Fairness begins with Self. Side chest pose in my gym of seven years.
Do you believe in love?
Do you believe in lasting love?
You’d have to agree with me when I say that we don’t get lasting love by chance. Before I go any further, I want to let you know that I don’t believe in chance or coincidences.
Everything – good or bad, is meant to be, when you make decisions for the best and ultimately to not bring harm to anyone else in the long run. You may hurt someone in the short-term but foresight is a gift, and you may see the benefit for the person in the long-term.
Sometimes, as my grandfather used to remind me – you have to be ‘cruel to be ’kind’ or in his other words of wisdom, give ‘tough love’. People suffer a little bit in the short-term for lasting long-term benefit.
So, lasting love does not come by easily, it takes work – simple, pure hard work. In Australian lingo we say – “Hard YAKA!’, if you believe it is worth it.
Hard work strongly involves working at fairness.
How do I know?
Well, I believe in genuine, authentic relationships. I mean I have many, many acquaintances but only a few very good friends. People I can call friends for twenty, thirty or even forty years. And there are a few new ones too.
Friendship, real, genuine, long-term friendship of any kind takes time and work, hard work.
And really good friends, friends that ‘hear what you say but also hear what you don’t say’, now these are hard to come by. But, they do.
I spent a lot of time with one of my many male mentors for the first 18 years of my life – my grandfather: Mr Garrett Bola William Valentine.
I used to sit there, when he was alive and listen to him (who was like a dad to me) and his one very good friend tell stories and reminiscing of their youthful days. I loved listening to those stories. I thought of my grandfather when writing this because it seems his loving friendship and bond he had with his friend to his last days were based on an enduring friendship.
A friendship that lasted over fifty years.
A relationship, a love-affair between two men, two humans, that, I can only assume, took a lot of work and Hard Yaka. It did not just happen by chance. Certainly not.
Side triceps in my gym of seven years.
A loving, lasting relationship of any kind, needs fairness.
In a romantic one, however, unlike my grandfather’s Bromance, the ‘romance’ can keep love alive for a shining season but unfair love will freeze by late autumn as the relationship goes through the seasons of life, so-to-speak.
Do you argue fairly?
One needs to remember to stick to the facts and don’t make personal attacks on your partner, especially ones that are generalised over a number of years? I believe fairness is at stake in every conversation, in every sharing of duties, in every argument.
In this day and age where there is an ‘opinion epidemic’ whereby people think offering their opinions willy-nilly, left, right and centre is acceptable. These opinions are heavily biased and are not thought out from ‘both sides of the argument. So, arguments are not done in a fair fashion.
We need fairness in our trust. Trust of one another.
In romantic love, we need fairness in our talk. Our communication. Experts say that our nonverbal communication accounts for almost 60 percent of the total message. Tone of voice, for example – the way we say things – makes up 35 percent of the message. The actual words we say account for only seven percent of the total message.
I know I can get very passionate and animated when I speak and so there is always fluctuations in my tone of voice and sometimes this can come across as aggressive. I do struggle with hiding my emotions sometimes and am still trying to manage and control them even now.
If I am angry, you will know it, just as sure as you will know when I am happy. My eyes and face are the windows to my heart, my soul.
So, as food-for-thought, think about the ways you and your spouse/partner communicate without using words. These are all important factors of communication but the most important question is how effective is your communication with your loved one/partner?
In my experience, it isn’t fair to use words that violate a person’s feelings or betray a person’s confidence. Refrain from saying things to personally attack the other. Stick to the facts and in saying that, the immediate or facts of a recent example.
We need fairness when we divide the chores in family life.
We need fairness when we decide who goes out to work for a living and who stays home to mind the children, in the different phases of family life. What phase of life are you or you and your partner/husband/wife in?
“So, when is love fair?” I hear you say.
Well, from my experience, I believe that –
Love is fair when it builds up both the lover and the beloved;
Love is fair when it increases both and diminishes neither;
Love is fair when it brings lovers close but still lets them separate when appropriate;
Love is fair when it nourishes both and leaves neither hungry for more;
Love is fair when it respects the boundaries of the other person’s selfhood;
Love is fair when it delays our most legitimate desires to meet our loved one’s needs;
Love is fair when it does not use ancient and forgiven wrongs against us;
Love is fair when we don’t selfishly accept current, immediate self-gratification at the price or expense of the other’s pain.
What do you think, is the above statements fair statements on what fair love is?
What do you think is a “fair” balance of closeness and separateness in your marriage?
What do you think is ‘fair’ behaviour when you are disagreeing?
Oh love … oh fairness fairy.
We seek your guidance.
Amen.
Until next time,
The Old Captain Viking Pirate Muscle Monk.
Members of my ‘extended family’ when I used to own and manage my gym for seven years. Some of the best and hardest years of my life so far. I loved leading the members (predominantly males – 70%) and they allowed me to take them to unchartered territories for us all. The gym was (unlike today’s) a social place. An ‘inbetween home’ between your place of work and your home. Relationships based on fairness, trust, care and compassion.
One of the wisest men I have ever been mentored by, my good friend – Dave ( a fellowship member of Menza) told me once that “Nothing Changes but form.”
Do people change. Of course they do. But, change according to what? And … what is your perception of change?
Got me thinking.
What is a “worthwhile sacrifice?”
A four year undergraduate degree at a prestigious university? An apprenticeship with a famous chef? Sweeping the floors of a multi-national conglomerate just to “get in?” All these sacrifices and those like these change the person – some for the good and some for the bad.
If you’re in a relationship, like I am – in a relationship with this woman for 19 years now. It sounds like a lot but it is nothing compared to her grandparents who lived to their 90s and were such beautiful people.
Time (& space), as Einstein said is relative. So, basically, nineteen years, in the whole scope of the time spectrum, is put simply – nothing!
So, what do you do with marriages that go through periods where there is ‘rough seas’ as they co-captain their ship through the ‘sea of life?’ I know for a fact that over the years, I have carried my wife (& was the stronger one) and in other times (like the whole of last year), she was the STRONG ONE & carried the weaker one – me.
Sailing through the sea of life, will inevitably produce tough times, it’s just foolish to think that you won’t encounter bad weather & monstrous waves in the depths of the sea of life. Foolish.
It is in times of trouble that, you just hang on to each other, because it is easy – very easy to lose one another. You need to go ‘above and beyond’ your call of duty in seeing that the weaker partner gets through that rough period ok. Everyone responds differently to unexpected rough weather & no one is immune to it.
Change is a certainty in life. Life is about change, if you’re not changing, you’re not living. But the rate of change differs between individuals. I think it was the great science thinker – Stephen Hawkins – that said “intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.’ I agree.
The woman and man need to adapt to the changing stimulus (phase of life) because it is in the process of adaptation that new growth is experienced & felt. So, don’t be afraid to sacrifice old philosophies and adopting a new, evolved one, in order to provide the glue that keeps them together.
Needs
Owning a family gym for six years has taught me a lot of things about life – in fast forward. In those six years I helped, with my programs, helped people transition through the sticky phases of life – teens to man-hood; the troubling 20s; the ambitious 30s; the ‘lost hope’ 40s; the care-free 50s; the uncertain 60s & the content 70s and 80s.
If you reach the 90s, its highly likely you’re on your own to celebrate your 95th birthday because everyone you ever knew is …. Six feet under.
Now, I have concluded, in my experience and my small sample of men and women in my lab (my gym), that part of the reason people stay together in marriage is because their needs are being met.
