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Learn to be more coachable.

Learn the basics of exercise in the gym. Learn to be more coachable - learn the rules so you know how to use them better in the future. This applies to most rules in life. Vv.

Learn the basics of exercise in the gym. Learn to be more coachable – learn the rules so you know how to use them better in the future. This applies to most rules in life.
Vv.

My gym experience has taught me a lot about people, about human nature. I love observing human behaviour in action, it fascinates me.

As most of you would agree, there is no doubt that people are different. We are all different and unique but we also are more alike than we like to think. We are all wired differently and that wiring lends itself to certain skills, environments and roles rather than other skills, environments and roles.

Some people find it very difficult to change. Some people need to learn to be more coachable, if they are to achieve their full potential and avoid some of the mistakes other people and previous generations have made.

There was this member of the gym I used to own for a number of years that was very stuck in his ways of training. I always tried questioning him on why he did things the way he did and he was very inflexible to learning something different. An alternative.

His reason: he had been training with weights for longer than me and he didn’t have anything to learn. Fair enough. I did not want to force him to stop doing harm to himself but I felt it was my role and duty of care to point out the potential risks he was putting himself and others in the gym, now and in to the future.

This a story about how too much of a good thing can be bad for you and relates to one particular exercise: the wide chin-up exercise.

Let’s call this individual “Dave”.

You see, he loved doing chin-ups. Some of you may know it as ‘pull-ups’. He loved it so much he did it every time he came to the gym for his ‘session’. He came to the gym about four times per week. He really loved doing very wide chin-ups and prided himself on lifting an additional 40kg dumbbell hanging from his waist for reps. He was certainly strong. He was very dedicated.

The one major drawback with his weight-training sessions was the fact that he loved doing chin-ups so much. Now, there’s nothing wrong with having a favourite exercise and this exercise is a great one.

Learn the rules of life. Learn the rules of training in the gym. Learn to be more coachable to manage your 'risk:benefit ratio' in life. Vv.

Learn the rules of life. Learn the rules of training in the gym. Learn to be more coachable to manage your ‘risk:benefit ratio’ in life.
Vv.

However, one should always be aware of doing that particular activity too often as it increases one’s risk of injury. And this is exactly what happened to our poor friend Dave. As we have all been told over the years – “too much of a good thing can be bad for you”.

I had a great chin-up bar. Matter-of-fact, I had another installed beside the original just because men had different size hands and preferred varying grips. It was a winner – for Dave and for every other enthusiast.

At the very start of his relationship with me, I gave him a piece of advice regarding his training regime that was rejected stubbornly every year for five years, before his accident.

Yes, he did have an accident.

My piece of advice was: don’t overdo an exercise.

I told him that he should probably cut back on the frequency of his chin-ups (doing it every day, every week for the whole year) to consider doing it in one workout every fortnight, that he should consider doing the many other exercise options available that would target the same muscles that chin-ups did but with minimal risk to his joints.

Minimising potential risks to his tendons and ligaments around the elbow joints. I basically tried to tell him to give his joints more rest and recovery, which in turn would probably see him spur on more muscle growth than what he was used to.

I suggested the traditional “Lat Pull-down” machine. A perfect alternative and there were a few ways of doing this exercise too.

That was unacceptable to him. Period!

He said that only ‘sissies’ did the exercise. I couldn’t believe he said that, calling everyone who ever did machine lat pull-downs a ‘sissy’, including me! I reminded him of some of the best backs built over time due partly to machine lat pull-downs. They used the machine lat pull-downs religiously!

He didn’t want to hear it. He was happy doing what he was doing and had been doing all his life. We went through this same conversation at least once every year. Me warning him about the excessive nature of his exercise choice of chin-ups and the damage he was potentially doing to his elbows further down the track.

Dave wasn’t open to other ideas, he did not want to be coached.

Anyway, in his fifth year of training in my gym, Dave went missing from the gym for about a month. I called up to see if he was ok like I did for anyone of the hundreds of members that I didn’t see for more than four weeks.

He returned to see me in the gym the next day.

A mentor told me once – “no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.
Me & former client -Glenn. One ☝️ of the hundreds of members of my Family Gym I once owned & managed for 7 years. They came because I cared. I gave them “results with care” (my slogan)

He wasn’t able to train in the gym, in particular he couldn’t use his arms without experiencing excruciating pain through the elbows. All pushing and pulling movements were no longer possible. He basically couldn’t train and he wasn’t coping with this lack of activity very well and didn’t know what to do.

Dave felt a little embarrassed and admitted it was one of the biggest training mistakes he had ever made – not listening to my little piece of advice over the previous five years. The high risk of injury I had made him aware of every year for five years had manifested and now he couldn’t do the exercise he loved to do but even worse, he also couldn’t train. Period!

He was a mess. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. He needed help.

I sat him down and let him rest his head on my shoulder. I said it was alright to cry. All grown men have a license to cry. He did just that.

I told him to forget about the past but to learn from it. I gave him two options to help him make his way back to where he was but I needed him to listen and let go of prior beliefs regarding training.

He needed to set new beliefs. He needed to understand and introduce a new paradigm. He needed to learn to be more coachable and unlearn some irrelevant old habits. He was going to have to accept the guy that looked back at him in the mirror now – not twenty years ago in his youth.

He needed to be agreeable. Kinder to himself. He needed to love himself more.

He did.

He learned to do this after almost twenty five years of training in the gym. Yes, he was training and gaining a lot of ‘experience’ but it was not getting him anywhere. He was just getting more and more experience of getting it wrong.

Not good. He trained mainly with his ego and did not leave it at the door each time he walked in to the gym. Does not get you anywhere and generally leads to disaster as his case showed.

I devised a plan of recovery for him and he got back the use of his arms, particularly his elbows. As the pain sub-sided and he started exercising after a little while, his whole demeanour and life improved.

