The đalentine tribe (minus our dog 𶠖 Mr Fuzzy/Fussy cuddles
Marriage is Teamwork.
No matter what a husband or wife happens to be or do, MARRIAGE IS TEAMWORK.
From my experience of being married for almost twenty years now and also from learning from other peoplesâ experiences, marriage is a great example of ULTIMATE TEAMWORK.
I would go further to say that, given the high rates of divorce, marriages that last are not just because of teamwork but they have teamwork because they are a TEAM THAT WORKS.
Marriage is not about the hope of WORKING AS A TEAM, it is about two people WHO COME TOGETHER⊠& FIT ⊠like 6 fits into 9, to make â69â.
God does not give individual gifts đ to frustrate a marriage. No. God gives us unique gifts to ENHANCE the marriage. God does not lead two people into a marriage to see âsparks flyâ, pulling a husband & wife in opposite directions.
No⊠God, leads them into marriage to blend and maximise their strengths, their usefulness.
Whenever this happens in my relationship with my wife, I pray to God for his helpâŠ. To give me the strength, courage & wisdom to make good decisions.
This is where our faith in God helps us during turbulent times in the marriage. There are many forces (internal and external) that work hard to tear a marriage apart.
If you believe in your marriage & what it represents is important to you, ask for Godâs guidance and work hard to keep your marriage .
My beautiful wife of almost 20 years now. My love for this human being keeps increasing every single day.
As I see it, much of the problems & tension that occur in marriages comes from the INABILITY to BALANCE the ACT of GIVING to your spouse /other while retaining a SENSE OF SELF.
In other words, the tension comes from grasping or holding onto what we consider our INDIVIDUALITY. I believe no matter what our gifts, talents or personalities⊠when they are given To god.
With strong belief in God, he will work & blend it all out and provide balance, because that is just what God will do.
No other team that you are a part of in life – business, sport, religion, politics etc ⊠will ever be as IMPORTANT or benefit & challenge you like a successful marriage.
It takes WORK⊠a lot of real hard work. It is the complete & ULTIMATE example of TEAMWORK in life.
With God (part of the team, too).
Hereâs a few questions for you:
1. Has there been a time when you put one of your individual goals âon hold â so your spouse could pursue a dream?
I AM.
I an Entrepreneur of IMAGINATION.
Through Mastery of Self, I am able to be an Agent of Creative Destruction to allow the release of new ideas … new thinking … and a new Meaning.
Meaning is the NEW MONEY.
Coaching conversations..
Over the years I have listened to many individuals. Listened to their stories.
Over the years I think I have had in excess of twenty thousand conversations with people of all ages. From teens to ninety-year olds.
Over the years I have had many coaching conversations. In these coaching conversations, I have helped increase individuals awareness of how their perception of events in their lives either propel them forward or hold them back.
I have listened to others and the way in which the stories they tell ourselves have the power to hold us back or propel us forward.
As an example âŠ
The bottom line is that I wouldnât be the person I am today if my hearing hadnât been terrible when I was young. Neither would you.
This is why taking the time to properly frame our narratives and the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves can be so critical.
Keep your dreams alive .
Snd if youâre going to dream … Dream BIG.
You serve no one by being and thinking small.
Think BIG!
Re-frame in away to move forward ..
Self-pity for being dealt a bad hand is easy.
Self-awareness is what brings with it empowerment and insight.
This, important first step is sometimes hard.
The first turns your past into an anchor, while the second turns it into the wind that fills your sails and keeps you moving forward.
Is there some piece of your story, personal or professional, that youâve been able to reframe in a way that moves you forward, instead of holding you back?
Wonderful question for all to ponder. Iâm one of the most self-aware person you will ever meet, but that is nothing new to me as I have been this way since I was a kid (from the adults who knew me in my youth).
Everything happens for a reason. Success is not an accident. It is based on the Aristotelian Principle of CAUSALITY. Today, we call it – âthe Law of CAUSE & EFFECT.â
Cowboy đ€ House.
Hereâs one Iâd like to share – I was raised by my grandparents as my biological Dad died when I was 4 years old, trying to save a person from downing ⊠and was overpowered by the victim and drowning with that person). My biological mother was only 16 and had a choice to have an abortion but I thank her and God that she didnât.
Her decision to give me life has allowed me to not only live but to do what I do – predominantly, helped people, help themselves building their bridges from where they are to where they desire to be over the last 3 decades.
Anyways, I grew up in a large extended family – grandparents, grand uncles and aunties, uncles, aunties, cousins and siblings and ⊠visitors and extended family visiting.
My home was always full and was always noisy. Our neighbours used to call our home – the âCowboy Houseâ.
We didnât have much of anything – food (there were no less than 10 people to feed every single day ⊠and I do not know how my grandparents managed to do this), didnât have much material possessions (my grandmother used to sew my school uniforms) ⊠but the home certainly had a lot of love.
There was a lot of storytelling and sitting around talking almost every night. It was just part of the home ⊠part of the culture.
Because there was so much noise, most kids would not be able to concentrate/focus. But, I told myself way back in early Primary School that I will teach myself to study/do school work/read in ⊠noise.
My teachers couldnât understand how a kid (me) could get Top Academic Results every year.
Most kids/people need peace and quiet to FOCUS, so we are told. âHow does Paul do it?â I would over hear some teachers say. In my adult life, I have continued to learn/read/focus in any environment, no matter how noisy or ridiculous is.
