueness. A search for authentic-ness. A search to find the identity that is authentically ours and ours alone.
It is a battle, a real battle – even bloody at times. An internal battle. But, just as you get closer to discovering, an internal resistance builds up. This internal resistance is ‘alien-like’. Foreign. I think Men and women travelling through this phase feel an ‘alien-like resistance primarily because of the Fear of what we may find, of what truth we may discover about ourselves.
Sometimes, it is just easier to ‘busy’ ourselves so that we do not have to make this discovery. Of ourselves.
It appears by the end of the 40 decade (if you don’t realize it at the start), we all come to a singular realization that WE STAND ALONE. We stand alone (and we always have been but only just come to the realization) in this battle, this internal battle. This is not a battle that we need a gun for but it is a very critical point for all of us – all of men and women that are travelling through it and will be travelling through in due course.
We ALL realise that WE STAND ALONE. Just like when we die, we DIE ALONE.
We Stand Alone because sooner or later, we discover that we are the only ones with our own set of thoughts and buckets of feelings. No one else have them. We may allow another person to have a taste of these thoughts and feelings through shared experiences and conversations (like I have had with some of the students I have helped in the gyms over the years).But that is all they can ever hope to get … just a taste.
We all STAND ALONE because we are the only ones who can truly DIGEST our thoughts and feelings. All the way to our grave.
In life, we fundamentally travel alone. We all Stand Alone. Accepting this is a difficult thing to do. But, even though we stand alone during in our thoughts, you ARE NOT ALONE.
Understand this distinction. There are institutions and places and people available today (more than ever before) that can help you through this important but painful transition in life. Places and people that will help you manage the liberation of the dark side in a somewhat controlled, healthy fashion. A less riskier way.
The battle between the Forces of good and evil/Dark Side makes us wonder and ask ourselves the question: Is this all there is? Is this as good as life gets?
I know a lot men and women that I have journeyed with as they transition through this rocky decade have in some way struggled with this thought.
Don’t fret if you don’t find the answer right away. Just know that your parents and grandparents and many generations before you have all been through this phase of life. You just have to be aware of the impending changes and learn or get help with ways to help best manage it.
One thing for certain is that everyone going through this phase of life will likely see the Dark Side, asking to be let out. There is definitely a very serious engagement at play.
The only catch is that you’re the ONLY PLAYER …. Playing many hands!
Playing many hands (in your head), representing the many roles that you have played in your life to that point. You’re comparing and contrasting all relationships you have had to that point, whilst battling with the fear of finding the Real YOU.
A serious game in a serious turning point in the serious game of life.
A serious engagement in the re-evaluation of his or her life. Where he or she goes with this … is anyone’s guess. Anyone’s bet.
Everywhere you look, there is a betting agency sprouting up odds on everything and anything in life – live sports entertainment is immensely backed up by these betting businesses. It seems many believe life is a game of chance.
Are you game to chance your life on a bet? Are you a betting person … in this game of life? What risks are you willing to take? Place your bets!
Choose well my friend …. Your life depends on it.
Until next time,