True Leaders develop Leaders.
Here we have former Australian Rugby Wallaby Captain – Mr Phil Waugh, allowing himself to be led and coached to help him, help himself … find his best self.
Leaders have belief, they have faith but most importantly … they have hope.
That tomorrow will be better than today.

As you know, ‘knowing is one thing, doing is another.’ A wise man once told me that ‘elephants don’t bite, mosquitoes do!”. It really does apply in this case and in many things in life, where too much of a good thing can be bad for you.

Dave did not take care of the mozzies (like the frequency of performing the exercise) and as a result, the compound effect of incorrect technique combined with unnecessary frequency leads to unwanted joint injury.

The message in this story could apply to all areas of life where too much of a good thing (chin-ups for Dave) can be bad for you. Dave learned the hard way and didn’t want to learn from other people’s experience. He didn’t allow himself to be coached. It takes courage to understand your faults but it takes even more courage to make changes to help prevent a huge mis-hap later.

Life is short. There are rules in the gym and gym training, just like there are rules of life. Learn the rules, so that in time you can have the wisdom to discern what is relevant and not.

Live life with quality and integrity and live it to the fullest. Know yourself and be true to yourself.

Have fun with your workouts and have fun with life.

Learning HOW to exercise with proper technique is paramount to achieving your goals with Maximum gains/benefit & lower risks of injury/failure
Be more coachable snd find yourself a suitably qualified & experienced coach in the area you hope to improve in.

Until next time,

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Save the fathers of tomorrow.

My son and I. Provide the best blueprint you can of what it means to be a man. He needs you now more than ever. Save him now so that tomorrow's world will be saved too. Vv.

My son and I.
Provide the best blueprint you can of what it means to be a man.
He needs you now more than ever.
Save him now so that tomorrow’s world will be saved too.
Vv.

Be the role model for the boys

Boys, young boys need saving.

They are saved by giving them a role model to follow.

When boys have a clear role model they intuitively know how to function when they assume the responsibility of marriage and parenting later on in life.

In my years in the gym and also owning a gym for about seven years, I have seen the effects of young boys who do not have male role models. They seem crippled and have no idea what it is to be a man.

It is our job to save our boys – the fathers of today to …. save the fathers of tomorrow!

All young boys have a hunger for that – for that role model of what it means to be a man, a Real Man. I have seen it in their eyes, their actions and their passion, their being.

I believe, one of my God-appointed tasks is to ensure that my son will be ready to lead a family, a family of his own when his time comes. To do this, I feel it is my role to equip him with the skills to do so. Why? Because, he, along with the many other young boys of today will be the fathers of tomorrow.

Admiring ‘beauty’ in design and sound …. and getting in touch with our feminine side:
Beauty and truth.
Be the role model you want your future leader to be.
A big responsibility, yes … but take it.
Like a man, a Real Man.
All the very best
I’m with you.

What they are

A good foundation of all young boys is to firstly know who they are and what they are. Two key questions. This is enhanced through increased awareness of self, which is ideally, facilitated by the dad.

Young boys then need to observe their role model in action. For my son, this is where I come in (and where all dads play their part with their son). This is when these young minds crystallize what it means to be a man.

This is when the ‘ball is in my court …. And in your court’, if you’re a father to a son or sons right now. This is where the wires of his brain is wired together to form the foundation of his future self.

I’m going to say it again …. It is our job to save our boys – the fathers of today to …. save the fathers of tomorrow! It is not the boy’s school’s job or extended family’s job. It is not society’s job and it is not the government’s role. This is not a job to be outsourced to other ‘so-called coaching disciplines’ like the countless activities coaches around today.

No, this is the job of today’s fathers. Period!

Learning and absorbing our habits every single day of their initial phase of their lives is what our young Princes do. Teach him how to be strong – internally and externally. To be strong when all around him crumbles.
Teach them well.

Real Role models – dads like you and me

This is the role for you (if you are a father), for me. This is a job for what I refer to as today’s silent heroes. Real men, real fathers who are there for their son(s) through thick and thin, that play their role without fanfare or applause.

We stand alone.

No, I am not referring to the heroic men who are idealised in the media – the men who go off to war, the men who climb the highest mountains, the men who win Olympic medals nor the men who run the largest of corporations and the richest men and most successful men in the world, nor men who travel to other planets. Some of them are good examples of men.

Indeed.

However, I am simply referring to the real role models – dads like you and me. I see us dads who take this role with both hands as no different to those more common exhaulted heroes that make for good stories and tv ratings.

 

My children striking their version of one of the seven compulsory poses in bodybuilding – the “Front-double biceps” pose.
… and strike!

I see “dads” who strive to be their son’s role models, not just by name … but actual sacrifice. Dads who try to be just like heroes but are not like those men who go off to war or represent their countries at the Olympic Games or the like. They are dads who give up their own selfish-bachelor ideals and career-hungry goals to be there for their son(s). They are dads and fathers who accept their own mortality and imperfection and embrace the vulnerable man within.

I see dads and fathers who take their role’s full responsibility as today’s silent heroes.

I am talking about the real fathers of today. Fathers who are simply there for their sons. Always. Fathers who provide the support and the impetus and template for the young boys today to be the men, the fathers’ of tomorrow.

The critical question is how are we going to do this, how are we supposed to give them sufficient, appropriate and relevant training to be the man they need to be? The man we hope them to be.

With the next generation of Valentine males - Zachary.

With the next generation of Valentine males – Zachary.

Unique ways

I have 5.5 goals for saving by boy. It is my job as his father to model for him the importance of:

  • Knowing and obeying Jesus Christ
  • Knowing and simplifying Godly character
  • Knowing and loving my wife
  • Knowing and loving my children, and
  • Knowing my gifts and strengths and the weaknesses and contribute to the lives of others and have fun doing all of this as well.

I have listed 5.5 as the list is not exhaustive and you could add to the list other goals of what you think means to be a man and a role model. That is totally fine. We all have unique ways. Every man is unique, yes, but I also believe, every man has more in common with one another than we care to admit and accept.