The only photo I have as a baby with my biological mum. One of my 3 Mums in my life.
Focus on what you can control
I remember my grandfather telling me many things (he was a very wise man) ⊠saying something to the effect –
âPaul, focus on what you can control ⊠and do the best with what youâve got ⊠donât be part of the problem, always be part of the solutionâ.
Iâve always applied that in my life, not focusing on insufficient resources and constraints .,. But on HOW I can do better with what I have. That philosophy along with many others, has helped me create the life Iâve always imagined and realise short-term and long-term goals.
Growing up in an family environment that had very limited resources (except for love ⊠the home was always infused with LOVE), has allowed me to almost always have an overall attitude of personal optimism and enthusiasm.
I completely understand the psychosomatic relationship – psyche and soma – mind and body ⊠better than most (hence sculpting a Physique worthy of representing Australia at 2 x World Natural Physique Championships and placing in the Top 5 in consecutive years).
I am fully aware of how the body is the physical manifestation of the mind or in other words, the body expresses what the mind is concerned with. Iâm a strong believer that life is many things ⊠and one of which is that life is a self-fulfilling prophecyâŠ. That you usually get what you expect.
My âtoughâ upbringing has allowed me to develop a healthy self-expectancy and eliminated all forms of excuse from my vocabulary as ⊠I expect to win, almost all the time. I have no doubt the so-called âluckâ is the intersection of preparation and awareness.
Leadership ability begins in the home … children learn character building in the home
Be the best character you can be … for YOU, first .. and then for your kids
my two children a number of years ago
Life ⊠a very real game but not a gamble.
I look at life as a very real game .. but not a gamble.
Part of what I have done over the last 3 decades is help people, help themselves build their bridges. I have learned and taught many things. It seems that every individual tends to receive what he or she expects in the long run.
From my experience and deducing from other peopleâs experiences in my life so far ⊠it would appear that you may or may not get what is coming to you, or you may or may not get what you deserve – BUT YOU WILL nearly always get what you expect.
As someone who has mastered the art of body re-engineering (building muscle and reducing body fat to < 4%), believe me when I say, there is an intricately close connection between your mind and body ⊠a negative thought can cause your âlookâ (that you get judged on) to go from excellent (Top 5 and finalist) to awful.
Iâve learned and mastered much of the âmind-body-heart-soulâ interface connections and one important one is this – mental obsessions have physical manifestations. Basically, you BECOME WHAT YOU FEAR – you get what you expect – you are that which you expect to be!
Hereâs the thing – since all individuals are responsible for their own actions and cause their own effects, optimism then, is a choice.
Choose well, my adult friends.
Balance & symmetry brings you closer to harmony … to beauty …closer to infinity. Just like mathematics does
Optimism, Enthusiasm, Faith & Hope.
What is needed is : continual fueling of – OPTIMISM, ENTHUSIASM, FAITH & HOPE.
Each is a synonym for – having a HEALTHY SELF-EXPECTANCY.
So, my question to you (if youâve made it this far) is –
1. Do you have a healthy self-expectancy about things in your life?
2. Do you expect the best for you – in life and as a way of life?
3. Do you look at problems/constraints as opportunities?
With regards to question 3 above, try this little exercise and let me know your answers –
Make a list of your KEY problems/constraints –
> the ones that block your professional and personal fulfillment.
> Next, write a one-or-two sentence definition of each problem/constraint.
Now, rewrite the definition, only this time view it as an opportunity or exercise to challenge your creativity and ingenuity (some refer to it as âre-framingâ).
Hereâs a tip: view the solution as you would if you were advising one of your best friends.
So, where does your thoughts stand in relation to your Self-Expectancy now?
Write in and tell me all about it.
Thank you
Yours in care, compassion & trust,
Paul
A fridge magnet đ§Č I bought almost 20 years ago.
Practise this.
Where has time gone? Ten years went by ⊠.like a blink of an eye. Memories⊠that is all we have ⊠shared memories.
We have many.
The young man and I. Cruising.
He knows he will always have a home.
He has spent his first ten years of his life, with me, his mother and his sister. Spent it in our home .. which is HIS HOME.
I like to think that his home is a place of celebration, a continuous celebration of Life. His home is the place where he can let down his hair and just be, himself. His home is where living happens and laughter rocks the walls.
Iâd like to think that his home is the place where he learns to play, to have fun, to relax, to love and ⊠to pray. Each day in our household is a celebration. Everyday, our Family prayers allows us to reflect on our life so far ⊠with GRATITUDE.
There is an abundance of laughter in his home. So loud that it carries all the way to the streets and neighbours.
Enjoying Kayaking together in Sydneyâs beautiful seas
His home is where Real Living, takes place.
He learns how to work, how to play, how to eat, how to ride in cars together, how to attend Taekwondo lessons, how to play music in bands virtually, how to watch youtubes and videos, how to host friends, how to take care of his self, how To be a better brother, how to be the loving son that he is, how to develop our own private family jokes (usually they love âroastingâ me).
In our home .. his home, we try not to take life too seriously. In our home ⊠a home of celebration we thrive in conversation and accept that humour and laughter is essential elements to our Family cohesion.
Our home ⊠his home ⊠vibrates to us and to everyone around us that âŠ
âThis is what life is all about. In a nutshell, life is what happens in our home ⊠it is where he is celebrated.â
He loves creating stuff. With all kinds of tools.
