a better life, action, awareness, children, desire, hope, life, parenthood, taking action

Genes for Jeans.

Me and my children – carriers of my genes. A taste of immortality for me.

My children are learning about life at a very high rate. There’s not one day that passes that I don’t hear them say or try something new. I am constantly surprised and fascinated about the next thing I will hear come out of their mouths. I am also increasingly aware of them ‘growing up’.

They are still to learn a lot of things about life and they will learn as time passes. One of the things they still have to learn are the little rhetorical phrases that Cathy and I say every now and then. One that I tend to use a lot is “its in your genes” or something related to the term “genes’ when we are seated around the table having a meal or just hanging out at home.

Each time I say it, my daughter Olivia would quickly respond (with a questioning look on her face) – “dad, I’m not wearing Jeans!”

Cathy and I would look at each other, doing our best not to break out in laughter. The certainty of her look with regards to her not wearing jeans and mocking my rather dumb statement (based on her facial expression) is priceless.

I have made various versions of that particular statement regarding ‘genes’ and each time Olivia would be the first one to correct me. My wife and I haven’t yet been caught laughing but I’m certain one day soon, we will.

It’s so cute, the ‘black and white’ view children have of the world at this age, which includes their progressive understanding of the English language and all it’s idiosyncrasies. I am looking forward to explaining to her and Zachary what I meant about the word ‘genes’ because at this present time, they only knows the word as ‘jeans’.

I’m looking forward to explaining the many ‘new’ things they will learn about life as they mature, through each phase of life. One of my roles as a parent (and every parent’s role) as I see it is to do my utmost to prepare my children for adulthood. It does not stop there, being a parent continues until the day I die.

Winning the NSW titles - one of my the 3 times I won it. My signature winning pose at that time.

Winning the NSW titles – one of the 3 times I won it.
My signature winning pose at that time.

Over the weekend, my wife and I were getting our children ready for bed and my son, Zachary was being quite disruptive and being difficult. After repeated requests, I blurted out –

“Zachary, pay attention, you’ve got to start pulling up yours socks son, you’re a year older now!”

Just then, I got reminded by Olivia that –

“Dad, Zach is not wearing socks to bed tonight, it’s too hot!”. She had that – “dad, you’re silly” look on her face again.

I expect that I will be seeing that face many more times in to the future, probably will expect to see quite a lot in her teenage years. I am looking forward to hearing her cute reminders to a silly dad.

This is one of the many ‘little daily miracles’ all of us who are lucky to be parents get to experience. Having children is truly a blessing, many times over.

I thank God and my beautiful wife Cathy, that I am able to pass on my genes on to the next generation – my children. I am sure she is appreciative too of the opportunity of passing on her genes to our children.

After all, the overall purpose of life is to procreate. To live on indefinitely or at least one more generation through your off-springs. It is surely an ‘off-set’ of our own mortality.

It gives us mortals – hope. A taste of immortality, even if most of it will be experienced through our imagination. Hope, however, is a beautiful thing and the very essence of it, of the belief summoned for it, allows some people the courage to continue to live.

Appropriate outfit given the Rugby World Cup currently under-way in England, Me and my two Australian Valentines. Go the Wallabies!

Appropriate outfit given the Rugby World Cup currently under-way in England,
Me and my two Australian Valentines.
My 2 favourite teams are Fiji and Australia. As Fiji has not progressed to the quarter finals, Go the Australian Wallabies!

So, live. Love. Laugh. Hope. Live on through genes.

Reflect on YOU, your uniqueness. On your unique genes that has been passed on to you, that makes up who you are. Your blueprint. Ask yourself, have you allowed YOU – to be the BEST YOU CAN BE? Have you worked on your genetic strengths? Have you or are you working towards your potential? For example, would you say you “strongly agree” to the statement –

“At work, I have the opportunity to do what I do best, every day”.

If not, why not?

If you answered ‘strongly disagree’ or ‘disagree’, the costs to you and your life could be staggering. There seems to be an epidemic of disengagement at work of a majority of people simply because they are not working to their strengths and not emotionally engaged on their job.

A lot of unhappy, unmotivated people.

This impacts greatly on the overall quality of your life. So, work towards your strengths – your genes and try to align your job and your goals with your natural talents. It’s never too late. Just ACT and build a strengths-based development plan for a better you. A better life.

The impetus for this, for any worthwhile change in life is DESIRE. You’ve got to desire the BEST YOU to step forward. You’ve got to fuel the desire, the hunger to be the BEST YOU CAN BE, using your God-given talents. The strength in your genes, that has been passed down to you from your ascendents.

Ask yourself – have these strengths, these talents laid dormant for a number of years? Time for a change. A change for your good, for the good of your life and those around you.

Be courageous – take action.

Food for thought.

This is my genes for jeans story.

If you’ve got this far, thank you. I hope you enjoyed the story-telling and found some value in it that you could use in your life. I wish you all the very best in your search for your best, now and in to the future.

Until next time,

Here we are … my beautiful wife and I.
at a dinner party.

A semi-posing shot. Enjoying the sun and day out on my favourite beach here in Sydney , Australia.

A semi-posing shot.
Enjoying the sun and day out at my favourite beach here in Sydney , Australia.

a better life, action, authenticness, awareness, belief systems, change, choices, Energy, genuineness, life, long-term perspective, man, perspective, real man, you

Mr Vulnerable.

My son and I.
One of my responsibilities as a man and dad is to make my son aware that being vulnerable is ok.
Vv.

Real Man

Father’s Day came and went only last weekend.

I had a great day with my wife and my two children. I received two beautifully hand-made cards from each of my children and loads of hugs and kisses. Oh, and some of my favourite chocolates.

It was lovely.

I trust all the dads reading this and dads all around the world had a wonderful time with the people they love the most too.

The special calendar day (just like Mother’s Day) got me thinking about being a man but especially in today’s world. Not all men are fathers and not all men are dads but all men are men. So, I got thinking about being a man.

Yep, let’s attempt to re-evaluate the question, “What is a real man?”

In particular, what it means to be vulnerable and still be a man… what it means to be “Mr Vulnerable” and where, how and why it can be incorporated in to the ‘man’ that YOU are.

Every second of every minute of every hour of every day …. of the rest of our lives allows you, me and every man out there to be vulnerable and it may be one of the most important characteristics that we can adopt (if you haven’t considered adopting it already).

The thing is that most of us would have been raised with a definition of what society (modern-day societies) defines it as. This definition is dare I say, unrealistic and quite a burden for the modern male to wear. So much so that I believe the modern day man is finding it quite difficult to be a man.

Now, we could look in many places for possible definitions of what a real man is and justifiably so. Some men look for these in sports stars, movie stars, politicians and so forth. I believe it is important for the modern male (whether you’re a dad or not) to truly understand what it is to be a man. A real man.

Olivia and Zachary enjoying their time with Ruby.
Being a role model for my children is one of the most important responsibilities I will ever have in my life.
For the rest of my life.
Just like it is for every other dad out there.

A Real Man’s John

I thought that one place many people wouldn’t be brave enough to seek an answer is the bible (unless you’re a Christian). We don’t have to look any further than the disciple – John. John, I believe displayed 6 characteristics of what it means to be a real man. In no particular order they were: sincerity, simplicity, conviction, courage, vision and vulnerability.

There you have it! Six Key traits of a real man.

From my experience with people in predominantly male-dominant gyms over the last 23 years, I have found that one thing that men struggle with is accepting that being vulnerable is ok. It seems that the modern man is told since birth that being vulnerable is a no-no, that it is a sign of weakness. Today’s ‘macho’ man of western society must not show vulnerability, he never admits a mistake.

What a load of you know what! Generation after generation of men still believe in this cr#p. Very unrealistic burden for men to carry partially dictated by societal definition of a modern man.

I recall reading research done in America a little while back that stated that five of the most difficult statements for today’s modern man to make are:

I don’t know
I was wrong
I need help
I’m afraid
I’m sorry

Masculinity

This certainly supports what I have deduced from my observations of the last two decades. It seems that modern day men have a problem with admitting vulnerability. That for some reason, if they do their masculinity is brought in to question.

For you Christians reading this – wasn’t this a test for the disciple John which he passed with flying colours?

I think John’s vulnerability was so great beyond belief in his extreme demonstration of humility when he said in reference to Jesus “He must become greater; I must become less”. You cannot get much better than that with someone being so humble.

A trait that is truly missing in the world today.

So, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, to be authentic to no one else but you first. It is good for the soul and makes you a real man. A humble man is not afraid to admit it. A humble man is not afraid to admit he is or was wrong.

There is a real man in all men reading this and all the men in the world. However, to reach deep down inside and get him, you need to become more aware of who you are now and take actions (sufficient and appropriate) to change certain habits that may not be aligned with the definitions of a real man I have given.

The important step then is to be flexible enough and ‘man-enough’ to adapt to the ‘man you imagine yourself to be’, ideally a man closer to the kind John was. It’s not easy, matter of fact it is darn hard work but the end result is a thing of beauty. And this is one of the things the world needs more of right now.