The important thing is for us to focus our attention on being the best we can be, for ourselves, first, so that our son(s) can get the best of us. This to me will increase the chances that more fathers of tomorrow will be saved.

For their sake, for their future families’ sake, for society’s sake and for the world’s sake, today’s boys need the best role models they can copy from.

Appropriate outfit given the Rugby World Cup and
Go the Wallabies (and Go Fiji)!

 

Fathers stand tall and deliver!

Be the best man you can be. Be the best father you can be. For you, and for your future father(s).

The fathers of tomorrow need saving. I believe this so. They need saving before it is too late.

The fathers of tomorrow will only be saved if today’s fathers stand up, stand tall and deliver and lead by example – the example that will provide the best blueprint of what a male role model needs to be…. For their sons(s). Sons that will be leaders of tomorrow.

As you know, the focus for you and me is to strive towards being more of –

A Real Man. A Real Dad. A Real Father.

We are many, we are authentic. We are today’s silent heroes. Continue doing the good work and save the fathers of tomorrow.

Be the hero that you know you are!

Cheers & ahoy Real Men reading this …

Until next time,

 

The old Cap’n Viking Pirate Fiji-Born Muscle Monk …& thoughts and words on saving the Fathers of tomorrow

Be the best role model you can be for you son - a father of tomorrow. Vv.

Be the best role model you can be for your son – a father of tomorrow.
Vv.

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Blind spot.

 

Another view of the "front-double biceps' pose.

Another view of the “front-double biceps’ pose.

Who are you accountable to?

After the Lord, I’m first of all accountable to my wife, Cathy. I know and believe I can depend on her to tell it like it is. I believe it is the same for her too – she is accountable to me, after the Lord. Who are you accountable to?

God always works through Cathy to affirm or negate whatever may surface (whether opportunities or obstacles) in my life. Spiritually, I am accountable to God – have always been and always will be.

What about you? Who holds you accountable? We all need someone to whom we can pour out our deepest thoughts and headaches ….

For those of you that drive, you are familiar with that part of your vision that is a ‘blind spot’, an area that cannot be seen in your line of sight. Just like this, we all have blind spots in our lives too. Areas in our lives that hinder our spiritual growth and personal development but what sets these areas apart from other areas is that – in these areas, we cannot see.

For example, you may re-act to someone in anger that is actually verbally abusive or rude. You may find justification for your reaction but another person may help you understand that responding with kinder words and tone might illicit a positive response from the person.

Accountability is very important. In almost every area in life – on all levels individually, community, state, country and the world level. Accountability is a foundation of trust and trust is a critical component of any meaningful relationship.

The world needs more trust. The world needs more accountability. Without individual self-control and accountability there can be no enduring liberty or freedom in our societies.

We can only be free only as long as we can use freedom responsibly and being accountable is a part of this – on every level of human existence, from the street cleaners to Sports Stars, to Olympians and all the way to leaders of governments.

Side Chest.

Side Chest.

Feedback is the food of champions!

As you know, if we are not accountable to someone else, we may never understand why people reject our advice or us because we do not understand the full consequences and implications of our actions. This is being true to ourselves – taking control, accepting responsibility.

I’ve always believed that feedback, any kind of feedback is an essential contributor to growth – in all aspects of life. Someone once said “Feedback is the food of champions!”. I have to agree with that. It is consistent with nature.

For a lot of people, getting feedback can be an uncomfortable experience. You would know if you have sat through performance appraisals for employers.

On a personal level, we must learn to accept constructive criticism of ourselves if we wish to take positive actions to adapt and grow. That way, we set ourselves better to overcome problems and hiccups as we journey through life.

There is a passage in the bible (I think from proverbs) that says –

“Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path; he who hates corrections will die.”

Life is a continuous flow of feedback loops, which when embraced, allows for growth (order/new life) from temporary chaos (feedback).

We’ll all die someday, yes this is a certainty, but it would be wise to be aware of your ‘blind spots’ well before you kick-the-bucket. This may help you ‘see’ better and live a more fulfilling life, while you’re still alive. Responsible self-control and accountability is the path to mental health, and frequently, to physical health as well.

Be accountable. Be accountable to you, to your God and to at least one other human being you trust. Embrace and learn to accept feedback, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I’ve always told my students in my programs over the years that we must learn to be ‘comfortable being uncomfortable’ even if it is just for a short time. Getting feedback and digesting it is uncomfortable. Learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable when it comes to being accountable and embracing feedback.

It builds grit!

47 year old Chris looking and feeling better than he did in his 20s. Living my Triple A Approach to Self-development using my "3-legged stool" framework. Self-tuning using my adaptive strategy towards being his best S. Achieved through being accountable to me.

47 year old Chris looking and feeling better than he did in his 20s.
Living my Triple A Approach to Self-development using my “3-legged stool” framework.
Self-tuning using my adaptive strategy towards being his best S.
Achieved through being accountable to me.

No time to lose

Use feedback (positive or negative) to continuously grow and adapt towards the best version you can be of no one else but – YOU. The feedback allows you to see your blindspot(s).

Be the best you can be – for you, first, then for everyone else. Being accountable and taking responsibility for your actions is part of being the real you, being human. Being accountable and discovering your blindspot(s) is also about being a winner.

Winners get behind the wheel, firmly in the driver’s seat. Winners take control of their thoughts, their daily routines, their goals and their lives. Winners embrace feedback for improvement. They create their own horoscopes and astrological forecasts. They spend their time Winning … knowing they have no time to Lose.

Be the winner that you are!

Best of vitality to you.

 

Until next time,

Ghana female sprint champion being accountable to me to help her achieve her goals. Vv.

Ghana female sprint champion being accountable to me to help her achieve her goals.
Vv.