Home is where âŠ
My son ⊠has his Nintendo game, his soccer and rugby balls, his books, his swords, his toy guns, his snacks.
Home is âŠ. Being able to walk around in his undies all day ⊠home is Eating cold watermelon and tropical pineapple together at the dinner table on a winter day. Home is where he is allowed to yell ⊠to get angry ⊠and it is ok. Home is where he can play wrestle games in the bedroom and backyard and come out of it ⊠unscathed.
Home is where he gets unlimited hugs and kisses and learns about the important things in life. Home is where he learns how to agree to disagree and resolve conflicts.
Home is where he learns to be appreciated and listened to. Home is where his strong sense of self ⊠his powerful self image ⊠his confidence is built. Home is where he understands his responsibilities to contribute to the family to make it work ⊠that little things, matter.
To sum up ⊠I hope my ten year old son learns much ⊠in our home .. his home.
One day, I hope, he would look back and realise that home is where he discovered wonder and learned to not only Dream ⊠but âŠ. To Dream BIG. One day, he remembers to repeat some of ⊠OUR traditions ⊠OUR unique family qwirks ⊠our UNUSUAL ceremonies.
I hope that one day, my son looks back and views his time in his home .. our home as a period where he not only FOUND but âŠ. EXPERIENCED, JOY.
With ⊠his dad (me), his mum, Cathy, his sister, Olivia and our pet schnoodle : “Mr Fussy/Fuzzy Cuddles”.
Until next time,
P.
Can you see âmeâ in my son? Can you see you in your son?
Me and my FIRST mum. My grandmother. The most amazing woman I have ever known. Just eclipsed by my wife of 20 + years now âŠ
My First Mum: the cuddles & kisses Woman.
I was very fortunate.
Unlike many kids, I had 3 mums.
My biological mum had me before she turned 16. She had a choice to have an abortion but chose to give me life. Being so young and incapable, her parents (my grandparents) decided to raise me as their own.
Literally.
Because of the societal norms at that time, I now understand that my grandparents adopted me as their own, in every sense of the word. They were the best Parents any kid could wish for. My âmomâ (grandmother) died when I was 12. It felt like the end of the world to me because she was the word to me.
She was caring, compassionate and loving đ„° & very strong (usually welcoming in strangers and the homeless. She would clean them, clothe them, feed them and give them a place to sleep for a short while ⊠and give them a little help on their way.
Some of the Strangers we helped, would return, sometimes years later, to offer money and thanks for her (& my grandfatherâs unsolicited care & hospitality when they had hit a ârutâ). I recall seeing the turnaround in the individuals and the impact my humble grandparents and their kindness gave them.
A whole new lease of life.
My grandmother was my first role model of a loving & strong independent woman. I really loved her full body massages she gave me to wake me for school almost every morning. This is where my penchant for hugs đ€ & kisses originated. I thank her for that.
In my pre-teens, my biological motherâs sister (my Aunty) stepped in and assumed a âmotherâ role for me. She showed me a second type of strong woman. She was a womanâs woman.
I love this quote. Increasing your awareness is parameters to having clarity and success in your life. SEARCH. Become the BEST ‘searcher’ you can be. One day .. you may find ALL the answers you’re seeking for YOUR questions to give ‘meaning’ to your life. A wonderful book says – “Seek and ye shall find; Ask and ye shall receive.” True.
My Second Mum: the Ambitious Career Woman.
She wasnât too lovey-Dovey like my mum # 1. She was very ambitious and career-focused and very risk-averse. Very strategic and almost always chose a conservative approach to many things. Her thing was – âdonât rush life, Paulâ.
Two things were important for her – good education and making money. She was very successful and raised me in very rich surroundings in my teens. I learned and experienced life through very wealthy lens and feel very fortunate to have done so. Not many children grow up in a 3 car-garage, 3 storey 6 bedroom mansion with a pool. My bedroom even had its own bathroom and walk-in wardrobe.
I only got to know my biological mum after an uncle broke the ânewsâ to me two weeks before my Final Exams at High School. We had a heated argument and he let out the âtruthâ. In hindsight, Not the best time. I wish he had waited until I had finished my exams before telling me that the first 17 years of my life was a lie. That my grandma was not my mother and that my âolder sister â was in fact, my real mother!
I was shattered. I couldnât believe what I was hearing .
I locked myself in my room for a whole week⊠trying to come to terms with this bomb đŁ. I cried a river in my roomâŠ. Everything I ever knew ⊠about my family ⊠about my life ⊠was a lie. Who could I trust? Why is this happening to me? I was angry at everyone⊠they all played a part in the lie.
It had a significant effect on my High School Results. Negative. I was aiming to be in the Top 10 but I failed. I think I made the Top 20. In the whole scope of life, the mark I got didnât matter. I still got to do what I wanted to do at University.
That was a first. Me, getting to University in my immediate and extended families. The ceiling in academia was High School⊠but I raised it ⊠and still raising it.
Itâs been almost 30 years since I learned of this truth. Along the way, I learned that many other individuals have experienced similar situations. Some famous like Jack Nicholson, who only found out that his older sister was in fact, his mother. He only find out in his late 30s when a reporter dug up his background for a story on him.
In many cultures, especially in Polynesian cultures, âstep inâ. Grandparents generally stepped in to protect the child and give them every opportunity to succeed. They did. I got all the love and attention any child could have. I am very grateful for the unconditional love life they gave me.
