change, change management, chaos, life, order, you

She’ll be right, mate!

Having a conversation with a lion. There is a fine line separating order and chaos.

A popular Australian phrase which means exactly that, that things will turn out alright, not to worry. It is a beautiful phrase. It can be seen as a wishy-washy statement and said by someone who doesn’t really understand or care. But I believe it says more – it is the kind of tough, rough and rugged Trust you need if you are going to make the most of your journey in life.

“She’ll be right, mate!” I have heard people say over the years, and many other cultures have similar sayings. Australians, however, say it so well. That all manner of things will be well and turn out ok. Believe it so.

Belief, after all will allow you to take whatever change lay ahead of you, in your stride.

Change is inevitable in everything in life, this is a constant. The whole of life is dynamic, ever-changing. I am a change agent as part of what I do is help change people’s physical appearance from where they are to where they imagine themselves to be.

We all are, try reflecting on all the changes you have initiated or been part of to this point in your life. You are a change agent too.

I find that change, in whatever shape or form in comes in, so often, is assumed to be change for the worse. Very understandable. I suppose when you look deeply in to the psyche of why you hate change ultimately comes down to one of the most illusive characteristics in our lives today. And do you know what characteristic is that?

Simple: TRUST.

Do you trust anyone (including YOU) one hundred percent? I doubt it. I have found that people’s dislike of change is a result of mis-trust or lack of trust. You don’t trust other people and so it follows that you will not trust the future or what the future holds.

But I think this can be looked at from a reciprocal viewpoint and you could deduce that if there is no trust then there is usually no change.

The first step each and every one of us need to do is to learn to trust ourselves better. When this is achieved, we could try to trust the future and whatever the future holds for each of us. At the end of the day, LIFE has to change – this fact is a constant.

If you’re not progressing (even if it micro-steps) in all areas of life or operating on the same spot (stagnant), that is the first point of decrease. Besides, life is meant to be a journey, with multiple legs as you sail your ship through the sea of life. Life is not meant to be operating stationary.

I read somewhere in the past that said that ships are safer in the harbour. But, these are not what ships are meant to do – be stationary, it is meant to sail. And that is akin to how we should partly view the life we have been given.

The beauty of life is that it throws different journeys for each and every one of us. We all have unique journeys of our own and it is this simple fact that confirms that our journeys take us in to un-chartered territories. The UNKNOWN.

Because most of us fear the unknown, the fear of change is real for majority. A lot of times there is no map or if there is one, it may not prove very reliable. But here lies the exciting part, the opportunity.

As I get older, I have learned that it is from the unexpected twists and turns in life’s journey that has taught me the most. This is the opportunity and it lies in times of turbulence, times of apparent chaos. A lot of times, what may have looked liked little deviations, may in fact turn out to be main roads.

My daughter and I.

I like spending a bit of time drawing and colouring with my daughter every week and my daughter had this tendency for perfection in her pictures. A slight error in colouring is enough to disappoint her immensely. I convinced her to not jump to that conclusion until the whole picture was completed. When the pictures were done, I asked her to re-look at the picture and how I turned that ‘perceived error’ in to a strength.

She is learning that making mistakes is ok and you can make ‘order out of chaos/mistakes’ and still create a thing of beauty. Body re-engineering, afterall is a process of change management. Building muscle, like love, is a constant cycle of destruction (chaos), love and care and repair.

An example of the perceived mistake was turned in to a thing of beauty, creating order from chaos. What is undoubtedly fitting to this point is the debate over how to precisely define ‘chaos’ or change. Some scientists confine their idea of the chaos phenomenon to the boundary area between stable and purely random behaviour.

Most believe though, that the most ‘fertile’ area (room for growth and development and progress) of chaos in all dynamic systems (all areas of life) lies in the ferociously active frontier that has been found to exist between stability and incomprehensible disorder.

In other words – in the ‘change period’.

So, there you go, it is in your best interest to accept change (in whatever shape, form or area of life it is experienced) because when you embrace change, you demonstrate pure trust in self and in what lies ahead.

Ultimately, your acceptance of change or chaos, demonstrates your acceptance of the ‘wholeness of life’.

I recall some philosopher saying –

“Life is about change. If you’re not changing, you’re not living!”.

How true.

So, trust. Trust you first and then trust in what the future has in store for you and you will find that these perceived changes in these chaotic periods will not worry you.

Just tell yourself, this is part of the aesthetic beauty of truth and a constant of life and remind yourself “she’ll be right mate!”.

Until next time,

Back lats spread a few weeks prior to the Australian Natural Bodybuilding Titles.
Placing: 2nd in Australia.
Muscle building is the fusion of chaos and order.

“Back Double Biceps” in the heat of competition!
Placing: 2nd in Australia

a better life, adaptation, awareness, Beliefs, better choices, creation, creator, God, life, recreate

Be an instrument, not an object.

1) Balance
2) Symmetry (harmony)
In body shaping/moulding that is key. The same can be said with regards to all other areas in life:
– work/rest balance
– internal/external harmony
It is every human being’s ultimate search.
Become an instrument, not an object.

As part of what I do in helping people be their best physical self, I help them re-shape their physiques in the process of working towards a healthier, stronger, fitter versions of themselves. I have had over 80% success rate in achieving or exceeding client’s expectations over the last twelve years.

Like a potter, I help in moulding and making and holding an individual’s dream alive using the tools I am accustomed to. Unlike a potter though, my subject is a human being, not a piece of clay. Unlike the piece of clay, my subject thinks, talks, walks, eats, doubts and laughs amongst the many other traits of a human being. It makes re-shaping a human being quite a bit more complex than a piece of clay or inanimate object.

I do not currently or have ever viewed anyone I have ever helped in the gym as an ‘object’. Instead, I have always seen my role as a privilege and viewed one of my roles as one who empowers individuals. I see part of my role as that of increasing awareness of individuals, of their potential, help them become better students of life. I have seen everyone as instruments that needed to understand the unique music each of them played.

Through my programs and unique framework to body re-engineering, I help individuals see themselves, not as objects but as instruments, an instrument that says and believes that …

I’m good for something.
I have purpose.
I have value.
I can add value to others’ lives.
And so on …

Helping someone achieve his best, in one of the best ways I know how: through increasing self-awareness.
Vv.