At first glance, that idea seems to be self-centered and selfish. Maybe it is. Just maybe, we ALL have the ‘selfish gene’ in us, like the aetheist Richard Dawkins proclaims. Good on him & his followers.
Marriages that last, include couples who WORK hard at it. Marriage, that is.
I believe they have a deep sense of commitment, a desire to stay together, and an ability to express affection as they understand each other’s needs and … I believe, specifically work at meeting those needs.
That is paramount. The meeting of these needs at various phases of life. It is never static, always continuously changing.
Understanding & meeting your mates/husbands/wife’s/ partner’s needs is a powerful way to serve your mate and strengthen your marriage.
So, what are you waiting for (if you’re married) …… go make your spouse her favourite warm drink (coffee?) & do it with love & care. Thank you.
Romance
What is romance?
I’ve never really understood what it is. I mean, I have done something in the past that I didn’t think was special, and I was thanked for being ‘so romantic.’ There are other few times where I thought I was trying to be romantic and got the cold shoulder.
I’m still confused and I’m a Mr Valentine?!
All these years later, I still don’t know what is to be romantic. I’m sure a lot of males out there do (and that is great) … but I struggle with being romantic.
I think romance should be done daily, in the little things that we do for each other, that won’t make a romance novel – like making your husband a cup of his favourite coffee or giving him hug when he least expects it. It does not take much to please a good gentle man and make him happy. Taking care of mozzies (mosquitoes) daily, not this ‘once-in-a-blue moon’ party shi*t@!
Romance, as I see it, is built upon qualities that each partner (hopefully) showers on each other, Some of them are –
Meeting each other’s needs;
Being tender;
Considerate & sensitive;
Thoughtful & …
Listening
Listening is very important. If you’ve been together for a long time then you should know him quite well so in addition to listening to what he says, try to listen to what he ‘does not say.’ Now that takes listening to a level that only very close ‘best friends’ tap in to.
Emotional Connections
What happens when man enters his mid-life years? I have a fair idea because I have seen and helped many-a-man transition through this phase of the many phases of life.
One thing that comes to fore is the feeling (from the mens’ perspective) that they are being ‘mothered.’
But, from my sample of hundreds of men over the last two decades, I can conclude that men DO NOT WANT A MOTHER. Women, do you know what they want?
They want a GIRLFRIEND. They don’t want a mother to make them feel like they are ‘one of the children.’
No!
They want a girlfriend.
Now, for a woman to become a girlfriend to her husband, I believe (from my observation of life), she NEEDS to develop spontaneity.
Now, what does this mean … well, let me take that previous statement back. I think there is no such thing as spontaneity because a person has to have the thought – first, before any action is executed.
It may mean (for the wife), assuming a younger outlook on life, or a younger approach to the relationship. She should think in terms of how a younger woman would act around her husband.
She should, above all else, show admiration and affirmation to the extreme …. & dare I say it, ACT MORE FLIRTATIOUSLY.
Little things matter. But what makes you do the little things (I call these the ‘mosquitoes’ in life), whether positive or negative? Have you every thought about this? You may have heard people say ‘willpower.’ I have news for you, it is not willpower. Willpower means forcing yourself to do something you don’t really want to do. This is a never-winning game for you.
You cannot keep forcing yourself to do something if you don’t really want to do it. Period.
So, no, it is not willpower that drives your actions, but your ATTITUDE.
Attitude shows itself in everything you do – actions speaks louder than words, as we have been told when we were a child. So true, your attitude determines both your simplest and most complicated actions – from the way you carry yourself to the way you deal with hard times.
And a man going through a mid-life crisis phase … is a hard time. Let’s not kid ourselves, it is not funny at all.
So, for the partner we need to embrace this phase – not with willpower, not with determination or controlling your attitude and feelings. No. You need something more stronger, something that is at the heart – the breathing source of your attitude.
You need to re-discover this energy source to give you that ‘edge.’ And what is this source, well, it is simply your ‘philosophy’, which is a fancy word for the way you see yourself and the way you see the world. It is your philosophy that feeds your attitude.
Attitude is everything in life.
Your attitude is never static, it is changing all the time. And as your attitude changes, your feelings also change. Your philosophy is the secret that lies behind the puzzle of fate or destiny. So, to summarise –
A negative philosophy obviously does the opposite effect. Remember the “Ripple Effect” … well, it works both ways!
To manage this phase your partner/husband is going through you have to change yourself. And how do you do this? Well, your change yourself by changing your philosophy. BUT, you have to be willing to change or ADAPT & change if your want to change what’s happening in your life, your philosophy or how you see things must change.
And, very importantly ….
Don’t bring up the past in a negative sense. One of the quickest paths to success (I believe) is to get out of the past. Sure, its smart to review mistakes and unhappy events because that helps you to make better choices in the future. However, keep it swift.
Review, understand and take responsibility for the errors you’ve made (and we all have our fair share of mistakes/errors … no body is perfect, right?) But, don’t even spend too much dwelling on this even. Just use the past as a tool to do things differently in the present and, most importantly ….. MOVE ON!
So, invest your ‘emotional labour’ towards emotionally connecting to your partner/husband and realise that other things in life are not as urgent as they seem.
They can simply WAIT.
It is time to give your spouse your time and attention (before it is too late).
Please understand that this is just my initial thoughts, nothing more, nothing less. There are obviously many other reasons (when compounded over time) provides a leathal dosage of destruction.
Don’t’ let that happen to you. I will embrace it if it ever happens to me.
Amen.
Best of VITALITY to YOU.
P.e. Valentine.
A good teacher is hard to find but finding a good student is even harder. Plan the work – to work the plan. Photo: discussing fine points of one of my programs with ex-Australian Wallaby & Waratah Captain, Mr Phil Waugh.
In my line of work, part of what I do is help people, help themselves with change as they transition through various phases of life. I help people, help themselves re-engineer themselves in to the person the imagine themselves to be.
I help men and women of all ages and sizes help themselves, find their best selves and work towards increased balanced and symmetry – externally and internally.
Someone asked me the question posed in the blog heading recently, and it got me thinking. Put simply, people don’t stop, start from a clean slate and prepare for the beginning and the end. Upon reflection of my experience over the last quarter of a century, I have attempted to answer it below –
Me and a past member of my Family Gym and former pupil of my Valentine Infusion Programs
Being the sculptor and the sculpture is not easy but that is what you need to do … to create the NEW YOU.
Letting GO OF THINGS YOU HOLD DEAR is very difficult.
But letting go of things you hold dear is very difficult and the little things, the moquitoes – like letting go of a habit that is not life affirming can be very difficult. Neuroscience research tells us now that letting go a habit can take anywhere between 31 and 267 days. Wow! So, be patient and be kind to yourself if you’re thinking about making a change in the way you look.
But also, surprisingly (or not), sometimes … the best way to be happy or happier is to learn to let go of things you tried hard to hold on to that are no longer good for you. And this relates to people and activities that may have served you in different phases of life but no longer add value to you life, now.
It may sound a little harsh, and truth be told, I think it is. But, it is an essential part of become your wiser self. You need to destroy to create. You need to demolish long-held beliefs to become the new YOU.
The fact that you are ‘thinking’ about change is a win in itself.
Wherever the Mind goes, the body WILL follow. The key: get your mind “there “ first
They are not the same
You see, in my experience in helping people find their ‘new selves‘, I find that before a change, any worthwhile, life-changing change can happen, you must want to have a change in mind-set.
Now, to do this, even before you think about exercise, dieting or your fitness, you should firstly accept YOU as you are now, not the you – yesterday. The present self “is”, and your former self ‘was’, and in truth, your ‘was’ self is not identical to your ‘is’ now.