This, however, may clash with the current modern day definition of what it means to be a real man.

Me and my two children – Olivia and Zachary. I love them with all my heart.

The Future needs you, Real Men

Be the real man you know you are.

Be inspirational to you first, so that you can be inspirational to the young males that are searching for examples of what it means to be a Real Man. Don’t let them get lost to men of lesser character. So, all you dads out there or men playing a surrogate role, be the role model, be the Real Man that the legions of young boys and future men of our society need to aspire to. The Future needs you, Real Men.

This is not a want.

This is a need that our modern day society needs now more than ever. More Real Men to help provide a template to the youth of tomorrow, especially with so many possible definitions are being filtered in to their young minds. Give them a template, like that which the disciple John gave us to build on and stand the test of time.

If every man reading this and every man in this world took this responsibility seriously, what a beautiful world I can imagine for us all in two or three decades. When young men of today, modelling their characters off you – the modern day Real Man will be leaders of tomorrow.

Me and my young man … the future of Real Men. The future rests with us Real Men of the present. …. to provide a template … to save the Father’s of tomorrow.
Play your part, your role for eternity

It is a great hope of mine.

It’s not too late. Make the change because you know it is the right thing to do and you’re humble enough and courageous enough to do it.

Why?

Because you’re Mr Vulnerable. You’re the man! (and if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, get your man to read it too).

All the best in your journey towards being a Real Man. It lies within every man, so go ahead and bring Mr Vulnerable out and share him with the world.

Because the world needs YOU to.

It’s time ….

Until next time,

Cheers & Ahoy!

With the next generation of Valentine males – Zachary.

a better life, authenticness, awareness, better choices, friends, friendship, genuineness, life

Equal friendship.

Ex-Australian Wallaby Captain – Phil Waugh performing a set of squats.
What goes up must come down.
A possible definition of a squat.
Summarises most things in life. It could also symbolically represent the ups and downs of an equal friendship. Each person understands the boundaries of the relationship just like there are limits to a squatting range of motion.

I believe in friendship – equal friendship.

Who do you consider your ‘friend’ at this point in your life? Your partner, wife, husband? Your high school or university friend? Do you have hundreds of friends or just a few with many acquaintances?

I can honestly say that my best friend at this point in my life is my beautiful wife, a friendship that has lasted fifteen years and counting. There are also many friendships that have been in existence for various lengths of time. You would have the same too. For example, I have friendships that started all the way from kindergarten (over 37 years ago) all the way to a few current friends.

You may have many people in your life you consider friends. In this day and age where the definition of ‘friends’ can mean what we have on facebook, a friend could mean something else to you. Some people pride themselves on the number of friends they have. There are many definitions. Fair enough.

In my fourty years on this earth so far, I have experienced many types of friendships and one thing has stood out: You don’t need to be a friend to everyone. Understanding this will help you ‘manage your funnel better’.

It’s just not possible to spread yourself equally with all your friends or so-called friends. Friendship, genuine friendship takes time and effort. Most of you reading this would agree.

We don’t have to look very far for a decent model. If you are a Christian, let’s remind ourselves of the model say, Jesus, adopted. He preached to, healed and helped thousands of people but he only had twelve disciples. How many of these close disciples did he invite when he was transfigured on the mountain?

Only three! You could say that he had only three genuine friends.

Loading the ‘guns’ with proper execution.
Here Brad is building his ‘mind-muscle’ connection under my watchful eye.

I recall seeing only two very good friends of my grandfather in his last few years of his life. They came around our home a few times a week just to sit and talk and reminisce of the ‘old days’. They were friends for over fifty years. I witnessed the beauty of very close, genuine friendship. It was truly a thing of beauty.

However, it was only after my grandfather passed away that I truly understood what I had observed.

With only 86,400 seconds in a day, you cannot possibly relate to every one of your friends in an equal fashion. Don’t stress if you aren’t. It all depends on the phase of life you’re in and the philosophy you adopt. Because of the finiteness of life, it is wise not to waste your precious friendship time on relationships that won’t be productive.

Don’t mis-understand me now. It is ok to lend a helping hand to a needy person but it is another to develop a friendship. Like I said, friendship takes time and hard work. It doesn’t JUST HAPPEN. In the case of the needy person, you could consider it as social work or community service or spiritual caring.

However, with a genuine friend, you and your friend will share and give equally to each other. You both get fulfilment and nourishment from being in the relationship.

For simplicity let’s break life up in to three categories to refer to relationships:

People whom you nourish and who return little or nothing to you
People who nourish you, but you may return nothing to them
Genuine and equal sharing relationships.

All three categories vital to your existence but I don’t believe the first two of the three types of relationships are friendships. The third type or category is what I refer to as real friendship. You must be strong and aware enough to distinguish between them. Mixing them up could cause problems.

It is important to reflect on your philosophy regarding life and the choices you make with regards to investing in certain relationships. What is needed is discernment and making the all important choice of taking some of these relationships to the level of genuine friendship.

Friendship that lasts because it is built on equality.

Here’s my little formula for friendship: Equal friendship = Genuine friendship.

Your ‘friends’ can have a big influence on where you end up in life. Increase your awareness and seek equality and authenticity.

Choose well.

All the best!

Until next time,

Retired rugby legend: Ex-Australian Wallaby & Waratahs Champion Captain & True Leader – Phil Waugh.
Setting his own standards of excellence in all areas of his life, following my framework.
Champions like Phil help us recognize that he believes in sacrifice and dedication to higher principles – higher standards.
AWaken yours today towards THE BEST YOU CAN BE with one of my programs!

~~Life & wellness COACH~~

a better life, adaptation, belief systems, Beliefs, breaking points, change

Breaking Points.

Education through a perception of the truth. All successful relationships have an acceptable level of trust between parties concerned.
All relationships have their breaking points too.
Here: coach-student relationship.
Vv

Have you ever had to work out what your ‘breaking points’ are? Have you ever been forced to choose between life and death? How would you behave in a home robbery? What are your breaking points – what would you not do, no matter what?

As we progress through life, at some point we are tested. Tested on the various areas in life – physically, emotionally, socially, financially, intellectually and so forth. Friendships reach breaking points, family relationships discover their breaking points and tolerance levels. We all get tested. No one is immune to this process of discovering their breaking points. I’m sure you could tell a few stories about these moments when your breaking points were tested.

Think about it for a second. Would you lie to save your kids’ lives? Would you conceal the truth to win a better business deal? To sell your car or your house? Would you ‘back-stab’ your friend or work colleague to get a promotion? How people interpret Right and Wrong is dependent on people’s or a group of peoples’ perception of what is the truth.

So, in essence from a social-behavioural viewpoint, TRUTH is the set of principles that people live by, regardless of what they might say they believe. We all know and have seen there are different truths – subjective, operational, hypothetical and intellectual – and then there is factual data. How true a belief is depends on the level of perception one is at. All levels of truth as we know it however, are examples of truth dependent and contingent on a given set of parameters.

This even applies to our exalted ‘scientific truth’ which is also defined and constrained by conditions and contexts, that they are subject to dispute and error. So, essentially, you are best advised not to believe everything you read, see or hear without at least asking the question ‘why?’ and seeking factual data.

The world seems to be getting ever increasingly filled with more and more laws and regulations. At the most simplest view, all of life is based on some assumption of principle. It is quite obvious now, that everything in nature is based on principles – irrefutable laws showing that all of life is in fact part of a greater design strategy.

Despite the ever increasing dependence on newer regulations, I think there is a finiteness to how reliable this is and every will be. There can never be sufficient rules and regulations, laws and auditors or inspectors to cover or check everything. Everything, whether it be in businesses and organizations or families. To pursue this end would see life get even more complicated and will prove too costly.

Building muscle has some truths that have evolved through application of principles over 100 years.
Every one’s perception of the truth is constrained by the lenses he views the world through.

We see and read about this every day – people getting away with unprincipled behaviour simply because the person found a ‘loop-hole’ in the law, rule or regulation. We see this played out on the sporting field and we see it playing out in board rooms of organizations as well as on the office floors. We even see unthoughtful, unprincipled behaviour displayed quite regularly within families. This really pushes individuals to their breaking points as trust, above all things is eroded.

On a bigger scale, recent Global Financial Crisis and other events prove that there are many unprincipled people who thrive in a system based mainly on principle.

The answer to this problem seems to be: more rules and regulations to curb unprincipled behaviour in one are, within a specific scope. Inevitably, barriers that prevent trading would be dismantled for certain activities and players to remain competitive.

What’s needed more of and not just in business and the big cities are Principles and People of Principles. We need more of it in every corner of society. This is a precious commodity in today’s world. This begins in every home, where I believe little children must be taught that dangerous behaviours are ‘wrong’, but as they grow older, discernment should replace moralism.

Principles that would not waiver, even when tested. Especially in this world where organizations and industries are left to ‘self-regulate’ and ‘self-monitor’. Where individuals are given ‘free-reign’ to exercise their own discretion, without being supervised or because of cost-cutting measures.