It should be noted that unlike the potter, I don’t have power over the person. She or he stays in control always. Like the potter though, I have creative power as I help bring in to being that which was not (as far as creating the physique the individual imagines he or she has).

Unlike the potter though, I DO NOT have RE-CREATIVE POWER.

If the potter made a mistake and the pot does not produce the desired shape, the potter can just break it up and re-mould it again in to what he or she had originally desired. It does not work that way with the instruments I help every day. Matter of fact, it is darn right difficult, because there are just too many variables.

From my perspective, it is impossible and I don’t desire it either.

The individual has total power within his hands. It is up to him or her, ALWAYS.

In my youth I spent a number of years serving as an altar boy during masses, assisting the priests. If you’re a Christian, we all believe that God created us. So, as I see it, God is the ultimate potter. I am so glad God is what God is. I mean, wouldn’t you agree that we should consider ourselves very lucky that when we are marred and broken, the Lord our God is like the potter with the clay.

You see, God just does not give up on you that easily. When you’re broken and feel helpless and don’t believe in yourself anymore, rest assured that God still believes in you. Like the potter, God has re-creative power. The only catch is: you have to desire it so, you’ve got to want to be a better person. You have got to BELIEVE you can be a better YOU.

“Dust to dust”, I remember some elderly person mutter when I was a kid. Later on in life, I figured what he meant was … We all end where we began: like the potter, God holds us in his hands and moulds and shapes us. So, you see, no matter what challenges life throws at you, whatever obstacles or speed bumps you have in your path, always remember that you’re in his hands – God’s hands.

This I believe, is the definition of the ultimate potter.

Not matter what happens in your life – whether you’re right or wrong, up or down, poverty or wealth, sickness or in health or death, always have faith and believe that YOU ARE IN HIS HANDS.

The hands that belong to the best shaper, the best moulder, the best creator and re-creator of possibilities and ultimately, the BEST YOU.

His got the whole world in his hands. So, desire his help and be the instrument you believe God wants you to be.

Be an instrument, not an object.

Helping Chris close the gap between how he imagines himself to be and what he sees in the mirror.
Or in other words: Manifesting the ‘unfolding universe’ of his ‘enfolded’ invisible universe (what he imagines/dreams)
Vv

One of my top 3 songs is a song sung by one of my top 10 bands “Journey”. The song encapsulates what I am trying to say in it’s title and chorus line – “Don’t stop believing!”. My children have listened to it in the car on our travels countless times already in their lives so far and refer to it as our “Family song”, even requesting to listen to it regularly.

I never want my children to ever stop believing. To never stop believing in themselves and whatever it is they will eventually believe in and pursue in their lives. I know I will never stop believing in them ‘til the day I die. If you have children, I am sure you will do the same.

Our children is a blessing, we all are God’s children. We are all living examples of a blessed instrument, not an object. Find your tune, and play it to help yourself and use your uniqueness to help others.

Be confident, be brave and face all your fears. After all, God, our creator, our potter, is always on our side.

Just BELIEVE it so.

All the best.

Until next time,

My Unique WAY.
Helping create the body a student desires. Helping him or her become a better instrument to play his/her own unique music.
Vv

A former student of mine. Mother of 2 two young children with a dream to BE HER BEST. To find the CHAMPION LYING DORMANT WITHIN HER.
After 8 years of total devotion to motherhood, I helped her, help herself realize her dream in less than 10 months.
She placed 2nd in NSW in Figure in a very tough line up.
A great student who believed. Believed in herself. Believed in my program. Believed in her dream. Quality plan + Quality execution = Quality Result!
Create.

~~Life & wellness COACH~~

life, mind-muscle connection, muscles, training

Focus on the muscles you don’t see in the mirror.

A good teacher is hard to find but finding a good student is even harder. Plan the work - to work the plan. Photo: discussing fine points of one of my programs with retired legend of rugby - Phil Waugh.

We do more things in the front of us than we do in the back. It’s easier and comes more naturally.

That is the same for your muscles – it’s easier to focus on the muscles (the ‘mirror muscles’ as I call it) as you train them. Even then, a lot of trainees don’t really feel the essence of the exercise. The great Arnold Schwarzenneger referred to it as the ‘pump’.

“here we go … 1, 2, 3 …. (counting, while looking at himself in the mirror) … 4, 5, 6 (thinking – yes, I can see my biceps in the mirror … yes … 7, 8, … yes, I think I can feel it finally …. 9, 10). Stop!

A typical set performed by a physique trainer (by definition, any person who lifts a weight to improve their strength, appearance, health or fitness is a ‘bodybuilder’).

Most trainees struggle to feel continuous tension of the working muscles and maybe lucky to feel the last 1 or 2 reps in a set. Not good for maximizing muscle in the time you spend in the gym. This comes with increased awareness of proper technique in exercise execution.

Training your mirror muscles (the societal favourites – the chest, biceps, delts and abdominals is important but I believe, not as important as focusing on the muscles that you don’t see in the mirror, the muscles you can’t see.

These would include – your trapezius, rear delts, upper and lower back, glutes, hamstrings and calves. Why do most gym enthusiasts favour the mirror muscles?

Simple answer: it is easier.

Ex-Australian Wallaby Captain - Phil Waugh performing a set of squats.

The thing is focusing on your mirror muscles while training is a helluva lot easier than trying to focus on the muscles you can’t see.

I believe it is very, very important and well worth the effort to connect and experience that ‘mind-muscle connection’ that many of you would have either heard about or felt. This is put in practise in full when focusing on the muscles you cannot see.

There are many benefits of prioritizing the muscles you can’t see. In my over two decades of training and helping hundreds of individuals, three real benefits of focusing on the muscles you don’t see in the mirror are:

It reduces risk of injuries. By the time a person starts weight training, he or she would have spent most of his or her life building and predominantly using the anterior chain muscles (muscles in the front of the body). Bringing up the rear muscles would enhance balance of skeletal mass which would lower risks of injuries.

Accelerates the growth of the mirror muscles. Most men dream of building a bigger, more shapelier pectoral muscles (chest) and bigger arms (biceps) – the popular mirror muscles.

So, the majority would naturally do more sets of exercises to work these muscle groups thinking that more sets will build bigger muscles. Big mistake.