They are not the same.
People change, you change. Life is about change, if you’re not changing, you’re not living!
So, let go of the ‘was’ self (past) by letting go of any and all regret and guilt resulting from the past ‘was’ self. The past cannot be rewritten, but you can view it through different lenses and re-framing your view of your ‘was’ self. Tell yourself that past errors are mainly due to limitations in perception and ignorance and that they belong to that ‘was’ self at a certain point in the time continuum. It was all part of the learning process and gaining wisdom and was unavoidable.
This applies not only individually but collectively as a human race.
Most importantly, tell yourself – your ‘is’ self (now) that the habits that were acceptable in the past is no longer acceptable today and now. All regrets and guilt of less-than-ideal and less-than life-affirming habits that helped create the ‘was’ self is now boxed up and viewed simply as an error of judgement, ignorance, mis-perception or miscalculation. Put simply – an error.
The first stage is self-forgiveness. This is facilitated by humility but also acceptance of this limitation (by letting go of the ego).
With the wrong philosophy I would not have got to be one of the BEST at two consecutive world championships. You need go take your mind d there before the body & heart 💓 follows
Solution: Begin with the right philosophy, filter and remove beliefs that are no longer relevant, acknowledge your soul and then reach out and …
Embrace the ‘is’ YOU with your whole being. Show you care. Feel your love. Allow the healing to happen – to you and those you value around you. Changes then become long-lasting and sustainable as you chart your new course through the sea of life.
All the best in your choices,
Until next time,
Continuously helping you become the best you can be … BEGIN help by helping yourself. Then, Reach out and touch someone … be the light for someone who can only see darkness. Help them see ‘beauty’ .. see their truth. Help them manage their insanity with sanity … their chaos with order. Pray.
Everything starts with a thought … a boy born and raised in the Islands of Fiji (me) … thought/dreamed/imagined being on the World Stage in natural bodybuilding 10 years before it became reality. Belief in God and belief in myself helped me twice rank in the Top 5 in the world in my chosen sport…. and had a lot of fun getting there. No belief, nothing! With your thoughts and energy channelled in the direction of your goal, don’t underestimate what you can achieve in ten years. Vv.
The way you think will make your life a living hell or a living heaven.
Everything begins with a thought and where you end up in life, begins and ends in your thought. Everything starts with a thought. Do you believe this?
Every thought you think and every word you speak is vibrating throughout every cell of your body and into the world around. Your thoughts are what is moulding your universe into your experiences.
The way you think will either make your life a living hell or a living heaven. Do you believe in this?
I do.
We are told that mankind is living longer than ever before in our modern history. The question I like to ask is how much of this ‘extended life expectancy’ gives more joy, better quality of life? Or is it fuelled by the ever-increasing reliance on the many drug stores opening up around the place selling and hooking people on to the scores of products that are supposed to help people.
These drugs and drug stores are supposed to help people eliminate ailments such as stomach aches, relieve heart burn, stop diarrhoea, cure headaches, lose weight, overcome skin problems, bad breath, hypertension and fatigue. You name it – there is a drug that will ‘fix’ the problem.
Is this what the human race has evolved to?
Is this how far we have come as a race, even after all the scientific and medical progress that has been made in the last fifty years? I wonder, sometimes, how we came to be the way we are now? When I take a long hard look around, I am not impressed. I heard on the news or radio recently, that for the first time in mankind’s history, the current younger generations are more likely to die before their parents do. This is very sad if you asked me.
Me and a past member of my Family Gym and former pupil of my Valentine Infusion Programs Joel here was struggling to go past a certain limit on his deadlifts. He I learned some bad habits. He picked up that was stalling his progress & re- learned proper exercise technique. He not only exceeded his self-imposed limits but also lifted the heaviest weight by any man in my Familu Gym. His maximum lifting weight before that was 140kg. He deadlifted 224kg for 6 reps at a body weight of 110kg. He is not a power lifter (so does not do 1 or 2 rep maximum) Can anyone beat that?
Good health and good good intellect are the two greatest blessings in life.
Statistically, children – yours maybe, will not live to the age of their parents (you) will likely live, simply because of their inactive lifestyles and poor eating habits.
Here’s what I have learned after close to twenty five years of training and living a lifestyle of a natural bodybuilder: Good health and good intellect are the two greatest blessing in life. If you are born with health, as most of us have, you have one of the most important life-enhancing traits within you – HOPE! If you have hope, you have everything and you can quote me on this.
When people lose hope, they lose the will to live.
Without health, where is the joy in life, I ask you? I have found that maybe due to the pressures of ‘the way things have always been done in the past’, everyone is forced in to doing things that they have been brainwashed to thinking they should do. People work very hard in whatever profession they find themselves in and try to know everything there is to know about the subject. They become ‘experts’ in their area of expertise. All for the purpose of making money, commonly making the mistake of thinking money is everything – the be-all and end-all!
Many strive to be experts at everything else external, and yet are not experts at the most important thing: themselves.
This is where I beg to differ on all levels – from the philosophical all the way to the practical. Money and the hunger for more and more of it at the expense of everything else is very unhealthy and leads to unwanted disaster, sooner or later. Unfortunately, many do just this to satisfy the insatiable desire to acquire valuables they have been brainwashed into thinking by marketers, they should get because it adds to them as a status symbol.
Father-son same attire day. Children learn the BASICS of character from their parents… and parents should be open to learning from them, too.
There is no wealth like health.
Remember this: there is no wealth like health. Your health and fitness are way more important. Wealth cannot buy health. Wealth without health is a mockery. The healthy labourer in my opinion is better than a sick millionaire.
But you can, you have a choice to do something about it. Not tomorrow, today – now!
Why? Because your life is the most valuable thing given to you. When you make the decision to prioritise YOU and your life, you have a change of thought. Everything begins with a thought. When you make that decision to help YOU and don’t take life for granted, you choose your health. And when you have health, you have that most elusive thing of life, that intangible thing that some people have, that thing that is the essence of life: vitality.
I think it was Samuel Johnson, the English literary genius that said –
“To preserve health, is a moral and religious duty, for health is the basis of all social virtues. We can longer be useful when not well.”
Great words. So true. Have you questioned how moral you have been to YOU?
I don’t care how old you are, it does not matter. Whether you are man or woman, tall or short, fat or thin, young or not so young, my advice from my heart, is I hope you generate the DESIRE TO CHANGE YOUR MIND – TODAY! Change your mind to help that person you see in the mirror, help him or her move towards the healthier, fitter person you imagine yourself to be.
Implant that desire with a thought, a thought to help the most important person in the world to you: YOU!
Here, Ex-Australian Rugby Wallaby & living legend Phil Waugh using a ‘thumbless grip’ in a Smith Machine to do Bench Presses. His desire to be his BEST and get educated from the best allows him to embrace my better lifestyle framework and “build his bridge to where he wanted to be”. And he got there with my “custom-made” plan. Become aware; Apply action: Adapt accordingly.
People are creatures of habit.
Look around us, it is estimated that all the knowledge accumulated in the 20,000 years to 2003 is doubled every two days since then. Information, technology and knowledge has increased exponentially and the combination of exercise/weight training and good nutrition is better understood than ever before.
But why is the world suffering from an obesity epidemic? Well, I feel that, sadly, millions and millions of people are still not following a sensible path to ensure lifelong health and fitness.