They were my parents and friends & family and schools & teachers and anyone I ever interacted with all played their roles.
You could say my first 17 years was a lie.
Thatâs ok. Every family has their âsecretsâ and âskeletons in the closetâ. What are yours? Do you have any? Is your whole life âthe whole truth & nothing but the truth?â Is the truth better than living a lie? What if living the truth disadvantages you more? Would you then choose to live a lie? If you had the choice?
I didnât.
How âauthentic â are you? How true are you to âYOU?â
My Third Mum: the Risk Taker. Biology Matters.
The only photo I have of me and my biological mum as a baby.
The choice was made for me. Her choice to give me life rather than get an abortion.
And it was made with love snd for my benefit and protection. An unselfish choice by my biological mother in playing her role as my âolder sister â.
It was only in my later years that I realised how amazingly courageous and unselfish she was to live in the same household as me ⊠and stop herself from playing the âmumâ role to me.
I had many arguments with her and told her off on many occasions. I would see her run into the bedroom, close the door and Iâd hear her crying. She wouldnât cry in front of me or argue with me.
Remember, she was my older sister to me. Little did I know then ⊠who she REALLY WAS. This is the Mum that didnât always make decisions logically because she usually made it with her heart. She was a âthinkerâ, the most academically gifted of all her siblings. A rebel, a risk-taker.
I buried my biological mum in 2011, 3 months after my son, Zachary was born. Like my grandmother, My biological mum, Margaret, died from cancer within 3 months of being diagnosed. Aaaahhh⊠the Circle of Life, as they say.
She did not live long but she epitomised what courage is to me. What a brave woman, who lived & died, with integrity & dignity.
Enjoy YOU. Appreciate Nature. One day, there wonât be any more sunrise or sunset to appreciate.
THE OLD HAS GONE, THE NEW HAS COME!
The Bible has been a big comfort for me all my life. It gave me strength in those years (18 – 22) that I refer to as my âlost years â. It was always a source of inspiration and strength for me ⊠in the many times I needed courage.
We have been gifted not only from our genetic background but also by the environment in which we were brought up. Each of us were formed by all the people who have made an impression on us.
From the people who gave us affirmations (like my grandparents did for me) to the people who put us down or belittled us. The former types gave us a positive view of other human beings and the latter, a view that fed our uncertainty about ourselves and ⊠othersâŠ
Genesis 1 relays a story that God created living things to bring forth according to their own kind. So, not only are we likely to look like our parents but it is likely that we will embrace lifeâs challenges just as our parents did.
Take Heart.
Teaching you to love yourself better and more. That the most powerful show of self-respect is to say ‘no’. Saying no to foods that are not aligned to your desired body image is the highest form of self-respect and love.
âSo God created man in his own image.â (Genesis 1:27)
So, i/we were not only created in our parents image but also in Godâs.
Yes, we all have our past (and even if part of it was not lived in truth like mine), take comfort that we also have God (if youâre a Christian). I spent 8 years as a Catholic Altar boy in my early youth and one phrase that sticks in my mind is –
âTherefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the NEW HAS COME!â (2 Corinthians 5:17)
This verse has always given me comfort. Especially, after I learned of certain truths at 17. I get Comfort in knowing that the curses and the distortions and sins of previous generations does not hold me back. That it does NOT MAKE ALL âMEâ⊠that I can release the OLD⊠to make room for the NEW.
We are Built in Godâs image. Something that I can ⊠we can ALL use as a springboard to being the BEST VERSION OF OURSELVES.
Yes, We are trapped with our old us ⊠the past experiences⊠and the good (& imperfections in genetics 𧏠passed down to us) âŠ.
ButâŠ.
With the knowledge and belief that we, as Christians, are also created in the image of God, gives all of us I mmense COURAGEâŠ. And hope ⊠and belief⊠that we have a huge capacity to change!!
You are unique! Believe it soâŠ. And you can change!! We ALL CAN!!
But, this is not easy and TAKES COURAGE and ⊠a lot of WORK! In my experience, You MUST TAKE CHARGE of your life! You must stop saying –
âIâll always be the same ⊠Iâll never be different â
Instead, you should begin saying –
âI CAN be different because of Godâs love đ working in me.â
DO NOT FEAR CHANGE especially if the change is to make you all that God wants you to be.
When you decide to Invite Christ into your life, know that you have been re-born⊠snd the Holy Spirit will guide you.
I know I have been âre-born â many times ⊠in my life, so far. When I reflect, I was very fortunate to have been influenced by three strong & courageous women. They were all different and they were women who loved me differently but all had strong values & principles.
I may have lost two Mums, but there still remains one. Something many cannot say. I will continue to love this Mum that is still alive todayâŠ.and the other two Mums are always with me in spirit.
Thank you God. Amen.
Ask yourself for Godâs guidance and he will answer.
I AM/YOU are/WE are ⊠all created in Godâs image. Thank God.
The unselfish decision to NOT have an abortion at 16 by my biological mum, allowed me to live a life. As I result, I have gone on to help save many lives i. What I do and am all very grateful to create lives of my own – my two children. She may be gone in physical form by she is still in the genes of my kids. I thank my wife and the Grace of God for my life so far.
Transference of Wisdom from a Father/Mother to their son/daughter is. a key factor in raising a morally-upright, compassionate human being.
WISDOM.
