A ‘coaching conversation’ with Brad, while taking a rest break between exercise sets. Helping Brad, help himself, achieve something he cares about and become more of who he wants to be. Through belief, hope and effort + heart.
Aesthetic (balance & elegance) = Grace
Are you graceful?
Do you consider yourself a man or woman of grace? If you do, that’s great, you’re way ahead of the majority. I read somewhere recently that there is a never-ending worldwide shortage!
What does it mean to be ‘graceful’?
I would think graceful means balanced, elegant, subtle,effective and possibly artistic. A graceful person is someone who strives for aesthetic-ness as well as substance, as he or she understands that Aesthetic (balance & elegance) = Grace. A graceful person gets things done, but does it in a way that is beautiful and you would be happy to have him or her repeat it.
A graceful person raises the standards of everyone close by, forcing everyone to the top, not to the bottom. A graceful person is the person we cannot live without, the one who makes the difference.
There is no such thing as being born graceful. It’s not a talent, it is a choice! Only one person could have that exception and that is Jesus, our saviour.
Jesus’s birthday is only one night away now and it got me thinking….
Bare your cross. Then … Help someone else carry their’s … only if you can manage both
Jesus was – a man who was the epitome’ of grace
What a beautiful and graceful man Jesus was – a man that was the epitome of grace. Do you think you know him or do you know the celebration of his birthday more – Christmas Day?
It’s not easy knowing Jesus, not easy at all. He has very high standards, especially relevant in the modern-day’s world where there appears to be none in many areas of life. I say, be prepared to stumble if you want to get to ‘know’ him, as I think everyone who ever tried has stumbled, and more than once I think. I know I have.
But what do you learn when you fall or fail, you learn how to pick yourself back up faster, don’t you? So, don’t be afraid to fall or fail. Pick yourself up and try again and find a better way.
Knowing Jesus means that you have to be disappointed when he doesn’t meet your wrong expectations. Notice I said ‘wrong’ expectations.
Knowing Jesus may also spur you on to become something or someone you thought you could never do or be. Achieving the seemingly impossible.
He will remind you in various ways of how much you need him. And you do.
Knowing Jesus is a little like building muscle – he breaks us to pieces so that he can put us back together again, but this time in his image – his grace. Just like muscle, you need to break it to pieces so that you can nourish it and allow it to repair and grow. A definite fusion of chaos and order.
True.
Christmas is life
All Christians are work-in-progress, all under construction. I know I am. However, the most powerful thing for a Christian is the unwavering belief that Jesus, the son of God, born on Christmas Day – is our saviour.
Christmas Day is many things to many people but like I said in the previous blog post, Christmas to me is everything. Christmas is life. Christmas is a celebration of the birth of the world’s saviour. That, even in this fast-paced, ever-changing world, there is something that is un-changing. Something that we hang on to courageously.
We humans, we Christians, still have the courage to hang on to the belief that Jesus is still needed. Courage to believe that he was born on Christmas Day and died not long later but he will also come again.
Christians (and non-christian’s) insistence on celebrating Christmas could also be interpreted as an outward expression and belief that we (the world) still hungers for Jesus grace and hope.
Let’s pray that the world increasingly gets filled with more people like him, filled with grace. People the world just can’t do without.
May you be filled with grace this Christmas.
Until next time,
Cheers & Ahoy!
The Old Cap’n Viking Pirate Evangelist Muscled Monk
Feeling the ‘essence!’ Believe. Believe. Believe! Make the impossible, possible!
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. – Ralph Waldo Emerson.
The Best of the Best. Phil Waugh – retired ex-Australian Wallaby & Waratahs Captain willing to embrace knowledge. Increasing his awareness towards being the BEST HE IMAGINES HE CAN BE, using my framework. An A+ Student!
Knowing when it is time to ‘move on’ is very important.
Recognizing the various stages in your life is very important. Doing the right things at the right stages of life is important too. What’s key is that we need to be aware of these phases, take sufficient and appropriate action and adapt accordingly.
We all have experience of this already as it is beyond our control – baby to toddler; toddler to a young boy or girl; early teens and then late teens; the trying twenties and then the thirties and then middle-age. And it goes on … until you die.
I would like to talk about the change we have some control over. Most of the time it can be a very difficult time. You will experience emotional hurt and pain and more than likely, your actions may hurt others too. There is hurt and sorrow in the short-term but it is better for everyone in the long term.
There was a time in my life when I was doing group aerobics/body pump instructing and aquarobics instructing – back in the mid-90s, during my undergraduate years. I enjoyed helping the thousands of people that I saw over the four years and I was very good at it.
I could have continued and opened up my own franchises but I didn’t. Circumstances and philosophy on life changes and you find yourself saying “now, that’s enough of that”. A person’s philosophy is like the set of a sail on a ship he is captaining.
That was one short but important phase of my life. I felt that it was time to move on. And I did, with my first undergrad degree in hand, seeking work experience in a different field for a while.
But, letting go can be difficult. Matter of fact, it is probably one of the most difficult things we humans can endure in our life-time. Letting go of our bad experiences in our past; letting go of anger; letting go of guilt; letting go of friends and so forth.
It takes a lot of energy and courage to let go and to … move on.
Have you ever felt that way?
Have you ever felt that it was time to move on from a phase of life; a job maybe or even a career? Or have you ever felt that it was time to move on from a business relationship or friendship?
Recognizing these ‘moments’ and listening to your ‘inner-voice’ of reason and hard facts to tell you that it is time to move on is very important to your contentment in life.
A lot of people don’t move on for fear of the unknown. Fear holds people back like an anchor for a ship. Familiarity also keeps people from new adventures. But, not trying something new, not venturing in to unchartered territory as you sail your ship through life could result in you missing out on possible opportunities that may lie ahead in a different path.
Don’t let your ship be controlled by the changing currents of the seas. If you don’t make the change, someone else will. They say that a person’s philosophy is a major determining factor in how a person’s life turns out.
You could conclude if you desire to change your life for the better, you need to change your philosophy.
