Monthly Archives: April 2021

Energy

The ART of having Good Conversations is like the Art of Love.

Knowing You is a start. To knowing how to start.

Knowing how to start … a conversation..

My two kids don’t like walking with me to school or from school.

It’s not that they don’t like walking, it’s that they don’t like me talking to so many people. What should usually take 10 minutes They cannot believe how many people I know.

I tell them that I don’t know everyone but people simply like coming up to me and talking. Sometimes, telling me their whole life story in under 5 minutes. That is just something I have had to deal with since I was 5 or 6 years old.

Knowing how to start and also how to end a conversation are skills necessary to having good conversations.

With some of the members of my Family gym Playing around with some ‘light weights’ … that children can also play with.
We had lots and lots of conversation.

A simple smile goes a long way

I smile a lot, always have.

I’m a Smile-kind-of-person.

I smile, even when the person receiving it does not necessarily deserve or ask for it. It can be nerve-wrecking for some people who are not used to receiving smiles.

Many people that speak to me remember my smile. This helps them remember ‘me’. I tell my kids –

“It The QUALITY of your Network is more important than your Quantity. Here’s why –is not that I know every person … it’s that each of those persons, KNOW ME’

Sometimes, it is just from the smile I gave them many weeks … months … years ago.

A simple smile goes a long way …

The old Captain Viking Pirate & his Gritty Warrior Viking Pirate son … enjoying some ‘Father-son” experience. These moments get etched into the memory bank of great experiences. Build these up. The Art of good communication is the art of love 💕.

Your Ability to Start a Conversation is fuelled by good networking.

The fact is that, you won’t get very far in this world if you cannot make eye contact, act confidently and engage in an intelligent conversation punctuated with give-and-take, back-and-forth chat.

Think about it: conversation is a KEY element in almost all relationships we have. If you cannot maintain a conversation – and be a great listener – you will have very few people who would want to work with you.

Where does that leave you?

Empty-handed with no business as very few people would like to network with you. Not being able to hold down a conversation will most likely leave a negative impression in their minds the next time you run in to them.

Believe. Embrace Creative Destruction. You never know what you’ll discover.

Small Talk is key to having a strong foundation in relationships.

The ability to participate in small talk is not easy for many people. For those that allow themselves to be ‘comfortable being uncomfortable’, small talk speaks well for you. It leads to exchanges that deepen a relationship.

Your ability to small talk can have a significant impact on your success in life.

According a study at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, the most successful students were not the ones with the highest grade-point averages.

No, the most successful were the students happened to be the ones most comfortable with having friendly conversations with others, particularly strangers.

The Art of Good Communication begins in the Family, in the Home. This is where the Art of Love 💕 is practised and improved on.

ACTIVE Listening is about ATTENTION to the INTENTION.

To some people, talking may not come as easy as others.

But that should not be the ‘excuse’ you should use to justify you not trying to make ‘small talk’. The other side of the equation, obviously, is being a GOOD LISTENER.

Active listening requires you to WORK.

Yes, Active listening is hard work as you need to stay engaged to the talker. Active listening is about Attention to the Intention of giving utmost respect to the speaker … giving him/her your full, undivided attention.

Being an Active listener is well worth the effort. Believe me, it is.

When you’re a good listener, I believe you improve your ability to win friends and influence others. In my 7 years of owning and managing my Family Gym, many years ago, I spent most of my working days ACTIVELY LISTENING. Listening to members of all ages and from all backgrounds, races and status. I listened to their stories, their fears, their jubilation, their hopes, their secrets … you name it, these ears have heard it.

I even became very good at listening to what they did not say.

It was a big part of how I helped people, help themselves find solutions. It was a big part of allow me to build a strong extended family and increase my influence over all the stakeholders of my gym.

Listening ACTIVELY with ATTENTION to INTENTION allowed me to having appropriate Coaching Conversations with my members of my Gym Family. It is also a big part of the successes I have had in my Coaching Conversations with everyone I have helped over the last 30 + years.