More sets and more weight does not necessarily build a bigger chest or arms, only increases your risk of injury to the most common joint injury: the shoulder (deltoids). The thing is there is a safer approach. If you work and train the muscles you can’t see in the mirror like the triceps and rear delts and the upper and middle back, your ability to do the chest and biceps exercises would increase.

Better balance and symmetry. With better balance and symmetry you don’t run the risk of suffering from postural problems which a majority of the population seem to suffer from, especially the aged.

Better balance and symmetry will give you less aches and pains in the joints and have better mobility and have less chance of seeing physios and chiros for problems cause by muscle imbalance. After all, its body shape, not body weight, that matters. Remember this: most, if not all, joint issues stem from muscle imbalances.

Loading the 'guns' with proper execution. Here Brad is building his 'mind-muscle' connection under my watchful eye.

Are you struggling to or not sure how to focus on the muscles you can’t see in the mirror? Here are three things I think could help you focus on these muscles and get the most benefit from:

Close your eyes. Use your imagination and ‘see’ the world from the muscles point-of-view. Shutting your eyes will help you tune in to your muscles and rid your mind of distractions. I wouldn’t recommend this approach for all the exercises due to the obvious dangers. Don’t use this approach when doing standing exercises like, say, deadlifts ( I like to call them “happy lifts’).

This method is ideal for lat-pulldowns or 1-arm dumbbell rows or leg curls. For the best results, effort alone is not enough. One must also use one’s imagination.

Practise posing. I’ve always said different sports require different habits to be relatively successful at it. For example, a soccer player needs to practise dribbling skills, passing and a rugby player has to be able to pass and kick and tackle. All this is done in the appropriate playing field.

Back double biceps in the gym. Practise posing in the gym is important for enhancing that 'muscle-mind connection'. Vital for growth and progress. Increases your awareness of yourself.

When you’re in the gym, you need to also practise the habit of posing. This is the appropriate ‘playing field’ for a person training with weights. This may seem very ostentatious, but it shouldn’t be as it is a great feedback mechanism that allows you to improving overall balance and symmetry.

Isometric tension of any muscle group through the holding of a particular pose (say ‘front-double biceps’ for example) helps stress or ‘pump more blood’ in to the muscle area. Especially if you do the posing immediately following a set.

Do this: after finishing a set of exercise, strike a pose! Aim to tense and tighten the respective muscle group for up to 8 seconds. Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze!

The power of touch. If you have a training partner, terrific. You can simply ask him or her to lightly place his hand or fingers on the area of the muscle group that you’re working as you exercise. There is a definite neuro-muscular connection. This method can help you assess whether you’re using the muscle fully or you are cheating by using other surrounding muscles. More weight lifted does not necessarily equate to bigger muscles.

To build good, clean, quality muscles, remember to leave your ego at the door.

All the best in your journey towards your BEST.

Eat well. Train well. Rest well. Repeat.

Until next time,

Night before contest in NY, USA. Placing: 4th in the World at the World Natural Bodybuilding Championships.

Seek balance and symmetry in all areas of your life. Spiritual balance is very important. It will align you with life's energy better. It will help you get internal/external balance. Vv.

balance, balance sheets, Energy, spirit, spiritual balance sheet, spirituality

Balance Sheets should balance.

Body-building, like LIFE, is about balance and symmetry (harmony). All the muscles need to flow and you 'paint a picture of the 'flow of muscle' when you're on stage. Building muscle is hard but not s hard as attaining balance and symmetry.

I have had some experience with balance sheets, my first university degree was in Business. I also spent a number of years working for large multi-national corporations advising and consulting towards best practises.

If there is one thing I know very well with balance sheets, it’s that balance sheets should balance. Right? The right side must equal the left. Debits and credits should balance.

We constantly read and see in the daily news large corporations going ‘bust’ or even countries in recent times, sometimes not just Third World countries. Big banks who loaned out monies to help finance these businesses or countries have to suddenly ‘write-off’ millions and millions of dollars for debts gone bad. They would have likely set a provision for bad debtors in their balance sheet in the likelihood of debts not being recovered.

When a bank does this, it is known in accounting as good practise and in compliance with accounting standards. The lenders are said to be prudent.

I have always wondered what it would be like if this approach should also be applied to us individuals, in every area of our lives. I mean if some person has done you harm, must we retaliate with the same or worse force? Or should we set aside a provision (like doubtful debts in the balance sheet) for such actions to be ‘written-off’ against and forgiven?

There are many examples over the last two decades at the least, of companies demonstrating how accounting can be more of a creative art than a science.

Balance sheets should balance like a great body-builders physique should be balanced and harmonious (symmetrical).

What is your “spiritual net worth?”

As a Christian I was told in my early years of religious teachings that I will be held accountable for all my actions (sins and good) before entering the kingdom of heaven. This was my first introduction to balance sheets.

It seems that most if not all religions have similar teachings about each individual’s accountability at the end of his or her life. I have always thought that if this were the case and that most of us believe it so, then maybe, it would be a good idea to stop, reflect on past transactions (like a good Accountant), and draw up a ‘personal balance sheet’.

A personal balance sheet, maybe say, quarterly. An interim set of accounts for YOU. Drawn up from a trial balance consisting of what you have ‘taken’ on one side and ‘what you have ‘given’ back to life. A chance to review past transactions (behavioural patterns) to help predict the future. Each side of the trial balance should balance, after all …

.. balance sheets should balance.

You will find that there are some amongst us that just take and keep taking, with very little to give. I’m not talking about money here, even though this could also be considered in this point. I’m referring specifically to a person’s spiritual balance sheet. Your spiritual net worth, when you are held accountable at the gates of the after-life (whatever religion you follow).

Have you considered this?

What if God came through and acted like the large banks, with proper accounting practises of ‘writing off’ bad debts? What if your spiritual net worth was in the negative (in accounting terms)? Should you be collapsed like business gone bankrupt without any chance to continue? Should your life end, right there?

Should the receivers be called in? Or do you think you should be given some ‘slack’ because you hope to get better and can expect to get in spiritual surplus in the next accounting period? I know I prefer the latter. I’m sure we all do. Aren’t we all fortunate that we have such a God?