Re-set your sails and cut through the changing currents you face as you captain your ship through the sea of life. I suppose I would feel that way about a lot of things in life. If I feel that the activity doesn’t interest me or have an element of ‘freshness’ in it, I move away from it. Some people choose not to, but I believe it is very healthy for one to do so.
I move on from it.
Retired Ex-Australian Wallaby & Waratah’s Captain – Phil Waugh doing triceps press-downs and “feeling the essence” with perfectly performed repetitions. A great example of a human being striving to be the BEST he can be – for himself, first and then, everyone else. All day. Every day.
Take your profession seriously but don’t take yourself too seriously. I think a lot of people make this rather childish mistake – taking themselves too seriously.
A long time ago, a wise man once told me at his birthday party not to take myself too seriously. He said that in the whole scope of life, the little things that go wrong and that you might stress about don’t really matter a whole lot.
Wise man. I agree.
The little things you stress about – for example, being late for an important meeting or missing a deadline or looking like a fool at the company’s Christmas party or missing out on a job – is minute in relation to the whole circus act out there, out there in life.
Meaning:You only really matter to a certain degree – so don’t take yourself too seriously in the process of various stages or projects/activities you undertake in your life.
That is life. That is as good as life gets…. So far (as Homer Simpson would say)!
If you take yourself too seriously, you will anchor yourself and won’t be able to move forward. You don’t help yourself and you can’t serve people any better. You would not be much help to society either. So, do yourself and everyone a favour and ‘lighten up’!
If you believe in you and your abilities. If you believe that change is inevitable, that change is good. If you believe that change is necessary then you will agree that the whole of life is a series of change and if you’re not changing, you’re not living.
The key ingredient is to work on improving your CHANGE MANAGEMENT skills.
If you’re confident enough in the way you feel, and in your abilities, whether it’s in an art form or whether it’s just your line of work, it comes off! You will always find a way to succeed.
Therein lies your hidden treasure: Confidence.
You don’t have anything to prove; you can just be what you are.
As another wise man also said: Besides, Everyone else is taken.
Until next time,
Fully focused! A true warrior & champion. Focusing on making every repetition of every set of every exercise as ideal as possible. Practise does not make perfect – Perfect practise makes perfect! Photo: Retired Champion Ex-Australian Wallaby & Waratahs Captain and player in action under my watchful eyes.
Every man needs to wake and release the ‘champion’ within him. Let it loose. Let it fly with wings. Let it go and serve others … In his own way.
I mentioned in my previous blog “The Simple-Complex Man”, it is without doubt that being a father is difficult in today’s world but, I believe, being a man – a ‘Real Man’ is more difficult.
Look around us and the avalanche of images and messages that bombards us, every day, of what a Real Man is. In Australia and most of the developed world, it is heavily communicated in stereotypes in beer ads or car commercials. A lot of these stereotypes I find, conflicts with what most men out there think of themselves.
There are a lot of great men out there but many of them are confused. Confused of what it means to be a REAL MAN. Let me elaborate …
You see, from my experience in helping hundreds of men in gyms over the last two decades, a lot of men are so much more than what these narrow stereotypes convey. Really shallow stereotypes actually. What is even more concerning is the various messages of ‘love’ and what love means to a ‘Real Man’. The majority buy in to these stereotypes and meet disappointment in life – sooner or later.
Very sad indeed.
Like I said, it is very difficult for a lot of men out there. A lot of men who don’t know what it means to be a Real Man.
I must admit that I do not know the full answer but I do think that a big part of being a Real Man is that he is AUTHENTIC.
We learn many definitions of ‘love’ and we can think of many examples of what it is. Some think it is impossible to understand or define. Fair enough. It does not, however, mean we should not try to understand it.
You see, as I see it, for all you men reading this, “Love” for a Real Man is simply this: Action. Remember that saying “action speaks louder than words?”. Well, I think certain elements apply here.
There’s also another definition and for you Christians reading this – a Real Man will love a woman the way the Bible says it to. I think even the most militant feminist would not dispute a love like THAT!
I believe if every man out there just has one goal and that is: to be the BEST MAN HE CAN BE.For himself, FIRST and then for everyone else. And, when he leaves this world for the other world, he might just come close enough to be a REAL MAN.
From my interaction with men of all ages over the last two decades, I have deduced that Real Men have a few common traits –
He treats his wife RIGHT (in all areas of life).
He is a SERVANT rather than a MASTER ( I would like to think my wife and I are Co-CEOs)
He will do the RIGHT THING (doing the right thing is quite different to do what he has the RIGHT to do. Everything he does, he DOES WITH 100%. Why? Because nothing else would measure up).
So, how are you faring with the above traits (they are by no means exhaustive but are 3 that first come to my mind, deduced from my large sample of men over the last two decades)? Are you a Real Man? When can you call yourself a Real Man?
Well, let’s keep it simple. As I see it, there is only one way: become a BETTERSERVANT. Even the great Mother Theresa said that we need to serve ’til it hurts. I think this should be every man’s motto for his love for his woman. Yes, all REAL MEN seek to SERVE. Keep giving of yourself to your woman. To give is to serve.
If you’re a christian, then just like Jesus Christ, our saviour served his beloved followers. All GREAT MEN seek to SERVE.
This can be quite difficult to accept because most of today’s men are told the opposite with all the unfiltered messages being absorbed in to their minds, their ‘thought factories’. These unfiltered messages tell these men that they should grow up and find a gorgeous wife who will take care of his needs.
He then spends his entire existence seeking out that someone, he is brainwashed in to believing that she will bring him happiness because she will SERVE HIM. In return for this fulfilment of his distorted delusions of what life and love is and what it means to be a Real Man, he is made King of his Castle!
Yes, he works very hard. It’s the ‘manly’ thing to do, after-all he is told. He works very hard and gives her everything HE THINKS SHE WANTS.
But is that really what the woman wants? I beg to differ.
I have helped many men and women transition through very painful separations and divorces over the years and have felt the pain with them. It is very difficult for all parties involved. What I have noticed was that a lot of these women did get everything (from a material sense) that money could buy. A lot of these women had men who bought them everything THEY THOUGHT THEIR WIVES WANTED.
Costly mistake. I am appealing to all men reading this and all men out there to not make this mistake, like so many men have made before you.