An old friend made that comment on a photo I Put up on Facebook of my son. He said –
âThe Apple doesnât fall to far from the tree … like Father-like-sonâ
I hadnât heard this phrase since my youth. Something, Iâd overhear the adults would say in conversation.
Got me thinking … about the vital role a Dad/Father plays in a childâs life, in teaching his son/daughter âLife Skillsâ, emphasising the necessity of learning the Art & Power of Discernment.
What a responsibility! I mean, am I actually qualified to give my son/.daughter advice? For most answers to Life Matters, I turn to the Complete Source: The Bible.
Being part of a larger family in the community youâre part of is a key complement to raising good citizens.
The beginning of knowledge.
In the Bible, we are told that the beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord (proverbs 1:7).
So, remember, before you can pass on knowledge, it is important that you have gained the necessary knowledge in the first place.
So, the first questions we need to ask ourselves are: do you believe in God and do you fear God?
In proverbs 1:3, we are told that before a father can pass on advice, he himself must know the meaning of that âfear of Godâ … that reverential awe and the wisdom to which it leads.
Giving advice to a son/daughter on âdoing what is right and just and fairâ can only come from a person who fears God and holds him in awe.
Passing on the instructions of good decision-making to my daughter is fundamental to my role as her father. Much guidance is given by the Bible.
Wisdom stems from the discipline of Character.
I also ask myself the question of what is the GOAL of a Fatherâs advice to his children?
It is clear to me that the Goal of a fatherâs Godly instruction MUST be spiritual and must stem from the insight learned in Proverbâs WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE or UNDERSTANDING.
But, I donât believe this wisdom is from Academic Achievements measured by membership to University boards or clubs or some Ivy League College. No, I believe this âwisdomâ goes beyond scholastic wins. It goes to a place few dare to go.
That place is – MORAL RESPONSIBILITY. Getting there is difficult. Staying there is far greater a challenge.
Like Father – like son.
The Power of Discretion and Discernment.
It ALL boils down to decision-making, the mastery of this Art. Many Leaders and would-be leaders spend years at universities trying to learn the many tools that assist and help them make decisions.
And still, get it wrong!
The feeder to this art is reflected in the disciplining of the Character, characterised by the person living a âdisciplined and prudent life.â
To live prudently means to make decisions that are NOT based a whim or changing appetite but knowing right from wrong. This is the skill and power of discretion or discernment. Exactly what the Bible, Proverbs prescribed.
Out and about with the future Mr Valentine
Respect for the Miracle of Life.Â
So, what does this mean when we (as a Father or as parents) have to educate our sons & daughters on HOW to make wise choices?
Whenever I make a decision in my childrenâs presence, I have a âwalk-through â how I arrived at that decision (s). I let them know the THINKING đ€ BEHIND THE INTELLIGENCE. I mention the KEY components like – the initial assessment of risks; the consequences it could lead to if not addressed with mitigating controls; the probability/likelihood of the consequences occurring (with and without mitigating controls) and the possible impact, to self and others.
And then factoring in what my heart â„ïž & soul tells me too.
Such instruction DOES NOT presume that the child somehow already knows whatâs best. So, if youâre thinking of having kids or have very young kids, I believe that parents need to instruct and educate them from the earliest years.
They must be shown, trained and taught to tell the truth rather than lies; to respect the property of others rather than take for themselves; that harming anyone else is unacceptable;
And … to hold and RESPECT THE MIRACLE OF LIFE... whether it is flora or fauna or human, in respectful and highest regard.
All the very best in your decisions, big and small and may God continue to shower his blessings on you and your family and cherished ones.
cheers & ahoy from beautiful Sydney, Australia!!
* Dr. of Muscle/Energy Aesthetics & đitality/â€ïžOve *
Children need a good framework to build their character on. Your instructions as a parent and the guidance given in Proverbs in the Bible are great tools âïž to harness.
Think đ€. To Really think, does not only involve the brain đ§ . It involves the mind, the heart â€ïž, the spirit and the âessence of lifeâ – đitality. It includes the blessings of Wisdom.
How to eat an elephant, yep, That was something my most valued business/life mentor taught me when I first met him.
He asked me one day, he said –
âPaul, young man, how do you eat an elephant?â
Now, that was a question i just couldnât answer at that time. I said what any 30+ year old would say –
âFuck if I knew!â
Then, he said something that I always recall when I take on a big project – patience.
âOne mouthful at a time, young man … one mouthful at a time, until youâve eaten that whole elephant.â
There are many elephants in our lives – ourselves, our children, our careers and so forth. One such elephant for me is my son, Zachary. A vibrant, energetic & curious young boy, evolving at a very fast rate. One of my tasks as his dad is to love him, unconditionally. No matter what, always being the wind beneath his wings when he decides to fly.
To keep fueling his curiosity and provide relevant boundaries that allow him to grow and stretch and possibly shift.
Itâs New Yearâs Eve and I sit and reflect on many moments in my life so far. Christmas came and went and for my family, prayer snd devotion is always a constant reminder to give gratitude through grace, even in times of heightened joy & excitement.
A few months old … in our Family gym I owned & managed for about 7 years. He has no recollection of this period of our lives.
The Basics of almost every field are a vital foundation of Mastery of that field. For example, in physique artistry, it is the basic lifts of – squats, deadlifts and bench presses. In football, itâs being able to catch and pass an oval ball with speed and accuracy in almost any conditions.