My gritty Viking pirate 🏴‍☠️ princess 👸… In the middle of her routine. She worked consistently and persistently all year to be one of the Nations Top 5 dancers in the elite category. A big impressive on her performance last year.
The Art of good communication is like like mastering the Art of a dance. What is communicated has to “connect with” or resonate with the audience but instead of dancing 💃 on your own, you are dancing with the person you are talking to. back-and-Forth moves striving towards harmony.

Perfection in Listening is not the goal, the DISCIPLINE is.

I believe, learning and applying the discipline to be disciplined in listening to someone when they speak, derives from Love.

Yes, that’s right, love.

The energy for the effort .. the work to be self-disciplined in Active Listening is a form of will. Self-discipline is not only usually love, translated in to action. A person behaves with self-discipline (in this case, ACTIVE Listening) towards the person speaking.

In other words, any genuinely loving, respectful relationships is a disciplined relationship, within the boundaries set for that relationship. If I truly respect another, I will obviously order my behaviour in such as way as to contribute the utmost to his or her growth.

Here’s something I have concluded –

“The Art of beingWeird is the New “Normal’ a good Conversationalist is like the Art of Self-discipline.”

Do you GIVE or just TAKE? Giving is a big knower of being a good communicator and having good communication.

Genuine Active Listening is like Genuine Love.

It is precious, and those who are capable of genuine love and genuine listening understand that their loving … their active listening must be focused with ATTENTION to INTENTION, through self-discipline.

Your ‘attention’ is not sufficient. You must have the intention to listen and above-all, you must be focused. This is hard work.

To Genuinely Listen is to genuinely Love.

I have found that to genuinely listen is to genuinely love.

This is because to genuinely love, you are extending yourself, your being. When you are extending yourself , you are growing.

I believe, the more I love better .. the more I listen better … the longer I love … the longer I listen … the larger I become.

Like genuine love, genuine listening is self-replenishing.

The more I nurture the spiritual growth of others through my active listening, the more my own spiritual growth is nurtured.

As the singer John Denver sings –

“Love is everywhere, I see it.

You are all that you can be, go on and be it.

Life is perfect, I believe it.

Come and play the game with me.”

So, my readers, that is why I say the Art of having good conversations is like the Art of Love.

Have you mastered the Art of Love, yet? Or are you still learning … like me?

Keep talking … keep listening … keep loving.

Yours in Muscles & Mind,

Paul

Hello… can you hear me? Are you there?

    Standard
    a better life, accountability, action, adaptation, art, asking questions, attitude, authenticness, awareness, balance, beauty, belief, Beliefs, better choices, caring, change, children, choices, communication, compassion, courage, dads, dads love, daughters, decisions, Energy, examined life, game of life, Goals, God, gratitude, happiness, honour, intimacy awards, kids, Knowledge, Leader, leaders, leadership, life, long-term perspective, love, mind, parenting, parenting skills, patience, perseverance, perspective, planning, real man, relationships, respect, responsibility, risk, self, self discipline, self improvement, self love, self-respect, skills, son, spirituality, Strength training, success, Team that works, time, trust, truth, weird, wisdom, you, your life

    Like Father, like Son.

    Transference of Wisdom from a Father/Mother to their son/daughter is. a key factor in raising a morally-upright, compassionate human being.

    WISDOM.

    An old friend made that comment on a photo I Put up on Facebook of my son. He said –

    “The Apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree … like Father-like-son”

    I hadn’t heard this phrase since my youth. Something, I’d overhear the adults would say in conversation.

    Got me thinking … about the vital role a Dad/Father plays in a child’s life, in teaching his son/daughter “Life Skills”, emphasising the necessity of learning the Art & Power of Discernment.

    In other words: WISDOM.

    What a responsibility! I mean, am I actually qualified to give my son/.daughter advice? For most answers to Life Matters, I turn to the Complete Source: The Bible.