What I found was that most of these women were miserable. Why? The reason I am about to tell you is something people don’t seem to talk about and may surprise some of you readers but I think it is one of the major factors in the consistently high divorce rates in society. Men reading this, I think the one very strong contributing factor that made these women miserable was that they were permanently PUT IN SECOND PLACE!
Not fair at all.
No one likes being in SECOND PLACE in anything for too long. Believe me, I know what it is like because I came 2nd in the Australian Natural Body-building Championships in three separate occasions. Came so close, within a whisker … but to no avail.
Very dis-heartening and demoralising.
So, what I have found is that by the time I help these men and women during these painful transitions, most of these men do not fully understand what went wrong. A lot of these men are a little confused and I don’t blame them.
They are confused because they cannot ‘see’ how they have put their woman 2nd all along. But by the time I see them, it is too late. These men just cannot put their woman first.
These men cannot because it goes against every fibre of their being. It goes against everything that they have been taught in all the messages society has pumped in to him from early child-hood. From within his family, his neighbours, his schools, his friends, his extended families and all the advertising messages and shows.
It surrounds him and blinds him. Chokes him. The Real Man is chained within, as he suffers silently. Like so many men in today’s world do. Suffer in silence with inconsistent definitions of what a Real Man is. His whole belief-system is distorted and he has been following blindly.
He cannot be blamed for total responsibility for this, if everything, everyone and his whole world is telling him that the distorted definition of Real Love is what it is. The world has inverted whatever that was made perfect by God. That of the real definition of love for a Real Man.
And do you know what the imitation is? Do you want to know what the counterfeit is dear readers? Do you know what the substitute is (just like there is for almost all genuine products out there)?
It is this: LUST.
It is everywhere and this is one of the many reasons I believe it is very difficult just to be A MAN in today’s world. Just like all non-genuine, unauthentic, imitation products and parts you buy – LUST can be cheaper, looks good and is just like the REAL DEAL. It can be very satisfying and bring excitement in to your life for a little while.
But, it is NOT TRUE LOVE!
You see – Lust, takes. Love, gives.
Lust is all about you, your selfish desires – your need to be the MASTER. Love puts your woman’s desires FIRST. Love puts SERVICE to your woman at the top of your ‘TO DO’ list.
Lust takes – for your selfish benefit. Love GIVES, for the one we love. This GIVING MUSCLE keeps growing if you feed and train it right. Strive to become a Real Man. All day. Every day. For the rest of your life on this earth.
Search for Real Love. Curb your enthusiasm for lust.
Lust is temporary, it will perish. Love is forever – in this lifetime and infinity. Even though you will return to dirt when you die, your soul – your spirit, your consciousness, will remain in the universe for all eternity. Your love will keep GIVING and you will be fulfilled beyond your desires.
… knowing that you were a REAL MAN while you were breathing and walked this earth. That you truly loved. That you were truly a servant to her – that you genuinely SERVED.
Those that you leave behind will have memories of this man. This version of a man that …. Went against the grain and was a … Real Man. To all Men reading this, I leave you this last message:
Be your AUTHENTIC-SELF. Tell the TRUTH. DO and BE YOUR BEST – ALWAYS. Take care OF YOUR FAMILY. RESPECT YOU – RESPECT OTHERS. Never stop DREAMING. Follow your DREAMS.
Until next time,
Connecting the dots through ‘mind-muscle’ communication via the nervous system strengthening. Hold!
~~Life COACH~~
All photos taken by Robert Walsh Photography. Visit “www.robertwalsh.com.au” for an authentic artist. A true professional. A lovely human-being that is Robert. Vv.
February 2015. At my old school gym, just about to do a set of barbell biceps curls or what I would sometimes refer to as ‘loading the guns with ammunition’. Hope you’re wearing your bullet-proof vests, take cover!
There is always high emotion when any of us lose a loved one or loved ones. There is an overwhelming sense of sadness and sorrow. All sorts of thoughts run through our minds and one thought I would like to highlight is that of – guilt.
It is inevitable that when we live and love another human-being deeply, we will eventually hurt them in some way, shape or form. We all do and say things we later regret and we know what ‘buttons to push’ to hurt our loved one(s).
There are always ‘ups and downs’ in all relationships and sustaining a relationship you value is a constant building project of loving, hurtingandreconciling. I think it is very similar to the process of muscle building – it is a repeated process of destruction, feeding and rest/recovery.
I believe, no one can truly learn to love unless you are willing to accept the risks of hurting and failing and being hurt. When we lose someone in whichever way – death, by choice etc., they all give us reminders. Reminders of those hurts and failings, of words we regret saying, actions we would like to take back and incidences we wish we could erase. Depending on the individual, we all feel a sense of guilt, of varying degrees.
Dealing with guilt can be difficult but there are many resources available today that can assist you. One source I found that has always existed is the bible. Whatever religion you belong to, I am sure you find clarity and fulfilment through its teachings.
I am taking a few minutes out to write this blog on Easter Friday (today). You see, my children’s current perception of Easter is predominantly about – chocolates, eggs, bunnies, fancy hats, hot-cross buns and so forth. It is wonderful and they enjoy the traditional Easter egg hunts. Gee, I get in to it too.
However, I do try to remind them of the real significance of Easter and the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ, our saviour. They are quite taken aback by the gruesome nature of being nailed to the cross. They have much to learn but all in the right time.
It is during Easter that we should all remember that our Lord and Saviour died and gave his own life for us sinners. This was the ultimate act of forgiveness – sacrificing his only begotten son for us, our salvation. This is what Christians should keep in mind amidst the Easter bunnies and chocolates practises today – Easter Friday.
He then rose to give us new life – freedom!
In this Easter break, reach out to someone you may have hurt in some way, shape or form and try to reconcile, just like God has given us the Lord’s supper to provide us with the strength to reconcile with God.
Don’t let the guilt of ‘if only’ linger in your being, regretting that you should have righted a wrong or forgiven. Release it. Reach out and touch that someone special. Reconcile.
There is a prayer that I remember from my days in my youth as an altar boy and I recall it every now and then when the need arises. I think it is from Psalm somewhere and it goes something along the lines of:
“God, create in me a pure heart and renew in me a steadfast spirit.”