People are creatures of habit and unfortunately it is more difficult to lose a ‘less-than-ideal (bad)’ habit then it is to adopt a good one. So much energy and effort is put in to hanging on to and justifying the need to retain a bad habit(s). If all that energy was transmuted in to focusing on and taking up good habit(s), we would have less preventable problems in the world.
Unfortunately, human beings are more reactive then proactive.
Focus: FEEL & CONTROL… with balance & elegance.
What you eat today will be walking snd talking on you tomorrow!
Why are millions not making the right choices given the knowledge and information available to them? A strong contributor is the increasing need for newer and modern technology and its use. These newer platforms of social media – facebook, twitter, text messaging, video games, increasing use of apps, all have one thing in common: they all encourage physical inactivity.
When I was growing up, I remember spending most of my waking hours after school with friends in the neighbourhood. We were always expanding physical energy with different games out on the streets.
Here’s another truth: what you eat today will be walking and talking on you tomorrow!
We’re all getting older by the second, yes, but some depreciate faster than others, mainly because of lifestyle choices. Today you may be relatively young but youth is always fading.
There are no guarantees in life, but if we choose well (health and fitness), we can live our days with healthy activities to get us near to perfect health, fitness and physique as possible.
If you have read this far, then it tells me that you are serious about making a change in your lifestyle. What I have always cared about with everyone that I have ever helped over the last two decades is their current physical condition and state of mind. This is exactly what I am concerned about with you, today.
To begin your change, your journey, you need to desire to change your mindas everything begins with a thought. But effort alone is not enough, you also need to dream, you need to liven up your imagination and set yourself some goals.
What is a goal anyway? It is a dream with a deadline.
Sometimes you need to stop 🛑… look at yourself in the mirror snd … take stock.
It is your thoughts and feelings that are creating the life that you are living.
You need to sit back and take a few minutes out of your busy day and ask yourself if you’re worth it? Do you believe that your life is valuable enough so that the rest of your life (from this point on) could indeed be the best years. Can you picture, imagine your remaining days? Maybe you’re so busy in your daily life, you haven’t given it much thought.
Remember, all of the data suggests that there is no such thing as luck or coincidence in a universe that we now know is based on energy, vibration and attraction. The universe is always lining up to the vibrational state that you’re offering. We all have our default frequencies but through effort, it is possible to move between frequencies – from a life-destroying one to a life-affirming wavelength.
It is your thoughts and feelings that are painting and creating the life that you’re living and drawing to you the situations and circumstances that you find yourself in. If you want to live a different life, you’ve got to start painting a different picture. You’ve got to start being a more skilful architect and use better design principles.
One thing I have always been fascinated about is life but in particular – people. I am a watcher of people, always have been and always will observe others with burning curiosity.
When Alan came to me, he was in a bad place – not having enough sleep despite seeing many “experts”, was on the verge of losing his job and his marriage. With immense courage he undertook the plan I developed for him using my Lifestyle framework principles . He not only started sleeping again (from 700+ apnoea per night to under 4) … he lost > 25+ kg and got his life back.
Where do I begin?
Now, you may be asking yourself, okay Paul, where do I begin?
Well, you need to take stock of the most important thing you will rely on: your state of mind, in particular – your motivation. Being motivated is a wonderful gift and a lack of motivation is a hard nut to crack, so to speak!
Here’s what I tell most, if not all that have ever come to me for help: Find a quiet moment in a private room in your home that has a full length mirror. Lock the door and take all your clothes off. That’s right, everything. Now, just look at the image of you reflecting out of that full length mirror. Just stand there and don’t do anything but look. Absorb your full glory for 30 seconds. Don’t flex your arms or smile. Don’t even think about sucking in that gut. Relax that tummy and now….turn to the side. No sucking in, let it all hang out! Now, what do you see?
Need more motivation? Angry? Now, you have all the motivation you need. How could you let this happen to your body? You were born with the greatest gift of all: physical health.
Now, ask yourself this question: do you value YOU, do you value your life? Are you going to continue as you have to this point? Clogging your arteries, adding layers of fat to every part of your body, risking ill-health, aches and pains and an early grave – increasing your overall life risk?
Or … are you going to choose great health and fitness for the rest of your life?
Chris enjoying a well-deserved rest between sets. A ‘set’ as I define it is: a continuous progression of 15 to 45 sec ‘focused moments’. Effort + Focus + heart + visualization + simulation [Quality Plan + Quality Implementation] ===> Quality results. Vv.
A major turning point in Alan’s life was coming to me for help. I helped him, help himself … build his bridge from where he was to … where he wanted to be.
Saved his job … saved his marriage … saved his life.
Photos (below) : walking-the-walk snd practising what I preach … so I can “talk-the-talk” with all my students of my Peak Performance Academy
Do you believe in it? Do you desire to share your love with others? Do you act on that desire? To ‘know’ what love is, is I believe, to know the unknowable.
But where do we begin?
It is too large a subject and too deep to truly understand and I believe there are insufficient words to describe what it is. There have been many attempts to define love and by now you will have formed your definition of love, from your experience and perception of truth.
I believe that to love – either oneself or another, you have to desire to and act on nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. Yep, spiritual growth.
I have helped many people on their individual journey’s to become better versions of themselves, adopting my unique framework. I tell them at the start of the program that it is as much a spiritual journey as it is physical. What I have found is that each time I journey with them and helped them, help themselves, to extend their limits and evolve in to the person they imagine themselves to be, I feel profoundly satisfied.
Each and every journey and as they evolve and re-engineer themselves, I feel that I also evolve. It seems as though, through reaching toward change and evolution for someone we also evolve, just like it is in the process of adaption that muscle grows.
I know one thing for certain about love: we are incapable of loving others unless we love ourselves, just as we are capable of teaching our children self-discipline unless we ourselves are disciplined or just like we cannot be a source of strength if we do not nurture our own strength. We cannot teach what we do not own or know.
Ultimately, self-love and the love of others go hand in hand and more and more I believe that they are one and same. They are indistinguishable.
Just like love, muscle needs sufficient and appropriate stimulus to adapt. It is in the process of adaptation that muscle evolves/grows.
I have deduced though that many people think they are loving but when in fact, they are not! It seems that in our modern culture, many desire and have intentions of being loving but they are not in fact loving. How? Why? Well, firstly, the desire or intention to love is not the same as love. Let’s make that clear.
It is simple: love is as love does!
It is a choice, a personal choice. We do not have to love (and many decide this).
We choose to love.
So, it does not matter how much you think you are loving, if you have chosen not to love, you do not love! Full stop! You have made your choice despite your good intentions.
The topic of love is truly totally unknowable and almost unexaminable. To fully know the unknowable is one of life’s wonders and challenges.
However, in my experience, to love, to really love, I believe one does not have to feel love. I believe that real love is often present when the feeling of love may be non-existent or is lacking. Real love is what happens when we act lovingly when we don’t actually feel loving.
Try to get your head around that one.
So, back to my earlier definition of this unknowable subject – love is what love does.
In my heart, I believe that to love (whether oneself or another person), one has to help the person (including you) journey towards being a spiritually better person. This brings more balance back in to your life, amongst other things.
This is one of the major keys to life: balance. Without it, everything becomes more difficult than what it needs to be.
The act of helping another human being evolve spiritually is the foundation of knowing this unknowable, an important part of love. Even though, ultimately, you will only know a little bit of what love is.
But that is ok, persevere as life is short and like someone once said “… none of us will get out of this alive, anyway”.
Think. Desire. Act. Love.
Re-establish your balance within.
Choose well.
Until next time,
Work on strengthening the spirit within. It is part of the foundation of love – the unknowable.