It nice to know that that is how God operates, isn’t it? Your sins (and mine) and all the bad debts(deeds) will be forgiven. Forgiven but not forgotten. He sent his only begotten son to live and die amongst us so that all sins may be forgiven, for all of time (this is our provision for doubtful debts taken care of).

This is prudent spiritual banking but very smart banking, I think.

Give and take. You should always take a interim account of your life. Is it in “balance?”

So, I’ll ask again, what is your balance sheet, your spiritual balance sheet?

Do an interim set of your spiritual balance sheet to assess how you’re going. It may just help you lower the risk of sinking to a spiritual net worth deficit. Not a good place to be. If you’re in this predicament, seek ways to start ‘giving back’ to life to balance off what you have ‘taken’. Seek balance in your life, spiritual balance.

Balance your spiritual balance sheet and watch how more balanced life will love you back. Spirit, after all equates with or equals LIFE. Specifically quality of life. When you lose your spiritual balance, you lose or lack those qualities we all refer to as spiritual. You become devoid of humanity, love and self-respect. At the worst, you may become selfish or even violent.

So, don’t leave it until it’s too late. Do an interim spiritual balance sheet TODAY. I believe if you do so, it will help you align YOU with life better, with the life’s energy.

Work towards your spiritual net worth surplus.

All the best in your spiritual journey.

Until next time,

Overcoming many small hurdles on your way to achieving your ultimate goal is encouraging. Progress, any form of progress is a motivating factor. So, don't strive for perfection, instead seek progress ... towards your ideal SELF. Vv

Seek spiritual balance. It will align you with life's energy better. It will help you get internal/external balance. Vv.

a better life, action, awareness, children, desire, hope, life, parenthood, taking action

Genes for Jeans.

Me and my children – carriers of my genes. A taste of immortality for me.

My children are learning about life at a very high rate. There’s not one day that passes that I don’t hear them say or try something new. I am constantly surprised and fascinated about the next thing I will hear come out of their mouths. I am also increasingly aware of them ‘growing up’.

They are still to learn a lot of things about life and they will learn as time passes. One of the things they still have to learn are the little rhetorical phrases that Cathy and I say every now and then. One that I tend to use a lot is “its in your genes” or something related to the term “genes’ when we are seated around the table having a meal or just hanging out at home.

Each time I say it, my daughter Olivia would quickly respond (with a questioning look on her face) – “dad, I’m not wearing Jeans!”

Cathy and I would look at each other, doing our best not to break out in laughter. The certainty of her look with regards to her not wearing jeans and mocking my rather dumb statement (based on her facial expression) is priceless.

I have made various versions of that particular statement regarding ‘genes’ and each time Olivia would be the first one to correct me. My wife and I haven’t yet been caught laughing but I’m certain one day soon, we will.

It’s so cute, the ‘black and white’ view children have of the world at this age, which includes their progressive understanding of the English language and all it’s idiosyncrasies. I am looking forward to explaining to her and Zachary what I meant about the word ‘genes’ because at this present time, they only knows the word as ‘jeans’.

I’m looking forward to explaining the many ‘new’ things they will learn about life as they mature, through each phase of life. One of my roles as a parent (and every parent’s role) as I see it is to do my utmost to prepare my children for adulthood. It does not stop there, being a parent continues until the day I die.

Winning the NSW titles - one of my the 3 times I won it. My signature winning pose at that time.

Winning the NSW titles – one of the 3 times I won it.
My signature winning pose at that time.

Over the weekend, my wife and I were getting our children ready for bed and my son, Zachary was being quite disruptive and being difficult. After repeated requests, I blurted out –

“Zachary, pay attention, you’ve got to start pulling up yours socks son, you’re a year older now!”

Just then, I got reminded by Olivia that –

“Dad, Zach is not wearing socks to bed tonight, it’s too hot!”. She had that – “dad, you’re silly” look on her face again.

I expect that I will be seeing that face many more times in to the future, probably will expect to see quite a lot in her teenage years. I am looking forward to hearing her cute reminders to a silly dad.

This is one of the many ‘little daily miracles’ all of us who are lucky to be parents get to experience. Having children is truly a blessing, many times over.

I thank God and my beautiful wife Cathy, that I am able to pass on my genes on to the next generation – my children. I am sure she is appreciative too of the opportunity of passing on her genes to our children.

After all, the overall purpose of life is to procreate. To live on indefinitely or at least one more generation through your off-springs. It is surely an ‘off-set’ of our own mortality.

It gives us mortals – hope. A taste of immortality, even if most of it will be experienced through our imagination. Hope, however, is a beautiful thing and the very essence of it, of the belief summoned for it, allows some people the courage to continue to live.

Appropriate outfit given the Rugby World Cup currently under-way in England, Me and my two Australian Valentines. Go the Wallabies!

Appropriate outfit given the Rugby World Cup currently under-way in England,
Me and my two Australian Valentines.
My 2 favourite teams are Fiji and Australia. As Fiji has not progressed to the quarter finals, Go the Australian Wallabies!

So, live. Love. Laugh. Hope. Live on through genes.

Reflect on YOU, your uniqueness. On your unique genes that has been passed on to you, that makes up who you are. Your blueprint. Ask yourself, have you allowed YOU – to be the BEST YOU CAN BE? Have you worked on your genetic strengths? Have you or are you working towards your potential? For example, would you say you “strongly agree” to the statement –

“At work, I have the opportunity to do what I do best, every day”.

If not, why not?

If you answered ‘strongly disagree’ or ‘disagree’, the costs to you and your life could be staggering. There seems to be an epidemic of disengagement at work of a majority of people simply because they are not working to their strengths and not emotionally engaged on their job.

A lot of unhappy, unmotivated people.

This impacts greatly on the overall quality of your life. So, work towards your strengths – your genes and try to align your job and your goals with your natural talents. It’s never too late. Just ACT and build a strengths-based development plan for a better you. A better life.

The impetus for this, for any worthwhile change in life is DESIRE. You’ve got to desire the BEST YOU to step forward. You’ve got to fuel the desire, the hunger to be the BEST YOU CAN BE, using your God-given talents. The strength in your genes, that has been passed down to you from your ascendents.

Ask yourself – have these strengths, these talents laid dormant for a number of years? Time for a change. A change for your good, for the good of your life and those around you.

Be courageous – take action.