It summons up courage to love again, forgive, reconcile.
Have you asked yourself that question? Yes, maybe once, twice, countless times or maybe never.
From when we are children, most of us have already been asked the question about “what we want to become”.
Right from a young age most of us have had the question fired at us. “Son/daughter what do you want to become when you’re older – a doctor, a lawyer, a fireman, an engineer, a carpenter … ?”
Most of us are brought up in a culture that tells us “you are what you do.”
In my 23 years in the gym and talking to thousands of people, I have found that when people are asked “tell me about yourself”, most people immediately talk about their career as if it was the ‘be all and end all’ about them. A complete definition of ‘who and what they are.’
I think there should be a clear distinction between who the person is and the activity they perform as part of their ‘job’. We’re all just individuals and we’re all doing something. But that something should not define who we are. That is only a small part of who we are, who YOU ARE.
It is important that you never forget that YOU are more important than what you do.
Always.
Keep working towards discovering the REAL YOU. Not the YOU that your career defines you as or the YOU that you work very hard to fulfil others’ perceptions of you. Find the real YOU. That is a journey indeed. A journey in to the heart of darkness as the great author Joseph Conrad described so eloquently.
You need to constantly build on the first ‘A” of my Triple A Approach to Life and Whole-self development and that is to increase ‘Awareness’. Awareness of no one else but YOU, of your SELF. I believe that this is the first step towards any worthwhile, sustainable personal development – to be more aware.
You will find that the more aware you become, more and more of your problems and most of the stress in your life will dissolve too. But, there is a price to pay to develop this awareness. A great thinker once said that “Awareness, in and of itself, is transformative.” This is almost spiritual-like, as you ‘clean up your own act you find that you build a profound effect on the world around you.
You see, there is a connection – a definite nexus between ‘what you do inside and what happens in your life’and when you work on increasing your awareness, you are forced to consider and question your belief system and various beliefs that comprise it. Some of which had been adopted by you as a choice or without a choice when you were growing up. These beliefs helped form your perception of reality. Your version of ‘the truth’. You kept these beliefs because in kept you safe in your family while growing up.
But times change. You grow up. Those beliefs which influence the way you feel and behave attract certain situations and people in to your life and what situations and people you become attracted to. So, it follows that what you BELIEVE generates most of what happens in your life. When you work at increasing your awareness of YOU, you will come to this conclusion too.
So, my point is this, by increasing your awareness, you will question certain beliefs that may have served you well when you were a kid up until you were 10 years old but does not serve your purposes now, TODAY. It kept you safe or you felt a sense of security when you hung on to these beliefs in your family when you were child.
Here’s the thing, I have found that with increased awareness, you are able to LET GO certain beliefs but you have got to be brave to do so because it is difficult. Matter of fact it is one of the scariest things to do if you’re not used to it. Letting go a belief takes a lot of courage and you have to summon up the courage to do it if you are serious about getting the best out of your life.
“Why?” you may be asking, “should we LET GO these beliefs?”
Well, its simple: because you CANNOT keep believing something that DOES NOT serve you! That is one possible definition of insanity.
But don’t rush it. We’re all at different levels of awareness so go easy on yourself. It takes some time and practice to get good at it, just like anything else, for example we’re all at different levels in our training in the gym when it comes to lifting weights and building muscle.
So, if you accept that what you believe generates most of what happens in your life, and if you don’t like attracting the same kinds of situations or people in to your life then you have got to let go of those ‘self-limiting beliefs’ that are holding you back.
A lot of the price you have to pay to create your new perception of reality is: YOUR ATTITUDE and you are 100% totally responsible for that, aren’t you?
There is no doubt that what you pay attention to determines a lot of what happens in your life. True indeed. So, with an attitude of gratitude make a decision to pay attention to or FOCUS on what you want from life, not what you don’t want.
When I was in my teens , I saw the world with a different philosophy to the way I see the world in my twenties and it was different still in my thirties. My picture of the world and my definition of truth has changed considerably. The ‘truth’ as we see it is really our version of the world based on our beliefs and belief systems.
They, however, don’t necessarily have anything TO DO WITH THE TRUTH. They are versions of the truth. Not absolute truth, only relative truth.
Therefore, if truth is relative and does not have 100% certainty, DO NOT FEAR letting go self-limiting beliefs – beliefs that DO NOT SERVE YOU well, anymore. Accept that if ‘the truth’ changes and is dynamic, not static then there is no need to remain RIGID in your beliefs that feed the truth.
There are not many certainties in life but one thing I know with a high degree of certainty is that EVERYTHING CHANGES.
Everything!
So go with the flow and so be like water and be fluid and flexible with your beliefs and find the REAL YOU, who you ARE, what your real needs are (as opposed to the things you just want) and when you are living according to your REAL needs (somewhat achieved through spiritual growth).
That is probably a point where you will teach yourself more of WHO YOU ARE.
Nobody, I repeat – NOBODY can teach you who you are …. But the REAL YOU!
Training in my Old School Gym adopting Old School Training techniques with a modern twist. Know the basics. Apply the basics. Adapt to the basics. Keep it simple and keep it continuous. Its the most efficient, most effective and safe approach to building a muscular physique in the gym. Find a gym with minimum distraction if you desire results. Focus! Paul.
Time will tell what truth our children search foratvel
Marvel at the intelligence behind their thinking
We (my wife and I) play a game with our children we call “I spy with my little eyes” whenever we’re sitting for any length of time. It could be anywhere but mostly when we’re in the car. The kids enjoy it. I mainly like the game because it teaches my kids to be in the ‘present’ and helps increase their awareness of their external environment.
It also challenges them to compete and think. I sit back and marvel at the intelligence behind their thinking and how fast they embrace change.
My daughter is getting quite good at playing the game now and is thinking of ways to make the guessing harder. She dislikes losing but I try and remind her that tasting defeat and failure teaches you to appreciate success and winning, when it happens.
“And it does happen” I tell her.
“Patience is key”.