In our roles as fathers & dads, teaching our sons to take responsibility early in life will prepare them well for the workplace in the future. I believe two kinds of responsibility should be emphasised:
These are the basics that never failwhen it comes to personal growth and character. I try to educate him on these areas every day.
Out and about with the future Mr Valentine
Santa brought knives đȘ for my son.
Not many Dads/parents buy their sons (let alone their 9 1/2 year old ) son – knives đȘ . Well, my son got a few, knives that is. Santa brought knives for my son & placed it in stockings for Christmas.
Zachary has always had a soft spot for knives & swords since he was a baby. I thought đ id introduce him to wood carving and help transmute that endless energy & enthusiasm for it into something creative: WOOD CARVING.
I did a bit of this in my childhood with my good mate kindie friend, Dr Manoa during weekend sleepovers at his parents place. We used to carve out creations from discarded pieces of wood.
Dr Manoa and I today. Friendship thatâs been strong since kindergarten. Now, a Top Legal advisor to Governments, worldwide.
Patience & care was harnessed in this creative exercise.
A sword from a piece of discarded wood.
My son did his first carving & created his first sculpture: a sword đĄ from a piece of discarded wood.
Achievement: showed that he could FOCUS đ§ intently on something else other than Nintendo & Minecraft. Also learned that little strokes with the knife đȘ gives better control and accuracy.
Result: he started & finished a mini-project and experienced a sense if satisfaction in that. He Created a thing of beauty with his own hands. Was happy with what he produced. I was very impressed with his focus and final output.
He earned 2 hours of entertainment after that.
Little strokes create beauty … just as much as little strokes fell big trees.
Zachary carved a sword đĄ from a discarded block of wood.
Possible repeat of The Dad in the future? Of 2 x World Champion NATURAL physique artist titles?
Time will tell.
Oh well … itâs a start for him in the art of sculpture. Maybe, one day he will sculpt his body with different tools đ (Dumbells & nutrition) to build a world -class NATURAL physique.
The greatest warriors: TIME & PATIENCE (It took me 10 years of physique artistry sculpting to have the BEST NATURAL physique in the world).
A 10 year goal of sculpting the Best Natural physique art. Took me 10 years to achieve this. Patience & mastery of instrument.
Willpower.
The most important and most valuable art he works on is âart of/sculpture of the mind â. Believing that there is Power in the Mind. Believing in the Power of his mind….& that that power comes from God. To understand that there are many forms of power – financial power, horse power, Political power etc. but the most important of all is WILL POWER.
The power to go beyond and achieve what was originally thought of as IMPOSSIBLE. as I tell him and his sister, to …
He helps those who help themselves. He meets ALL believers, half way … in their journey towards realising their desires.
I pray that God continues to shower his blessings on you and your loved ones, those you care & value the most… in 2021 and ….
Beyond.
Cheers & ahoy to YOU wherever you are in this place world
The old capân Viking Pirate đŽââ ïž & his gritty Viking Pirate đŽââ ïž prince attempting wood carving foe the first time.
Enjoying Kayaking together in Sydneyâs beautiful seas
Admiring ‘beauty’ in design and sound …. and getting in touch with our feminine side: Beauty and truth. Be the role model you want your future leader to be. A big responsibility, yes … but take it. Like a man, a Real Man. All the very best I’m with you.
Learning to o come back from failure last year. Olivia did not make it past the Northern Beaches Zone Finals last year. The Top 5 qualify for the Australian National Championships. She re-set her goal to reach the Championships Finals this year. She not only achieved the goal of qualifying for the National Championships but made the The prestigious Top 5 in the Finals (top 16 out of the BEST 60+ girls who qualified). She learned disappointment and strengthened her resilience to try again but this time with better execution. Very proud of this sporting achievement. Note: Physie is an âathletic dance â that is a fusion of contemporary, ballet, martial arts and beauty of modelling
School Band Captain.
Today she was announced the School BAND Captain for 2021.
Next year, in year six, She will lead the 5 bands (listed below), and will perform in the Top 2 Bands and do solo performances too. She plays the Alto Saxophone.
1) Big Band
2) Stage Band
3) Concert Band
4) Intermediate Band
5) Junior Band
As Band Captain, I know she will carry out her responsibilities of leadership with utmost pride and dedication.
A few of her other achievements –
– Top 5 (she achieved her goal she set at the start : of making it to the Australian Physie championships but also made the Finals (Top 5) out of the Top 60+ best in her age category. In 2019, she didnât get past the Northern Beaches zone championships (the Top 5 qualify for the Australian Physie Championships). She demonstrated wonderful resilience to bounce back from a disappointment last year
– High Distinction in Level 4 Alto Saxophone Australian Music đ” exam
– Premiers writing award đ„
– Schoolâs Creative Excellence award đ„
– sheâs won the annual Academic Excellence Award  5 years in a row
– Passing the 2 x per week strength,agility,power, flexibility & speed training with me
– Other
In the middle of her routine. She worked consistently and persistently all year to be one of the Nations Top 5 dancers in the elite category. A big impressive on her performance last year.
While these awards are wonderful external achievements, I am more impressed by her attitude to herself snd the standards she sets and aspires to and honours. I am more impressed of her development in to the kind of woman with strong values & principles.
In ALL important areas of life.
Art in motion. Australian Champion Physie Dancer đ , representing the standard-setting Mosman Physie Club in the lower north shore, Sydney, Australia.