Muscle is precious. Build muscle then, do everything you can to preserve it.
Don’t believe everything you read, see and hear
Don’t believe the headline – eating and drinking in excess this Christmas will not help you lose weight!
But I am making a point as to how we can become needlessly fearful (because of all the conflicting views out there) of exercising with weights or eating certain foods or doing just about anything.
Everyone seems to have an ‘opinion’ these days with the proliferation of social media and a lot of these views have insufficient and inappropriate evidence (scientific) to back them up. This applies to almost everything, but especially, weight/fat loss and exercise and eating and drinking, because well, we all do these activities, more or less.
It seems that everyone is suddenly an expert.
Anyone can show how, by selectively citing some scientific research and blowing it all out of context, you can build a case for any argument, including the subject heading that I have used.
If you have a small amount of scientific nous, it is super easy for someone to give an opinion and by selectively citing some scientific research (based on some ridiculously small sample) and blowing it all out of context. You see this quite regularly on mainstream media as the ‘sensationalism’ of these stories sells ratings.
The thing is you should strive to not believe everything you read, see and hear. Manage your funnel better.
Have no doubt. Help yourself first. God will meet you half way … he ALWAYS does. All you ahve to do is: BELIEVE.
Key habit: Build muscle.
Below is the start of my view on fat loss and body re-engineering …
If you need to lose fat leading up to the festive season and summer (in some parts of the world – like Sydney, Australia) – build muscle. Naturally. Full stop!
There are countless weight-loss programs on the net and every where you go and read. Terrific for increasing awareness. However, fat-loss plans and weight-loss plans that don’t include strength training, fundamentally, rob the body of muscle.
Now, you don’t want to do something that robs the body of muscle because the process of ageing does this anyway. Ageing, is partly, by definition, the deterioration of muscles due to the reduction in protein synthesis.
Weight-training to build muscle ‘off-sets the on-set of ageing’. It is the potion of youth. It keeps people younger, longer. I know, because I have witnessed these people who seem to look and act five, ten, fifteen and twenty years younger.
The common denominator: they build muscle!
I love Chess growing up. I beat the University Chess Champion once. Life is like a game of chess …. you’ve got to learn to think many steps ahead … but also be able to ‘play what’s in front of you’ A delicate but necessary balance to succeed at anything in life for that matter Become a better chess player of life
Train SMART. Live BETTER.
I’ve always told everyone I have ever helped over the last two decades that every kilogram of muscle is a fat burning dynamo! Yep, a fat-burning dynamo.
If you compare your body’s metabolism (the rate at which it ‘burns’ calories) to that of an engine of a car, when you build lean body mass (muscle), you increase the engine size and power of your body. Your car engine (metabolism) goes from, say, a 1.8l engine to a 4.0l or even an 8.0l engine over time.
Muscle loss reduces calorie requirements, makes fat loss more difficult, and creates increased obstacles to the maintenance of a lean body, once the excess fat has been lost.
Fundamentally, your ‘life-force’ (or vitality) will be sucked out of you and you will literally feel like cr&p! Every single minute of every single day. Now, why would you or anyone for that matter want to feel like that every single day. I could and still can’t understand why people still do this to themselves. Instead of doing ‘life-affirming’ actions, they instead do ‘life destroying’ actions.
Not smart. Not sustainable.
Put simply, and to sum up – always remember, to help maintain a lean body, build muscle. To do this you need to Train SMART. Live Better.
It is as simple as that!
However, like some philosopher once said, “the easy things are also the hardest things to do”.
If you can dream and imagine a much more improved physical version of you and believe in executing a plan to get you there, by all means go for it!
With 8 x Mr Olympia – “The King”, Ronnie Coleman. Now, this man built and carried on his frame an unbelievable amount of muscle – 300lbs worth of it!
And don’t worry if you have never entered a gym in your life or you haven’t done anything since your late teens or early twenties. It is never too late to start.
Regardless of your age, or how out of condition you may think you are at present, I believe it is never too late to start an exercise program. The power to decide rests in your hands (literally when you start lifting weights in a gym to help the person in the mirror – YOU).
You can transform your fitness and muscle strength at any age, along with your appearance, and health. I believe this is important because from my observations as a coach over the years, when people’s image improves, their performances improves too. Feeling good about yourself is an important part of being a well-balanced human being.
Make that choice – for you or a loved one. Make that choice to help you so that you can enjoy not just a long life but a good quality life by lowering the risks of early on-set of age-related physical and mental diseases. Respect and love the most important person in the world to you – YOU, first.
That way, by default, everyone gets the best of you, too.
You have one life, make the most of it all the best in the choices you make. No one else can make them for you, so choose well.
5 key areas to manage your living better … for better balance in your life
To assist in the quality of your life right now, consider improving on these 5 key areas to manage your living better – for better balance in your life:
Eat – well composed, portioned meals, more frequently. If it is green leaf (and not a frog), include it in your meals.
Water – drink adequate levels of water daily. An average adult should aim for 3L per day.
Move – a combination of weight training, cardio and stretching done two to three times per week.
Enjoy yourself – don’t forget to have fun and laugh at least once a day.
Socially engage with your community in person.
Get, learn and apply the basics (of life) right so that YOU can ….
Muscle is precious. Build muscle, then do everything you can possibly to do to preserve what you have. You will thank your lucky and wise stars as you age.
Don’t accelerate the ageing process as age does it for you anyway. Build muscle, as if your life depended on it (and it does). Build muscle as it is your personal preventative insurance against age-related diseases as your life ticks on … tick, tock, tick, tock!
Then, watch your energy, mental state and vitality soar to new heights and ….
Live, really live.
Until next time,
Cheers & ahoy!
The old Cap’n Viking Pirate Evangelist Muscled Monk … & managing your weight during Christmas festive season and beyond
Be the best you can be for you, first, then by default, everyone gets the best of you. Vv.
Bodybuilding is not about how much weight you can lift. It is about creation and constant re-creation of a better YOU. It is about change and constantly embracing change.
Changeless change.
I like that phrase, something I have coined which means: to change within change – to have an effect of not changing. To remain constant for certain things in life. Certain things like – your values, your principles, your integrity, your dignity, your belief in the goodness of humanity for example.
We have been told that nothing stays the same, everything changes – we change and age, people around us change and age, nature changes, life changes. It seems that way for almost everything.
Change is good – for the most part.
I believe it is in every one of us – like a ‘worked’ muscle, we all have the desire to grow and develop into stronger, more powerful versions of ourselves, in essence – to change. It is in every one of us, the desire to prosper, to become better and strive to find the elusive happiness while we are here on this beautiful earth.
However, making the decision to change for the better can be very hard. Matter of fact, it could be just like having your daily elevator ride – mentally. It seems that we can consciously work towards moving ourselves upwards to a better place with our thoughts and actions and then, bam!
Some thoughtless person in your life keeps pushing the ‘down button’ and then your mental elevator ride lets gravity take you down. Sometimes, at speed. It can be a constant daily battle in your head. Even when you’re physically still, you’re having your daily elevator ride.
Don’t give up, don’t despair. Keep pressing the ‘up button’ and aim for the top – your version of the top. There will always be negative people everywhere, there will always be nay-sayers, and is just a part of life.
Part of what I do is help people become better versions of themselves – physically, emotionally and spiritually and am very successful at it for over two decades now.