We have all known or do know some people who operate with two sets of principles. Sometimes they don’t admit that they do until it is too late. Having two sets of principles – one for work and one for home, for example just does not end well. This applies to both the individual, organization or country-levels. It will always end with a catastrophe where many people get hurt. We see this playing out by parents who have double-standards when it comes to the treatment of their children favouring some over others.

Nothing in life happens by ‘chance’, there is no such thing as ‘coincidence’. I believe this so. So, it follows that, on the whole, the most efficient organizations are the most principled ones. I believe this applies to individuals too – in organizations and in families.

Muscle is like life, it relies on two principles:
1) Simplicity
2) Continuity
Like life, muscle building is about principles and the adherence to them.
Not doing so works against you.
Vvv

Every successful, long-term relationship whether it is with yourself or others (individuals or organizations) comes down to trust. It costs much less to trust than it is to comply with rules and regulations. It is sad that in many individuals, their lack of ‘spiritual truth’ leads to a dimness in moral vision and blindness to the truth. This is a major problem for society.

We’ve all heard that people need to ‘earn’ our trust before it is given. A very important point as for trust to work, you need to have principles and an awareness of your breaking points. I believe these principles only evolve from your belief systems or set of beliefs.

This is why ‘knowing yourself better’ is paramount to allowing you to constantly make changes to your set of beliefs that are applicable to you. You also have to consider where you are in life and your relationships with either family, friends and business colleagues – I refer to these as the context and parameters within which your particular perception of the truth holds true.

Know your breaking points and constantly be on guard when assessing whether or not sticking with them makes you a person of principle in today’s world.

One thing is certain – everything in life changes. Everything is constantly evolving. You are not the same person you were ten years ago. Gee, you are not the same person you were just a day ago. Nothing stays the same and that goes for your breaking points too. If there is one thing we can all learn from nature and from evolution theory is that it is not the smartest nor the strongest that ultimately survive. It is the one that adapts the fastest.

Progress and growth in life (and muscle building) comes from adaptation, but remember, sacrificing your principles to achieve this outcome does not always end well. It almost never does.

Know your breaking points. You can start this process by becoming more aware of YOU. Accepting responsibility for the truth of one’s life. This takes a lot of courage which leads ultimately to love and hopefully, forgiveness too.

All the best!

Until next time,

The philosophy you follow heavily influences whether you achieve your goals in life or not.

a better life, action, attitude, belief systems, Beliefs, better choices, decisions, Goals, self, self improvement, self-image, success, you, your life

Are you the master or slave to your “shadow”?

Each rep of each exercise, executed with constant tension throughout the full range of motion gets you closer to the person you ‘imagine yourself to be’.
Goal of set: make the last rep as good as the first.
As A+ student here – former Australian Rugby Wallabies & NSW Waratahs Captain, Phil Waugh, executing perfect form in triceps extensions.

In daylight or any light for that matter, you cast a shadow. Even if the sun or light is right above you, your shadow is still there. It is always there. Your shadow here can be likened to your self-image, your sub-conscious. Are you the master or slave to your shadow?

It is an interesting relationship – this one between you and your shadow. Can be likened to a ‘master-slave’ relationship where you would think that YOU are the master and your shadow, the slave.

All actions you take comes from this relationship. Well, many actions can be taken by the master but no action whatsoever can be taken without consulting the shadow.

The shadow or the ‘sub-conscious’ ability of the mind houses your very important ‘self-image’. By the time we are adults, we would have developed a self-image about every talent, every characteristic and every performance we have ever had. Have you ever heard yourself or others state perceptions out loud like – “I’m a lousy cook, I can’t even scramble eggs’ or “I have a terrible memory”. “I’m never on time”. “I can’t stick to a healthy diet”. I have heard many of these self-limiting impositions people have made and believed in my time in the gym.

These all make up your shadow, shaped by your subconscious mind. The important thing to remember is this:

“you cannot outgrow these limits you place on yourself – you can only set new limits within which you must live.”

Results with care.
Here, Brad is ‘feeling the essence’ of the exercise and inching closer to his best self.
Managing your ‘shadow’ better is a giant step towards realising your goals. Vv

In my two decades of helping individuals in the gym find the best version of themselves, whether it be in losing weight or in quitting a bad habit, effort alone is not enough to achieve and sustain the goals. You also need imagination!

I always tell my students that they need to “walk, talk, eat, sleep, sh%t, talk, run …. Like the person they need to be, before they become the person they will be.” As there is another important point to remember:

It is not what you “are” that holds you back, it’s “what you think you are not.”

I have learned a lot about people and a lot from the many thousands of people I have met over the last two decades in the gym. I love ‘people watching’ and one thing I do know that holds true for every person is this:

Individuals DO NOT behave in accordance with reality. Individuals behave in accordance with their ‘perception of reality’.

What is your reality? What is your perception of the ‘truth’?

I have found that if a person does not desire to work on changing his/her self-beliefs that are aligned with the person they desire to be then the change they are seeking will be temporary. This will apply to any worthwhile change, for example weight loss, alcohol consumption or quitting smoking and so forth.

Self-image is fundamental to understanding human behaviour and what I discovered years ago is that if you change a person’s self-image, you change their personality and their behaviour. I think this is a very important part of any mentoring/coaching role, whether it be in a team capacity or on an individual basis.

This is why effort (or will-power) alone is not enough to make a change that is lasting in yourself. Trying to make a worthwhile change at the conscious level by using will-power, will usually result in a temporary change. I have seen this many times with the thousands of gym goers that seek a positive change in their lives. You see them – bursting out of their seams doing all the group classes, sporting the latest clothing gear, looking the ‘part’ but never achieving their goals.

There are many reasons that people fail to achieve lasting change but a big part of it is that they try and take on a new habit for example – going to the gym or give up a bad habit for example – one-pack-a-day smoker for ten years by good ol-fashioned, teeth-gritting WILL POWER.

This is where people fundamentally go wrong: people think that they are masters of their shadow and have not understood that they are in fact slaves to their shadow, the shadow being your subconscious part of your mind. Because they have not spent the time working on their self-beliefs that make up part of their self-image, the conscious mind is still unconvinced.

Two principles of building muscle: 1) Simplicity and 2} Continuity.
Become aware; Apply action: Adapt accordingly.

Reminds me of a client I trained a few years ago. He did very well. He lost around 30kg and built a decent physique. He worked very hard and was a very good student. For about 8 months I reminded him daily of the importance of ‘walking, talking, sitting, eating, sleeping, shi%ting …. Like the person he desires to be”. And for those first 8 months he told me he had it under control and he had mastered this request of mine.

However, I wasn’t convinced he was (even though he had achieved a body-weight he had not been at since he was a late teenager). It was unchartered territory for him.

It wasn’t until he went out and played a round of golf with some of his old mates one weekend that he truly understood what I meant by that statement and what I said was his biggest challenge was.

For the entire round of golf, he was having an extremely bad day and he couldn’t understand why he was hitting the ball that bad. It just so happened that a friend in the group (an ex-Olympian who understood a bit of sport psychology) went up to him and said,

“you are still hitting the ball like you were the guy who was 30kg heavier – the old YOU?”

That was when everything crystallised. He then realised what I had meant when I reminded him of how important it was to train his mind and mastering his shadow. I have said this a thousand times over the last two decades – losing weight is the easy part. What is the most difficult thing to do is convincing the REAL YOU that you are the NEW YOU.

In the case of the example of the smoker, your shadow (self-image) has seen you as a smoker for the past ten years and believes that you will still “see” yourself inside as a smoker.

Result: The smoker fails his attempt to quit smoking. Puts it in the “Too – hard busket.”

This is where imagination and emotion (or heart) comes in to the equation. I have always believed that effort (will-power and hard work) alone is not enough to achieve lasting results, one needs imagination and ‘heart’. You need to feel the end result you are seeking.

If you don’t change your self-image or shadow then when there is a conflict between will-power and conviction, the latter will always WIN. You can see this in action for example when you know you’re tired but you’re convinced you won’t sleep, you just won’t sleep no matter how hard you try (will-power).

Chris enjoying a well-deserved rest between sets.
A ‘set’ as I define it is: a continuous progression of 15 to 45 sec ‘focused moments’.
Focus + heart + visualization ===> results.
Vv.

For any worthwhile change to be sustainable and permanent in your personality or behaviour, you should first involve change in your belief-systems and self-image (change the control your shadow has over you). This change in self-image needs to be followed up with a quality plan and quality implementation for any successful change in your lifestyle.

We make decisions (small and big) every single moment of every day of our lives. To me, most if not all decisions in life come down to 2 things:

Plan
Implementation

You need these 2 things if you want to get results. That is easy to understand. It follows then that to achieve QUALITY RESULTS, you need to have a QUALTIY Plan and have QUALITY implementation.

So, a question you would ask yourself is “are you going to be a slave to your shadow for the rest of your life” and use it as a ‘handicap’ or are you going to use this shadow as a springboard to achieving greatness?” However, which way you define greatness.