I love đ connecting with my daughter on all levels , right from those moments she lived in the 9-month home carried in her motherâs abdomen. I felt her kicks đŠ” and moving body under my touch.
I find real joy in winning her heart every single day.
I am very happy that I have been having weekly âdaddy-daughter-datesâ almost every week since she was a baby. I have tried to make These dates entertaining & fun but I also try to make it significant as well. I have tried to foster an environment where i can really hear how she is doing and listen to her as she opens up.
My gritty Viking pirate đŽââ ïž princess đž
We have journeyed together in many ways and I have seen her grow spiritually and on some dates we have connected on a deeper level and … with God.
I also try to show her my commitment to my marriage … to loving my wife of almost 20 years now. I hope it sets an example for my daughter of what a loving, committed relationship looks like. She knows I treat my wife like a queen snd I know she thrives in knowing that she is my princess.
My gritty Champion dancing princess has enough hair for a village.
Her Mother… My wife, my Queen.Â
I know my wife, Cathy is a key element of my relationship with my girl. I understand fully that my relationship with my children and her are intertwined. I know Olivia feels valued đ as a girl when I honour my wife, their mother.
Every single day.(or almost every day)
Hereâs what I think đ€…
âI believe daughters in todayâs modern societies and interconnected world need mothers and fathers who have FAITH in God and Godâs creative design when it comes to their identity. Society CANNOT and WILL NOT dictate WHO my daughter/your daughter is to be. A daughter needs a few select people in her life who have the BELIEF & CONVICTION and ABILITY to help her become the person God created her to be. I know my daughter will give it her best in whatever she sets her mind to. Iâll be in her corner … ALL THE WAY. As I tell her … God meets those half way … he meets those who helps themselves. â
The đalentine tribe (minus our dog 𶠖 Mr Fuzzy/Fussy cuddles
Writing HER OWN Story.
i tell her she is writing /authoring her own story. I tell her to OWN Her Story… & write âïž from her heart â€ïž. I hope to help her edit it where applicable.
I am looking forward to seeing what she writes in the next year .. two year… 10 years … 15 years … 30 years … 50 years …
One thing wonât change.
I WILL ALWAYS be HER Father & DAD.
I thank God for this blessing… This beautiful human being.
You – a Father, are a Superhero, whether you know it or not. Your children are watching you like a Hawk. Donât be in a situation where itâs – âdo as I say, not as i doâ. Their young minds donât operate like that. They DO AS YOU DO. So, up your game is you have to.
Honour is a gift we give others.
Iâm writing this as I do one of my key daily habits – Iâm doing âcardioâ on a x-trainer and This thought just crossed my mind. It is based on one of the many observations Iâve made of life over the years.
It relates to honour.
There was a time when âhonour â meant a lot.
It meant dedication, integrity, grit and doing the right thing even under trying circumstances. Does it still have importance and appeal? With the proliferation of high profile cases (& not so high-profile friends and family), planted in the news over the last decade or two, it seems …
No longer.
Maybe itâs the age weâre living in, where no one seems to believe in pleasure delaying, in the value of patience. There is an unbelievable low patience level and it is one of the more silent but influential epidemics.
The word honour seems to have lost a lot of meaning in our culture, modern societiesâ insatiable desire for instant and self-gratification.
When does honour mean anything? When it begins by having a perspective and view of something that is beyond & outside of ourselves. When we think of others, first… when we live to serve others, like Jesus did. Honour is a gift we give others.
This is very difficult in our culture where it is about
Usually, children learn about it when they see their fathers & mothers act honourably themselves.
Like genuine love, honour is a gift we give someone. It involves the decision we make BEFORE we put love into action that a person is of high value. In fact love for someone begins to flow once we have made the decision to honour him or here.
As fathers and mothers we give our children the gift of honour by –
extending it first to our parents (if they are still alive);
helping them find value in times of struggle.
recognising our parenting strengths and style.
providing a healthy balance in our homes.
establishing loving boundaries.
building positive loyalties.
offering honour to God.
I turn to a Bible quote I recall from my 8 years as an altar boy in my early childhood and it said –
âA good name is to be worth more than silver and gold.â(Proverbs 22:1).
That means you can âtake it to the bankâ when dealing with an honourable man. Are you that kind of person? Is your word , bankable?
What do you âsee?â How you perceive the world influences your reality. Change your lenses if you need to.
It not only opens doors but it opens hearts too.
I have experienced it and witnessed it too. That is something a very good mentor of mine said –
âBe honourable, ALWAYS. It not only opens doors but it opens hearts as well.â
Lies, like all sins, have no degree of gravity. Thereâre all equal in the eyes of the Lord. A sin is a sin. Full stop! So-called âwhite liesâ can be a slippery slope for many, as bad habits … like all habits tend to build momentum.
The entry point to anything, whether bad or good, is the first step in that direction.
The habitual slippery slope of lying will destroy your honour. Like gateway drugs, you will never comprehend how addicted you can become to much harder drugs.
A slippery slope, remember.
So, speaking to ALL fathers out there, think about what Iâve just said. Today, if youâve just begun walking down that road of dishonour, stop đ!
Itâs not too late to turn back now.
Your children are watching you like a Hawk and they are much more tuned in and smarter than you think. You donât want to look them in their eyes one day, asking them to forgive or even understand why âyou did it.â
Along with beauty, comes strangeness. Embrace your strangeness … your unique ness.
A major destroyer of children.