My kids watching my wife exercising (doing Deadlifts) in the gym… They’re learning about how strong their mother is … and the importance of healthy lifestyle choices
Roller-coaster of life
She has not fully understood the idea of the virtues of patience yet but she is responding to losing much better now than she used to. She is not afraid to have another go. She is slowly learning to face her fear of failure, of losing. A very important lesson to understand in the roller-coaster of life.
This time, with a little more care. With experience, comes smarts.
So, using the scooter analogy, I tell her that when she loses a game of “I Spy with my little eyes’ to dad – to me, or her mother she needs to firstly, accept the loss graciously, learn from it and then ….
… try again!
She does. And she is now winning more games then she is losing and has learned to respond to losing more positively.
Very soon, she will win all the games I play against her. One day in the future, she may remind me of the importance of accepting a loss and being gracious in defeat. I look forward to that day. It will remind me that I will be in another phase of my life and also that we’re all never too old to be reminded of life’s lessons.
Enjoy a swim … enjoying regular Family Time is critical to strong 💪 foundation of character
Re-set our personal GPS
It helps to re-set our personal GPS (Goals) for Life if we have gone off course a little.
What is your GPS for Life like? Does it need re-calibrating? Don’t be afraid to do so. Its never too late to re-align your GPS for your Life just like we do when we refer to maps on our phones when we need direction. It never too late just like you’re never too old to join a gym and start lifting weights towards a better YOU.
A small change in direction may result in a huge change in where you end up at the end of your life just like a miniscule difference of 1 nautical degree could change a ship’s destination point by tens of kilometers. Don’t just use your eyes to see what’s in front of you, use your eyes (through imagination) to see what is not there yet.
Desire it. Feel it in your heart.
Reflect. Take some time out to reflect on your life these holidays, in all areas in the sphere of your life – relationships, family, career, financial, spiritual, physical. If you’re waiting to add it to your list of resolutions in the New Year, great!
Reflect on the falls you have had (and lets be honest, we all have had some to date). Take the lessons. Learn how to fall better in the future. Have no fear. Have no doubt. Each fall leads you closer to a better result.
Re-set your GPS, we all need to do so every so often as we journey through life. The New Year is a great time to do so – to catalyze and crystallize your GPS as you work towards a better you.
A better life.
Be safe this festive season and a prosperous 2015 to you!
Until next time …
foundations of a gritty strong character Begins in the Family … in the home …
My children striking their version of one of the seven compulsory poses in bodybuilding – the “Front-double biceps” pose. … and strike!
I lost my biological mother just over four years ago.
I buried her.
It would have been her birthday only two days ago if she was still alive. Made me want to share a little part of that chapter in my life in this blog with you.
Cancer came and took her within four months. It was very aggressive. There wasn’t much more the doctors could have done given the circumstances.
I’m sure if you have lost a loved one, there are times when you miss them and this is one such moment for me. We had an interesting relationship her and I, one much more akin to a brother-sister relationship.
I had never called her ‘mum’ all my life. I called her by her first name. A beautiful name it was – Margaret.
Like most if not all cancer sufferers, she suffered a great deal in the months leading up to her death and all I wanted God to do was to end the suffering she was going through. I spent a bit of time beside her in her last days and asked her quite a few questions about her, about life and about the life she was heading to – in THAT better place.
I asked her if she was afraid of dying and she said ‘no’. She fell back on her spiritual philosophy and believed that all ‘was meant to be’. She was prepared for this life after death where she will be in THAT better place, perhaps with Jesus by her side.
If you’ve ever lost a close loved one, it is a difficult time. It was difficult time for me to say the least but nothing compared to the difficulty she was facing. Her life was coming to an end sooner than she anticipated.
She had a lot of support from extended family who could be with her and the religious denomination she belonged to. They were lovely. God bless them.
You’re never prepared to bury anyone. Anyone, let alone your mother.
The one thing that comforted me was the belief – no, the hope – bright hope for tomorrow – her tomorrow, for her future when she will be sitting beside Jesus in THAT better place. I had the belief that his death and his blood on the cross gave me – gave all of us hope that all things are made new and death is no more, nor grief nor crying. No more suffering and pain.
In my mind, she may have lived a relatively short life on this earth but in my life, she made that one unselfish decision all those years ago to give birth to me. To give me life.
The same for you too – a priceless gift from your mum: life!
I was not at my mum’s side when she died. I was overseas. On the day she died, an aunty of mine who was by her side sent a message to my wife who contacted me to call my mother. She wanted to speak to me.
When my aunty put my mum on the phone, for what seemed like a long while all I could hear was her breathing. Very deep painful breathing. But she could not speak. She was in pain and I could feel her pain through the phone.
She didn’t say anything and yet I felt she said so much. This was the first time in my life that I listened to someone who didn’t say anything and yet seemed to fill my ears up with so much. I couldn’t hold back my tears, they just kept streaming out of my eyes. I was a mess. Fortunately, there was no one in the gym at that moment to witness me balling my eyes out.
There was something very different about this phone call, I could sense there was. I called her ‘mum’ for the first time and I thanked her for giving me life when she chose to have the baby – me, all those years ago. That unselfish decision was the catalyst to allowing me to live the life I live today and to help as many people as I can every day. To save lives.
She never met my son Zachary but I believe she is with him in spirit and she is still alive in them through the genes. She is my childrens’ guardian angel.
In that last phone call I called her ‘mum’ for the first time and told her that I loved her.
I said “mum, I love you. Don’t worry, I will see you again … one day I will join you …. In THAT better place … Just wait a little longer”.
She just wanted to hear my voice one last time and that was the last time I heard hers too.
I was told she died only a few minutes after she put the phone down.
Her spirit is at home with Jesus now.
So, I hope that in her life after death, there is a glorious, endless future for her of which her adventure has only just begun.
I’m sure her happiness and joy has wiped away any recollection of pain and suffering in her time on earth and death.
So, If your mum is still alive, cherish it.
Go right now and give her the biggest hug and kiss and tell her you love her. If she is overseas, make that call NOW – call her up and tell her how much she means to you and that you love her very, very much even if it is in another time zone and you’re waking her up.
Tell her it cannot wait for the morning.