Scientists agree that the human nervous system cannot tell the difference between an actual experience and an experience imagined vividly, emotionally and in detail. This is why your shadow can be used as a springboard to achieving greatness if that is what you choose to achieve.

It is yet another of the many decisions you have to make in your life. A choice.

So, it would follow that you need to “see’ through the eyes of the person you would like to be if you desire to be the person you desire to be.

You need to take control and manage your shadow if you wish to make any worthwhile, sustainable change in YOU and your life. Let me sum it up in this formula:

A quality plan + quality implementation = quality life.

This is what my framework and the products I have developed help people do. I give them a quality plan (tailored to each individual) and I guide them through quality implementation towards a quality result. So, don’t leave such an important aspect of self-achievement with the ‘lottery of life’ attitude, that a big percentage of the population do – you can see this behaviour reflected in the popularity and increasing prevalence of games of chances, led by the gambling industry.

It is the one thing you have some control over, if you desired it. What is needed from you is the courage to manage your shadow better and become master to it and not the servant. Make a quality plan to change your belief systems for the better and use your shadow (self-image) as a spring board to a better YOU, a better LIFE.

Overcoming many small hurdles on your way to achieving your ultimate goal is encouraging.
Progress, any form of progress is a motivating factor.
So, don’t strive for perfection, instead seek progress … towards your ideal SELF. Former student, demonstrates that desire to be and do his BEST in this photo. … like he has done ✅ all his life. To be his best, he trains with the BEST.
Vv

So, if there is one important investment you will ever make and abstain from putting the ‘cart before the horse’ like the majority of people do, is to work on your shadow. In order to do this, you need to understand your shadow, understand the REAL YOU. You need to increase your awareness. The first step to any form of self-improvement.

To do this, to understand – you need to work towards simplifying things. Matter of fact, in the beginning you need to ‘over-simplify’ things to understand things better – to ‘manage your funnel better’.

So, that is your first step, simplify YOU. Simplify your life. Make the complex, simple. Simplify to understand. Understand you and your shadow. Seek to understand the master-slave relationship that exists. Before becoming a master of the many other external things in life, become a master to yourself – your shadow.

Work towards managing this master-slave relationship in your favour. Take better control of your shadow by understanding and changing your self-image, with a vivid, clear, emotional, sensory vision of the person you want to be.

If you have children, watch them play ‘pretend’ games. Understand your shadow by adopting this “lets pretend” attitude, and play the role of whomever you want to be. My kids just don’t go out of character until the pretend game has ended. Imagination is one thing my kids have helped me improve over the last few years of fatherhood.

So continue to work on your imagination and believe in your dreams. Believe you can become a better version of YOU and try ‘pretending’ you ARE before YOU ARE. After-all, your shadow cannot tell the difference between “The real me” and the ‘the one I see’.

Managing my shadow better, helped me towards representing Australia twice at the World Natural Body-building Championships and be placed in the Top 5 in the world in consecutive years. It has also been one of the reasons over 84% of everyone I have ever helped over the last 10 years have successfully achieved their goals or better.

So, don’t be a slave to your shadow. Instead work towards becoming the master that you deserve to be and be the best you can be, for YOU first (in whatever worthwhile goal you have), and by default everyone gets the best of you too. Be the best you can be to live the best life you can live.

Besides, I read somewhere a long time ago that life is like a parachute, you only have one chance to open/live it.

Choose well.

All the best.

Until next time,

World Natural Bodybuilding Championships.
Side Chest pose.
Placing: 4th.

Side Triceps pose in the heat of competition at the 2007 World Natural Bodybuilding Contest held in NY, USA.
Represented Australia.
Ranked: 4th Best Natural Bodybuilder in the World.
Repeated this in 2008.

a better life, awareness, marriage, relationships, successful marriage

Keep the fire burning.

Providing a little bit of assistance. My pupil here 'feeling the essence' of the exercise. All relationships require work and time . Sometimes, its the little things, that determine your success in pursuit of a worthwhile goal.

All relationships have their ‘ups’ and ‘downs’ and we all hope that the relationships that we value the most have more ups than downs. Relationships like marriages. This blog tries to share thoughts on how one can keep the fire burning in a marriage.

In my twenty plus years of helping people in the gym, including the 7 years I owned and managed a gym, I met people of all ages, backgrounds, professions and class in society. From the very richest to the very poorest, in every sense of the word: financially, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically.

In those years I have helped many couples stay together and also helped individuals transition through a divorce to being a single again. Most of the time, children are involved. A very difficult phase of life for all parties involved. I have experienced some of the pain (through a women’s eyes and through the man’s) of the devastation of such an event. Sometimes it is quick and sometimes it is long and messy.

I learned early on that there are always 3 sides to every story – yours, the other person’s and the right one!

I was fortunate during my 7 years owning and managing my gym, I had a retired female client who was special. Her name was Margaret and was one of Sydney’s top family counsellors. She was lovely and I helped her with her health and fitness goals for almost 6 years. I gave her increased strength, health and vitality and lots of laughter and she shared some of her wisdom with me. I learned a lot from her. I asked her what was the success rate of a couple staying together when they finally saw her. She said it was a little over 30%. Very low indeed.

I’ll share one such story of a divorce in which I helped a lovely lady. Let’s call her Susan.

When I asked Susan, what was the reason for getting a divorce, she just said “The flame went out. It was as simple as that!”

“What?!” I thought to myself. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Was that her way of “explaining away” the death of a 30-year marriage? There had been no bitter argument or disagreement, no extramarital affair. This female client/friend and her husband simply drifted apart – bored, indifferent, uncommitted.

Results with care. Here, Brad is 'feeling the essence' of the exercise and is loading his guns(biceps. Through a loving teacher/student relationship, both parties benefit. Practise does not make perfect - Perfect practise makes perfect! Vv

Susan and her soon-to-be ‘ex-husband’ were definitely getting a divorce and there was nothing I could do about it. They were beyond repair and some of what Margaret shared with me about her experience in marriage counselling, I used to help Susan in her time of extra-need.

One thing I have learned is that without commitment, no marriage can succeed. As I see it, like all Christians reading this blog, when we were married, we made an unconditional commitment to each other and the wedding vow was not a promise “if”, it was a promise “always”.

I think many forget this small but very important point.

There are certainly many hurdles in life and most of you have experienced your fair share to date – crisis, disappointments, failure. These can all put a strain on even the strongest relationships. However, I believe one thing: success in marriage MUST BE a conscious choice, not a thing left to chance.

“So, what does it take to make a marriage work?” you may be thinking.

Well, from what I have learned in helping many couples (not just the ones going through divorces), a successful marriage is successful because of hard work, compromise, patience and a willingness to grow. This also applies to any valued relationship you may have – friend or business.

Both individuals in the marriage or relationship must make the conscious choice to make it work. Each person learns to raise their tolerance levels.

A good teacher is hard to find but finding a good student is even harder. Plan the work - to work the plan. Photo: discussing fine points of one of my programs with retired legend of rugby - Phil Waugh. All relationships require time, sharing and effort on both sides.

Before the fire goes out, each party to the marriage must try to keep the flame alive and the marriage relationship must be nurtured, if there is still a glimmer of hope. If it doesn’t then it will flicker out – as it did for Susan in this story.

Couples need to make their marriage the top priority and should not put it second to anything else – your work, your career or your children. Too many couples over-invest in their children at the expense of their marriage. This is dangerous because the children suffer in the long run, as a result.

One of the things that my lovely friend, Margaret the ex-family counsellor taught me about making marriages ‘work’ and keeping the flame burning was by –

“feeding it the right kind of firewood”, she would say.

I asked her what she meant by this and she said that an example of the ‘wrong kind of firewood” was that – too many couples try to meet every one of their child’s needs at the expense of their relationship (this was damp/wet firewood according to Margaret – will not keep the fire burning).

“That was not the way”, Margaret said, regarding parents trying so hard to meet every one of their children’s needs.

“Couples should always make time for themselves and they should make their children know the importance of their time.”

I have never forgotten this and have offered this bit of advice to couples in the past. Now that I have children of my own, my wife and I regularly let our children know that “mummy and daddy’ are enjoying a conversation and need 30 minutes.

As my children grow, they are starting to truly respect and somewhat accept this, indirectly embedding in their minds that my love for my wife and her love for me comes first above all else.

I believe this is very important for the childrens’ state of mind, mainly in their adult years and their perception of an aspect of love. It is quite clear that parents can’t help their child(ren) unless they first step back and get their marriage relationship right. So, ask yourself if you’ve honestly done this.

Helping Chris close the gap between how he imagines himself to be and what he sees in the mirror. Or in other words: Manifesting the 'unfolding universe' of his 'enfolded' invisible universe (what he imagines/dreams) Trust is a big part of any successful long-term relationship. Vv

If you’re not already doing so, make your marriage a top priority before it is too late. However, making your marriage to be top priority shouldn’t and cannot be motivated by a desire to do what’s best for the children. You need to work on your marriage because it’s what you want to do and that is it.

If you’re a Christian, it’s what God wants you to do too. Ultimately, each party to a marriage is made to need each other.