“Back Double Biceps” in the heat of competition! Change from the gym to the stage is quite significant with management of key variables being extremely important. Placing: 2nd in Australia
I’ve always believed that it takes a lot of courage and discipline and strength to say ‘no’ to foods and drinks at your mouth, foods that are less than ideal. Saying no is one of, if not the highest form of self-respect. Yes, that is real courage but I believe that it takes a lot more courage and discipline and strength to stand guard and protect the doorway of your mind.
This is the most important protective measure you can adopt – to stand guard to your mind, to stand guard to the doorway of possibilities. To protect the doorway to your potential.
Most of us have a protective side, I know I do. I’ve been told that I am very protective over my wife and my two children. I’m sure you’re very protective of your loved ones too. I don’t blame you.
However, I believe, before you can truly protect others, you need to protect yourself, in particular, you’ve got to stand guard and protect your mind – from negative people who press the ‘down button’ in your daily elevator ride.
So, keep moving – up, whatever gradient you’re travelling at! Keep changing for the better to be the best you can be – for you, first, then for everyone else like I tell my children almost daily. Remember, we never completely stand still, we’re either moving and progressing towards how we imagine ourselves to be or we regress to our former self.
Whichever direction you take, remember that you only have one life and ultimately, you’re responsible for everything – the questions that you ask and all the answers that you get, the incomplete information of which you will base your life decisions on.
To achieve goals in any endeavour, most people would say you need two key ingredients:
Plan
Implementation
I disagree. You need to precede those two ingredients above with the word – “Quality”. Yes, my formula is:
“Quality Plan + Quality Implementation => Quality Result (Goals Achievement)”
Quality Plan + Quality Implementation allowed Team Valentine (my wife & I) to beat the best in the sport of Natural Bodybuilding, here in Australia and stand on the stage against the best in the World, placing in the Top 5 two years in a row.
To get these two key ingredients, every person should go through three stages of development:
It is quite a complex process but as you can see above, I have attempted to simplify the complex. Ultimately I simplify to Amplify. Every journey of change, begins with a single step towards your destination.
Try adopting my “Triple A Framework” (above) to self-development/change.
While you’re on your journey towards your best self or any worthwhile project, continuously stand guard to the doorway of your mind. Always. Be the best bouncer/doorman to the club that is your mind you can be and don’t let ‘potential threats’ in to the club in the first place.
Get better at managing your funnel better. As someone once said – “the business of life is not business, it is about learning how to live”. Become the best student of life you can be and learn how to live better. Learn how to better filter out people and activities that do not add value to your life but instead continue to press the ‘down button’ as you travel in your daily elevator ride.
That way you can enjoy your daily elevator ride and have more movements upwards than downwards and live a life filled with celebrations (of success through failures and experiences), not collections (of material possessions).
Until next time,
World Natural Bodybuilding Championships – New York, USA. Standing backstage with middle-weight (my category) and overall World Champion. Left: Me – ranked 4th in the world Right: My Team Partner and wife – Cathy.
Abdominal/thigh pose with the top 2 Natural Bodybuilders in the world in 2007.
Learn the basics of exercise in the gym. Learn to be more coachable – learn the rules so you know how to use them better in the future. This applies to most rules in life. Vv.
My gym experience has taught me a lot about people, about human nature. I love observing human behaviour in action, it fascinates me.
As most of you would agree, there is no doubt that people are different. We are all different and unique but we also are more alike than we like to think. We are all wired differently and that wiring lends itself to certain skills, environments and roles rather than other skills, environments and roles.
Some people find it very difficult to change. Some people need to learn to be more coachable, if they are to achieve their full potential and avoid some of the mistakes other people and previous generations have made.
There was this member of the gym I used to own for a number of years that was very stuck in his ways of training. I always tried questioning him on why he did things the way he did and he was very inflexible to learning something different. An alternative.
His reason: he had been training with weights for longer than me and he didn’t have anything to learn. Fair enough. I did not want to force him to stop doing harm to himself but I felt it was my role and duty of care to point out the potential risks he was putting himself and others in the gym, now and in to the future.
This a story about how too much of a good thing can be bad for you and relates to one particular exercise: the wide chin-up exercise.
Let’s call this individual “Dave”.
You see, he loved doing chin-ups. Some of you may know it as ‘pull-ups’. He loved it so much he did it every time he came to the gym for his ‘session’. He came to the gym about four times per week. He really loved doing very wide chin-ups and prided himself on lifting an additional 40kg dumbbell hanging from his waist for reps. He was certainly strong. He was very dedicated.
The one major drawback with his weight-training sessions was the fact that he loved doing chin-ups so much. Now, there’s nothing wrong with having a favourite exercise and this exercise is a great one.
Learn the rules of life. Learn the rules of training in the gym. Learn to be more coachable to manage your ‘risk:benefit ratio’ in life. Vv.
However, one should always be aware of doing that particular activity too often as it increases one’s risk of injury. And this is exactly what happened to our poor friend Dave. As we have all been told over the years – “too much of a good thing can be bad for you”.
I had a great chin-up bar. Matter-of-fact, I had another installed beside the original just because men had different size hands and preferred varying grips. It was a winner – for Dave and for every other enthusiast.
At the very start of his relationship with me, I gave him a piece of advice regarding his training regime that was rejected stubbornly every year for five years, before his accident.
Yes, he did have an accident.
My piece of advice was: don’t overdo an exercise.
I told him that he should probably cut back on the frequency of his chin-ups (doing it every day, every week for the whole year) to consider doing it in one workout every fortnight, that he should consider doing the many other exercise options available that would target the same muscles that chin-ups did but with minimal risk to his joints.
Minimising potential risks to his tendons and ligaments around the elbow joints. I basically tried to tell him to give his joints more rest and recovery, which in turn would probably see him spur on more muscle growth than what he was used to.
I suggested the traditional “Lat Pull-down” machine. A perfect alternative and there were a few ways of doing this exercise too.
That was unacceptable to him. Period!
He said that only ‘sissies’ did the exercise. I couldn’t believe he said that, calling everyone who ever did machine lat pull-downs a ‘sissy’, including me! I reminded him of some of the best backs built over time due partly to machine lat pull-downs. They used the machine lat pull-downs religiously!
He didn’t want to hear it. He was happy doing what he was doing and had been doing all his life. We went through this same conversation at least once every year. Me warning him about the excessive nature of his exercise choice of chin-ups and the damage he was potentially doing to his elbows further down the track.
Anyway, in his fifth year of training in my gym, Dave went missing from the gym for about a month. I called up to see if he was ok like I did for anyone of the hundreds of members that I didn’t see for more than four weeks.
He returned to see me in the gym the next day.
A mentor told me once – “no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Me & former client -Glenn. One ☝️ of the hundreds of members of my Family Gym I once owned & managed for 7 years. They came because I cared. I gave them “results with care” (my slogan)
He wasn’t able to train in the gym, in particular he couldn’t use his arms without experiencing excruciating pain through the elbows. All pushing and pulling movements were no longer possible. He basically couldn’t train and he wasn’t coping with this lack of activity very well and didn’t know what to do.
Dave felt a little embarrassed and admitted it was one of the biggest training mistakes he had ever made – not listening to my little piece of advice over the previous five years. The high risk of injury I had made him aware of every year for five years had manifested and now he couldn’t do the exercise he loved to do but even worse, he also couldn’t train. Period!
He was a mess. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. He needed help.
I sat him down and let him rest his head on my shoulder. I said it was alright to cry. All grown men have a license to cry. He did just that.
I told him to forget about the past but to learn from it. I gave him two options to help him make his way back to where he was but I needed him to listen and let go of prior beliefs regarding training.