Being accountable has allowed me to achieve the highest level in the sport of Natural Bodybuliding. Accountability is a critical component of achieving results and goals in life. Vv.

Being accountable has allowed me to achieve the highest level in the sport of Natural Bodybuliding.
Accountability is a critical component of achieving results and goals in life.
Vv.

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Two ears and one mouth.

 

Listening is an attitude of the heart. Vv.

Listening is an attitude of the heart.
Vv.

I see and hear it almost every day.

At times, I admit, I am guilty of doing it too. I’m talking about being a poor listener. I am blessed to have two ears and one mouth but have not always listened twice as much as I have spoken in my dealings with others.

What about you? Do you find yourself butting in or cutting people off in the middle of their statement?

A big part of what I do in my coaching business is listen. I believe every person has a story and I love hearing people’s stories. I also believe that listening helps you learn a lot from people and I certainly have learned a great deal from listening carefully to the thousands of people in the gym environment.

Most people are poor listeners. Most people seem to enjoy racing their minds fast forward preparing to say something or forming a reply when they should be listening.

I try to remind my children when I want their full attention that to listen is to listen with your two ears, your two eyes, your body and your heart. They are still trying to understand this request because it is difficult to do.

Adults find listening difficult too.

It takes a lot of effort. It is hard work! You need a lot of focused ability.

It is much easier to say something rather than listen. Listening takes a lot of patience and this is a dying trait amongst many in today’s fast-paced societies.

The first key is raising your awareness of your listening habits. Are you aware of your listening biases? Do these biases contribute to you being a better listener or not? I notice many people tune out children or old people. I have been made aware over my life so far, that many women have and still complain that men don’t listen to them as carefully as they listen to their mates and other men.

Why is this so?

I’m sure there are many reasons that contribute to this problem in society. I believe the lack of good listening skills starts at a young age as children generally struggle at listening to their elders. However, this poor listening habit continues as children are great imitators of these same adults.

Listen with your two ears, your eyes, your body and your heart. Vv.

Listen with your two ears, your eyes, your body and your heart. It is, after all, an ‘attitude of the heart’.
Vv.

I believe the world aches and cries for good listeners. There are some studies that show that many doctors report that they daily see patients who have nothing physically wrong with them.

Turns out that the patients merely needed someone to listen to them.

So, reflect on your listening behaviour. Be honest with your assessment of your ability. If you need to improve, do so.

Speak less, listen more – with your ears, eyes, body and heart. We have two ears and one mouth. A wise man once said to listen twice as much as you speak.

Very simple advice to make the world a better place. The sad thing is that the simple things in life are also the most difficult thing to do.

But if more of us did better listening and less talking, maybe, just maybe, there will be fewer sick people visiting doctors in the world tomorrow. To not only listen more but also to listen better.

To choose to take more care in listening is a gift, a gift that may be the highest form of respect you could probably show the person who is doing the talking. It is an attitude of and from the heart. 

Part of having an attitude of gratitude.

Best of vitality to you!

 

Until next time,

Part of growth in my self-development programs - Listen & Learn (Awareness); Apply (sufficient & appropriate actions); Adapt. Vv.

Part of growth in my self-development programs –
Listen & Learn (Awareness); Apply (sufficient & appropriate actions); Adapt.
Vv.

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The greatest expression of self-respect.

ECBD09EB-588E-446C-9BCF-36A4664ED62D

The first twenty years of my life was a little more difficult than the second twenty years of my life and it was partly because of one little thing, one little ‘mosquito’.

That little mosquito I am referring to is the inability to say ‘no’. Sometimes, when left to grow, that little “mozzie” (Australian lingo for mosquito) can become huge problems like dengue fever or even the deadly malaria which has been responsible for more deaths than all the deaths caused by wars since the beginning of the world.

The ability to know when to and actually say ‘no’ is, I believe, the greatest expression of self-respect.

It reminds me of what a great wise eighty five year old friend of mine said to me before he died about four years ago, that –

“elephants don’t bite, mosquitoes do.”  Or in other words – Little things matter. So true, indeed.

What about you? Think about your life to this point. Did you suffer from this too? If you still do, you’re not alone because I believe that a large proportion of humans in the world still cannot get this “mosquito problem” under control.

For me, in those first twenty years of my life, not being able to say no sometimes felt akin to a dog chasing its tail, never getting anywhere and not knowing where the start and end of everything was. I strived to please everybody and their requests and was constantly disappointed.

It was hard – very hard. Until one day, I came to the realisation that you cannot please everyone and not everyone will agree with you and that is ok. Increased awareness is one very important step and then taking appropriate and sufficient action, finally leading you to adapting you or your environment or a combination of both.

I had a simple but significant change in philosophy. or the way I saw life and how life operates.

I realised that you don’t owe anything to anyone in life except one thing: love. And, contrary to what some believe, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to say no to someone else’s request or simply saying no to an internal request – a want you need to immediately gratify. Self-control from or delayed satisfaction for oneself with regards to wants, is the greatest expression of self-respect you can give yourself.

An indication that you genuinely love the person who see looking back at you when you look at yourself in the mirror – you!

It is quite interesting but that is one of the most underrated traits in this world – simply, the power and strength to say ‘no’.

Saying 'no' to the maxim "No pain, no gain" could be one of the best things you can do for your joints and longevity in the gym. Choose your exercise and exercise execution wisely. More is not necessarily better. Vv.

Saying ‘no’ to the maxim “No pain, no gain” could be one of the best things you can do for your joints and longevity in the gym.
Choose your exercise and exercise execution wisely.
More is not necessarily better.
Vv.

The power to say no is empowering. The power to say no is so great, I have literally seen it make the impossible – possible in the lives of many people I have helped. The power to say no allows individuals to create their own miracles, to release the champion that rests dormant within them.

I have witnessed it, it is amazing – the power to say no is a miracle waiting to happen! You don’t have to climb Mount Everest to feel on top of the world. No, the feeling you get when you say no is even better, more profound, because each and every uttering of no, builds your ability climb all the internal mountain climbs you face in your life.