As for me, well I speak to my mum in my daily prayers but I would just like to end this blog by saying …
I’ve always believed no experience in life is ‘bad experience’, in absolute terms. Even bad or unfortunate experiences. There is always something you can take away from it. Something you can learn. Something that would add value to your life in the future or possibly now, however small it may be.
I also believe that life is too short to try to get your experience with everything ‘first-hand’. It is better to learn from the experience of others. Seek appropriate coaches. Relevant mentors. If you’re lucky enough to. You could certainly cut the learning curve by a significant amount in anything you set out to accomplish. You don’t have all the time in the world. You could save time. Save your life for more important choices.
Save – you, perhaps?
When my daughter, Olivia, was old enough to hold a colour pencil in her hand she enjoyed drawing on paper, cardboard. Everything really. Scribbling everywhere and anywhere, with no structure.
No boundaries. No beginning, no end. In her young brain, she thought she was doing it – right. That’s all she knew, with regards to colouring, at that point in time.
One day, I decided I would get her to colour in pictures a little bit better. To change her perception of what she thought she was doing right. I felt I had to teach her the ‘basics’ of colouring. But, what was the basics of colouring?
I thought about the final output (a coloured-in picture) and what colouring was made up of. It was obvious. It was an accumulation of closely set straight lines. So, that was it: a straight line. I had to teach my daughter how to:
1. draw a straight line
2. become better at drawing a straight line
I mentioned this to my wife, and she had some reservations about what I wanted to achieve. I sat down at the table like I normally do with my children and said “Olivia, I would like you to focus on one thing only today, when we draw”.
She said “what dad?”
I replied: “I would like you to just draw lines”.
“Just lines?” she queried.
“Yes. Just lines”, I said.
So, I drew an outline of a square on a blank A4 paper. I then proceeded to show her the fundamentals of getting the best possible result from colouring. I said, firstly, lets:
1. Sit up straight with proper posture.
2. Must be comfortable with balance.
3. Relaxed and focused.
I drew a line from one end of the square outline to the other. Then did another line. And repeated, and repeated and repeated. Until the whole square outline was a shaded in square. I told her how the repeated start and stop of a straight line creates colour, texture.
The object (the square) was now ‘coloured-in’.
I told her how it was important to learn how to draw a straight line and be clear on where the start and stop of the line begins and ends. That, just like in many things in life, a picture or drawing may have boundaries. She needed to be aware of them and stay within them.
Also, that if she practiced drawing a defined straight line – repeatedly, she would become better at colouring-in.
She was excited. Excited about the challenge.
I drew her several shapes to colour in with straight lines – another square, a circle and a triangle.
I then asked her to try drawing the straight lines as I had just done. To fill in the shapes. One by one, she did. Tentative at first and unsure of its correctness, she made those first few lines. I kept encouraging her to keep going. She was a little afraid to get it wrong.
I told her not to be afraid. That it was ok to get it wrong. I told her to aim to ‘stay within the line’ of the square, circle and triangle. She needed to focus on ‘filling in the gaps’.
She got it wrong. Again and again and again.
She threw hands up in frustration and stormed away. A few times. I sat there and asked her back. “Lets try again, sweetie. You’re getting better. Its ok to do it wrong. You need to do it wrong to learn to do it right”.
She returned. She did. Multiple times. She did learn to do it right.
It seems this is the same for most endeavours in life requiring skill. Talent alone is not enough. Learning the basics. Repeating perfect technique with deliberate practice builds up to something others may refer to as genius in a particular area.
For example, a rugby player that does not practice basic skills such as catching and passing will not get very far. A violinist that does not practice the basics of her instrument, with deliberate structure and purpose won’t get to the next level. A gym enthusiast that does not learn proper exercise techniques of the basic exercises in the gym would highly likely not get the results he or she desires and increase risks of injuries.
Olivia is a champion colouring in kid, now. She colours in with the skill level of kids far beyond her current age. She is very proud of the pictures she very astutely does. I am very proud of the work she does too.
She wasn’t afraid to do it wrong to learn to do it right. She faced her fear of getting it wrong.
That’s my definition of courage. Facing fear, no matter how small it is.
She got past her frustration. She put in the work. She deliberately practiced those lines. She did the basics, in this case – she learned how to draw a straight line, better than she had ever done before, not some of the times, but all the time. She accepted that ‘close enough’ is ‘not good enough’.
She learned to let go of the ‘almost right’ line to make room for the ‘better line’. Just like in life, some of us have to learn to say ‘no’ to the good to be able to say ‘yes’ to the best.
So, dear readers, remember, when things in life get a little bit more complicated and overwhelming, like it usually does, learn to keep it simple.
What do I mean by this? Well, ask yourself what are the ‘basics’ of the situation/task at hand? Then:
Whichever area of life it is. Become the best you can be at the basics. The compound effect of the basics, executed excellently, in any area of life produces the best work. The best ideas. The best innovation. The best sporting teams. The best businesses. The best of everything.
You can go further … become the best you can be at the ‘basics of life’. Smile more. Say ‘hello’ more. Laugh more. Give more. Love more. You can identify many others.
Once again, don’t be afraid to do it wrong to learn to do it right and never be afraid to ask for help. From someone who ‘has been there’ and ‘done that’.
Then, ask yourself how much of your 86,400 seconds of your daily life do you put aside to become better at the ‘business of LIFE’? That’s right – the business of becoming a better human being – a better YOU. I’m not referring to your work or your business. Or your profession.
Every great sporting team has a great foundation – they do the basics, well. Not some of the time – all the time.
Every good professional, say, an Accountant, understands the basics of the Accrual Accounting System and applies the principles consistently. Always. This allows for complete, timely, accurate, reliable data that when analysed with other information (past and present) allows for better decision making. For the future.
This helps build a great business.
In all of my body re-engineering programs, tailored for all individuals, I stress the importance of building a good foundation, encompassed in the first “A” of my “Triple A” to Life philosophy of self-development. The ‘A” I am referring to is: AWARENESS.
I stick to the basics and get my pupils to perform them properly all the time. Most of them do. Old school training with a modern twist.