    Being part of a larger family in the community you’re part of is a key complement to raising good citizens.

    The beginning of knowledge.

    In the Bible, we are told that the beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord (proverbs 1:7).

    So, remember, before you can pass on knowledge, it is important that you have gained the necessary knowledge in the first place.

    Like the most important teachers, you’ve “walked-the-walk” before you “talk-the-talk.”

    So, the first questions we need to ask ourselves are: do you believe in God and do you fear God?

    In proverbs 1:3, we are told that before a father can pass on advice, he himself must know the meaning of that “fear of God” … that reverential awe and the wisdom to which it leads.

    Giving advice to a son/daughter on “doing what is right and just and fair” can only come from a person who fears God and holds him in awe.

    I ask myself the question: do I “qualify?”

    What about you, do you qualify?

    Passing on the instructions of good decision-making to my daughter is fundamental to my role as her father.
    Much guidance is given by the Bible.

    Wisdom stems from the discipline of Character.

    I also ask myself the question of what is the GOAL of a Father’s advice to his children?

    It is clear to me that the Goal of a father’s Godly instruction MUST be spiritual and must stem from the insight learned in Proverb’s WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE or UNDERSTANDING.

    But, I don’t believe this wisdom is from Academic Achievements measured by membership to University boards or clubs or some Ivy League College. No, I believe this “wisdom” goes beyond scholastic wins. It goes to a place few dare to go.

    That place is – MORAL RESPONSIBILITY. Getting there is difficult. Staying there is far greater a challenge.

    Like Father – like son.

    The Power of Discretion and Discernment.

    It ALL boils down to decision-making, the mastery of this Art. Many Leaders and would-be leaders spend years at universities trying to learn the many tools that assist and help them make decisions.

    And still, get it wrong!

    The feeder to this art is reflected in the disciplining of the Character, characterised by the person living a “disciplined and prudent life.”

    What does it mean to “live prudently?”

    It is fundamentally having a clear understanding of the difference between RIGHT and WRONG.

    To live prudently means to make decisions that are NOT based a whim or changing appetite but knowing right from wrong. This is the skill and power of discretion or discernment. Exactly what the Bible, Proverbs prescribed.

    Out and about with the future Mr Valentine

    Respect for the Miracle of Life. 

    So, what does this mean when we (as a Father or as parents) have to educate our sons & daughters on HOW to make wise choices?

    Whenever I make a decision in my children’s presence, I have a “walk-through “ how I arrived at that decision (s). I let them know the THINKING 🤔 BEHIND THE INTELLIGENCE. I mention the KEY components like – the initial assessment of risks; the consequences it could lead to if not addressed with mitigating controls; the probability/likelihood of the consequences occurring (with and without mitigating controls) and the possible impact, to self and others.

    And then factoring in what my heart ♥️ & soul tells me too.

    So, as a Father, I strive to give my son & daughter a process that prepares them to make wise choices, to be discreet and discerning.

    Such instruction DOES NOT presume that the child somehow already knows what’s best. So, if you’re thinking of having kids or have very young kids, I believe that parents need to instruct and educate them from the earliest years.

    They must be shown, trained and taught to tell the truth rather than lies; to respect the property of others rather than take for themselves; that harming anyone else is unacceptable;

    And … to hold and RESPECT THE MIRACLE OF LIFE... whether it is flora or fauna or human, in respectful and highest regard.

    All the very best in your decisions, big and small and may God continue to shower his blessings on you and your family and cherished ones.

    cheers & ahoy from beautiful Sydney, Australia!!

    * Dr. of Muscle/Energy Aesthetics & 💝itality/❤️Ove *

    Children need a good framework to build their character on.
    Your instructions as a parent and the guidance given in Proverbs in the Bible are great tools ⚒️ to harness.

    Think 🤔.
    To Really think, does not only involve the brain 🧠. It involves the mind, the heart ❤️, the spirit and the “essence of life” – 💝itality.
    It includes the blessings of Wisdom.

    Standard