Food for thought.

This is my genes for jeans story.

If you’ve got this far, thank you. I hope you enjoyed the story-telling and found some value in it that you could use in your life. I wish you all the very best in your search for your best, now and in to the future.

Until next time,

Here we are … my beautiful wife and I.
at a dinner party.

A semi-posing shot. Enjoying the sun and day out on my favourite beach here in Sydney , Australia.

A semi-posing shot.
Enjoying the sun and day out at my favourite beach here in Sydney , Australia.

adaptation, attitude, God, parenting, parenting skills, path, skills, strengths

Unique WAYS.

Guess where we are?
The Sydney Harbour bridge in the background – at one of our nearby favourite playgrounds.

Every individual is unique. No two persons have the same finger print nor voice frequency. Every person has their own individual characteristics that make each of them – them.

It was only tonight that my wife mentioned that she was having a little difficulty coming to terms with the changes she has been observing with our daughter. These changes were testing her patience.

I told her that I believed that the optimal way is to allow our daughter to grow and discover her own possibilities. It is a continuously evolving process. We shouldn’t, as parents force our own biases and preferred philosophies on our child without embracing the uniqueness that makes up that child first.

I believe our parenting styles should not be too static and inflexible. Both parties to any successful relationship needs to negotiate slack. A constant push and pull tug-o-war.

We, as parents need to be better listeners, in particular, we need to listen to what our children ‘do not say’. In other words we should become more aware of our ‘children’s’ unique ways and adopt and adapt our parenting styles accordingly.

I think this is the meaning of the line regarding the process of raising your child (parenting) somewhere in proverbs in the Bible, something along the lines of –

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

As I see it, the ‘way’ is determined and ultimately pre-determined by God. It is unique to the child, to each of us (all God’s children). Way could also be another term for ‘path’ or ‘road’ I would think.

Metaphorically at least, I think this word ‘way’ relates to a ‘characteristic’.

So, it would follow that you, as a parent need to train your children according to his or her individual, unique characteristics – his or her WAY. This is difficult, I know but it is the best way, the optimal way.

Day out with my children at the Opera House.

If you believe there is a God or higher being (whatever you call it), then, you would see my argument here, that as parents, we cannot entertain the notion that each of our children is like a lump of play-do that we can mould to our desire. They each have a significant input in to their moulding process too.

Each child already has a unique stamp. This unique stamp is given from this higher force, this God. A pre-determined pattern – stamp. It is a GOD DNA.

I love observing my children and increasing my awareness of the strengths of both of them. My daughter, for example, is quite artistic and showed the aptitude and interest in colouring and drawing and writing very early in her life. My son, on the other hand is quite innovative and mechanically inclined.

He has already been showing strong signs of ‘thinking outside the square’ since he was 2 years old.

Each child has their own ‘way’. Their own unique characteristics. Their strengths.

Have you observed the differences in your children? Perhaps you were from a home of several children. May be one of you siblings was creative, another, practical. One may have been academically intelligent; another just average or didn’t finish High School. One of your brothers may be out-going and another sibling could have been withdrawn.

This is the ‘way’ that each and every one of us is created to make you uniquely – YOU. We didn’t just all roll out of a assembly line like the mass—produced products flooding the world every single day. We all have our own unique WAYS.

Each child, each individual is created and hand-crafted by none other than, God. But my wife and I are not alone in this department because most parents reading this would have had issues with their children as they pass through the various stages of development.

The key to survival in all areas of life is adaptation.

Zachary and Olivia with their good friend – Ruby. They just adore one another.

It is no different with the raising of children. Parents should treat this relationship, like any good, long-term relationship. You need to adapt to the ever-evolving child as he or she develops, it is a very dynamic process. Yes, your patience will be tested greatly (and you will test you child’s patience too), but always fall back on the philosophy of adaptation.

Based on what I have observed from life and what I have just said above, I think a lot of parents make 2 major mistakes in the raising of their children:

Using the same parenting approach with all their children.
Compare their children to other children.

These two major and serious mistakes stem from parents not making themselves more aware of each child’s uniqueness, from not knowing each child better. From not hearing what each child is ‘not saying’. From not understanding each child’s strengths and limitations.

Possible Solution: it is pivotal that all parents observe and understand the unique characteristics (strengths) in each of our children. The earlier, the better.

The acceptance of this tailor-made, handcrafter master-piece philosophy that represents each individual child can certainly make parenting more meaningful and wise. There is no ‘one-size fits all’ approach to parenting. Find a shoe that fits.

Embrace each child’s uniqueness. Take sufficient and appropriate actions to change your parenting style to facilitate the child’s way or characteristics or strengths. You need to have the courage to adapt your parenting style accordingly. It requires an attitudinal change. Watch them grow up in to the citizens of the world you imagine them to be.

At the pool with my munchkins – Zachary and Olivia. Learning the basics of swimming with me.
Your children are the most important investments you will ever make in your life (for those with kids).
Become aware of their strengths-their ways.

Pray (if you’re that way inclined) that their future is their WAY and is built on their WAYS (strengths and characteristics).

The thing is, correcting these parenting mistakes could have profound implications on your childrens’ future. Although people certainly do change over time and our personalities adapt, scientists have discovered that core personality traits are relatively stable throughout adulthood, as are our passions and interests (supports the God DNA belief).

Even more recent research is suggesting that the roots or our personality might be visible at an even younger age than was originally thought. The study revealed that a child’s observed personality at age 3 shows remarkable similarity to his or her reported personality traits/characteristics at age 26.

So, one of the responsibilities of parents is to identify the way or characteristics of each child, to find the areas where each child has greatest potential to develop strengths. Then go and do just that to realise their potential.

Deliberately tailoring parenting to each child is important because it allows each child find ‘their own unique way’. Too many people spend a lifetime headed in the wrong direction, the wrong path, the wrong way. They go not only from cradle to the cubicle, but then to the casket, without uncovering their greatest talents and potential.

This truth, unfortunately, is all too common.

So, adapt your parenting and correct the two parenting mistakes I highlighted above. Help your son or daughter find their way, based on their strengths not their weaknesses. This increases their chances of reaching their potential.

You see this regularly in sports. Great coaches of winning sports teams understand this and coaches each member of the team differently. The coach is a master at getting each team member to ‘work to his strengths’. This helps realise not only the individual’s potential but also contributes to the team’s overall effectiveness.