And what is a ‘need’? It is simply something we cannot do without to survive – like water, like food, like shelter. This view of each other’s love is exactly the fuel needed to keep the fire burning in a marriage.

For those of you reading this that are married or in a long-term relationship, all the very best to you.

Remember though: use the right type of firewood to keep the fire burning and keep your marriage top priority. Always.

Until next time,

Training in my Old School Gym adopting Old School Training techniques with a modern twist. Know the basics. Apply the basics. Adapt to the basics. Keep it simple and keep it continuous. Its the most efficient, most effective and safe approach to building a muscular physique in the gym. Find a gym with minimum distraction if you desire results. Focus! Paul.

a better life, action, attitude, awareness, belief systems, Beliefs, Goals, strengths, success

Making a mission impossible, possible.

Retired Ex-Australian Wallaby Champion Captain & Leader – Phil Waugh.
Setting his own standards of excellence in all areas of his life, following my framework.
> dedication to higher principles – higher standards is something we can all aspire to.
> awaken awareness of the principle of higher standards that rests within the heart of every man and woman.
Awaken yours today!

I am going to introduce you to a great bloke: He’s name is Joel.

A current client and friend. I am going to share a story about when Joel made a ‘mission impossible’, possible. Tom Cruise has made a killing with his versions of the “Mission Impossible” movies, one of which is screening right now.

Yes, these grand missions in these movies are truly impossible and great entertainment, if that is what you’re in to. These are the kinds of stories that sells. Big, grand stories. But, I am going to talk about one of the many miracles that happen to normal, everyday people just like you. Just like all of us.

I am going to share with you a story about how a man, actually two men made one of their impossible missions at that time, possible. One of the thing that is special about Joel is that he is the strongest natural bloke I have ever trained or come across in my life and believe me, I have come across many.

NOTE: Naturally strong means: never experimented with illegal performance enhancing drugs – EVER! Steroid free.

What goes up must go down.
A possible definition of a squat.
Summarises most things in life.

Let me share you a bit of his story…

You see, I first met Joel about five years ago. He came in to my gym (I owned and managed a great Family Gym for about 7 years) and enquired about my services. He knew what he wanted and he seemed very determined. My kind of person.

He hadn’t been in a gym for a long time and was not in the best of shape but had the desire to look and feel better. That was a helpful starting point: the right desire, coming from nowhere else but his heart. My job was to do what I do best and help him get to his ‘imagined version of himself’ using one of my products that adopted by unique body re-engineering framework.

And get him there in the most efficient and effective manner with due care and safety in mind, which is the foundation of my framework.

Easy. That is what I have always done, with a great success rate over the last 10 years (over 84% of past clients have achieved or gotten better results than they desired).

It didn’t’ take me long to deduce that Joel was indeed an abnormally strong man. He knew this but was quite modest about it. The interesting thing was that he had not done deadlifts in his life before he met me.

Around that same time, I was also helping an Englishman called James get past a ‘sticking point’ with regards to his deadlifting. James couldn’t seem to lift anything past ‘3 plates’ (on each side) for 10 reps. It was frustrating him to say the least for the last 2 months. For those of you who aren’t too familiar with gym lingo, a plate is a (45lb or 20kg) weight that you slide on to either side of an Olympic bar when doing lifts such as a dead-lift or squat or a bench press.

So, James was struggling to lift past the 140kg (the bar is 20kg too) for reps. He was upset that he had ‘plateau’ (or so he believed) and needed help getting past this point.

I said that I would help him and I did. I told him that the first thing we need to do was to ‘take a step back to take two steps forward’. He was a little taken aback by my recommendation because that plan seemed to contradict what his goal was: to lift more! There I was trying to ask him to lift less.

Life is about choices.
Choose well.

I explained my philosophy and he understood what I was trying to achieve to help him achieve what he wanted to achieve. He trusted and allowed me to diagnose the issue. It was a combination of technique and mind-set. Once I identified the problem areas, I designed the plan to get him to lift ‘5 plates’ in the dead-lift for 6 to 8 reps.

For those of you who are mathematically inclined, that is 220kg. Not for 1 rep, for 6 to 8 reps!

When I told him what I was going to get him to do (get him to lift at least ‘5 plates’), his first reaction was that of dis-belief, that it was impossible. He was right though, with the mind-set he had at that point, it would be close to impossible for me to help him, help himself achieve it. I explained to him that before he was going to lift what I said he would lift, we needed to re-adjust his mind-set, in particular, his beliefs and belief system.

I put a plan to do just that: to allow James to progressively let go of self-limiting beliefs. Beliefs that only he harboured and grow within him like an unwanted fungus.

The plan worked. In a short 3 weeks, James was already doing a little more than 3 plates (got passed his ‘sticking point’ quite easily). He was on fire, increasingly filled with belief! Before long – I think it was just under 5 weeks of training with me, he was doing his first set of 5 plate dead-lifts, where a set was 6 to 8 reps, not one rep!

James and Joel got to know one another during that period but they probably only met each other once in that whole time. That was intentionally choreographed by me. The reason I scheduled their training sessions that way was that I saw them as potential competitors that could both help each other ‘raise their standards’ and both achieve far beyond what they had ever imagined. I did just that: I slowly pitted each other’s efforts against the other.

Setting his own standards through –
Mind-muscle connection. ‘flexing the muscles’ in a “most-muscular’ pose.
Chris is an A+ student and the results show for a 47 year old man.
On his way to realizing a physique and mind-set he imagines himself having: being more of who he already is.
… adopting my framework to body/mind re-engineering.
Vv

You see, one week Joel would do 4 plates for the required number of repetitions and I would mention it to James and that would lift James’s game. He would do 4 and ½ plates and so on. This little battle went on for a while. Eventually it was game on!

It became a full-on competition. England v Australia right there in my gym where my two students were going head-to-head on who was the strongest man in the gym.

You have got to understand that these two individuals were genetically very strong specimens. They also manufactured extraordinary belief in themselves in the short time they were with me. This is a story of the many missions impossible, made possible through the POWER OF THE MIND guided with a GREAT PLAN.

Yet again (like I have seen over the decades of helping people in the gym), I witnessed first-hand how amazing the human mind is when it is channelled towards a goal that is worth achieving by that human being. Some people would call these ‘miracles’ in some circles. These were just “two ordinary men doing an extraordinary thing”.

I witnessed it with these two gentle, very strong men. A natural talent of theirs.

They went toe-to-toe, besting each other’s personal lift record (which just happened to be the gym record at that time) every week until we hit the “6 plate” zone.

“How much is that?” I hear you say.

Only 260kg!

Not lifting it for 1 rep, no! The lift is only recognised if it is done for 6 to 8 reps. they both did it. It was a draw …. For a short while – less than 7 days actually.

Joel came in one day with the energy and look in his eye that he wanted to take that title. He had the hunger of a starving tiger. We added just 2.5kg on either side of the bar (in addition to the 6 plates that were already on each side). He was going to take the record by a mere 5kg.

He did. He lifted that 265 kg for 6 reps!

His legs were bleeding after that lift. The blood came from both his shins. The bar shaved off his skin from his shins and a bit off his upper thighs while executing the amazing record. This was an extraordinary thing with extraordinary risks.

These two students of mine realized their potential with regards to knowing how strong they were. They both achieved something that they both thought were impossible when I first mentioned it to them.

But they did. They achieved the seemingly impossible. They made their mission impossible – possible.

Fast forward to today and it was only last week that Joel ( who sees me two times a week in the program he is doing) mentioned that he just cannot believe he lifted that record almost 4 years ago. He was not talking about anyone else, he was referring to him. He couldn’t believe that he had done what he had done. Admittedly, he mentioned this dis-belief after just completing his set of 8 reps for 3 plates (140kg). He found it challenging.

Looking back, it would seem that it was impossible but I told Joel that he made the impossible, possible. He still cannot believe he did it today. How often can each and every one of you reading this honestly say that you gave something a try, and gave it your best shot and achieved something that you never thought was possible? How many of you can say that?

Joel did. And so did James. They achieved their BEST when it came to these lifts.

Joel still has the scars on his shins and thighs to tell this story to his kids and grand-kids.

You all have your own unique stories. You all have those special moments in your life so far where you may have given it your best and achieved something you only dreamed of. Maybe, you didn’t win number one or made the podium and that is ok, too. But that isn’t my point. My point is that you GAVE IT A TRY and you DID YOUR BEST.

You tried to fulfil a dream of yours. In my books, you are a champion.

Never stop dreaming of a better you, a better tomorrow, a better life and a better future. Everything you ever had and will ever hope to have, begins in your mind.

A signature winning pose of mine at the 2007 World Natural Bodybuilding Championships held in New York. Represented: Australia Placing: 4th in the World.

Achieving a dream of mine at the 2007 World Natural Bodybuilding Championships held in New York. Repeated it again in 2008.
Representing: Australia
Placing: 4th in the World.

I know from experience in helping hundreds of people achieve their goals over the years that – If you can dream it (conceive the idea), and truly believe (feel it in your heart) and have a great plan, you CAN ACHIEVE your dream, whichever area in life it is in, provided you WORK TO YOUR STRENGTHS.