Mountains you will get to the top of. If I remember correctly I think it was Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man to climb Mount Everest that put it:

“It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.”

This is something that I request from and re-enforce with everyone that I have helped over the years. The ability to summon courage to start saying ‘no’ again within their re-engineering programs. I encourage each of them to say no to some of the excesses of life that they may have been used to experiencing to that point in their lives. I encourage them to say no to excuses.

I know it seems counter-intuitive to deprive yourself of what you desire to get what you ultimately desire but it is vitally important to achieving goals you place a high priority on. Even a little no with conviction is far better than a lame, weak ‘yes’. It takes a lot of courage to say no.

“Saying no to help you, help yourself, get what you care about, to get what you want!” is what I say to my students.

Saying no to self-limiting beliefs, thought patterns, words, actions, habits and character traits that are not aligned with their ultimate goal of how they ‘imagine themselves to be’ in the mirror. This is where the real struggles of real people in everyday living rests. This is where true grit is required. This is where you climb the many mountains towards success.

Why? Because it is often a whole lot easier not to do the simple things, the simple things – the little mozzies – like saying no! Just like many other mozzies in life, the little things that are important to do are also easy not to do, so a lot of people don’t do them for whatever reasons or fears.

Saying no empowers you to successfully climb the internal obstacles, the internal self-created mountains and get to the ‘other side’. This is not a genetic trait, nor one of talent. This is just sheer grit!

To overcome temptation, to say no to habits that you have indulged in for a big chunk of your life is a true sign of self-respect. Saying no allows you to use your 86,400 seconds in a day more productively and manage your energy better.

Like I said, I believe, the ‘no’ answer is perhaps the greatest expression of self-respect and ultimate representation of human dignity there is.  Your attitude is key to your destiny in life as it determines the actions you take (good or bad) . Ultimately, this all flows from you philosophy once again. What is the opposite of self-respect? Well, choosing to live a life of insignificance.

So, be brave and summon the courage that rests within you and proudly announce to the world ‘no!’ No to things, people and activities that do not help align you towards you being your best. No to things, people and activities that bring you down rather than elevate you. No to the naysayers.

If there is one very important habit that you can do for yourself is this little habit of saying no again. Don’t be afraid. Just do it! Remember, knowing what to do isn’t the same as doing it.

Say NO. Release the champion within you!

Start loving yourself a little more each time you say no. Don’t just live your life, consider living your life with the greatest expression of self-respect and say no.

To be alive and live is a gift so, consider living your life with the highest expression of human dignity there is and say no, when appropriate and relevant. Being able to say no without regret also allows you to say yes with confidence. Yes, what you do matters, but I think what you think and say to yourself matters too – I believe, even more so.

Think about it: what I have been speaking about comes full circle – what you think determines the source of attitudes, which is your philosophy.

As the great thinker Aristotle said –

 “Where we are free to act,

We are also free to refrain from acting,

And where we are able to say No,

We are also able to say yes.”

All the very best to you in your life choices. Remember, if you want to change what’s happening in your life, change your philosophy or how you see things. It is not some huge task but simply comes down to – you guessed it – small (mozzie) steps.

Little steps, compounded over time, do make a difference. this is real magic. That the little things you do every single day – the little things that don’t look dramatic, that don’t even look like they matter – DO MATTER!

Little things (like saying no) matters.

Dream. Decide. Do.

Until next time,

Side triceps pose. Contest: Australian Natural Bodybuilding Titles. Placing: 2nd. Saying "no" has allowed me to choose exercises wisely and understand that quality training is more important than quantity when it comes to getting quality results.

Side triceps pose.
Contest: Australian Natural Bodybuilding Titles.
Placing: 2nd.
Saying “no” has allowed me to choose actions which in turn became habits that allowed me to build one of the best natural physiques in the world.

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A life of significance.

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For me, empowering individuals seeking to be better versions of themselves through education brings about change aligned with their goals. They achieve positive change in their lives … and I feel a sense of satisfaction of watching them grow wings to fly into possibilities.

Purpose, Connection and Impact

If you are a regular reader of my messages, you will notice that I think a lot about life and I am constantly asking a lot of questions from life. I admit, I am a student of life.

My years of interacting with thousands of people in gyms, including seven years when I owned my own gym, I have learned a lot about life from other people’s experiences(OPE’s) and stories. I have had over 30,000 coaching conversations with individuals and groups over the last 3 decades.

A question I have always asked is what does it mean to live your life, in particular – to live a life of significance? I feel that this is one of the most important aspects of a life well lived. What do you think? I think if I remember correctly, it was the writer Henry Thoreau that said something to the effect that he was afraid of coming to the end of life and finding that he had NOT LIVED.

I think Henry meant, coming to the end of your life and realising that you have not lived a life of significance. That was a genuine fear of his. Now, I am tempted to say that I am not genuinely afraid about anything – but that is not true. One of my main fears is insignificance. I am afraid, to put it simply, of living a life that does not matter. I admit I am afraid of leaving the world exactly as I entered and found it, no different for my having been here.

To not live a life of significance.

What about you? Is this one of your fears? Have you had a chance to think about this question in your journey through life so far? From my experience, purpose, connection and impact are three keys to living a Life of Significance.

From my observations of life so far, I have noticed that a lot of people think that “having lived” means experiencing a lot of adventures or a lot of fun and experiences or indeed – acquiring a lot of money. I think otherwise. I think these peoples’ perception of what it means to ‘have lived’ is slightly distorted and are missing the true significance of what it entails in my eyes.

Help people get what they want using your unique strengths and blessings. Vv.