Change NOW to help your children NOT take the path of most resistance (working on their weaknesses and trying all their lives overcoming deficits). This is a waste of life but is the path of a great majority of people.

Just like your children, everyone has their WAY, their unique ways – what is yours? Are you working to your strengths? Why not?

Food for thought.

All the best.

Until next time,

My Unique WAY. Working to my strengths. Vv

My Unique WAY.
Working to my strengths. Are you working to yours?
Vv

Energy

The beauty of truth.

Life is full of labels and titles.

Most people strive all their lives for a better job, better title. It is a symbol of status and progress for a lot of people and society in general. A lot of the time.

Social functions and particularly work-related conferences are filled with grown adults with labels and titles. Everyone designated a status to help with each individual’s perception of reality – their truth.

I have helped people from all levels of society, with a huge range of titles. Yes, I do believe parts of modern day society suffers from status anxiety and you see it shine through in the interaction of people in social settings. Something I have observed in my over two decades in the gym is that, the title or label you have in society is of no use on the gym floor. If you can’t lift a weight, no title can help you.

People don’t need to ‘hide’ behind their titles in the gym, it is a relatively level-playing field. In the gym most people don’t need to pretend to be someone else. It can be simply seen as a place that have individuals with different faces (not titles) there for a common reason: each person being there to help the ‘person they see in the mirror (themselves).

We all get judged on our appearance and the gym floor is no different. It is unfair and most of the time unjust, but it is human nature to judge, based on titles or appearances.

Of course, appearances are deceptive.

Makes me think of one of the poets I studied in my senior year at High School – Keats. I remember a line in one of his poems that has stuck in my head ever since the first time I read it –

“Beauty is truth, truth beauty.”

What a powerful sentence and we can only wonder what Keats was thinking when he wrote this or just marvel at the intelligence behind his thinking. The sentence itself is beauty personified – elegant, balanced, simple and complex. It says so little, yet so much.

It could be interpreted in many ways but I have always believed Keats was saying that the truth of who you are will always speak more strongly than what you look like. Who you are will always triumph eventually over your appearance.

I believe or choose to believe that the truth will always shine through over appearance, whether it be titles or visual appearance.

So, maybe there is genius in that Keats statement. The genius is that we all need to be TRUE. That you need to be true to no one else. That you need to be TRUE TO YOU.

And how do you do that?

A good place to start is to know your philosophy and be true to the beliefs that stem from this philosophy. Your actions, habits and character and ultimately where you end up in life, all flow from this.

So, being true to the best in yourself, I believe, allows you to get closer to the essence of life. Some people discover this essence early in life and some only become aware of this truth for the first time at their death bed. Some never do.

Sad, but true.

But to be true to you, to be true to your beliefs is not easy in today’s world. To be true to the essence of things is very difficult. To be true to you is to ‘know thyself’ as the Greek philosopher and scientist – Thales, stated.

This is one of the most difficult jobs of every single human being – to know oneself, to increase awareness of oneself. Very difficult because everywhere around us, every single person we meet, every single day, we are reminded of our titles and labels – telling each of us who each of us is ‘supposed to be’.

Seek truth, understand that beauty is balance and symmetry in practise. Apply and adapt this (balance and symmetry/harmony) in all areas in the life that you live.

You don’t need titles and labels for this reality, just to keep up appearances. You just need to change your perception (through knowing yourself). Your perception after all determines your reality.

This is the beauty of truth: Know thyself.

Until next time,

adaptation, basics of training, change, fundamentals, muscles, Strength training

3 important fundamentals to consider when you lift weights.

The Rugby World Cup is kicking off in a few days-time with the hosts (England) going up against Pacific Island Rugby Powerhouse Nation, Fiji in the opening match. Wow, what a game that will be. I’m looking forward to watching it.

The Australian Wallabies are hoping they can repeat history and win the title for the third time but they also have to contend with the other countries’ title aspirations too.

One thing is certain, all the coaches of these national rugby teams have tried their very best to simulate the conditions of the games in the World Cup in their training methods. Some coaches and players have been lucky enough to be a part of previous World Cups and some very lucky ones have also experienced what it is like to win.

However, no preparation can prepare you fully for the real thing. The pressure can be quite overwhelming for everyone involved. Some people excel and some crumble (I witnessed this in the two World Natural Bodybuilding Championships I took part in). I’m sure every rugby player clearly understands his responsibilities to himself and then to his team. But knowing your goals is one thing, understanding the terrain and types of conditions you have to go through (and still perform as you planned) is another.

This is where experience counts.

Body-building is no different with the approach (no matter what level you’re at): before you can begin a journey of any kind, it is critical that you understand the terrain. This journey can be likened to one of self-discovery, of increased awareness.

In the journey, you will learn the limitations of your own body (no matter what level you are at in your health and fitness). The players in the World Cup will also learn of their limitations and capabilities in the games they face.

In my experience in helping people over the last two decades, no two people are exactly the same. Believe me when I say that no two bodies are exactly the same.

No two.

With this said, let me highlight 3 of the fundamentals of training you should consider:

To breathe and to breathe properly.

We need oxygen to stay alive. We are all acutely aware of this.

However, how many of us pay close attention to how well we breathe? I have found over the years that many people know a little bit of something but most people don’t do it well. I always tell my students to ask themselves the question: How well am I doing this?

This could apply to everything in life. For example, most people who go to the gym have some idea of how to do a bicep curl with dumbells. Most of these same people don’t ask themselves how well are they doing the exercise. So, a lot of people can be doing it a certain way for years and doing it wrong for all that time.

It’s the same for something as simple as breathing – are you breathing well? Ask yourself the question – “how well am I breathing?” Deep breathing should be part of every person’s daily life from the moment you wake up in the morning. We need to try and flush our lungs with as much oxygen as we can when we are not exercising too.

Understanding how to breathe properly while executing weight-bearing exercises is very important. You put yourself at high risk of injury if you breathe incorrectly. Few people take the time to breathe deeply during the course of the day. The importance of this practise to the quality of your life over time should not be underestimated.

You need to ‘know’ your breathing and understand how to control it – to control its rhythms.