In this phase of my life, I spend a lot more time with my two kids now then I used to. I feel very fortunate that I have the opportunity to share these years these formative years with them. To help them and funnily enough, they help me a lot too.
They help increase my awareness. Of myself. Of them. And of the external environment.
This increased awareness (thanks partly to them), has got me thinking about the importance of laying a great foundation for them. Just like a great building. To help them build the loftiest buildings in the universe: their young minds and hearts, which are learning at super-speed, trying to make sense of their lives and learning how to make this world a better place in which to live.
This, I believe is the most important foundation each and every dad out there can help lay in their children:to build the greatest building (positive influence) in their hearts and minds and trying to make the world a better place.
Part of this laying of the foundation for them is to give them a clear understanding of one of the all-time great truths: that life is difficult and often unfair.Whether we like it or not, our sons and daughters may experience doubts, discouragement, loneliness, disappointment. Failure. They may be betrayed by a friend, not succeed in getting in to the university or profession of choice. Be dumped by their girlfriend or boyfriend.
Become aware, take actions (relevant & sufficient); adapt accordingly
Just like you, I know I will feel the hurt in their hearts too …
But this is all part of building a great foundation. You see, as I see it, we should not go out of our way to look for pain but we should certainly avoid pain when we can (with one exception when you’re in the gym feeling the ‘pump’ in your working muscles).
We should not just explain away moments like these – these trials and tribulations they may likely experience. They are an essential part of foundation building for a great building that they will call ‘their life’. These trials represents the capacity to build strength, maturity, courage and genuine, authentic love. It builds perseverance and resilience.
My role as a parent is relatively new. I am still learning. I know one thing, though is that as a parent, the better we get at seeing our children through these difficult times, through these trials, the better the bond. These trials will help us identify what they can do in our lives and our children’s lives, the better able we’ll be to provide stability, calmness, assurance and genuine love to our children. Even in the midst of a storm. Their trying times.
As a parent I know I have made mistakes along the way, so far. But I embrace the role with all my heart, mind and soul. Every experienced parent understands that bad behaviour in a child rarely happens with no previous signals, incidents. There are usually early signs. We just have to be aware.
I still remember hearing my grandfather say to my grandmother when referring to a relative of mine when I was a child, “be careful, you give him an inch, he’ll take a mile”.
So true, when you’re a parent.
As a parent you need to stay alert. You’re forced to increase awareness. To notice behavioural changes early and be ready to intervene in time to prevent the youngster from skidding in to serious dangerous waters ….
It is essentially ‘risk management’ and depending on the incident, an appropriate assessment of the behaviour needs to be made as to the short-term and long-term risks. Appropriate ‘intervention controls’ need to be implemented to mitigate the likely consequences likely to happen if not addressed.
Simple? Not quiet. But you have to try as a parent.
I believe, a parent’s wisdom in controlling their youngster(s) is one of the best measures of how much you really love and value her or him. The child knows this whether they say anything or not. I know my daughter does. The young boy or girl understands that his or her mother should have a hand in controlling her too. Matter of fact, both parents need to play this role – in equal share.
Children learn so much from their parents. I have found that I needed to improve my own personal standards when my children appears on the scene. Your personal examples are important and so are your rules. My wife and I have established a few rules already in our household. I get caught out sometimes, when my daughter notices ‘double standards’ in what I tell them to do and what I do. For example, I always say that a shirt has to be worn whenever we are seated at the table for a meal.
True?
Sometimes … I get reminded by her. “Dad, aren’t you forgetting something?”
“And what would that be, young lady?” I would reply.
“Your shirt”, she would state matter-of-factly.
This little point makes me think of the bigger message. The message is that – you won’t be able to sell your children any double standards on the important issues in life.
And you shouldn’t.
I have concluded that they will most likely follow what I DO and what I BELIEVE than what I SAY ABOUT these issues.
Stop trying to be the BEST DAD in the world. Be the best dad you CAN BE. Be YOURSELF. That is all your daughter or son NEEDS: the REAL YOU.
Their REAL FATHER.
You see your children does not need to believe that you are the wisest man in the world or the strongest, to count you as their father. No.
I believe that the REAL FATHER they NEED is a MAN who they can approach for answers on the important questions in life. They also need to see that you are still a ‘work-in-progress’ but that you still have the hunger to learn and grow too.
That you make mistakes too. And its ok.
They need to see that you are not narrow-minded and ‘set in your ways’. They NEED to see that you are not afraid to learn and embrace new ideas, new concepts, new paradigms, new philosophies.
Summed up in my “third A” to my “Triple A to Life”:
Can you see “me” in my son? Can you see you in your son?
Testing the Boundaries.
I like James Bond movies.
I think I am not alone in this department. A lot of men probably love him (and most women, too). They probably love the idea of him, more than anything else.
He embodies the alter-ego of almost every man on earth. I think every man secretly harbors thoughts of playing out a James Bond fantasy act at one point in their life or another – the fast, slick car that turns heads. The constant jetting in and out of countries. The object of desire of women wherever he goes. And more …
But it’s a dream for most men. Not all, I must add.
A dream to live for.
My son – Zachary (we call him Zach or Zachie) has made me aware of many lessons in life so for. I was made aware of another ‘life lesson’ over the last two weeks. Well, he had been trying to teach me something but I stubbornly and blindly missed it for two weeks and it was only yesterday that it dawned on me.
You see my son has just turned three years old recently and I have noticed that he had been quite rebellious over the last two weeks. Well, that’s how I viewed it. That was my perception of the behavioural changes I had noticed. He wouldn’t respond when called, sometimes, even after being called multiple times. He would blatantly disobey any requests that his mum or me would make of him. He would regularly, cheekily do the exact opposite. He would test our patience with many daily situations and raise our tolerance level for disobedience.
He was and still is ‘testing the boundaries’. He was challenging our authority, questioning the norm. Fair enough!
The future and how you will live it is of paramount importance.
Children begin at a very young age to take control of their lives. Many children I suspect, just like mine, learn how to control their parents’ lives as well, long before they know how to talk in complete sentences.
Whining receives attention. Crying receives consolation. Begging begets goodies. Tantrums create havoc. It is easy to incite mummy against daddy and sit back and watch the show. Just like on TV!