Help people get what they want using your unique strengths and blessings. Here is former Australian Rugby Union Captain & Champion Leader and human being – Mr Phil Waugh doing an essential part of my “Peak Performance’ programs – weight training in the gym MY WAY…. with efficiency & effectiveness and always under the Safety Umbrella. Allowing yourself to be more coachable enables you to get distilled knowledge from the BEST … in quick time. If you want to be your BEST, learn from someone who can SHOW YOU HOW. Phil does as he has a Champion attitude and champion feelings and a ‘growth mind-set’. Vv.

Things that last forever

Along with spending about eight years in my early youth as a Catholic altar boy, assisting priests in church masses and bible readings, I’ve spent countless hours of listening to hundreds of stories through OPE’s, and am also a keen observer of life. I believe, this common modern-day definition of living has nothing to do with ‘having lived.’ The usual things people seek to guarantee importance in their lives – typically money, fame, power – just don’t last.

Money, fame and power don’t work very well and yet, generation after generation are still blinded and brainwashed to believe that they are the answer. History is littered with countless examples that it is a lie, short-term  and inauthentic.

These false drivers – money, fame and power all come to an end. Often, during the person’s own life, and certainly thereafter.

“So, how do you live a life of significance?” you may be thinking.

Instead of the individual’s endless pursuit of more money, fame and power, I believe living a life of significance comes with filling your life with things that last forever.

“And what are these things that last forever?” you may now be asking.

Well, these things that last forever are essentially VALUES. Yep, values! And what is the greatest value of all? Love! Put simply, you need to fill your life with love and lots of it! Love casts out all fears.

What is love? At this stage in your life, you would highly likely have some idea of what it is. Well, one definition is that it is an emotional attachment to the good things of life. So, fall in love with traits such as honesty, integrity, justice, goodwill, forgiveness, truth, grace and yes – success.

I think ultimately, you continue to live in hope in the joyous expectancy of the best, and invariably the best will come to you. Through God’s blessing.

It follows that to live a life of significance, you need to fill your life as much as possible with these values, attitudes and actions. So, start with trying to make someone else’s life a little better, using the God-given talents and strengths you have been given. This is a great start to significant living, as you have done something that lasts forever – in that person’s (his or her) heart.

Something that is eternal. A gift from you.

That impact you had on that individual or individuals is eternal because people are the only part of this world that will last forever …

Brad seeked; Brad asked the right questions; Brad knocked on the doors of opportunity towards the person he imagined himself to be. With my guidance

Brad seeked; Brad asked the right questions; Brad knocked on the doors of opportunity towards the person he imagined himself to be.
With my guidance

Except Love

As we are constantly reminded daily by media, today’s modern world is filled with many threats – many imagined, some real – threats to our sense of security and safety. Today, more than ever before, you need to be in the right relationship with God. This is the ultimate security, the only true safety as he is the beginning and the end – God, as you know is the perfect giver of love.

If you are a Christian you will believe that God was there before the beginning and he has no end. He has known our fears and sufferings.

Life plays no favourites. God is life, and this life-principle is flowing through you at this moment, as you read and think upon these words. Believe that through him, you will be set free…. to live a life of significance.

Before I go, remember that you owe nothing to anyone in this world except love. In it’s simplest form, love is basically wishing for everyone what you wish for yourself – health, happiness and success (in that order) and all the blessings of life.

This is my wish for you, your family and your friends.

All the best in your choice of how to live your one life.

 

Until next time,

Become increasingly aware … take actions (sufficient & appropriate) and adapt accordingly.
My Triple A to self – development.

 

 

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The Grace of Seeds.

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I have been blessed with two very beautiful, healthy children. It is truly one of life’s blessings in my eyes – the Grace of Seeds.

However, in interactions with men of all ages in gyms for over two decades now, for some men, the responsibilities of fatherhood are simply more than they bargained for. It could be due to many things.

It seems, it is not only the intrusion of a newborn child’s demands; not just the scary anticipation of financial burdens (some men tend to view it this way) – from cot to college.

Maybe, it is the realization that the ‘honey-moon’ period has finally come to an end. Things will never be the same as they imagined it to be. This can be a stark reality indeed for some men.

In addition to this, some men probably have an increased fear of the onset of family life as this would entail responsibilities of parenthood. This would ultimately mean, the feast of love with his wife will grow stale. That the wine of their love will lose its bouquet.

That their love life will fizzle out.

But this is where interpretation of what married love means to Real Men differs.

Often when a man is insecure about himself, afraid of his personal characteristics and strengths as a husband and lover, he is unable to find a reliable and relevant version of the truth about love within a marriage.

And that it is this version of truth of married love:

The love between a married couple has a special ingredient that allows for the inclusion of the love of others.

But, it seems that there are many examples all around us in today’s modern living that tell us that countless couples disagree with this position or interpretation of what married love is.

The expectation gap between ‘what is’ and ‘what they imagined’ is just too big. I have met quite a few couples over the years who choose to not have children. Very sad indeed.

I will argue one point regarding this and one point only and it is this: if the Bible makes it clear that God our Creator, made us in his image and likeness, then I believe that he (God) intended and hoped that we would be ‘fruitful and increase in number”.

So, if you choose to give life and love whether by birth or adoption, you become more of what God meant by ‘in God’s image’. This is our real slice of the ‘essence of life’, our closest chance to share – if only to a small degree – the highest attributes of God the Father himself.

This is as close to “God-like” as any person could become.

To not do so and take another path, to not offer love to our own children, the seeds that will bloom in the future. Well, personally, I cannot fathom this decision.

This is to miss one of the true meanings of what life is about. To go down this path deprives you of a taste of eternity, that is ….

The Grace of Seeds.

It is a sacrament of everlasting life.

Nourish those seeds with all the love you can muster as they will be your future – our future.

They will be the World’s Future.

And, thank God every single day for blessing you with the grace of seeds!

For posterity.

 

Until next time,

Me and my children. Children gives you a hint of eternity. A true blessing to be graced with seeds. Vv.

Me and my children.
Children gives you a hint of eternity.
A true blessing – the grace of seeds.
Vv.