We all know that oxygen is vital to life, it powers your engine room – your metabolism throughout the day. It is pumped via blood to the trillions of cells throughout the human body, taking with it nutrients and the essence of life.

Breathing, proper breathing, breathes more life, more energy in to yourself – your being and is critical to the creation of new muscle.

The philosophy you follow heavily influences whether you achieve your goals in life or not.

Frequency of training

A critical question before setting out on a journey is knowing clearly what it is that you would like to achieve, similar to what results would you like to achieve in the gym? Another question most aspiring body-builders ask themselves is the age-old question of how much should you train to get the result you’re looking for?

I was asked this question by a student of mine recently and I told him that three days a week is sufficient. Does that surprise you? Well, it shouldn’t if you know what you’re doing and you train with efficiency and effectiveness in mind within a plausible, well-tested philosophy.

I’ve seen it many times before over the last two decades in the gym where men (and women) believe that they need to train five or six days per week to get stronger or increase size. Well, I have one thing to say about that – you don’t need to!

Training six or seven days a week will not triple your strength or double your size. You’ve got to understand another critical thing – muscle grows and your body recovers and repairs itself when you rest. Weight training more than three times a week is simply over-training depending on your experience and age.

Your body and in particular, your muscle tissue is broken down when you train and rebuilds itself when you are at rest. The body is forced to adapt to the stimulus you provide through training and it is in the process of adaptation that the muscle grows. Not before.

Instead of building lean muscle mass and moving towards their desired physical look, most people lifting weights (body-builders) are usually over-trained and even people who have been doing it for a long time are unaware that they are actually losing hard-earned muscle.

Knowing and scheduling in rest days in-between your training days is a key fundamental principle to consider and apply appropriately.

Practise does not make perfect - perfect practise makes perfect. Vv

Training ‘split’ or weekly training routine

The ideal ‘split’ for people is a Monday, Wednesday and Friday sessions and from experience, the majority of people like this split. The other good alternative is Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday schedule.

Find one that works for you and stick to it. Having enough sense to stick with something, anything – a chore, a task or a workout training routine – until its completed, pays off.

Remember ‘stickability’ is 95 percent of ability.

Keep these fundamentals in mind if and when you decide to make the journey of self-discovery with weight-training.

All the best.

Until next time,

Abdominals/Thighs Pose at the 2007 World Natural Bodybuilding Championships held in NY, USA.
Ranked: 4th Best Natural Bodybuilder in the World.

Note: results of drug testing disqualified the Top 3 subsequent to the contest. I was unofficially ranked the NUMBER ONE NATURAL BODYBUILDER in the world.

a better life, action, authenticness, awareness, belief systems, change, choices, Energy, genuineness, life, long-term perspective, man, perspective, real man, you

Mr Vulnerable.

My son and I.
One of my responsibilities as a man and dad is to make my son aware that being vulnerable is ok.
Vv.

Real Man

Father’s Day came and went only last weekend.

I had a great day with my wife and my two children. I received two beautifully hand-made cards from each of my children and loads of hugs and kisses. Oh, and some of my favourite chocolates.

It was lovely.

I trust all the dads reading this and dads all around the world had a wonderful time with the people they love the most too.

The special calendar day (just like Mother’s Day) got me thinking about being a man but especially in today’s world. Not all men are fathers and not all men are dads but all men are men. So, I got thinking about being a man.

Yep, let’s attempt to re-evaluate the question, “What is a real man?”

In particular, what it means to be vulnerable and still be a man… what it means to be “Mr Vulnerable” and where, how and why it can be incorporated in to the ‘man’ that YOU are.

Every second of every minute of every hour of every day …. of the rest of our lives allows you, me and every man out there to be vulnerable and it may be one of the most important characteristics that we can adopt (if you haven’t considered adopting it already).

The thing is that most of us would have been raised with a definition of what society (modern-day societies) defines it as. This definition is dare I say, unrealistic and quite a burden for the modern male to wear. So much so that I believe the modern day man is finding it quite difficult to be a man.

Now, we could look in many places for possible definitions of what a real man is and justifiably so. Some men look for these in sports stars, movie stars, politicians and so forth. I believe it is important for the modern male (whether you’re a dad or not) to truly understand what it is to be a man. A real man.

Olivia and Zachary enjoying their time with Ruby.
Being a role model for my children is one of the most important responsibilities I will ever have in my life.
For the rest of my life.
Just like it is for every other dad out there.

A Real Man’s John

I thought that one place many people wouldn’t be brave enough to seek an answer is the bible (unless you’re a Christian). We don’t have to look any further than the disciple – John. John, I believe displayed 6 characteristics of what it means to be a real man. In no particular order they were: sincerity, simplicity, conviction, courage, vision and vulnerability.

There you have it! Six Key traits of a real man.

From my experience with people in predominantly male-dominant gyms over the last 23 years, I have found that one thing that men struggle with is accepting that being vulnerable is ok. It seems that the modern man is told since birth that being vulnerable is a no-no, that it is a sign of weakness. Today’s ‘macho’ man of western society must not show vulnerability, he never admits a mistake.

What a load of you know what! Generation after generation of men still believe in this cr#p. Very unrealistic burden for men to carry partially dictated by societal definition of a modern man.

I recall reading research done in America a little while back that stated that five of the most difficult statements for today’s modern man to make are:

I don’t know
I was wrong
I need help
I’m afraid
I’m sorry

Masculinity

This certainly supports what I have deduced from my observations of the last two decades. It seems that modern day men have a problem with admitting vulnerability. That for some reason, if they do their masculinity is brought in to question.

For you Christians reading this – wasn’t this a test for the disciple John which he passed with flying colours?

I think John’s vulnerability was so great beyond belief in his extreme demonstration of humility when he said in reference to Jesus “He must become greater; I must become less”. You cannot get much better than that with someone being so humble.

A trait that is truly missing in the world today.

So, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, to be authentic to no one else but you first. It is good for the soul and makes you a real man. A humble man is not afraid to admit it. A humble man is not afraid to admit he is or was wrong.

There is a real man in all men reading this and all the men in the world. However, to reach deep down inside and get him, you need to become more aware of who you are now and take actions (sufficient and appropriate) to change certain habits that may not be aligned with the definitions of a real man I have given.