Start small. Start local. Work to your strengths. Build on your strengths. Don’t waste any more time on your weaknesses. From the cradle to the cubicle, most people devote more time to their short-comings than to their strengths. This approach makes for good story-telling but unfortunately, it is taking the path of MOST RESISTANCE.

Work to your strengths, not your weaknesses. Devote more energy to the development of your strengths to be more of what you are. The reality is that a person who has always struggled with numbers is unlikely to be a great accountant or statistician. Look at the great Michael Jordan, probably the greatest basketball player of all time. He could not be the “Michael Jordan” of golf or baseball, no matter how hard he tried.

Each person has greater potential for success in specific areas, and one of the keys to human development is building on who you already are.

Don’t be afraid, sometimes it is best to ‘take aim, fire and then look’. Sometimes it is just better to ‘take a leap of faith’. Don’t let fear hold you back.

It is ok to fail … matter of fact, fail if you have to. Sometimes, failure gives you a better perspective on what it takes to succeed.

47 year old Chris set himself a goal to making the top 3 in his very first contest last year and achieved just that – a 3rd place finish in the MASTERS event.
Months of dedication and focus got him the results he was after.

You don’t need to look far for the opportunity. Sometimes, the opportunity lies just ‘under your nose’, in your small, little world. Reflect and increase your own self-awareness. Sometimes, opportunities come clothed in overcoats. Sometimes, it is the day-to-day mundane living that produces the miracle you always had within you.

Work towards being a better version of YOU, putting most of your energy and time into developing your natural talents. Every day. Work on creating miracles within yourself. Seek to find the extraordinary in ordinary experiences by using your natural talents.

Extraordinary room for growth exists, just like it did for these two men in this story.

Seek those missions that you may consider impossible to change (weight loss, less-than ideal personal habits etc.) and try to make that positive change and make that mission – possible. The miracle lies within YOU.

Maybe, try adopting this dream (I use sometimes): think of YOU as being part of the Special Forces of self-development. You aspire to and set higher standards – your standards. Let everyone else that buy in to ‘mission impossible’ mind-set (believing their self-limiting beliefs) settle for the general army. That’s ok too.

Seek help if you need to. It’s never too late to seek help. See what doors that would open up for you.

Start working on making all your little (and big) ‘mission impossible’ in your life, possible. Take them on, ONE-BY-ONE!

Remember: you may not be able to be anything you want to be – but you can be a lot more of who you already are (aligning yourself with your strengths), just as this story of Joel and James shows.

All the best.

Until next time,

“Back Double Biceps” in the heat of competition!
Placing: 2nd in Australia

~~Life COACH~~

a better life, accountability, action, anger, anger management, awareness, balance, Beliefs, breaking points, care empathy, choices, ego, Energy, game of life, hulk, Leader, leadership, life, love, man, manners, patience, real man, relationships, respect, responsibility, risk, self discipline, self improvement, self love, self-respect, taking action, trust, you, your life

When to unleash your “HULK”.

The “Most Muscular” (HULK) pose in the sport of Body-building.
Roaarrr!!!

We all get angry now and then.

That’s something everyone reading this blog and every citizen of the world have in common. I have always been fascinated with the Marvel Universe characters, one of which is the “Hulk”. To a little extent, I like to imagine that every person has a super-hero in them. That we all have some superhero power.

In this blog, I would argue that there is a Hulk in every one of us.

What’s important is not that we all have that Hulk that could awaken at a moment’s notice but that we get better at managing that Hulk – that anger. Knowing when to unleash your Hulk.

You see, in dealing with thousands of people of all ages in all walks of life in more than two decades in the gym environment, one of the observations I have made is that different people use anger to hide different feelings. The interesting thing is that a lot of times a lot of people don’t know the real reason they are angry.

Think about you when you get angry. Do you use anger to cover different emotions at different times?

Having children brings out the best in every parent and I think many, if not all parents reading this would agree. This includes the best of ‘anger’ too. Having children teaches you many things, one of which is patience and your tolerance for it. “Zachary, can you stop kicking the car seat please!” and then a few minutes later … “For the hundredth time, Zachary, stop kicking the car seat please!”.

Your patience is constantly tested by your children as you do your best to control that lever that releases the Hulk or anger. It is a daily constant battle at times.

Two principles of building muscle: 1) Simplicity and 2} Continuity.
Become aware; Apply action: Adapt accordingly.

In this phase of his life, my son’s curiosity encourages him to push limits – push beyond his own physical, mental and emotional limits and also push us – my wife and I, beyond our limits too. An interesting phase in our lives to say the least.

I have learned that, as parents, we MUST be permissive to our children’s feelings while setting limits to their action, when appropriate. One of the problems most, if not, all parents face is: when to use discipline and when to GIVE IN; when to be firm and when to be easy; when to give TOUGH LOVE and when to show CARE AND EMPATHY.

At one point or another, we all find ourselves asking ourselves the question: “Is this the moment to be accepting and empathise so that my child will not be afraid of his feelings?” or “should I put my foot down so he understands that he cannot get away with this?”

What I have found is that there are NO SET RULES TO FOLLOW.

Each situation must be handled separately but this is not as difficult as it sounds.

As an owner of a gym for 7 years, I found myself constantly resolving conflicts – conflicts between members, conflicts between members and their family members, internal conflicts of members and conflicts in general. What I found was that the first response I chose to a situation SET THE TONE for how traumatically an event will be taken. I have also found that this is a very good approach to keep in mind when dealing with children too.

It seems to work with my ability to manage conflicts with my two kids.

When one of my children is hurting, I have found that compounding it by reacting with angry words or action (and letting the HULK out) does not add to the solution. Instead, responding with initial softness and empathy, helps more. I think it allows the child to see that if me or my wife (Dad or mum) aren’t panicking, maybe, just maybe, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

The philosophy you follow heavily influences whether you achieve your goals in life or not.

Where does this ability to be permissive and initiate softness and keep from panicking come from? It comes from WITHIN. The same place the HULK lies dormant. It is a choice. It is a choice that is made by you, the parent, in the good times – the quiet times. That is the best time. The best time to decide on how you respond to a child’s mis-behaviour.

Because if you didn’t decide on such an approach/response or similar, then chaos would prevail and anger or the Hulk will be default system you will react on. There isn’t time to think about ways to prevent a fire, in the MIDDLE OF A FIRE!

If you’re religious, you will believe that GOD works all things unto good.

So, when difficulty first happens, don’t lecture your children, panic or commence scolding. Allowing them to feel the hurt, the anger and initially responding to their behaviour with calm comforting lays an important foundation. A foundation that will allow them to find value in their experience.

Yes, it is much easier to just release the HULK, but it takes a lot of strength to keep it at bay. Calmness comes from within. For you Christians or members of other religious denominations reading this, calmness comes from God’s word. For those of you not so religiously inclined, think of this calmness as being already a part of you. Part of your “inner-self”.

THERE IS A TIME AND PLACE FOR GENUINE, APPROPRIATE ANGER. There is a time and place to let the HULK out. For instance, most of us would respond to injustice and cruelty with anger. Healthy anger can be channelled towards constructively making our world a better place to live in. Healthy anger can be transmuted when one trains with weights. This is one of the un-sung benefits of weight-training with moderate to heavy weights. When executed properly, negative energy (anger) is transmuted through the iron and replaced with a charge of positive energy and vitality.

Anger or the HULK, when released with the appropriate intensity and direction is very positive and a good thing. This is partly because painful trials or conflicts that challenge the threat of the release of our anger/the HULK, produces something encouraging. It produces maturity and growth.

This maturity and growth ultimately leads to LOVE.

Your challenge: become better at controlling the Hulk within. Don’t be afraid to let it out and work on becoming increasingly aware of when to unleash your Hulk. But, only release your Hulk – when appropriate, and with a proportional response.

Roaarrrrr!!!

Until next time,

a better life, action, adaptation, ageing, asking questions, attitude, awareness, balance, beauty, better choices, change, Change Agent, chaos, choices, compassion, consciousness, dads, eternity, examined life, game of life, strengths

Simplify to Amplify.

You learn from children and then learn from us.
It is a two-way learning experience, not one way (parents to children like some people think)

Time will tell

I love being a dad.

I love being a father to my two children. Every day I am grateful for the blessing my wife gave when she chose to bring them in to this world.

Having children is a true blessing. I’m sure all dads reading this would agree.

I love being with my children – doing every single thing with them. I just feel I want to spend every single minute of my life with them. I truly thank my intelligent, strong, caring, loving wife for the opportunity to spend a big chunk of this phase of their lives with them.

It is truly a blessing I experience that not many dads out there have the opportunity to do so. They have learned a lot from me and I have learned many things from them already.

I love observing them, you can learn so much (I’m sure a lot of dads and mums love this too). Even in the first 2 to 3 years of their lives, I can tell how distinctly different they are to one another. They are poles apart in certain things and activities they choose to participate in.