All relationships have a ‘power and control’ button and just like the tide of the sea, ever-so constant, the ‘ebb and flow’ represent the delicate balance of the ‘give and take’ of the relationship.
It is the life-blood of all good long-term relationships. Learning to be a better master at managing this skill is essential to any relationship.
Anyways, I have finally learned the life lesson he was trying to make me aware of and this is where James Bond comes in. You see, James Bond always states the way he likes his martini drink, saying “shaken, not stirred’. That’s the way he likes it.
Sufficient and appropriate for that particular type of drink but not the best option when it comes to life.
Zachary’s inquisitive and rebellious behaviour these last two weeks was one that not only shook but he also stirred it. Hard. With no fear. Without order. No systematic approach adopted here. Nope!
He questioned the status quo. He challenged the way we were doing things. Our current beliefs.
You see it got me thinking about life.
This is a very important practise for everyone in life: To question over-riding theory and paradigm of the day. To question where you’re headed in your life. To reflect on the life you have lived so far, to learn whatever you can from the mistakes and failures you have experienced. But, it is the future and how you will live it that is of paramount importance.
Nope, it is your dream and ideaof the future you would love to live – now, this is what is of paramount importance.
You can only do this by firstly, questioningyour philosophy in life, in particular, questioning your ‘belief systems’ that got you to this point in life. It is your belief systems – consisting in part of, your values and principles you adhere to in your daily life, it is this that is the compass that guides you. Your GPS as you chart your course through the sea of life.
Captain of your Ship.
As Captain of your ship.
That is exactly what my son Zachary was doing.
He was questioning, through his actions and behaviour, the limitations of ‘the way we did things’ with regards to certain areas in our life (eating with his hands rather than use his utensils). He was questioning the relevance and the basis of certain beliefs we adhered to. His inquisitiveness and zest for life was stretching the boundaries we had placed on him. He was, in effect, challenging the ‘status quo’. Rocking the ship.
And its ok. It is vital. For him. For us, as a family. Asking questions and thinking of alternative solutions is vital to our country. Our world. It is through this questioning attitude that new beliefs are spawned. New ideas created. Ideas, when implemented, results in innovation. Innovation that leads to better life – better education; better health; better communities; better relationships; better quality of life.
I guess, just like any child his age, it is their imagination that drives them. Belief systems have not been imprinted on their brains yet. Belief systems have a significant impact on an individual’s life and how he/she turns out in adult life and goes as far as where he/she ‘ends up’ in life.
It is your GPS for your life.
Your thought patterns (on self-image, on self-esteem, on self-worth etc), your daily deliberate practices (habits); your character (the ‘essence’ of who YOU are) and ultimately – your ship’s course (destiny/destination) in life is dictated by your GPS (your belief system/philosophy).
To change direction of your ship. To change course, you have to re-set your GPS. You have to re-set your belief system, especially, if it has negative consequences in your life. Beliefs that inflict ‘self-imposed’ limitations on your daily life. Beliefs that were imprinted in your brain when you may have been a child, without you having a choice in accepting it. Before you could choose. These beliefs may have been im-printed by people that had some influence over you in your child-hood – your parents, your grand-parents, uncles, aunties, friends and friends of families, teachers in Primary School, coaches. You name it.
It can be quite daunting to consider all the possibilities and probabilities of risk of each relationship and the impact each had on you and your belief systems. Yes, it can be. But, it still needs to be done if you intend to reach your potential in life and chart your ship in to un-chartered waters. To discover the Captain Cook in you. You need to question their relevance, just like Captain Cook questioned the prevailing belief that the earth was flat all those centuries ago.
The risk of you not doing anything about it is far, far greater to how you live the next phase of your life, especially, the new destination you will Captain your ship to. Your new course in life.
The life you hoped for. The life you imagined.
Its never too late to sit down and write down what your philosophy of life is. What are some of your beliefs? What influence does it have on your daily actions and decisions? Be warned though – you will ‘rock your boat’. This may be a period of genuine unhappiness as you discover many things about your engine of life ( your mind) that was hindering your course through life. You will effectively be doing what my son, Zachary was doing these last two weeks. What he reminded me about some of the important things of life:
To be able to choose beliefs that contribute to life – your life, not take away from it.
In life, we all need to periodically ensure that at various stages in life, in particular, as we enter and leave major phases of life, we need to review that our GPS – our beliefs at that point in life, be questioned. We need to question their relevance. Why? Because beliefs, whether you’re aware of it or not, generates what happens in your life. You need to stop continuing believing what does not serve you. What may have been relevant for survival as a toddler or as a teenager or when you were in your twenties, may not be relevant in your forties or post-retirement.
A wise man once told me that if you continue to think and act in the same way, you will continue to get the same result in life.
The foundation of this can be only be done through beliefs analysis. And we know how important a good foundation is to any building or construction work to keep it up and steady.
A relatively easy way of doing this is assessing the impact each belief has on you and your life, once you’ve listed your top ten down on paper. It takes a lot of courage just to do this. Don’t be scared.
We need to re-imprint new, relevant beliefs into our minds. We need to upload a new, improved GPS on to our brains. To help make us better Captains of our ships in the sea of life. As one of the greatest men that ever lived once said:
“The same thinking that has led you to where you are is not going to lead you to where you want to go.” – Albert Einstein.
We need to become a child again. Imagine more, like Einstein encouraged. Imagine better but also imagine responsibly.
My wife insists that I am the biggest stirrer she has ever known. True. But so is James Bond. Oh well, I’ll have to leave that one for another blog.
In the meantime, you need to ensure that at various legs of your charter and captaincy of life, that your consumption of the ‘fluid/drink of life’ is –
…. Shaken and stirred! Very un-like James Bond.
But, that’s perfectly alright. Some dreams are not realistic anyway. Accept it.
That’s life.
Bottoms up!
Thank you, Zachary.
Until next time,
p.s.. thank you too for reading this far … I hope you’ve got some value from this blog.
WHY NOT … paint my chin-beard, purple, I thought? My children were not impressed … ha ha ha!!
Changing lives. Empowering people. One life at a time. 
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