The important step then is to be flexible enough and ‘man-enough’ to adapt to the ‘man you imagine yourself to be’, ideally a man closer to the kind John was. It’s not easy, matter of fact it is darn hard work but the end result is a thing of beauty. And this is one of the things the world needs more of right now.

This, however, may clash with the current modern day definition of what it means to be a real man.

Me and my two children – Olivia and Zachary. I love them with all my heart.

The Future needs you, Real Men

Be the real man you know you are.

Be inspirational to you first, so that you can be inspirational to the young males that are searching for examples of what it means to be a Real Man. Don’t let them get lost to men of lesser character. So, all you dads out there or men playing a surrogate role, be the role model, be the Real Man that the legions of young boys and future men of our society need to aspire to. The Future needs you, Real Men.

This is not a want.

This is a need that our modern day society needs now more than ever. More Real Men to help provide a template to the youth of tomorrow, especially with so many possible definitions are being filtered in to their young minds. Give them a template, like that which the disciple John gave us to build on and stand the test of time.

If every man reading this and every man in this world took this responsibility seriously, what a beautiful world I can imagine for us all in two or three decades. When young men of today, modelling their characters off you – the modern day Real Man will be leaders of tomorrow.

Me and my young man … the future of Real Men. The future rests with us Real Men of the present. …. to provide a template … to save the Father’s of tomorrow.
Play your part, your role for eternity

It is a great hope of mine.

It’s not too late. Make the change because you know it is the right thing to do and you’re humble enough and courageous enough to do it.

Why?

Because you’re Mr Vulnerable. You’re the man! (and if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, get your man to read it too).

All the best in your journey towards being a Real Man. It lies within every man, so go ahead and bring Mr Vulnerable out and share him with the world.

Because the world needs YOU to.

It’s time ….

Until next time,

Cheers & Ahoy!

With the next generation of Valentine males – Zachary.

a better life, authenticness, awareness, better choices, friends, friendship, genuineness, life

Equal friendship.

Ex-Australian Wallaby Captain – Phil Waugh performing a set of squats.
What goes up must come down.
A possible definition of a squat.
Summarises most things in life. It could also symbolically represent the ups and downs of an equal friendship. Each person understands the boundaries of the relationship just like there are limits to a squatting range of motion.

I believe in friendship – equal friendship.

Who do you consider your ‘friend’ at this point in your life? Your partner, wife, husband? Your high school or university friend? Do you have hundreds of friends or just a few with many acquaintances?

I can honestly say that my best friend at this point in my life is my beautiful wife, a friendship that has lasted fifteen years and counting. There are also many friendships that have been in existence for various lengths of time. You would have the same too. For example, I have friendships that started all the way from kindergarten (over 37 years ago) all the way to a few current friends.

You may have many people in your life you consider friends. In this day and age where the definition of ‘friends’ can mean what we have on facebook, a friend could mean something else to you. Some people pride themselves on the number of friends they have. There are many definitions. Fair enough.

In my fourty years on this earth so far, I have experienced many types of friendships and one thing has stood out: You don’t need to be a friend to everyone. Understanding this will help you ‘manage your funnel better’.

It’s just not possible to spread yourself equally with all your friends or so-called friends. Friendship, genuine friendship takes time and effort. Most of you reading this would agree.

We don’t have to look very far for a decent model. If you are a Christian, let’s remind ourselves of the model say, Jesus, adopted. He preached to, healed and helped thousands of people but he only had twelve disciples. How many of these close disciples did he invite when he was transfigured on the mountain?

Only three! You could say that he had only three genuine friends.

Loading the ‘guns’ with proper execution.
Here Brad is building his ‘mind-muscle’ connection under my watchful eye.

I recall seeing only two very good friends of my grandfather in his last few years of his life. They came around our home a few times a week just to sit and talk and reminisce of the ‘old days’. They were friends for over fifty years. I witnessed the beauty of very close, genuine friendship. It was truly a thing of beauty.

However, it was only after my grandfather passed away that I truly understood what I had observed.

With only 86,400 seconds in a day, you cannot possibly relate to every one of your friends in an equal fashion. Don’t stress if you aren’t. It all depends on the phase of life you’re in and the philosophy you adopt. Because of the finiteness of life, it is wise not to waste your precious friendship time on relationships that won’t be productive.

Don’t mis-understand me now. It is ok to lend a helping hand to a needy person but it is another to develop a friendship. Like I said, friendship takes time and hard work. It doesn’t JUST HAPPEN. In the case of the needy person, you could consider it as social work or community service or spiritual caring.

However, with a genuine friend, you and your friend will share and give equally to each other. You both get fulfilment and nourishment from being in the relationship.

For simplicity let’s break life up in to three categories to refer to relationships:

People whom you nourish and who return little or nothing to you
People who nourish you, but you may return nothing to them
Genuine and equal sharing relationships.

All three categories vital to your existence but I don’t believe the first two of the three types of relationships are friendships. The third type or category is what I refer to as real friendship. You must be strong and aware enough to distinguish between them. Mixing them up could cause problems.

It is important to reflect on your philosophy regarding life and the choices you make with regards to investing in certain relationships. What is needed is discernment and making the all important choice of taking some of these relationships to the level of genuine friendship.

Friendship that lasts because it is built on equality.

Here’s my little formula for friendship: Equal friendship = Genuine friendship.

Your ‘friends’ can have a big influence on where you end up in life. Increase your awareness and seek equality and authenticity.

Choose well.

All the best!

Until next time,

Retired rugby legend: Ex-Australian Wallaby & Waratahs Champion Captain & True Leader – Phil Waugh.
Setting his own standards of excellence in all areas of his life, following my framework.
Champions like Phil help us recognize that he believes in sacrifice and dedication to higher principles – higher standards.
AWaken yours today towards THE BEST YOU CAN BE with one of my programs!

~~Life & wellness COACH~~

Changing lives. Empowering people. One life at a time.

Triple A to Life: Awareness. Action. Adaptation.

Author Archives: valentinevitality

She’ll be right, mate!

Be an instrument, not an object.

Focus on the muscles you don’t see in the mirror.

Balance Sheets should balance.

Genes for Jeans.

Unique WAYS.

The beauty of truth.

3 important fundamentals to consider when you lift weights.

Mr Vulnerable.

Equal friendship.