He needed to set new beliefs. He needed to understand and introduce a new paradigm. He needed to learn to be more coachable and unlearn some irrelevant old habits. He was going to have to accept the guy that looked back at him in the mirror now – not twenty years ago in his youth.
He needed to be agreeable. Kinder to himself. He needed to love himself more.
He did.
He learned to do this after almost twenty five years of training in the gym. Yes, he was training and gaining a lot of ‘experience’ but it was not getting him anywhere. He was just getting more and more experience of getting it wrong.
Not good. He trained mainly with his ego and did not leave it at the door each time he walked in to the gym. Does not get you anywhere and generally leads to disaster as his case showed.
I devised a plan of recovery for him and he got back the use of his arms, particularly his elbows. As the pain sub-sided and he started exercising after a little while, his whole demeanour and life improved.
True Leaders develop Leaders. Here we have former Australian Rugby Wallaby Captain – Mr Phil Waugh, allowing himself to be led and coached to help him, help himself … find his best self. Leaders have belief, they have faith but most importantly … they have hope. That tomorrow will be better than today.
As you know, ‘knowing is one thing, doing is another.’ A wise man once told me that ‘elephants don’t bite, mosquitoes do!”. It really does apply in this case and in many things in life, where too much of a good thing can be bad for you.
Dave did not take care of the mozzies (like the frequency of performing the exercise) and as a result, the compound effect of incorrect technique combined with unnecessary frequency leads to unwanted joint injury.
The message in this story could apply to all areas of life where too much of a good thing (chin-ups for Dave) can be bad for you. Dave learned the hard way and didn’t want to learn from other people’s experience. He didn’t allow himself to be coached. It takes courage to understand your faults but it takes even more courage to make changes to help prevent a huge mis-hap later.
Life is short. There are rules in the gym and gym training, just like there are rules of life. Learn the rules, so that in time you can have the wisdom to discern what is relevant and not.
Live life with quality and integrity and live it to the fullest. Know yourself and be true to yourself.
Have fun with your workouts and have fun with life.
Learning HOW to exercise with proper technique is paramount to achieving your goals with Maximum gains/benefit & lower risks of injury/failure Be more coachable snd find yourself a suitably qualified & experienced coach in the area you hope to improve in.
I have helped hundreds, even thousands of people re-engineer their bodies towards what they imagine themselves to be for over two decades now. I have learned many things about human beings.
One observation that stands out is that every individual is unique and what may work for someone, may not work for another. They journey with me through the various programs adopting my unique framework as I customize each program for each student.
Body re-engineering is about many things but I believe it is fundamentally about hormonal management. We are all hormonal creatures after all and I believe we are not ‘in control’ of ourselves as much as we think we are.
What do you think? Do you think you have full control over you? Can you hide your sadness when you’re sad? Can you resist laughing when you recognise the humour in something someone said? Can you resist food cravings when you start thinking about them?
Educating a top national sprinter of the importance of proper nutrition for recovery & optimal performance
Do you have a sweet tooth?
There are quite a few variables that directly affect how well you manage your hormones, in particular, the amount of insulin circulating in your blood. When you get better control of this, you move towards achieving metabolic control. And this is KEY. The quickest – and actually the only – way to achieve metabolic control is to restrict the amount of metabolically active carbohydrate you put in to the system.
It is as simple as that!
A good teacher is hard to find but finding a good student is even harder. Plan the work – to work the plan. Photo: discussing fine points of one of my programs with retired legend of rugby – Phil Waugh.
However, knowing is one thing and doing is another.
If you’re like most people, you probably have a sweet tooth or you don’t mind having chocolate every now and then. Unfortunately, for many, one sweet treat begs another and the unhealthy devotion to sugar can and does last a lifetime for the majority of people.
I believe we’re all sugar addicts, it is just a matter of the degree to which we indulge in this habit.
What I have found is that the craving can quickly disappear if the temptation is ignored. It is probably the most difficult habit to break, because it is everywhere and in almost everything edible. Our body and our brain craves it!
So, taking in to consideration the difficulty of ridding sugar and sweet from your diet and going ‘cold turkey’, I have listed a few possible choices and the relative grams. I have also indicated ‘how’ to consume these so as to lessen the impact on insulin receptors in your cells.
Abdominal/thigh pose with the top 2 Natural Bodybuilders in the world in 2007. I achieved a 4.2% bodyfat level. I didn’t win the World Title because the other 3 guys were leaner than me (<4%). Having a good understanding of sugar , the different sources and the effect these sources have on your blood is one of the keys to sustainability in sugar consumption
You can have sweets or chocolate if you must. I have listed only two examples of ‘snacks’ to give you some idea of quantity and approximate carbohydrate content (you can add to it with your choices). The important thing here is the steps I have listed after the short list below:
Sweet/chocolate
1 milky way (miniature) – approx. 5g of carbs
1 mars bar (miniature) – approx. 8g of carbs
As you want to lessen the insulin response to sugar, try doing this prior to enjoying your treat:
Drink a large glass of cold water 15 to 20 minutes before. Some research has shown that it reduces hunger which could mean you eat less.
Have a bowl of greens (long beans, broccoli, spinach)
Have it with coffee (if you’re having it after dinner)
Have it with some protein (if you’re indulging between meals)
Bodybuilding Pose: “Hands on hips – Most muscular”. My formula for Abs/6-pack: ABS = diet (the Right diet)
Before I go, my best advice to you is to drink ‘til you drown (but don’t drown). Drink water when you wake up, drink before meals, in between meals.
Drink, drink, drink! But, don’t drink while you eat as it hinders optimal digestion. If you do drink – sip, don’t gulp and limit it to less than a glass!
So, don’t just think about your sweet and mentally punish yourself. If you’re honest enough to accept that just like me and the majority of humans, that you have a sweet tooth, go ahead and have a treat or two and keep the pointers I have listed above in mind prior to eating them.
Sweets/sugar/carbohydrates/snacks is not the enemy, the mis-management of it, is!
You don’t need to torture yourself any more than what is already dished out to you by the world. Have your sweet in moderation and enjoy it … simply because you love yourself and you love the feeling you get when the hormones are released when you consume them and … well, you deserve it.
Best of vitality to you!
Until next time,
Setting his own standards through – Mind-muscle connection. ‘flexing the muscles’ in a “most-muscular’ pose. Here, Chris, a very busy and successful businessman working towards achieving his goals. An A+ student and the results show for a 47 year old man who looks fantastic in a business suit. … adopting my framework to body/mind re-engineering. Chris achieved his goals in 5 months in one of my uniquely tailored programs just for him. Chris also enjoyed weekly ‘snacks’ along his journey. Vv
All winning racing car drivers strategically takes regular ‘pit stops’- to refresh, refuel, replace and reflect on their performance before they begin again … all the way towards winning in the long run
Regular “pit stops”
Many people exist to live but few, live with life. More specifically, “the essence of life’.
Many people live by choice and some live without a choice. Many living by choice, choose to live day-to-day without reflecting on their ways – their lives.
In seven years of owning and managing what was Australia’s Longest-running gym” at that time (48 years), I have gained a lot of insight in to life. I spent a lot of time listening and observing life through other peoples’ experiences (OPE), from people from all levels of society. From the very rich (I had a member that was one of the Top 100 wealthiest people in Australia) to the very poor.
Life has taught me a lot. So far. I am approaching the half century mark in calendar years but feel (and tell my children) that I have lived over a hundred years. Strange? Yes, but there are stranger things.
We all face problems in our lives. Some more than others.