For example, Zachary makes it very clear that he does not enjoy colouring or drawing, whereas Olivia has an obvious talent in this area. They have obvious inclinations towards certain activities. They tell us what they are interested in and we can certainly observe this through they repeated behaviour.

These are the traits that need to be developed, traits/strengths that need to be amplified to bring the best out of each child, each person. In simple terms, we need to simplify to amplify.

Time will tell.

Time will tell what truth our children search for

Know YOU – build on your strengths and appreciate your uniqueness

Zachary loves solving puzzles – particularly electronic gadgets or mechanical tools. Zachary had shown a much higher level of patience in the solving of shapes and puzzles than Olivia did at the same age.

It’s just his thing.

Pulling things apart and putting it back together again. He’s always asking the question ‘why?’ and he is very strategic. Already out-thinks me on occasion and he is only three and half years old. He would certainly keep my neurons stimulated as he grows with his strategic constructive debates.

I’ve always believed that due to our short time on earth, we need to firstly identify our strengths and work towards enhancing these through focused and deliberate practise for our future and for the betterment of man-kind.

It’s better use of our 86,400 seconds that we have every day.

Essentially, you need to know You – build on your strengths and appreciate your uniqueness just like my children demonstrate from such a young age. Despite being born from the same genetic blueprint, they differ in so many ways.

Dogs are truly one of man’s best friends

Why work on your weaknesses?

From when we were kids, the school system seemed to encourage the opposite: emphasising our weaknesses and telling us that we need to ‘work on our weaknesses’. Millions of people seem to be spending a lot of time ‘working on their weaknesses’ from the cradle to their grave.

What a waste of time and life!

Overcoming deficits or weaknesses is an essential part of the fabric of our culture, of our society, isn’t it? But why work on your weaknesses?

I mean everywhere we go, we hear stories, see movies, read books about the lotto winner or the underdog who beats one – in – hundred million odds.

It’s everywhere and that is one of the primary reasons gambling is so popular because each and every one of us have been brain-washed in to believing we have great chances of winning even though we may not have the natural ability to win.

However, every day we are bombarded with these stories and we get a deluded sense of the truth. It seems that we tend to celebrate those who triumph over their lack of natural ability much, much more than we celebrate those who capitalize on their innate talents. It certainly makes for ideal TV shows ratings and sells newspapers too.

Champions practise a lot of visualisation and simulation.
To create magic, you need to fuse the worlds of sanity (where you are) with insanity (where you dream/imagine you are, before you are).
That is difficult.
That is one of the key keys.
Don’t stop. Trying. Believing.
Keep on … keeping on. You’ll get there. Everyone always does.
Especially, if you do it with your heart. and ….
with LOVE.

Taking the path of most resistance

As a result of this over-inflated, deluded view of an aspect of success, we have millions of people that chase goals that are impossible. They see these, say, over-night multi-millionaires as THEIR HEROES and the epitome’ of success and so set their sights on conquering major challenges.

Unfortunately for them, this is taking the path of most resistance!

I mean in recent years we’ve all witnessed many examples of these poor souls embarrass themselves on the top reality tv shows looking for talent. How awful is this? I mean I couldn’t understand how people with no talent whatsoever are permitted to get on national tv and perform and get laughed at? It is great for TV show ratings and advertising dollars for the network but isn’t this degrading to the person?

It’s the same for certain sports or careers, it isn’t very difficult to observe that a teaching a fish how to climb a tree like a monkey will always result in disappointment. The fish will never be able to do what a monkey naturally does best and vice versa. A monkey will not be able to swim as well or as fast as a fish in the water. Each individual or animal needs to find the right environment to strive and perform at it’s best.

working to my strengths helped me be one of the best in the world at my chosen sport.
I could not have made it that far in say … basketball. Height is a genetic weakness.
Being strong with lots of power are strengths that when developed helps you achieve your truth.
Your beauty.

Know the difference between positive thinking and delusional thinking

These aspiring contestants then get asked to leave by the judges because, well, they simply suc$ed at it! Then the contestant breaks down and cries. The producers of these shows have milked this sob-story so well and I think most people have had enough of seeing these tear-jerkers.

I used to ask my wife where that poor person’s friends were? Isn’t that a role of a good friend – to tell him/her know how awful he/she is at the particular skill before getting on national tv to get humiliated.

The sad thing is that these contestants actually believe they sound ok. They actually believe that with an opportunity and working hard and getting a tutor, they would somehow miraculously be as good as their idols or as the judges. That to achieve success, it is only and all about hard work. And everyone – the whole audience and viewership seem to believe this too. Now, you could call this type of thinking ‘positive thinking’ but I think it more closer to ‘delusional thinking’.

You should know and understand the difference between positive thinking and delusional thinking. I think many in society believe and practise the latter, unfortunately.

Society does not seem to give credit to innate talent – and that applies to everything in life – in athletic ability, music ability, mechanical ability, spatial ability, emotional ability, spiritual ability etc. Hard work is important to success, yes – but its not the only important thing. Innate ability (or talent) is very important too.

Your life is a continous journey of setting, failing and succeeding in goals … until you … kick the bucket! Keep moving forward, I say!

A person can only perform from a platform of strength

I believe one of the most important responsibilities of parents is to observe and identify the talents and strengths that their children have. This can be done in the very early stages/years of their lives. It will save a lot of heart-ache and pain later in life – in the later teens and early twenties.

It seems that even though we change over time and personalities adapt, scientists have discovered that core personality traits are relatively stable throughout adulthood, as are our perceptions and interests. Even more interesting is that recent studies also show that a child’s observed personality at age 3 is very similar to his or her personality traits reported at age 26.

So, just being more aware as a parent and spending time with your children and really observing them would tell you a lot about their talents. This increased awareness would help give you some idea in the direction they may be more inclined to succeed in their adult lives.

Afterall, a famous management guru said once that a person can only perform from a platform of strength.

A plant of such beauty and delicateness has to have the right environment and conditions to flourish.
You and your strengths need the right environment and conditions to flourish.
FInd yours.

Learn to build on who you already are

Think about you, your life so far.

Are you doing a job that utilizes ALL your strengths? Are you fully utilizing your talents? Or are you doing something that your parents and/or family and friends expected you to do? I’ve seen and heard so many stories about kids entering University and realising they didn’t love Law, for example (which their parents or family expected them to do) was not what they were really good at. They then go back and do another degree or two before discovering their true strengths. Their true love.

They’re still one of the lucky ones.

Are you just doing your current job in a ‘half-hearted attempt’ – doing just enough to get through and not really ‘setting the world on fire?’ Well, are you? Don’t fret, you’re not alone. Apparently, a huge percentage of the world’s population never, ever get to reach their potential because they are not doing a job or work that utilizes their strengths.

Very sad indeed.

Very sad because you only have one life and you are doing something that would not bring your closer to your full potential. Not through the fault of our own but through generations of mis-direction and philosophy partly through the education system. Everyone is brain-washed to believing that they have got to spend all their lives working on ‘their weaknesses’.

One of the keys to human development and/or self-development is building on who you already are.

me in one of the environments where I am at my best and strive to be my best and have the necessary strengths to excel at this. FInd yours.

Journey of self-discovery

To do this, you need to increase your awareness of yourself. You need to be who you are.

But, who are YOU?

Within this journey of self-discovery, I am positive you will find the real strengths that lie within you (if you haven’t already done so).

Identifying your talents and developing them in to real strengths and aligning yourself with the right task is vital to reaching your potential in your life. By putting most of your energy into developing your natural talents, it would seem that extraordinary room for growth exists.

Continuously helping you become the best you can be … BEGIN help by helping yourself.
Then,
Reach out and touch someone … be the light for someone who can only see darkness.
Help them see ‘beauty’ .. see their truth.
Help them manage their insanity with sanity … their chaos with order.
Pray.

Two main conditions for success

I’ve said this before that the two main conditions for success in any sort of work are:

Interest
Confidence

People usually give little attention to these two very important variables because it seems it is very difficult to increase levels of both of these simply by an ACT OF WILL.

I think that is true, you cannot increase confidence by simply WILLING yourself to be. Just as much as you cannot increase your size of your muscles by sitting on your couch and willing it to grow!

This does not mean that it is impossible to change your muscular strength for example. If you lifted weights for repetition and gave your muscles the building blocks of muscle nutrition, you would increase your muscle density.

However, your ability to build muscle is limited to your genetic potential also. So, it seems that confidence and interest can be changed by taking the proper measures and having a step-by-step structured approach to developing these qualities in a certain area.

Important fact: People tend to show a greater degree of intelligence and knowledge in connection with their hobbies than in any other department of life.

You have only one life, so use your available time well.

True Leaders develop Leaders.
Here we have former Australian Rugby Wallaby Captain – Mr Phil Waugh, allowing himself to be led and coached to help him, help himself … find his best self.
Leaders have belief, they have faith but most importantly … they have hope.
That tomorrow will be better than today.

Each to their own

Work on your strengths and pay someone else to work on areas that you are relatively weak at. As a past client of mine use to always say ( he was a board member of several publicly listed companies in Australian and NZ) “each to their own!”. His wife (who I used to train too – for almost 6 years, used to make fun of him and how bad her husband was at using a hammer or tools like that).