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Dying to Live.

Die to Live. Vv.

Die to Live.
Vv.

Life is a gift. 

One of the most precious things to me is that first breath I take when I wake in the morning. It reminds me that I am alive and that life is a gift. A gift from God.

I breathe that first breath and silently say a thank you to God for giving me an extra day and then hop out of bed thinking “now, who am I going to help today?!”.

And off I go.

I will die someday, and so will you. And that is a good thing.

My son. A gift 💝 from Life.

Knock on your doorstep.

You see everyone dies but not everyone lives, really lives. Everyone should be dying to live. Yes, that’s right – DYING TO LIVE!

Knowing that we will die someday should allow you to live each and every day as if it were your last because you never know when that last day will knock on your doorstep.

My biological mum died in 2011.

She had a tough life, partly of her own doing and I remember seeing her in her last days, her body laced with cancer, laying in her hospital bed, waiting to die ….

A truly sad but life-affirming sight for a courageous human being.

I sat by her bed-side and asked her many questions, questions I had never asked before. I asked her about death and whether she was afraid of dying. She said “no’, that she was in God’s hands.

Strange, but a month before she died, my son, Zachary was born. Aaaahhh … the “Circle of Life”. Life gives and … life takes.

My daughter . A gift 💝 from life.

The most contented person I’ve ever known.

When I reflect on that experience I realize that she knew God. She had seen the first and the last, the beginning and the end. She knew and believed who had made her and who had redeemed (and saved her). She also knew who was going to take her back (her soul/spirit), back to himself – her broken body notwithstanding.

My mum didn’t die alone in a room. No, she had a room filled with close church-goers to keep her company every day and set her off to God. She was in constant physical pain. I felt real pain seeing and hearing her suffer – in person and on the phone.

But, you know what the strange thing was (and I still find it quite odd) that by world’s standards and every day standards, this woman who was my mum, who was in such great pain – this woman was the most contented person I had ever known.

I teach my kids many things and they teach me too. Two things they’ve taught me is:
1) be more patient
2) never giving up (when they try to get chocolate for example … with all sorts of ways until they get it)

The beauty of life.

Some people may have said that she had lost touch with reality at that time in order to protect herself against the pain of cancer. I believe, however, that she had got in touch with reality in a way that few of us ever do, and had seen it’s beauty… The beauty of life.

So, what does this say about dying?

I’m not sure.

There are so many views of dying but my experience with my mum’s taught me something. If we turned life around, I think that dying (and the realising that we will all die some day) is one of the things that help us understand what living is.

I watched quite a few extended family members die over the years. I saw their’s and others’ pain (including mine). From this I learned one thing about death and that is that dying hurts. Dying hurts both those who die and those who are left behind, who will also die when their turn comes.

I witnessed this hurt in my wife’s eyes and words at her grandmother’s funeral late last year. She was very close to her and I loved her dear grandmother too. I particularly miss her grandfather, who I had a great relationship with. You could say – everything comes to an end … eventually, I guess.

But, I also like to believe that dying may be the beginning of something rather than the end….

The last time I communicated with my mum, she could only murmur sounds, nothing that I could understand. I told her that she shouldn’t worry and that I will join her someday soon. She just had to wait a little longer.

So, project yourself forward to when you are taking your last few breaths and you reflect on your life. Understand that you, we – all die because we have lived. So, choose to live, to have really lived.

To think 🤔 is the most difficult thing to do. Exercise for the brain 🧠 is as important for the brain as it is for the body.

We live in order to know and love the God who made us.

To die is, to some extent, to become more real in this sorrowful world.

You, me, every one of us should be dying to live.

So, grab life with both hands, give it a little shake, say thank you and choose to LIVE IT!

Choose well.

 

Until next time,

Having fun with a star jump! Live each day like you are dying to live. Vv.

Having fun with a star jump!
Live each day like you are dying to live.
Vv.

Her heart ❤️ belongs to me … for now.

 

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Real Magic.

Believe. Believe in YOU. Believe in GOD. Believe in belief, itself! Vv.

Believe.
Believe in YOU. Believe in GOD.
Believe in belief, itself!
Vv.

Being grateful and thankful for your blessings is one of the most liberating thoughts you could have in today’s world. Everyone or at least, every Christian should practise a spirit of gratitude.

It is an attitude, an attitude of mind.

Magic exists, yes it does. You don’t have to travel to exotic countries to witness it. You don’t have to look for a magician to see it either. Matter of fact, you don’t have to look very far at all. You see, I believe Real Magic exists and it lies in every single one of us, you included, but it is based on a choice – your choice.

The choice of attitude you embrace.

There is real magic in having an attitude of gratitude. There is real magic in a thankful spirit.

“How?” you may be thinking.

Well, from my observations of life in my first forty years on this earth, the Real Magic of a thankful spirit (an attitude of gratitude) is that it HAS THE POWER TO

  • replace anger with love;
  • choose belief over fear;
  • choose peace over worry;
  • choose to play part of a team than the desire to dominate;
  • replace self-preoccupation with the concern for the needs of others;
  • choose an open door to forgiveness over guilt;
  • replace jealousy with happiness at another’s success;
  • generate inspired productivity over lack of creativity;
  • replace inferiorities with dignity;
  • choose power over force

and the power to choose an abundance of self-sharing over lack of love.

I’m sure you can think of many others too.

Explaining some of the finer points of training to Vicky during my 'coaching conversations' with my students. Better athletes train smarter.

Explaining some of the finer points of training to Vicky during my ‘coaching conversations’ with my students.
Better athletes train smarter.

This to me is what real magic is and it happens every single day in the lives of everyday people. Without any media coverage or fan-fare. This is where the real magic happens – in every person’s individual choice to have a thankful spirit. This is what the real human spirit is and what the spirit of humanity is all about.

This magic resides inside each and every one of us.