One such problem, as I see it is being so ‘busy’ that they don’t take ‘time out’ or what I refer to as regular ‘pit-stops’ like a good grand prix racing car driver does.
Why is this important? It is, not only for recovery and re-infusion of vitality and the life force but also, time out for reflection.
Alarmingly, this has been happening since the dawn of time. One of the biggest issues facing many is that they are living unexamined lives.
Stop. Take stock. Be like water. Adapt to the different states of life … and mind.
Many use the ‘scatter-gun approach’ and hope to get a hit, similar to the concept of the lotto and why it taps in to the very nature of people’s inner sanctity.
They have not really taken the time to ‘think’, or to UN-think.
Taking regular time out to really reflect and honestly examine their life so far and the life they would like to live in to the future. Many just go about life copying the generations that has passed before them or what they are told by the media. Yes, to think is very difficult, especially, to think about the one life that you have.
As we’ve all heard or read – “to think is the most difficult thing to do.”
Indeed it is.
Not taking time out to reflect is akin to using a cassette tape player to listen to music in the technological age we’re in now. The cassette player is part of the heaps of ‘stuff’ we used to use once-upon-a-time in our lives. Now, though, it is not relevant. The model is not relevant.
That applies to many things that you’ve been wired to think and do, basically downloaded from previous generations into your amazing computing machine (your brain) in the first seven years of your life, even before you had a choice in the matter. Operating systems (beliefs, values, way of thinking, world-view, lifestyle etc) that was relevant for the previous generations but not now. Not for the life you live now and in the near future.
As scientists say – “you are the activity of your neurons.”
To make changes, any worthwhile change is not easy. True. But there is reason to believe, if you believe, we can shape our connectome by the actions we take, even by the things that we think, according to Neuroscientist, Sebastian Seung in his book: Connectome.
The thing is despite our brain wiring making us who we are, we play an important role in re-wiring our brains.
By desire. Strong desire.
Knowing what to retain and what to let go takes skill and wisdom. Something you are not taught in the education system, there are no ‘manual on HOW TO use your brain’ and mind. It is left to chance for many.
A wise old friend once told me to be an expert on “managing my funnel better.’ In other words, learn the art of “cutting out more bullshit in your life”.
And many would rather take the ‘chance’ then take the time to reflect and THINK. It is the easier path to take.
Notice I said, easier, not better.
Are you your brain or are you your mind? Neuroscience has learned more in the last 10 years about the brain then it knew in the last two centuries of guess work
One Key thing is: it is people’s inability to search for truth and obedience to GOD! This model has stood the test of time and is still relevant today. It is the only way to salvation.
Maybe, salvation is where heaven is. Maybe, heaven is just a giant computer mainframe and we are all PCs connected to this ‘heaven’ or consciousness at different levels and/capacities.
In the modern world we live in, it seems everybody is in a rush and are ‘busy’.
It’s almost as if it is a competition. Everyone is trying to be busier than the next person. People are rushing from task to busy task and even ‘multi-tasking’ with pride, but are not taking enough time-out or pit-stops to reflect on life’s larger meaning and purpose.
“Is this the path to truth, to my search for beauty?” many ask.
Maybe.
Maybe, not.
Be kind on yourself and FOCUS on one thing at a time and … do it once and do it well.
What should you do?
Maybe, learn how others do it. Like, say, the Fijians for example. Why? Because they have made the term “Fiji Time” very famous and are regularly viewed as the Happiest People on the planet.
Why?
Well, for many reasons, one of which is that they understand between being and respecting ‘being in the moment’ and keeping it separate from memories. They do this very well because they take regular ‘time out’ and don’t necessarily see life as a sprint, but a marathon.
Another reason is: they are very religious and spiritual as a race, a culture, a nation. It has the highest ‘believers’ per capita in the world. They have very strong and un-wavering belief and faith.
They always have a day of ‘rest’. Individually and as a nation, they respect this day in thought and actions they take. This day of rest is a day of ‘reflection’. By reflecting, they increase awareness – of self and of matters external to them. This reflection allows each person the ability to give thanks and boost their attitude of gratitude’ towards living and towards their provider:
God.
Believe or not believe. Get your ass off the pole of the fence (stop sitting on the fence!) Choose.
And how am I an authority on everything “Fijian”and better understanding of ‘happiness’ than most people?
Because I was born and lived my early childhood in Fiji. I am 1/16th Fijian. It is in my blood, a drop I know, but it is there.
I now reside in one of the busiest and most beautiful cities in the world, Sydney Australia but …
As I’ve heard before …
You can take the Fijian out of the islands, but you can’t take the Fijian-ness out of the boy.
On a beach in one of my favourite parts of the world: the paradise islands of Fiji. Enjoying the sun again.
Take it from me (and the vast majority of OPEs), Life is not a sprint. It is a long-distance marathon or grand prix car race.
The one with more strategic scheduled ‘pit-stops’ usually lives not only a long, good life but but a long good life of significance.
It’s your life, afterall.
Tip: Periodically Stop. Breathe. Reflect. Give thanks. Begin again
The brain cannot multi-task, this is a myth.
Neuroscience shows that the brain can only TASK-SWITCH.
You CANNOT multi-task without mistakes[/caption]
A valuable asset you possess: your attention
People live like their life as if it were a sprint.
A sprint to this elusive place. Where? It depends. Ask them when they stop, or …. when they’re six-feet under.
Many people are consumed in action(s), constantly reacting to a never-ending in-box of stimulus vying for their attention, time and money. A seemingly endless menu of options of reactions to constant interruption. Interruption to your life … your hours … your seconds.
People are spending a big portion of their 86,400 seconds per day just reacting to interruption (via the various technological inputs we have today in addition to other mediums). People’s attentions are being hijacked and in turn, so are their lives (time) and money.
What is all this rushing around for? Where will it ultimately get you?
I think it was Ghandi that said once “There is more to life than increasing its speed.”
People ask – “why?” … I /My curiosity continually askS “why not?” Seek possibilities… always
As a lawyer or an Accountant or a sportstar is no better than the effort he puts into keeping up with his profession, so is the Christian no better than the effort he puts into self-examination of life’s big questions.
So, if you have not done so already, make time to reflect and examine your life today … before it is too late. It is your life, you only have one life after all. Achieve your salvation.
As Socrates said a long time ago –
“The unexamined life is not worth living”.
Start praying for answers to life’s big questions. I believe that your most important task is to not only be unafraid to ask questions but to ask the right questions.
For your sake, if you have not done so already, start examining the most important person in the world to you and that is: YOU! You do this by slowing down, having periodic time-outs and reflecting.
It can be very scary and a very difficult thing to do, to think. As a start, release all fears and release all doubt to aid you to release the unexamined life and embrace the examined life.
Become increasingly Aware; take sufficient and appropriate Actions. Adapt (My Triple A philosophy to self-improvement in all areas of life).
Examine life. Examine you. To become the best you. Then, by default, everyone else gets the best of you too.
The examined life may not be all that flash either but I think it would be a life worth living as it would attract what you expect and reflect what you desire.
All the best!
Until next time,
Find your light. Follow the path your light shines on towards finding your TRUTH, your beauty. Even better, use your light to help another soul that sees only darkness. One life saved is worth more than a million empty words.
The Brain 🧠. The mind. I AM. Use this most complex tool every created to become a better medium of communication to …. the universe, to infinite intelligence … to consciousness. To your GOD.
Allow your mind to ”connect’ with infinite intelligence.
With consciousness.
It is like nothing you’ve ever experienced before.
Changing lives. Empowering people. One life at a time. 
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