He used to always remind me that it was better use of my time to focus on my strengths, saying “Focus on your strengths, son. Focus on your strengths!” and “ each to their own … “.

I agree.

His strength was in numbers and interpretation and story-telling of numbers. He recognised this early and worked and built on his strengths and became the success that he is today.

It is very difficult though, to find your true strengths.

working on what you can’t see is somethimes more important than wha tyou can.
Intuition and ‘feel’ is, I believe more important and more powerful thatn intelligence.
Then, you are ín tune’with the universe

Have Focus

Some people are lucky enough and find their purpose – ie., a cure for cancer or paint pictures. This ONE THING matters to them above all else – above comfort, wealth, respectability, safety, family ties or social obligations.

They have FOCUS.

Very few people are this fortunate and this clear cut in their goals in life, after becoming aware of their strengths very early on. Most men and women, I believe, are prepared to fit in, more or less, with the customs they find around them. To work at any job by which they can earn a reasonable living.

I’ve always asked myself that question – why is this so?

It also seems that there are probably some people who fall between these two stools I have mentioned above. These people (if they utilized and worked on their strengths) could be happier and have more growth and reach their potential in life with great certainty in a vocation that uses these traits.

However, it seems that they may fear or have the lack of self-knowledge or the courage or determination needed to break away from the life which other people expect them to lead.

Read that last sentence again: they are …. Afraid to break away from the life which other people expect them to lead. Afraid to do the work that nature designed them. I believe that maybe, in a perfect world, they would be encouraged to do such work.

Ask yourself: to which type of person do you belong?

Attitude is key at winning in the Game of Life.

Fear of Failure

I think the biggest FEAR that is holding people back is not FEAR OF FAILURE. No, it is really FEAR OF CRITICISM/RIDICULE from family and friends for the decision to pursue something career/vocation that they least expected you to do.

This FEAR OF NOT MEETING OTHER’S EXPECTATIONS OF YOU is what keeps people from taking a risk and believing in their own abilities/talents and working towards developing those.

It is very difficult. It has always been.

This is how it has been for the majority since the beginning of time. So, stop working on your weaknesses, and encourage your children to spend time and effort on their strengths. Strengths that you can quite easily observe while you spend time with them.

Reach for your potential through the development of your strengths. Spend more time on them, not your deficits. You’re a complex individual – every human being is. Raise your awareness of yourself and filter down to your top three to five strengths.

Simplify yourself – simplify YOU. Simplify the complex YOU.

Find out WHAT WORKS BEST.

Then, work hard at making these strengths the BEST. Make what works best for YOU, THE BEST. This is amplifying your strengths.

So, it follows that to achieve your potential, you need to SIMPLIFY TO AMPLIFY.

Have no fear.

Remember: No risk, no nothing (with positive thinking – not delusion thinking).

Choose well.

Until next time,

Explaining the fine points of re-engineering the physique and increased self-awareness through enhanced ‘mind-muscle’ connection..

a better life, attitude, awareness, basics of training, better choices, choices, consciousness, fairness, gym, habits

Animal “types” you may encounter in the gym.

Strength is not only determined by how much you can lift for one rep

As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I have been around gyms for over 23 years now and have observed some interesting things that seem to be special to the environment.

Gyms are popping up all over the place now and they cater for almost every individual’s tastes. Big and small, 24 hours or not. Hard-core or fancy. The more, the merrier – right? I’m not sure about that. Each gym has its own unique ambience and attract certain types of patrons.

Now I realise that you could add many more gym stereotypes but as I have spent my time mostly in the weights area of gyms (retro gyms tend to only have weights and a few cardio machines), I will comment on 4 types or sub-groups of patrons I tend to see.

You may or may have had encounters with these gym types during your workouts.

I have tried to use an animal-in-the-jungle analogy to identify these weight-training types:

Type 1: The Silverback – “The Steroid Guy” – (and girl in increasing numbers in today’s world):

Now, I have never taken steroids or performance-enhancing drugs in all my years of weight training and I don’t know much about it but I do know when someone is ‘on it’. It is quite obvious for the discerning eye.

A visual walking, talking pumped up to the eyeballs human anatomy. The vein in his or her neck and shoulders and arms are visible and throbbing and they have acne problems like out of control hormonal teenagers.

Watch out, he (or she) look like they may snap your head off and punch someone in the face at any moment (no, most are really nice). They tend to be very serious about their workouts and do not like anyone interrupting them. They are what I refer to as “live wire”.

Fortunately, I didn’t have that problem in the period I owned and managed my Family Gym.

Your goal: Keep out of their way!

Be YOU. Never imitate.

Type 2: The Peacock – “The Mirror Man” :

I would probably fall in to this category but not for vanity reasons (or maybe just a little). More so for focus and continuous assessment and feedback, amongst other things essential to the sport of natural bodybuilding.

For the ‘mirror man’, however he (or she in increasing numbers) likes to work out in front of and as close to the mirror as possible. Preferably, with his/her shirt off (well I haven’t seen a woman work out with her shirt off in 23 years but given the pace of change in many aspects of life, it may just happen one day in my lifetime).

It appears that these weight-training types are only concerned with one person and one person only: themselves, even if it means standing in your way and blocking you off from the weights rack.

Your goal: get angry (no, politely ask him/her to move).

Is this you, too

Type 3: The Skunk– “the stinker”:

These are (mainly men) that roll out of bed and shoot straight to the gym.

They don’t care to brush their teeth and so have horrible breath and even more body odour stench. They don’t seem to have friends to tell them that they stink. Isn’t that what good friends do?

Doesn’t really affect me as my tolerance for stench is pretty high but many other members approach me and tell me their disgust, hoping that I would go up and say something. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t.

Unfortunately for everyone, from my observation, it seems that these breeds of skunks tend to be some of the hardest workers in the gym and I take my hat off for them. However, they can populate their stink bombs right throughout the joint. It can be everywhere.

Let me share a health secret with you: this is one of the primary reasons why I prefer to train in non-air-conditioned gyms, there is better air-flow. Besides being tougher, but it’s healthier. A warm muscle is a healthy muscle. My family Gym did not have air-condition.

Your goal: If you’re faced with this situation, you really have only one of two choices:

Get out of there and come back another time
Commence ‘mouth-breathing’.

Exactly.
That is exactly what many experience when they get overwhelmed & cannot manage.
They experience “Holy Shit!”

Type 4: The Hyena – “The Screamer”:

He’s the guy (or chick in increasing numbers) that shouts the roof down whenever he lifts. We’ve all seen (rather – heard them).

He’s like a screaming Sharapova on steroids and wants you and everyone else within a kilometre of the gym to know that he is lifting. He will scream even under ridiculously light weights either because of a need for attention or some other mental disease that needs diagnosing from a qualified mind doctor.

Your goal: protect your eardrums by listening to your favourite i-tunes.

My family gym was for everyone – from all walks of life, from all backgrounds, all races and ranged in age from teens to 90 year olds.
Everyone abided by ‘old-fashioned value’ – respect, patience, care, compassion, trust, tolerance etc
Here I am with one of my blind members (and her guide dog) who visited my gym 3 days per week for 7 years. Many other gyms descriminated against handicapped population. Not mine.
My gym was an ALL inclusive Family Gym.

I’m sure if you’re a regular gym-goer you could list out other stereotypes and match them to animals in the jungle. I feel that sometimes gym environments can be likened to jungles. There are many stereotypes and some of them just make you sit back and laugh.

So, my question to you is: which weight-trainee type do you fall in? Are you clearly one of the 4 types I have highlighted here or do you fall in a unique type?

So, find a gym that best suits you if you haven’t already. Actually, sometimes it is better to ask someone with the experience to recommend a ‘gym type’ that is best suited to your personality type and if you want to go deeper, then consider the best gym to suit your principles and values.

But I’ll give you more guidance on selecting the best gym for you in a future blog.

Train SMART.

Until next time,

Members of my ‘extended family’ when I used to own and manage my gym for seven years. Some of the best and hardest years of my life so far. I loved leading the members (predominantly males – 70%) and they allowed me to take them to unchartered territories for us all.
The gym was (unlike today’s) a social place. An ‘inbetween home’ between your place of work and your home.
Relationships based on fairness, trust, care and compassion.
A place where men could share stories, their aspirations, their fears and hopes …and be listened to … without fear of retribution or ridicule.
It was these group of Mens ‘last refuge’.
I hope to bring it back one day … to the world.

My Family of friends in my gym I owned and managed for 7
years.
All working towards being the ‘best the can be’

Changing lives. Empowering people. One life at a time.

Triple A to Life: Awareness. Action. Adaptation.

Category Archives: a better life

Genes for Jeans.

Mr Vulnerable.

Equal friendship.

Breaking Points.

Are you the master or slave to your “shadow”?

Keep the fire burning.

Making a mission impossible, possible.

When to unleash your “HULK”.

Simplify to Amplify.

Animal “types” you may encounter in the gym.