This is a real major battle for all parents, a fight against a major destroyer of children – their feeling valueless and insignificant. Every day is a battle and an opportunity for you (as a father or mother) to wage this war. Don’t ever neglect building self-worth in your children. No matter how old your children are, it’s never too late from unfolding your hands and honouring them. Consistently applying this may save the heartache of damaged relationships, and they also get a strong foundation to truly value God, themselves and others.
To you and all dads/mums/parents out there, win this war against this major destroyer of children.
Give them the gift of honour.
Donât make it hard for your children.
Our modern-Day societies love great stories, especially ones that involve a fall from grace, a man or woman or integrity who âgets their hands dirty â.
A loss of honour. In days gone by, that would be considered worse than death.Â
Our culture eats people up who break their values for short-term gains and the like. Some of these men and women were once morally upright individuals doing their best for whatâs right.
Then, they slip….& its a long, long, lonely ride down …Â Our culture will tell your children to dishonour you, just like everyone else are. But you know, and I know and all dads out there know that your children will truly want to honour you, their father. Their superhero… their dad.
So, do the right thing, ALWAYS. Not some of the time, always.
And donât go down that slippery slope of dishonour… and donât make it hard for your children and you do this by consistently showing them what true honour is.
My questions to all dads – whom do you need to honour today In your life? What do you need today to restore honour to your name?
All the very best in your decisions, men of honour,
until next time,
p.
Like an FM station, just one point off gives you an irritating âshhhh…â
My kids and I with Ruby the Dog. They just adore each other. Choose to spend time with your kids, not ‘quality time’. Keep feeding their Sense of self-worth, every single day. Never stop Giving them the gift đ of honour.Â
To think, really think .. is probably the hardest thing To do in life
I had a health scare.
Seven months before I won my 1st World Natural Bodybuilding/âClassicâ Physique Title, I had a health scare. Every few minutes I would experience excruciating pain in my abdomen, especially whenever I ate something. The old experienced Surgeon (who was part of the first Medical Graduates at one of Sydneyâs Top Universities & studied with an Uncle of mine) said I was lucky –
The pain I felt was the closest thing any man can come to knowing what giving birth was like for a woman
Less than 0.001% (or some very small number ) of the worldâs population get this ailment
It can be RIGHTED.
Diagnosis: the point where my small intestine & large intestine meet had folded on to each other like a sock đ§Š. The pain experienced was due to the food being squeezed through each time I ate. It was an emergency & he moved me up the waiting list.
The operation was successful.
From that experience & my life experience so far… I have concluded that Nothing a man can ever do can & will compare with the pain a woman goes through during labour, along with carrying a life in them for 9 months.
Find your light to show your son/boys their way
A good Father is a little bit of a mother.
A man can never be a mother, but I recall a mentor saying – a good Father is a little bit of a Mother. Each have different primary roles and canât completely replace the other, without causing other unwanted consequences.
No matter who you are or what you have achieved, one thing is true about life : Fathers matter deeply in the lives of their children and ultimately in the life of our communities and nations.
I believe Fatherhood is the most tragically underestimated & misunderstood modern-day issue of our culture today. It has been now, for a number of decades. Fathers & dads should be honoured & revered just as Mothers are.
Leadership ability begins in the home … children learn character building in the home Be the best character you can be … for YOU, first .. and then for your kids my two children a number of years ago
Our children deserve better.
Our culture (many modern-day societies ) often mocks fatherhood in various ways – I see it regularly on TV ads over the last 2 decades where Fathers & Dads are belittled or made to look silly & irresponsible. Iâve observed & experience this first hand in playgrounds.
This should not be allowed to continue as there is nothing funny about the number of broken homes & broken lives left behind by absentee (& abusive) fathers & husbands.
Our children deserve better and more should be done in society to educate and create awareness. Society needs to continue to provide reassurance and affirm the necessary role a Father or a Father figure has in the life of each child.
It seems that our culture today is at a crossroad. There are many epidemics afflicting us, yes – the covid & obesity as examples. However, we have diverted our attention from a major epidemic: the epidemic of broken families. You donât have to look very far … this epidemic has grown at an alarming rate & has littered our streets with broken children.
Learning and absorbing our habits every single day of their initial phase of their lives is what our young Princes do. Teach them well.
The most vulnerable victims – our children.
Absentee and noninvolved fathers, who have given up their roles as leaders & mentors have taken their toll on the most vulnerable of victims – our children. Statistics about children from fatherless homes are alarming and we should be working towards reversing this growing trend.
Fathers are very important in the lives of their children and FATHERS MATTER!
A mentor told me this once a long time ago –
âBehind every successful child is a good dad â.
A good father & dad is one who provides the launching pad for strong, successful and values – driven adults into the world. Adults who then make a positive impact in peopleâs lives.
It is truly an honour to be given the opportunity to have the honour of wearing the Father, Dad and husband hats so far in my life. I hope and pray that one day, my two children mention something along those lines in their eulogy speech at my funeral.
God bless my children and all the children of this magnificent world and to all the fathers & dads reading this that try juggling all those very important hats : father, dad amd husband.
God bless all the children of this world and what they have had to endure because of the covid epidemic.
Amen.
p.
My beautiful daughter and I enjoying “Daddy-daughter time” on the Ferris Wheel at Luna Park in amazing Sydney, Australia.
foundations of a gritty strong character Begins in the Family … in the home …
Changing lives. Empowering people. One life at a time. 
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