A thankful spirit and an attitude of gratitude is one of the many things that the world needs more of. I believe it allows individuals to be appreciative and content with what they have in life and to make the most of what they’ve got. I believe, being content, genuinely content, brings one closer to the elusive ‘happiness’ that everyone seems to be chasing in life.

This real magic (attitude of gratitude) has the power to empower individuals and can change each individual’s world for the better. In turn, the whole world becomes a better place. Every human benefits.

The magic rests in all humans, it rests in you and me. The only catch is that every individual has to take responsibility to make a choice, a choice to be endlessly grateful. A choice to release his or her ‘magic’ to the universe.

Do magic, Real Magic! Release the magician in you to the world if you haven’t already done so.

Choose well.

Before I go, I have to express my gratitude in you taking the time to read this message. I truly am grateful and I hope you are enriched in some way and it has a positive impact on your life.

Best of vitality to you!

 

Until next time,

Results with care. Here, Brad is 'feeling the essence' of the exercise and inching closer to his best self. Vv.

Results with care.
Here, Brad is ‘feeling the essence’ of the exercise and inching closer to his best self.
Vv.

 

 

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How close is close enough?

Me and my children - carriers of my genes. A taste of immortality for me.

Me and my children – carriers of my genes. A taste of immortality for me.

I spend a lot of time with my two children in this phase of my life and I feel very blessed that I have the opportunity to do so. I will cherish these moments for the rest of my life and I thank God every single day.

Being a parent is quite interesting because most of society make it out to be a relationship where the parenting is ‘one way’ but I think otherwise. I feel, the child ‘parent’ you too, if you are aware enough to recognise it so. They teach and remind you of many things you let slip by the way-side. They help you improve your game as a parent, as a human being.

We play many games together, from racing cars to doll house; from twister to monopoly; from shops to painting; from horse-riding on dad to pillow fights; from dress-ups to leggos; from hide-and-seek to pretend classrooms and so many others. I just love my time with them and I love this role of being a dad.

You see, my son is quite innovative. He is a bit of a thinker. For example, today he created maizes that he drew up from self-created dots on clear pages. He then asked me to find my way through his newly created maize (indicating where the ‘start’ is and where I should try and ‘finish’).

The aim of the game is to get to the ‘finish’ line without drawing over an existing line. I came very close to a few of his maize lines but managed to get out of the maize. He applauded my effort but then asked me an interesting question, he said –

“Dad, how close is close enough?”

I have always told my children that it was important to not be afraid to ask questions rather than know all the answers (as there are countless storage devices or google these days). I also always remind them that it is even more important to ask the right questions.

And so he did.

My kids and I with Ruby the Dog. They just adore each other. Choose to spend time with your kids, not 'quality time'.

My kids and I with Ruby the Dog. They just adore each other.
Choose to spend time with your kids, not ‘quality time’.

I asked him what he meant, and he showed me where I had come very close to ‘touching’ two of his self-made maize lines on my way to the finish line and that I could be considered to have ‘not finished’ and lost. I told him that it was a matter for him and I to decide on how ‘close enough’ is defined and acceptable to both of us. He was happy with how close my drawing was to his line and said that close enough to not be close enough for him to win.

I still am very amazed at the question he asked because it could be applied to many other areas of life. The maizes he draws could represent the maizes (different paths) we are all taking in life. Are you able to accept a service that is 98% complete without getting angry and accepting that it was ‘close enough’.

Are you a ‘close enough is good enough’ person or are you do you expect nothing short of perfect? Are you able to forgive people if they fall short? Once, twice … repeatedly? What is your tolerance level? I know how it feels to come close enough to winning natural body-building contests, experiencing runner-up finishes quite a few times. To me, close enough was not good enough in those contests but that was how the results turned out.

Have you reflected on how close are your closest friends? Are they close enough for you to really get to know you? How close enough are your family relatives? Are the number of years in a relationship relevant or is it the actual number of hours of ‘face-to-face’ contact that brings you close? How do you define ‘close enough’ in a relationship to be able to trust them? How close is close enough for you?

What a thought-provoking question from my son and was the impetus for this blog message to you.

Work the muscles you don't 'see' in front of the mirror. It creates balance and symmetry and lowers your risks of injuries and potential postural problems amongst many other things. Vv.

Work the muscles you don’t ‘see’ in front of the mirror.
It creates balance and symmetry and lowers your risks of injuries and potential postural problems amongst many other things.
Vv.

Anyway, if you have children, YOU, as a mother or father – you’re given the responsibility to work with them and help guide and build them from strong values and principles. Guide them in the ‘way they should go’. I believe it is the single most important task we will ever have in our lifetime – our most important responsibility.

I strongly believe that no other accomplishment and no definition of ‘success’ will ever compensate for failure to help teach eternal truths to your children. No amount of success (as commonly defined in life as financial wealth and status) can ever compensate for the failure to invest in your most priceless off-spring, the generation currently around your knees.

So, choose well I say.

As the American – William James, the father of modern Psychology once stated when referring to time spent with children –

“The greatest use of life is to spend it with something that will outlast it.”

This is about as close enough to close as you could get to truth on this area of life. None of us will ever get out of life, alive, in this life anyway.

And truth, as we know is beauty. So, embrace beauty – embrace the beauty and truth of life. Embrace your children.

And remember, don’t just schedule ‘quality time’, there’s no such thing. You either make time or you don’t. Choose the former before it is too late.

The ‘empty nest’ comes way too soon.

All the very best in your decisions that contribute to your purpose in life.

 

Until next time,

With my children striking a 'front-double biceps' pose for the camera. Watch out these guns are loaded .... hope you're wearing your bullet-proof vests! Vv.

With my children striking a ‘front-double biceps’ pose for the camera.
Watch out these guns are loaded …. hope you’re wearing your bullet-proof vests!
Vv.

~~Life &; wellness COACH~~

~~Life &; wellness COACH~~

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